Pondering Porn
with Ann Regentin

A straight woman watches
a free sample of online threesome porn

Okay, one woman on a bed with two men. I can get down with this. This looks like it could work out just fine.

Oops! That guy has no upper body hair at all. He looks like a Ken doll with an erection. Eeew! Okay, well, if she's going to tea-bag him, I guess his balls need to be shaved because otherwise it would be seriously gross. This isn't very interesting. Licking guy's balls is fun, but watching another woman do it is kind of boring and she isn't very creative about it. You don't go straight for the balls. You go for the spot between their balls and their upper thigh, right where that tendon is, and work your way slowly inward. Makes them squirm.

What on earth is the other guy doing, whacking his dick against her ass? He is. He's whacking his dick up and down on her ass crack. Do men really like that? What the fuck? Doesn't that hurt?

Okay, back to the blowjob. You know, this is taking forever and I'm starting to think his moans are fake. Although come to think of it, I don't think hers are real, either. None of this is doing much for me so far.

Ah. Vaginal penetration. Now we're getting somewhere. Except what's with that ass slap? Yee haw! Ride 'em, cowboy! This isn't sexy, it's silly, like a cheap Western. Oh, good, he's stopped. Nice doggy-style is good. If he can just keep his hands under control, we might be fine.

Oh, this is weird. Now that he's pulled out, I can see that she's dry. She's completely unaroused in any way. I hope they're paying her well for this, because she is getting nothing out of it physically.

This blowjob is lasting forever. For that matter, the whole thing is lasting forever. How long have they been at it now, ten minutes? How many real guys can last through ten minutes of this? How many real girls can? Isn't she getting sore?

Okay, switch and more of the same. The mouth guy gets the pussy and the pussy guy gets the mouth, accompanied by crass commentary from the cameraman and another close-up of this woman's unaroused cunt. Her labia are completely deflated. She is not getting into this at all.

Wow. No wonder so many women are getting genital surgery. Their partners have never seen an aroused cunt.

More blowjob. Yawn.

Oh now this is interesting! The pussy guy is actually trying to get her worked up. He's got his hand flat against her cunt and is rubbing, a little rougher than I might like, but it's better than anything else going on.

Wait, no, the cameraman doesn't like it. He's making him fuck her. Ah well! About par for the course.

Too bad I don't speak Russian anymore. Most of the conversation is in Russian. Wonder what they're really saying?

How much longer can this possibly go on? The cameraman's patter in English is pure porn cliché, all about giving it to her and doing her and whatnot, and it's not doing anything for me. I don't need romance novel dialogue, but this is too far in the opposite direction.

Uh oh! Time for the money shot, and this doesn't look good. The guy is seriously fucking her mouth, and there's no way her mouth can keep up. I've done blowjobs and it's all she can do right now to keep breathing. Jesus! I hope he finishes soon. Oh, right. All over her face. Hope it stays out of her eyes.

Now it's Cunt Man's turn, and she has to be sore. He's going at it like a jackhammer and she's still completely dry. Anytime now.

Anytime. Come on, dude. He must be taking Viagra or something, because no human male can last this long at this pace without some kind of help. Come on.

Ah! There he goes. Finally!

Hang on! Are they seriously talking about another round, with anal sex? Okay, the woman's objecting. Thank God! I'm bored to death of this and I can't believe these guys can get it up again. There has to be some chemical help involved here.

So much for M/M/F threesome fantasies!

Ann Regentin
www.annregentin.com
November 2007

Find Ann Regentin Pondering Porn in ERWA 2007 Archive.

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© 2007 Ann Regentin. All rights reserved. Content may not be copied or used in whole or part without written permission from the author.


About the Author:  Ann Regentin was introduced to erotica at a tender age, when a raid of her mother's bookshelves netted such gems as The Perfumed Garden and Lady Chatterly's Lover. She started writing it during her ninth grade biology class, then dropped it for about twenty years to become a musician, a college student, a cripple, a bookstore clerk, an artist, a model, a mother, a parrot rescuer, and finally a reference writer before coming full circle back to erotica.
Her stories and articles have appeared in a variety of places both online and in print, and she is a Contributing Editor at CleanSheets.com. She lives in the Midwest with her son, two parrots, and an elderly Gibson guitar.
Visit Ann Regentin at: www.annregentin.com

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