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'07 Authors Insider Tips

FictionCraft
by Louisa Burton
Formatting Your Manuscript
Scams / Choosing an Agent
Pitching Your Novel...
From The Call to Published...


Hard Business
From Greg Herren
Who Is Telling This Story?
It’s Work, Not A Hobby
Where Ideas Come From


Sexy on the Page
With Shanna Germain
Plotting Erotic Fiction
Seducing Your Muse
Creating Characters...
Description, Action & Dialogue
Fucking on Paper
Ten No-Nos of Erotic Fiction
Climactic Moments: First Draft
Critique Groups
Revising Your Erotic Story
Finding the Perfect Markets...
Just Submit Already
Rejections and Acceptances


Two Girls Kissing
With Amie M. Evans
Verb Tense Confusion
Coming Up with Story Ideas
Attend a Writers’ Conference
The Fundamentals of POV
Should I Sign That?
Etiquette for Authors
Erotica is Serious Work
No Body Writes for Free...
Shameless Self Promotions
The Myth of Writer's Block


The Write Stuff
From Ashley Lister
The Time is Write
The Beautiful People
A Book by Any Other...
Synopsis: the Necessary Evil
Erotica or Porn?
Feedback Whine


2007 Smutters Lounge

Ashley Lister Submits
by Ashley Lister
What's it like being a writer?
Blog
An Apology to Salespeople


Get All Worked Up
With J.T. Benjamin
About Secrets
The Perfect Fuck
About Choices
The Age of Consent
The Kingmaker
Kids and Sex
M.Y.O.B.
The Price of Beauty
The G.O.P.
All Worked Up About Hate
Real Men


Pondering Porn
With Ann Regentin
Good Sex: A Physics Lesson
Meet Frankenstein
Thoughts on the Orgasm Gap
The Very Bloody Marys
The Doomsday Erection
Online Threesome Porn

Pondering Porn
with Ann Regentin


A straight woman watches
a free sample of online threesome porn



Ann Regentin Okay, one woman on a bed with two men. I can get down with this. This looks like it could work out just fine.

Oops! That guy has no upper body hair at all. He looks like a Ken doll with an erection. Eeew! Okay, well, if she's going to tea-bag him, I guess his balls need to be shaved because otherwise it would be seriously gross. This isn't very interesting. Licking guy's balls is fun, but watching another woman do it is kind of boring and she isn't very creative about it. You don't go straight for the balls. You go for the spot between their balls and their upper thigh, right where that tendon is, and work your way slowly inward. Makes them squirm.

What on earth is the other guy doing, whacking his dick against her ass? He is. He's whacking his dick up and down on her ass crack. Do men really like that? What the fuck? Doesn't that hurt?

Okay, back to the blowjob. You know, this is taking forever and I'm starting to think his moans are fake. Although come to think of it, I don't think hers are real, either. None of this is doing much for me so far.

Ah. Vaginal penetration. Now we're getting somewhere. Except what's with that ass slap? Yee haw! Ride 'em, cowboy! This isn't sexy, it's silly, like a cheap Western. Oh, good, he's stopped. Nice doggy-style is good. If he can just keep his hands under control, we might be fine.

Oh, this is weird. Now that he's pulled out, I can see that she's dry. She's completely unaroused in any way. I hope they're paying her well for this, because she is getting nothing out of it physically.

This blowjob is lasting forever. For that matter, the whole thing is lasting forever. How long have they been at it now, ten minutes? How many real guys can last through ten minutes of this? How many real girls can? Isn't she getting sore?

Okay, switch and more of the same. The mouth guy gets the pussy and the pussy guy gets the mouth, accompanied by crass commentary from the cameraman and another close-up of this woman's unaroused cunt. Her labia are completely deflated. She is not getting into this at all.

Wow. No wonder so many women are getting genital surgery. Their partners have never seen an aroused cunt.

More blowjob. Yawn.

Oh now this is interesting! The pussy guy is actually trying to get her worked up. He's got his hand flat against her cunt and is rubbing, a little rougher than I might like, but it's better than anything else going on.

Wait, no, the cameraman doesn't like it. He's making him fuck her. Ah well! About par for the course.

Too bad I don't speak Russian anymore. Most of the conversation is in Russian. Wonder what they're really saying?

How much longer can this possibly go on? The cameraman's patter in English is pure porn cliché, all about giving it to her and doing her and whatnot, and it's not doing anything for me. I don't need romance novel dialogue, but this is too far in the opposite direction.

Uh oh! Time for the money shot, and this doesn't look good. The guy is seriously fucking her mouth, and there's no way her mouth can keep up. I've done blowjobs and it's all she can do right now to keep breathing. Jesus! I hope he finishes soon. Oh, right. All over her face. Hope it stays out of her eyes.

Now it's Cunt Man's turn, and she has to be sore. He's going at it like a jackhammer and she's still completely dry. Anytime now.

Anytime. Come on, dude. He must be taking Viagra or something, because no human male can last this long at this pace without some kind of help. Come on.

Ah! There he goes. Finally!

Hang on! Are they seriously talking about another round, with anal sex? Okay, the woman's objecting. Thank God! I'm bored to death of this and I can't believe these guys can get it up again. There has to be some chemical help involved here.

So much for M/M/F threesome fantasies!

Ann Regentin
www.annregentin.com
November 2007


Find Ann Regentin Pondering Porn in ERWA 2007 Archive.

______
© 2007 Ann Regentin. All rights reserved. Content may not be copied or used in whole or part without written permission from the author.


About the Author:  Ann Regentin was introduced to erotica at a tender age, when a raid of her mother's bookshelves netted such gems as The Perfumed Garden and Lady Chatterly's Lover. She started writing it during her ninth grade biology class, then dropped it for about twenty years to become a musician, a college student, a cripple, a bookstore clerk, an artist, a model, a mother, a parrot rescuer, and finally a reference writer before coming full circle back to erotica.
Her stories and articles have appeared in a variety of places both online and in print, and she is a Contributing Editor at CleanSheets.com. She lives in the Midwest with her son, two parrots, and an elderly Gibson guitar.
Visit Ann Regentin at: www.annregentin.com



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'07 Book Reviews

Anthologies

A for Amour / B for Bondage
Review by Ashley Lister

Best Women's Erotica '07
Review by Ashley Lister

The Butcher, The Baker...
Review by Ashley Lister

C is for Coeds
Review by Ashley Lister

Cream: The Best of ERWA
Review by Ashley Lister

Cream: The Best of ERWA
Perceptions by Cervo

Coming Together for the Cure
Review by Lisabet

Cross-Dressing
Review by Ashley Lister

F is for Fetish
Review by Ashley Lister

Got a Minute?
Review by Ashley Lister

He's on Top
Review by Ashley Lister

Love on the Dark Side
Review by Angelika Devlyn

Lust: ...Fantasies for Women
Review by Ashley Lister

The Mammoth Book Vol 6
Review by Lisabet Sarai

Naughty Spanking Stories
Review by Ashley Lister

Quickies 1
Review by Angelika Devlyn

She's on Top
Review by Ashley Lister

Sixteen of the Best
Review by Ashley Lister

Novels

Amorous Woman
Review by Lisabet Sarai

The Boss
Review by Angelika Devlyn

Burning Bright
Review by Lisabet Sarai

Call Me By Your Name
Review by Lisabet Sarai

Cockhold
Review by Lisabet Sarai

Continuum
Review by Ashley Lister

Dark Designs
Review by Ashley Lister

Equal Opportunities
Review by Lisabet Sarai

Enthralled
Review by Angelika Devlyn

Flood
Review by Angelika Devlyn

Gothic Blue
Review by Ashley Lister

Hotbed
Review by Ashley Liste

The Lords of Satyr: Nicholas
Review by Helen E. H. Madden

Love Song of the Dominatrix
Review by Angelika Devlyn

Ménage
Review by Angelika Devlyn

Riding the Storm
Review by Lisabet Sarai

The Silver Collar
Review by Ashley Lister

Split
Review by Ashley Lister

Suite Seventeen
Review by Ashley Lister

Sweet as Sin
Review by Angelika Devlyn

Tiffany Twisted
Review by Lisabet Sarai

Top of Her Game
Review by Angelika Devlyn

Whalebone Strict
Review by Ashley Lister

Wife Swap
Review by Gary Russell

Wings of Madness
Review by Angelika Devlyn

Gay Erotica

Historical Obsessions
Review by Erastes

Homosex: 60 Years of Gay...
Review by Erastes

Mammoth Book of New Gay...
Review by Erastes

Standish
Review by Lisabet Sarai

Lesbian Erotica

Iridescence:...Lesbian Erotica
Review by Lisabet Sarai

Sex Guides

The Path of Service
Review by Ashley Lister

Secrets of Porn Star Sex
Review by Ashley Lister

Touch Me There
Review by Ashley Lister

Non-Fiction

Concertina: An Erotic Memoir...
Review by Rob Hardy

Daddy's Girl
Review by Ashley Lister

Dirt for Art's Sake
Review by Rob Hardy

Entangled Lives
Review by Lisabet Sarai

Impotence: A Cultural History
Review by Rob Hardy

I, Goldstein: My Screwed...
Review by Rob Hardy

In Praise of the Whip
Review by Rob Hardy

Insatiable: ...Porn Star
Review by William S. Dean

Letters of a Portuguese Nun
Review by Rob Hardy

Mississippi Sissy
Review by Rob Hardy

Ron Jeremy
Review by Rob Hardy

Virgin: The Untouched...
Review by Rob Hardy

The Year of Yes
Review by Rob Hardy