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'08 Authors Insider Tips


Everything About Epublishing
by Angela James
Epublishing: A Different Way
Choosing an Epublisher
Your Milage May Vary
Understand Your Contract!
Reasonable Expectations


FictionCraft
by Louisa Burton
The Publishing Biz
Critiquing: To Give and ...
Commerical vs. Literary...
Antiformalism for Fun &...
So You Want to Write a Novel
The Story Idea
Planning Your Novel...


The Write Stuff
by Ashley Lister
5 Steps to Success
Inspirational
Opening Passages
Let's Get Critical
Writer's Block
Learning Lessons


Two Girls Kissing
by Amie M. Evans
Be a Finisher ...
Listen to Your Characters
Conferences: Act Now ...
Starting an Erotic Story
Exercises & Writing Prompts
Revising & Rewriting
Copy Editing
The Manuscript Critique
How to Submit Your Work
Reading as Craft


Guest Appearances

Adventures in e-Publishing
by Lisabet Sarai

For the Love of Man
by Laura Baumbach

How to...Influence Editors
by Alison Tyler

Marketing your e-Book
by Brenna Lyons


2008 Smutters Lounge

Ashley Lister Submits
by Ashley Lister
Role Play
Busy Doing Nothing
Picture of a Fish & Chip...
What I Did With My Summer


Cooking Up A Storey
by Donna George Storey
Naughty Cookies...
Tie Me Up, Please …
The Smut-Writer’s Holiday
Never Trust the Narrator ...
Compare and Contrast
Following the Pen
Naked at the Farmers Market
Im Easy, But Im No Slut
Good Girl Gone Bad
Pleasures of the Dark Side
Slow, Spare and Sexy


Get All Worked Up
with J.T. Benjamin
Raising Daughters
Jamie Lynn
Utopias
Lust
The Good Old Days
Election '08
Traditional Marriage
Campaign 2008
Free Will


Pondering Porn
with Ann Regentin
Masturbating on SSRIs
Sex and Disability
Besides Ourselves
Adjusting our Contrast


Sex Is All Metaphors
by Jean Roberta
Sex Is All Metaphors
Turn-ons and Squicks
Sexual Truth
Fickle Muse
Porn, Erotica & Romance


Provocative Interviews

Between the Lines
with Ashley Lister
Alison Tyler
Ashley Lister
Debra Hyde
Donna George Storey
Jeremy Edwards
Kristina Wright
Rachel Kramer Bussel


Erotic Hot Spots
by William S. Dean
Interview with Tilly Greene
Interview with Devyn Quinn


Getting Graphic
with William S. Dean
New Times for Readers...
The Future in Words ...
Interview with Fantagraphics


On Writing Erotica

The Accidental Pornographer
by Lisabet Sarai

The End of Innocence
by Lisabet Sarai

Get Them Off in High Style
Helena Settimana

So, You Want To Write Erotica?
by Hanne Blank


Web Gems
Hot Movies For Her

Ashley Lister Submits
                                        Diary of an Erotic Fiction Writer

Busy Doing Nothing



I was busily playing Tetris when an email came in from one of my favourite erotic magazines asking me to write an article about swinging. As you may or may not know—I’ve written a non-fiction book about swinging [Swingers: True confessions from the Modern Swinging Scene]. I’ve actually written two and the second one is due out in June or July. And the lovely editor at my favourite erotic magazine was responding to an email enquiry I’d made earlier in the year.

“Can you write an article about swinging? The deadline is the end of next month. Is that OK?”

After getting a new high score on Tetris (three lines! my personal best!) I felt sufficiently buoyed to be cocky. “The end of next month?” I wrote back. “I’ll have your article with you for the end of this week.”

I sent the email and then celebrated with another game or eight of Tetris. Then, carefully, deliberately and professionally, I began to outline the swinging article.

Which is when the email from the BBC came in.

“Are you the Ashley Lister that’s written the book on swinging? Can you help us with some research? And would you be comfortable appearing on TV and talking about swinging?”

I have to admit I was quite excited. I phoned the number at the bottom of the email and had a lengthy chat with a BBC man who asked lots of questions.

“Are you Ashley Lister?”

“Of course—check out the nipple ring.”

“Can you help with the research?”

“Research is my middle name.”

“Would you be comfortable appearing on TV?”

“Does the pope shit in the woods?”

In the blink of an eye, I could picture my meteoric rise to superstardom. My handsome face on a TV documentary; my deep and manly voice enthralling the nation as I spoke learnedly yet saucily; the movie producers noticing me, scrabbling for my telephone number, and earnestly asking if I’d be comfortable doing a nude scene with Angelina Jolie.

The BBC informed me that they didn’t think the pope shat in the woods.

However, we discussed filming schedules. They asked if I could manage Monday or Tuesday. I told them my Mondays and Tuesdays were sacrosanct. It’s not that hangovers last a long time in my household: I have college on Mondays and Tuesdays and the subject matter is so intense I don’t dare miss a lesson. We’re currently learning the difference between nouns and verbs. It’s heady stuff.

So we tentatively agreed filming for the weekend. They asked if I could send some appropriate material through before the end of the week. In my most competent and professional voice I assured them that wouldn’t be a problem. I then hung up and remembered I’d promised an article for my favourite erotic magazine by the end of the week. The anxiety that accompanied that thought meant my scores on Tetris were severely below the usual one and a half line average.

Nevertheless, it was only Wednesday lunchtime and, technically, I had until Friday teatime to prepare an article and a slender portfolio of research. This meant I could industriously plough through a few more games of Tetris as I tried to formulate the most effective ways of tackling both writing projects.

Which was when the telephone call from the college came in.

“Ashley, would you be able to teach a class on Friday?”

“Shit!” I thought. “Sure!” I said. I took down details of time, location, class and subject. And then calculated that I only had the remainder of Wednesday and all of Thursday to write a two thousand word article, produce a portfolio of research, and prepare a class.

Of course, if I’d had any sense, I would have prepared the class first and assigned various projects to various students. If one of them was working on the swinging article and another was doing the research for the BBC, I would have had time to carry on playing Tetris for a little while longer.

But, instead, I decided to be diligent. The BBC material was researched, written and sent off before the end of Wednesday night. The magazine article took a little longer but that was ready by Thursday lunchtime. While I was writing up my lesson plan for Friday I got a call from the BBC thanking me for my information and telling me it was just what they needed for their programme.

“Are we still on for filming on Saturday?” I asked. It was just a polite enquiry. I was wondering whether or not to change my business cards so that they read: ASHLEY LISTER - TV STAR.

“Saturday?” The BBC man repeated. “We’ll get back to you.”

I reread through the magazine article on Thursday.

I took the class on Friday. And I got down on my knees afterwards and prayed my grateful thanks to the great god of caffeine and “stay-awake” pills. I’ve always argued that sleep is for wimps. Admittedly, I dosed off a couple of times during the Friday lecture but I don’t think any of my students noticed.

And I went home expecting to have received an email from the BBC telling me where and when they wanted me. The absence of an email suggested they didn’t want me anywhere or at any time. I tried phoning them. The answer-phone message said the staff from that office had gone home for the weekend. I tried emailing them. And I got no response.

And I mention all of this, not because I’m bitterly frustrated, annoyed or peeved to any degree. I mention all of this just in case any movie producers are reading my column and wondering who they can cast alongside Angelina Jolie in their next big blockbuster. Although, if a movie producer is reading this, I’d prefer to be cast either on top of Angelina Jolie or maybe underneath her. It’s easy enough to reach me—just try not to disturb my game of Tetris.

Ashley Lister
April 2008


Read more of Ashley's Diary of an Erotic Fiction Writer in ERWA 2008 Archive.

______
"Ashley Lister Submits" © 2008 Ashley Lister. All rights reserved.

About the Author: Ashley Lister is a UK author responsible for more than two-dozen erotic novels written under a variety of pseudonyms.His most recent work, Swingers: True Confessions from Today's Modern Swinging Scene (Virgin Books; ISBN: 0753511355), a non-fiction book recounting the exploits of UK swingers, is his first title published under his own name.
Ashleys non-fiction has appeared in a variety of magazines, including Forum, Chapter & Verse and The International Journal of Erotica. Nexus, Chimera and Silver Moon have published his full-length fiction, with shorter stories appearing in anthologies edited by Maxim Jakubowski, Rachel Kramer Bussel and Mitzi Szereto. He is very proud to be a regular contributor to ERWA.
Websites: www.ashleylister.co.uk / ashleylister.blogspot.com



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'08 Movie Reviews

Almost Perfect
Review by Oranje

The Fold
Review by Ashley Lister

Two
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Fallen
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'08 Book Reviews

Anthologies

Best Bisexual Women's Erotica
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Best Fantastic Erotica
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Best Women's Erotica '08
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Bound Brits (ebook)
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Deep Inside: Extreme ...
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Dirty Girls
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Hide and Seek
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Hurts So Good
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J is for Jealousy
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K is for Kink
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Lust Bites
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Open for Business
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Possession
Review by Lisabet Sarai

Rubber Sex
Review by Ashley Lister

Rubber Sex
Review by Victoria Blisse

Seriously Sexy
Review by Ashley Lister

Sex & Candy
Review by Ashley Lister

The Shadow of a... (poetry)
Review by Lisabet Sarai

Spanked
Review by Victoria Blisse

Tasting Her
Review by Kathleen Bradean

Tasting Him
Review by Ashley Lister

Tasting Him
Review by Kathleen Bradean

White Flames
Review by Lisabet Sarai

Yes, Ma'am: Male Submission
Review by Angelika Devlyn

Yes, Sir: Female Submission
Review by Angelika Devlyn

Novels

The Art of Melinoe
Review by Ashley Lister

Demon by Day
Review by Lisabet Sarai

Gemini Heat
Review by Ashley Lister

Gothic Heat
Review by Ashley Lister

The Hidden Grotto Series
Review by Lisabet Sarai

The House of Blood
Review by Lisabet Sarai

In Too Deep
Review by Ashley Lister

In Too Deep
Review by Victoria Blisse

Incognito
Review by Donna George Storey

Nicholas
Review by Victoria Blisse

One Breath at a Time
Review by Angelika Devlyn

Out of the Shadows (ebook)
Review by Lisabet Sarai

Phantasmagoria
Review by Ashley Lister

Reckless
Review by Rose B. Thorny

Seduce Me
Review by Ashley Lister

Seduced by the Storm
Review by Lisabet Sarai

Serve the People!
Review by Donna G. Storey

Signed, Sealed and Delivered
Review by Lisabet Sarai

Sunfire (eBook)
Review by Lisabet Sarai

Templar Prize
Review by Angelika Devlyn

The Wicked Sex
Review by Ashley Lister

Wild Kingdom
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Gay Erotica

Backdraft
Review by Vincent Diamond

Best Gay Romance '08
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Hard Hats
Review by Vincent Diamond

Leathermen
Review by Kathleen Bradean

Lesbian Erotica

Best Lesbian Erotica '08
Review by Donna George Storey

Best Lesbian Erotica '08
Review by Ashley Lister

The Night Watch
Review by Lisabet Sarai

Non-Fiction

America Unzipped
Review by Rob Hardy

Best Sex Writing '08
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Bonk: The Curious Coupling
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The Book of Love
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Casanova: Actor Lover ...
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Dishonorable Passions
Review by Rob Hardy

Flagrante Delicto (photos)
Review by Jack Gilbert

The Flesh Press
Review by Rob Hardy

Geisha, Harlot, Strangler, Star
Review by Donna G. Storey

The Humble Little Condom
Review by Rob Hardy

Instant Orgasm (sex guide)
Review by Ashley Lister

Man O Man! Writing M/M...
Review by Vincent Diamond

The Not So Invisible Woman
Review by Ashley Lister

Swingers: Female...
Review by Lisabet Sarai

Who's Been Sleeping in...
Review by Rob Hardy