Erotica Readers & Writers Association
Home | Erotic Books | Authors Resources | Inside The Erotic Mind | Erotica Gallery
Adult Movies | Sex Toys | Erotic Music | Email Discussion List | Links

'08 Authors Insider Tips

Everything About Epublishing
by Angela James
Epublishing: A Different Way
Choosing an Epublisher
Your Milage May Vary
Understand Your Contract!
Reasonable Expectations

by Louisa Burton
The Publishing Biz
Critiquing: To Give and ...
Commerical vs. Literary...
Antiformalism for Fun &...
So You Want to Write a Novel
The Story Idea
Planning Your Novel...

The Write Stuff
by Ashley Lister
5 Steps to Success
Opening Passages
Let's Get Critical
Writer's Block
Learning Lessons

Two Girls Kissing
by Amie M. Evans
Be a Finisher ...
Listen to Your Characters
Conferences: Act Now ...
Starting an Erotic Story
Exercises & Writing Prompts
Revising & Rewriting
Copy Editing
The Manuscript Critique
How to Submit Your Work
Reading as Craft

Guest Appearances

Adventures in e-Publishing
by Lisabet Sarai

For the Love of Man
by Laura Baumbach

How to...Influence Editors
by Alison Tyler

Marketing your e-Book
by Brenna Lyons

2008 Smutters Lounge

Ashley Lister Submits
by Ashley Lister
Role Play
Busy Doing Nothing
Picture of a Fish & Chip...
What I Did With My Summer

Cooking Up A Storey
by Donna George Storey
Naughty Cookies...
Tie Me Up, Please …
The Smut-Writer’s Holiday
Never Trust the Narrator ...
Compare and Contrast
Following the Pen
Naked at the Farmers Market
I’m Easy, But I’m No Slut
Good Girl Gone Bad
Pleasures of the Dark Side
Slow, Spare and Sexy

Get All Worked Up
with J.T. Benjamin
Raising Daughters
Jamie Lynn
The Good Old Days
Election '08
Traditional Marriage
Campaign 2008
Free Will

Pondering Porn
with Ann Regentin
Masturbating on SSRIs
Sex and Disability
Besides Ourselves
Adjusting our Contrast

Sex Is All Metaphors
by Jean Roberta
Sex Is All Metaphors
Turn-ons and Squicks
Sexual Truth
Fickle Muse
Porn, Erotica & Romance

Provocative Interviews

Between the Lines
with Ashley Lister
Alison Tyler
Ashley Lister
Debra Hyde
Donna George Storey
Jeremy Edwards
Kristina Wright
Rachel Kramer Bussel

Erotic Hot Spots
by William S. Dean
Interview with Tilly Greene
Interview with Devyn Quinn

Getting Graphic
with William S. Dean
New Times for Readers...
The Future in Words ...
Interview with Fantagraphics

On Writing Erotica

The Accidental Pornographer
by Lisabet Sarai

The End of Innocence
by Lisabet Sarai

Get Them Off in High Style
Helena Settimana

So, You Want To Write Erotica?
by Hanne Blank

Web Gems
Hot Movies For Her

Get All Worked Up About Raising Daughters
by J.T. Benjamin

J.T. BenjaminAfter reading last month’s column about the special challenges inherent in raising boys into men (Get All Worked Up About Real Men), my Lovely Wife reminded me that the challenge of raising daughters into women is also fraught with unique complications. As if I needed to be reminded of that, with not one but three young, beautiful, banes to my existence under my roof.

So, in the interests of equal time…

As I said last month, in contrast to the intricate rituals through which boys are expected to become men, a girl’s entry into womanhood is comparatively simple. When she’s old enough to menstruate, a girl is old enough to bear children. When she’s old enough to bear children, she’s no longer a child herself, and the main course of her life is laid out before her. It’s biology. Her pelvis grows to accommodate giving birth. Her breasts enlarge to prepare her for the task of feeding her children.

Of course, there’s nothing wrong with motherhood; it’s a noble, vital and heroic profession. I can think of few things I look forward to more than the prospect of becoming a grandfather someday, (in the far, far future, that is).

And yet, as my daughters grow, I find myself looking forward to them doing lots of other things in the future, too. My oldest loves to play the cello. She sketches, writes poetry, and is an accomplished actress. She has a more deeply nuanced understanding of Shakespeare’s plays at age fifteen than I did at age thirty.

My second daughter sings and dances and makes people laugh and she bakes cakes and treats and I could see her as a pastry chef, a doctor, a teacher, or head writer for “Saturday Night Live.”

Then there’s my youngest daughter, only nine years old. She’s utterly charismatic, completely charming, and so enthusiastically full of life it’s bubbling out her ears. She’s too interested in everything, too excited by everything, too open to the possibilities of everything to have her options narrowed down so soon.

I watch my little girls interact in the world and I feel like the future is wide open for them. The opportunities are virtually endless.

But not in the eyes of many. Motherhood is only one path my daughters might take; it might even be one part of a larger path, but if certain people have their way, they will be the ones who dictate how my daughters live their lives. Neither my wishes, nor those of my daughters, are entitled to due consideration.

I’ve ranted many times about the Holy Terrors, that powerful political group of Fundamentalist Christians who are attempting to install their brand of theo-fascism upon American society, and I’ve ranted even more about the “War On Whoopie.” That’s the Holy Terrors’ campaign to remove everything fun about sex from our lives. If it’s not expressly for the utilitarian goal of having children within the bonds of marriage, sex is evil, sinful, abhorrent, degenerate, blah blah blah blah blah.

The most obvious effects of the Holy Terrors’ War On Whoopie are an anti-American willingness to invade privacy and a homophobic and sexophobic bigotry. One of the less obvious effects is a determination to remove from girls and women the right to choose for themselves how they live their lives.

Consider abstinence-only sex education, or as I prefer to call it, “ignorance-only” sex ed. The Holy Terrors, through the Bush Administration and the Republican Party, have been pushing teaching schoolchildren only to abstain from sex until after marriage. No instruction in birth control or sexually transmitted diseases or alternative sexual lifestyles is allowed, as the Powers That Be feel that doing so would encourage teenagers to try those things.

This is like teaching drivers’ education without covering airbags or seatbelts because doing so would encourage kids to drive fast.

Now, as for my Lovely Wife and me, we want our girls (and our son) to know as much information about sex as is possible; we want them to feel comfortable talking about and living with a critical part of their lives. Not to sound like I’m bragging (well, maybe a little bit,) but my Lovely Wife and I have a pretty damn good sex life together, and we want all our kids to have sex lives as healthy for them as ours is for us.

So why do the Powers That Be want to prevent that?

Especially for girls and women? I mean, when you think about it, women are the only people who absolutely have to bear (pardon the pun) the burden of misinformation about avoiding pregnancy.

But it goes deeper than simply trying to keep America’s daughters barefoot and pregnant. There’s a long-standing societal movement pushing women away from any sort of lifestyle or behavior that doesn’t involve them staying at home and having children for their husbands.

In fact, it’s a curious twist that the sorts of qualities which are esteemed or admired in men are degraded and condemned in women.

Consider New York Senator and Democratic Presidential candidate Hillary Rodham Clinton. She’s driven, disciplined, intelligent, and assertive.

Yet, last November, a supporter of Senator John McCain called Senator Clinton a “bitch” during a campaign rally and Senator McCain was slow to come to the defense of his colleague. He’s demonstrated the exact same sort of drive and intelligence as has Senator Clinton. This stands to reason, since McCain and Clinton currently hold the same office and are seeking the same promotion. You don’t get to even be considered a candidate for high office without phenomenal determination.

Yet McCain is simply a driven, disciplined individual, and Clinton is a bitch.

So what else is new?

Men who bed a lot of women or who openly enjoy sex are, of course, studs. Women who behave similarly are sluts.

This creates a dilemma for somebody who’s trying to raise daughters, and who is seeking role models for those daughters to admire. Nobody wants to hear his little girls being called names, for any reason. But by the same token, I’d rather not have my daughters' career choices limited to opting between the Wilma Flintstone” or “June Cleaver” models of womanhood, either. (As near as I can tell, the only real difference is that June wears pumps while Wilma simply goes barefoot).

Unfortunately, the matter may soon be out of my (and my daughters’) hands. As of this writing, one of the new frontronners for the Republican Presidential nomination, in fact, the current hottest property in the G.O.P., is Mike Huckabee.

The former governor of Arkansas is also a former bona-fide Southern Baptist preacher, and in 1998 he was one of the signatories to a USA Today ad put out by the Southern Baptist Convention, affirming one of the Convention’s statements on family and marriage.

One sentence in that statement is quite interesting. A wife is to submit herself graciously to the servant leadership of her husband, even as the church willingly submits to the headship of Christ.”

Get that? In the eyes of a potential Leader of the Free World, my lovely, bright, intelligent daughters are expected to bend to the wills of whomever they intend to marry, and all that intelligence and talent and charisma must go by the wayside. “Submit herself graciously to the servant leadership of her husband.”

I wonder if Governor Huckabee thinks Senator Clinton is a bitch. Not only is she assertive, she’s not submitting to Bill’s will. No wonder she’s in the crosshairs.

Call me nuts, call me crazy dreamer, but I aspire more for my daughters than that. If one of them chooses to be the next Hillary Clinton, get the hell out of her way. If one wants to be the next Rachael Ray or Tina Fey or even follow in her mother’s footsteps and be a kick-ass all-of the above, that’s her choice.

The key word is, “choice.”

J.T. Benjamin
January 2008

Get All Worked Up with J.T. Benjamin in ERWA 2007 Archive.

"All Worked Up" © 2008 J.T. Benjamin. All rights reserved.

About the Author:  J.T.Benjamin says, "I'm a generalist. I write about what interests me, which is just about everything." His resume reflects the diversity of his interests. He's been a disk jockey, insurance salesman, private investigator, journalist, college professor, child advocate, political activist, truckdriver, thief,, lawyer, Indian Chief. He's currently trying to start a hippie commune in the Denver/Boulder area.
Email:  J.T. Benjamin

  E-mail this page

Search ERWA Website:

Copyright 1996 and on, Erotica Readers Association, Inc.
All Rights Reserved World Wide. Reproduction in whole or in part in any form or
medium without express written permission is prohibited.

'08 Movie Reviews

Almost Perfect
Review by Oranje

The Fold
Review by Ashley Lister

Review by Spooky

Review by Spooky

'08 Book Reviews


Best Bisexual Women's Erotica
Review by Ashley Lister

Best Fantastic Erotica
Review by Ashley Lister

Best Women's Erotica '08
Review by Ashley Lister

Bound Brits (ebook)
Review by Ashley Lister

Deep Inside: Extreme ...
Review by Cervo

Dirty Girls
Review by Rose B. Thorny

Hide and Seek
Review by Ashley Lister

Hurts So Good
Review by Ashley Lister

J is for Jealousy
Review by Ashley Lister

K is for Kink
Review by Ashley Lister

Lust Bites
Review by Ashley Lister

Open for Business
Review by Rose B. Thorny

Review by Lisabet Sarai

Rubber Sex
Review by Ashley Lister

Rubber Sex
Review by Victoria Blisse

Seriously Sexy
Review by Ashley Lister

Sex & Candy
Review by Ashley Lister

The Shadow of a... (poetry)
Review by Lisabet Sarai

Review by Victoria Blisse

Tasting Her
Review by Kathleen Bradean

Tasting Him
Review by Ashley Lister

Tasting Him
Review by Kathleen Bradean

White Flames
Review by Lisabet Sarai

Yes, Ma'am: Male Submission
Review by Angelika Devlyn

Yes, Sir: Female Submission
Review by Angelika Devlyn


The Art of Melinoe
Review by Ashley Lister

Demon by Day
Review by Lisabet Sarai

Gemini Heat
Review by Ashley Lister

Gothic Heat
Review by Ashley Lister

The Hidden Grotto Series
Review by Lisabet Sarai

The House of Blood
Review by Lisabet Sarai

In Too Deep
Review by Ashley Lister

In Too Deep
Review by Victoria Blisse

Review by Donna George Storey

Review by Victoria Blisse

One Breath at a Time
Review by Angelika Devlyn

Out of the Shadows (ebook)
Review by Lisabet Sarai

Review by Ashley Lister

Review by Rose B. Thorny

Seduce Me
Review by Ashley Lister

Seduced by the Storm
Review by Lisabet Sarai

Serve the People!
Review by Donna G. Storey

Signed, Sealed and Delivered
Review by Lisabet Sarai

Sunfire (eBook)
Review by Lisabet Sarai

Templar Prize
Review by Angelika Devlyn

The Wicked Sex
Review by Ashley Lister

Wild Kingdom
Review by Angelika Devlyn

Gay Erotica

Review by Vincent Diamond

Best Gay Romance '08
Review by Vincent Diamond

Hard Hats
Review by Vincent Diamond

Review by Kathleen Bradean

Lesbian Erotica

Best Lesbian Erotica '08
Review by Donna George Storey

Best Lesbian Erotica '08
Review by Ashley Lister

The Night Watch
Review by Lisabet Sarai


America Unzipped
Review by Rob Hardy

Best Sex Writing '08
Review by Rob Hardy

Bonk: The Curious Coupling
Review by Rob Hardy

The Book of Love
Review by Rob Hardy

Casanova: Actor Lover ...
Review by Rob Hardy

Dishonorable Passions
Review by Rob Hardy

Flagrante Delicto (photos)
Review by Jack Gilbert

The Flesh Press
Review by Rob Hardy

Geisha, Harlot, Strangler, Star
Review by Donna G. Storey

The Humble Little Condom
Review by Rob Hardy

Instant Orgasm (sex guide)
Review by Ashley Lister

Man O Man! Writing M/M...
Review by Vincent Diamond

The Not So Invisible Woman
Review by Ashley Lister

Swingers: Female...
Review by Lisabet Sarai

Who's Been Sleeping in...
Review by Rob Hardy