BDSM

Does pain for pleasure dominate your fantasies?

For a look into pleasurable pain...

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From JCR
My reaction to BDSM is a lot like my reaction to French liqueurs: sometimes mind-blowingly gorgeous, sometimes distinctly queasy, often an interesting mix of the two. Power-play in itself, as a general rule, doesn't do much for me. (I'm excepting, obviously, the playful spanking and sensuous soft-bondage that every good lover should have in their repertoire.)  And I find it positively hard to deal with the sight of a human body being in some way distorted, as in some forms of rope-bondage for example.  But the fact is, restraint is sexy; and I love the theatricality, the ritual and the straight-out decadent flamboyance of some BDSM porn, which you just don't see elsewhere. 

Incidentally, a few people have spoken about the importance of "equality" in a relationship, and I totally agree.  (It's one of the added bonuses of being a lesbian, that you don't necessarily have that pre-packaged baggage, but that's a whole other story.)  Sometimes I've been with people who use admittedly light, almost vanilla BDSM to actively pursue that: for example, it's rather liberating knowing that a lover who's several rungs further up the academic hierarchy than me is perfectly welcome to dominate me in meetings, provided she's aware of finding her ass over my knee once the working day is over....

From Lisabet Sarai
BDSM does not necessarily involve pain. I'm rather surprised (and dismayed) to read some of the other responses suggesting this. The fundamental principle of BDSM is power exchange - the submissive voluntarily renouncing his or her will and control for some period of time, and the dominant accepting that power and the attendant responsibility. Some practitioners never include pain in their scenes at all.

That being said, some people (myself included) do find certain kinds of pain arousing, but (in my case at least) only in the context of this surrender and connection. People who aren't turned on by BDSM find it difficult to understand the attraction and I'll tell you the truth - even when you're in the midst of a scene you find yourself asking yourself whether you're crazy! Are you really eager to be spanked, whipped, pinched, or whatever? If you're like me, and you look deep inside yourself, you realize that the honest answer is yes.

In any case, BDSM has nothing to do with abuse. It can be cathartic, empowering, and lead to a deeper, more loving relationship. I speak from personal experience.

From John
Interesting that the majority of entries here are from women, and those are pro BDSM. There's a dearth of male input, and those are mostly con views. And here I am adding to the status quo: There isn't anything in the BDSM line-up that attracts me as either doer or receiver. I discussed it with my wife (married 23 years), concerned that perhaps she might be hankering for a spanking, domination (either way) or some such. Her response: "no, no, and no" to which I say thank goodness! I love this woman.

From Mary
I am definitely into it, but I don't know how to handle it. I discovered I love being spanked. The slaps go right to my clit. Not knowing when the next one comes turns me on. Most of my lovers I've been with liked or at least didn't mind spanking me. But that's as far as it goes. I'd like being tied up and blindfolded, whipped or caned maybe. I'd like to try and find out if that's really my thing. But as much as I'd like to put myself in someone else's hands, I refuse to call anyone my master. Giving away control, fine, but equality is important for me.

From Anonymous
I have just recently been interested in bondage. It took several requests for my hands to be tied before my husband would do it. I am very turned on with my hands being tied above my head with a silk scarf. Now I would like to take it to another level and have my hands and legs tied spread eagle. Can't explain why I enjoy it. Maybe just being submissive and letting him be totally in control.

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