BDSM: Pleasurable Pain

Like the rough stuff?

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From StormBorn
I have to comment on the post that said SM is not love. I have been in and am currently in loving relationships where BDSM was very much a part of our lovemaking, as was tender "vanilla" sex. In my opinion, every relationship has a power element in it. Some couples don't express this sexually, but it comes out, consciously or subconsciously, in other ways. I don't enjoy 'normal' pain--I'm such a wuss that breaking a fingernail will make me cry! But a careful and sensual stimulation of nerve endings, building from the subtle (biting, scratching, etc.) to the extreme (hot wax, whipping, nipple and labia clamps and the like) is something entirely different. Reaching by stages that space that is neither he nor I, but something we have created between us--that space that can hardly be described--is a deeply loving act. More than the pain is the joyous freedom of surrendering power to the one we adore, expressing our love by the gift of ourselves, totally.

From Jack Raven:
What sort of sex/activity produces the most fireworks depends entirely upon the 'bent' of the participants. If you are of a BDSM bent, then it may be that you feel fireworks when your sex includes some BDSM that you don't feel when the sex is vanilla.

On the other hand, if you are one of those persons for whom BDSM does nothing (and I'm reminded of the person who wrote that they felt nothing more when reading a BDSM story than they did when reading an account of someone suffering from an upset stomach), then it's probably some other little secret 'vice' that sets off the fireworks in you, and I have no reason to doubt that the fireworks can be plenty spectacular. No, we're not asking you to spill your secrets. (But then again, maybe we're inviting exactly that; after all, this is ERA :-)

From kestrell
I have been subbing to a dom for almost a year now. Even before we played for the first time he and I spent a lot of time talking about what we fantasized about, what we had as limits, physical and emotional, and just real life stuff also, enough to get a sense of each other. We also went through a survey, yes ds even has survey questionnaire forms to go through, just so you can get an idea of each other's kinks, together and discussed our thoughts on the topics with each other. Of course not all people who are in the scene, either part time or very seriously, are this thorough. On the other hand even experienced players are impressed by the level of seeming intuition Master has as far as my responses when he is playing with me. I don't need to verbalize, though at times he might ask where I am on pain level, or as far as reaching some emotional limit, and I always express as well as I can my feelings. It seems like intuition to many but it is a lot of work, and often very difficult, learning to express such vulnerable parts of oneself, even to someone you trust. Are good players born or made? A little of both. It is like being an artist, you might have a gift but you still need to cultivate it, and many people ascribe to genius what is actually a lot of hard work.

From didi
I thought I'd add my thoughts. I'm a fan of both romantic and b and d sex. I wouldn't like to forego either one of them. Some comments indicate that the people fear b and d can lead to people being hurt. I have found that the masters I've been with have been extremely careful and respectful of me. Sanity dictates that you take steps to ensure your safety like telling a friend where you're going and arrange a time that you will report to them. I'm sure there are malevolent people around. A tip I would like to pass on - I will only frolic with people who know the difference between role play and reality. A couple of would-be masters wanted me to be submissive all the time. This did not suit me and I never embarked upon anything with them. They accused me of being not really interested in b and d.

From Elizabeth
I am new to the whole BDSM lifestyle, but I can tell you some essential things. First, There is nothing "superior" in the lifestyle, just another way of bringing thrills to the relationship. Personally, "vanilla" sex does not do much for me. It never has. But that is me, and I know people who are quite content to reach the heights (as undifferentiated from the heights reached by a sub in bondage, say) with it. Second, my personal experience with sex has been that I cannot allow myself to let go without the complete domination provided by my Dom/me. It is a mental thing, and finding this lifestyle was actually quite a relief for me. I always thought I was abnormal because I could never let go enough to enjoy myself. Although my writings have been of a "vanilla" nature, they are the only release I had had up to the point of finding this lifestyle. I kept pushing myself to more dangerous lengths in terms of sexual encounters, even going so far as stranger encounters and the like, risking all sorts of things I find myself shuddering over now because I was searching for that release valve.

Now, however, I am in a safe, secure relationship with a Dom I trust. It is monogamous, and I know that, despite any "punishments" I may receive, my Dom has my best interests at heart and would not let any danger befall me. Third, a sub will go as far as his/her mentality allows them to. Some will live the 24/7 lifestyle, allowing their Dom/me to make all decisions, from the way they dress to whether they eat on the floor at the table, or even sleep in a bed. Others will merely keep it to the bedroom, and will have a completely "vanilla" relationship outside of that. There are many different degrees, all based on the individual relationship, the individual, and the aspects of the participants lives. For instance, a couple who has small children will most likely not keep the female subbed constantly. This would be both impractical and possibly dam! aging to the children. For me, I prefer to subjugate entirely to the will of my Dom/me when we are in the sphere of the home. This is, I suppose, because I am normally so in control outside the house, and have been all my life. I work three part-time jobs and go to school, so coming home and letting all of that go, just serving and pleasing my Dom, is the greatest end to the day I can think of.

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