Body Image
How Do You See Yourself?

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From Volponia
I'll answer first: Until I passed my 40th birthday, I was almost always thin and often downright skinny. Now, a combination of age, infirmity, laziness and who knows what else have resulted in my packing on about 85-90 pounds. Although I know, intellectually, that I looked a lot better before, I feel more desirable now. In my mind, that's a good thing, because it indicates a degree of self-acceptance. I must 'see' myself as thinner than I am, because photos scare the hell out of me.

From Lone Wolf
I'm still pretty young, to the point that i have years to grow still, so many of you might dismiss me, but the point hits home with me already. As a young boy I was a walking stereotype of a "dweeb". I wore glasses, which isn't to bad, but with the rest of my appearance they weren't fun. My hair is naturally thin and i cut it very short so i looked half bald. I have bad teeth which gave me a never ending supply of teasing. I was also scrawny, not just skinny but almost sick looking, despite eating everything in site. My voice was also so high that i was confused with my mother.

This is definitely not a formula for popularity, and dates were nonexistent. I was that kid that people said you liked to insult you. Then blessed puberty. I moved in with my dad and become a new person. The glasses became contacts. I let my hair grow and quit shaving resulting in my being the only freshman with sideburns that could be a thin beard. My teeth still aren't good, but it all worked out.

As a result i quit giving toothy smiles, and instead set on a smile that is tight lipped and more in my eyes, which girls seem to like. My voice went from soprano to deep bass very quickly. I nearly doubled my weight and grew 8 inches in a year. Now that i have that lengthy description out of the way, the point. I recently found out that two of the best looking girls in town (it's a small town) think I'm good looking. This is really new to me. I still see myself as this ugly little 12 year old. That's when my appearance bothered me most and yet that's all i remember. I still have to think about it when i hear my voice on the answering machine. I hope i can get past it because now i have freedom and have myself in the shape and style i like. I think our society makes people fear themselves and it's one standard i haven't risen above.

From Frank
It's interesting to me how strongly gender seems to be driving the discussion on body image. Do men not think as much about it as women, or is this a taboo subject?

Up through my twenties I was extremely skinny. This was a particular problem during adolescence, when I was ridiculed quite frequently by males and hardly drooled after by females. I welcomed the onset of my thirties, when I finally started to put on some weight. But even in my mid-forties I still look unusually lanky.

I care a lot less about conforming to the standard image of the male stud muffin than I did twenty years ago. I suppose this may be partly by default -- I ain't gonna win at that game -- but also because the most interesting women I've met over the years have refused membership in American society's "cult of the body," both in how they approached their own body image and what they looked for in a man. Even so, to some degree I've gotten caught up in the body consciousness that seems to have become more popular among men over the last decade. I don't feel too bad about that. After all, vanity can be a useful prod to eat better and exercise more regularly. I'm as healthy today as I've ever been, and that makes me feel better about myself sexually on a whole number of levels.

From Ms.J
What a tough topic. I think most women, and probably men too, struggle with "body image" at some time or another. I know I've wrestled with it for most of my life. For most of my life I've fought the endless battle of being overweight. For too much of that time I based my "body image" on what I thought other people saw, thought, or accepted. It took many years, and many tears, for me to grow to understand that it really only mattered what I saw and believed of myself. Since coming to that level of maturity I've been much happier. Now I enjoy being me and sharing the real me with loved ones and friends. Do I still occasionally fret about weight? You betcha! I'm only human. But I don't obsess over it. I only have to look in the mirror to see the real me...and I love what I see!

From Sascha
I'm thin. Underweight, but I try to overeat, honestly I do! I don't like my image and haven't for a number of years. It's not so much that I'm thin, that's not a problem, as the above examples have pointed out, it's that I for the longest time had no meat on my body, and having the pale skin I do, it just didn't look that appealing to me. So I figured no chick was going to pick up on that with me. I started running, lifting weights and when I do those things, my opinion of my self is very low still, but much better than mentioned. I think people put too much emphasis on self looks though.

From Cathy
I have been wondering that for a while now. I have tried lots of diets, and the thing is they all work for me, but I just can't seem to stick with it very long. I am smaller now that I have been in years past, and much more muscular (love that weight training). When I was in my early 20's, I was thin, and told beautiful. Still get told that a lot. But, imagine this, my ex was 6'3, and I am 5'9, but we had the same length legs!!> I am mostly long legs. My point is, I guess, is if I were really thin I would look like a stick, much like I did as a young girl. And I am finding that a lot of men seem to prefer softer rounder woman. And I agree with you Vol, I know I feel slimmer inside than I look outside, because pictures are a shock to me too. Kind of like that can't be me?? But I have come to realize that the inner me, the real me, won't change no matter what happens to the outside of me. I like the way I look. Sure, I could improve this part, or make this part smaller, to tighter, but it's still ME> And, frankly, I'm terrific LOL.

From Jill
I began having weight problems when I was about ten. I had tonsillitis and eventually had rheumatic fever. I spent five months in bed, doctor's orders. I ate out of boredom and by the time I was 12 I weighed more than my dad. He was skinny, by the way. For some of the hardest years of my young life I was constantly made fun of.

However, my doctor put me on diet pills (it was his idea) -- yes, amphetamines -- at 12. I started eating only once every few days. Everyone thought that was ok as long as I was skinny, and I took them through high school. When they took those pills off the market, I gained most of it back.

In college, I gained. Then some years later I starved it all off again. I developed gallstones and had to have surgery, due to the rapid weight loss. I was afraid to eat for a while, but when I began eating normally, the weight came back.

Second year of my marriage, I went on Nutri-System and became addicted to exercise. I was doing an hour and a half of heavy-duty aerobics every day. I was skinny, but panicked if I missed my exercise session.

Then I went back to work and had to stop exercising so much. Of course I gained. Now, I can't lose weight no matter what I do. I go to the gym five days a week and I eat about half what some people eat. I doubt my weight will ever change. And actually, trying to be skinny has nearly cost me my health and even my life a couple of times.

I know how it feels to be a size 12 and I doubt that I will ever be truly content with the size I am. People tell me I'm not fat, but I feel as if I'm huge some days. Then other times, I don't think about it. I don't feel uncomfortable around skinny people, but when I see a photo of myself....YIKES, I want to hide. I can't believe I'm that size. When I 'm having days that I feel good about myself I feel pretty confident, but when I have those days that I don't like the way I look or the way my clothes fit... I have a really tough day. The past couple of days were tough for some reason.

Don't misunderstand me. I think men obviously pick up on the fact that I love sex, and that I have a lot of confidence about myself, not just sexually but in general. I'm not unhappy with myself.

BUT... if I could be slender again, I'd do it.

From Joe
Instead of supporting overweight people by suggesting they are loveable regardless of how they look carrying extra body weight, we should be helping these folks lose weight. Extra pounds translates to serious illnesses, so that the bottom line is if you really love the 'fuller figure' person the very best thing you can do for them is offer the support and encouragement that will help them live a healthier life. 

The issue has finally gone beyond what is acceptable or not in appearances, the issue is health. Eat right and exercise is the answer, not a pat on the back and noises about don't be concerned because I love you any way. That's like handing your loved one high blood pressure, diabetes and possible heart attach on a silver platter. What kind of love is that?

It's all about tough love; the true heartfelt caring about someone so that you can say 'I love you enough to want to help you lose those extra pounds so we can enjoy a healthier longer life together.' 

From Ghost Rider
In reading the postings on this sheet, I understand some of the reasoning that a lot of the women worry about not being petite.

Ladies, let me assure you that there are guys out there that prefer the fuller figured woman. I, in fact, married a fuller figured lady and have a very enjoyable life with her.

Live your life and enjoy it to the fullest. If you encounter a guy that has a hang-up and can't accept a fuller figured woman, leave him in your dust. It is his loss, not yours.

From Paul
I find it rather sad that some women have such poor images of themselves, thereby jeopardising their and their partner's happiness.

I grew up with a mix of 4 boys and 5 girls. From as early as I can remember, we used to spend a large amount of time out in the mountains and wilds on family holidays. Whenever we swam, we were always naked and never embarrassed by our nudity even as we moved through puberty and our bodies took on different dimensions.

One of the girls, Faye, did not develop the way she would have "liked" and I suppose if one were really judgemental and cruel, you could say that she was "challenged". Her breasts were never magazine-perfect and her other dimensions and proportions followed suit. However, she somehow had the ability to just accept what she had been given and to make the best of it. The result was that while the others were agonising about their proportions and trying constantly to improve, she just continued to have a happily balanced approach to life and the enjoyment thereof. As we moved into adulthood, she was still the first to strip off and enjoy the cool mountain streams or lazing next to them in the warm sand. The others began to get shy and to cover up as much as they could.

In later years, I had a very long and close relationship with this lady and Lady she certainly was! She was the most sensual and sexual woman I have yet to encounter, incredibly in -touch with her body and what it needed.

So ladies, I hope that this posting will prompt you to take a long, hard look at yourself and to start enjoying who you are and what you have been blessed with. We men need more "Fayes" out there.

From Jenni
I do not understand why women who aren't super slim are so worried. So, society pressures women to be slim, so what? Stand up and push back on these people. I gave up trying to be slim five years ago and relaxed into 200 pounds. My husband is very happy. I am not ugly and have long blond hair. I have very large breasts for him to fondle, kiss and suck. I have a very big pussy for him to fuck. I have some very sexy lingerie and hosiery to dress in for sex or partying, along with skirts that might hide my thighs but with slits and cross-over flaps provide a sexy hint of stockings, garter hooks and panties! 

From Anonymous
I am a tall, 30 year-old female. I have been thin and fat, and right now I am a little heavier than I'd like to be, though I'm far from my heaviest. I spent many years in my teens and twenties hating my body and thinking I was fat when I wasn't at all! I've wasted too many years hating my body, and in turn, hating myself, that now I refuse to beat myself up. Life is too short. I accept myself as I am, and if I change my body by losing weight, then I am thrilled, but I've stopped my constant, unhealthy obsession with it. I've even found that, being more at peace with myself at a bigger size, I draw more positive attention, admiration, and romantic interest than when I was I thinner and more insecure. From my personal experience, I know for a fact that sexiness has more to with confidence than physical features.

However, I do find that I am a little curious about men's intention towards me when I am heavier. It is often the case that men will fuck anything that comes attached to a pussy. So while a man may fuck a fat woman, he wouldn't date one. As a result, I find myself a little more cautious about sexual encounters, wanting to ensure that a man's interest is genuine and that I'm not just some fatty he fucked during a dry spell. I don't believe this has ever been the case for me, but I've read a lot of horrible comments on various message boards about this type of behavior, which prompts me to be a little more stringent in my screening process.

I am also glad that there are men out there who admire big women - to each his own - but something bothers me about thinking a man is attracted to me simply because I am large. I prefer men who date women of many different body types as opposed to "chubby chasers". On the flip side, if I were thin, I probably wouldn't date a man who wouldn't have dated me when I was bigger. I understand that we all have certain physical features we are attracted to, but the objectification implied in these scenarios puts me off.

From Anonymous
I'm female, and a bit on the tall side. I've ranged from 120- 250 pounds. I'm currently working on some lifestyle changes to make myself healthier. I don't want to be rail thin (being 120 limited my energy and movement as much as being 250 did).

Didn't have anything other than solo sex (masturbation) at my heaviest, but based on my experience with yoga, I'm just a lot more flexible and have an easier time moving around as I'm losing weight, so I imagine that applies to sex. Exercise in general seems to help with sexual activity. I recently had an encounter and I was better able to keep up than I did when I was about 30 pounds thinner than I am now and not exercising. 

Exercising and eating better are also making me more conscious of my body and feeling better about it although I still have a way to go before I'm at a medically healthy weight for me. Feeling better about my body (for me at least) = feeling sexier which makes me more confident and willing to initiate things.

From Anonymous
Why would women want confirmation about their body based on whether guys 'fuck them' What does that have to do with anything? [see Sheri's entry below] Most guys will fuck anything as long as there is a pussy attached to the body. Women should feel inwardly happy about their body size, which shows true confidence. If you're body image is tied into whether guys fuck you, I think it shows 'deep down' you are insecure and trying to cover up your insecurities through outward approval and confirmation.

From Sheri
I'm overweight but not in a gross way, and I look sexy in my business suits with short skirts and high heels. I have a great sex life with my husband who likes my rounded shape and a couple of guys at work have also fucked me. My size doesn't worry me, I have good looks and I'm having fun!

From Ghost Rider
Angel, [see Angel's entry below] I read your post and disagree with your method of being content with your self-image. Any time (being a sales rep) that you have to involve sex in to a business transaction or to boost self image, you are in the wrong business. It is very poor taste (no pun intended) to indulge in sex with a business client.

Also, how would you like it if your hubby started going out, playing around getting a little on the side? You would throw a fit. On the other hand, maybe it would serve you right to get a dose of your own medicine you're dishing out.

From Tman
This is an interesting question since over the last two years I have lost about 95 pounds of fat and toned many years of working out in the gym muscle. I am a 53 year old white married male.

At 6 feet tall I had grown to 320 pounds, really quite fat. Even at that weight there were those that found me attractive, even if I did not think I was. There is a following of people, male and female that chase chubbies. The main thing about my body was it did not sag even at 320 it was round, big round, but solid.

After losing 90 plus pounds I think I look much better and have much more confidence about my looks and I can buy cloths that fit properly and look good on me. I had many photos taken of me while I was losing weight, both clothed and naked.

Recently I posted my pics on a bi-gay site to see if I would get any attention, and to get feed back about how others saw me. I have to tell you that the response has been overwhelming. Many men email me with compliments. I have done the same on a straight site and the response has been very good from women too.

So I suppose I am really starting to like being not thin, but athletic again. My sex life is more enjoyable now with a smaller body to move around.

From Angel
When my husband lost his job he got a big payoff but we decided I should work to make sure we kept our standard of living. As a result of giving birth to our son five years ago I'm a little plump and I thought this would mean I didn't get any jobs offers. In the end I got a sales rep job for a cosmetics company. In training I was told that 'sex sells' and told I'd have to dress in smart business suits with a short skirts and good quality black pantyhose, stockings and high heels. I got a clothes allowance so wasn't too worried about cost but didn't think I looked good in my power suit with my plumpish thighs and hips. Hubby was very impressed and took photographs of me in my three suits and different heels (as well as some shots of me in my new stockings and garter belt).

 The job was in two halves, in my office at home selling to existing clients and on the road trying to get new ones, also calling on clients to show my face and do some PR. I had to visit one client who owned four big spas in New Mexico. It turned out he was black and like me he was plumpish and great fun, very impressed with my short skirt, black hose and heels. After giving me an order worth $5000 he invited me to dinner. I had to do more client visits but I'd call by on my way back. I did and we had a great time, the two of us whining about slim people who whine about fat people. 

He invited me back to his place and we had some real great sex, mind blowing in fact, non stop to past 1 in the morning. On the drive back to my motel I thought 'Hey I might be plump but I sure ain't ugly!"

From Elise
I'm from Northern Ireland, and I've lived in the US since age 19; I'm 42 now. When I was in school, I was always made fun of for being so tall and slim. I had no breasts at all and no bum to speak of. Even though I was the tallest girl in class, I didn't develop until after I had left school, around age 18. Others helped me to feel very ashamed of myself.

When I turned 18, I woke up one day with breasts, much to my amazement. They were not large at first, but they were definitely more than I had ever had before. My hips and my bum seemed to enlarge overnight, too. Soon, in about a year, I had grown into what I considered to be an attractive looking woman. Within months of this, I moved to the US, and for the first time in my life, I was exposed to people who had not known me before. Gone were the hateful children with whom I had grown up, gone were the boys who never asked me out. I was a hot commodity to these American lads, and I never suffered lonely nights at home.

I eventually married an American gent, and even though our marriage ended a few years later, I continually acquired more and more positive body-image feelings throughout the whole time.

Now, in my early 40s, I've learned to keep myself in shape is to keep my self-esteem up also. I'm 5'9" and 135 pounds, 34B sized breasts. Since my mid 20s, I have not had any alcohol, I've never ever smoked, I eat properly, I exercise regularly, and I get plenty of good sleep.

From Dee
Last year I came down from over 260 pounds to around 140, after one party too many, really hacked off at not being the belle of the ball, while watching hubby flirt with young slim pretty girls (I'm 38). Once down in weight (I came down too quickly and now have a slight heart murmur), I was able to buy sexy lingerie, sexy hosiery, short skirts and high heels. 

Not surprisingly I was able to go to parties full of confidence and self-belief, decked out in sexy thongs, short skirts, sexy stockings, high heels, and not surprisingly I had guys buzzing around me once more, hubby real proud of me, an ego booster on its own. 

But now I'm all slimmed down, I have guys who want to fuck me and some of them are real good looking, guys I'd love to fuck! Hubby says we should do some MMF threesomes but I really want to catch a guy at a bash based on him checking out my body, legs etc at a party, liking what he sees and the two of us connecting, talking, dancing and fucking!

From Nikki
I've always looked at my body and liked what I saw. Now I don't think so anymore. I always knew one breast was smaller then the other, but when I took a good look I see that my nipples aren't lined up the same and one is higher then the other. I was always comfortable with being naked and now I don't anymore. I can't let my boyfriend look at my body without feeling ugly. Is there something wrong with me?

From Mel
I'm pretty happy with my body. I'm 5'10", slim with perfectly even proportions at 36-26-36 with a small build yet I have 36 hips so I'm not "straight up and down" Weight about 135.

I'm more on the thin side but still curvy. I always joke with people that I love looking at the women in "Sports Illustrated" and Victoria Secret models, and actually feel more confident because my body is almost identical.

Sometimes I feel self-conscious only because so many girls are short with big boobs, which is definitely not me. But I have an attractive face and it's fun when I get approached by modeling agencies all the time. But there's always the saying, that you want what you don't have.

From Meri
At 5'4", I like to be somewhere between 135 and 140lbs-- slightly higher if I up the weight at the gym. Regardless of where my weight falls (and it was at least the same if not a little higher when I was a teenager), I'm pretty happy with the way I look. I wouldn't trade my curves if I were paid to. I think weight loss is way too big an issue in this country, and the unhealthy ways people go about it are frightening. Especially when you consider that half the time, they're not even changing themselves based on their own ideals, but someone else's. 

We need to stop looking at everyone else to find ourselves and love and enjoy the individuality of what we have. My attitude is there's only one person who looks exactly like me, and you're not going to find her anywhere else. And no, I'm not conceited. When there is something I'm not happy with in myself, I accept that I'm not perfect, and strive to change whatever it is. I just think that if everyone had my attitude toward their bodies, no one would be watching movies to figure out who they are and we wouldn't need topics like "Does porn make you uncomfortable?" Get it?

From Stormy
I've always had a body image issue, especially as a teen. I was a bit chunky as a child and I had a mother who decided that the only way I would be attractive would be to remain 'thin and beautiful'. Well, now I've hit 39 and the demons that moved in at my adolescence are still whispering their lies to me. 

I've always felt big and awkward (I'm 5'9, big boned and about 145lbs..with very few curves...36A gads!), but now I realize, after a few years of experience, it's your sensuality that really matters. If you project it, ultimately the flaws you have (and I have quite a few after having three Amazonian sized babies), don't really matter. It's all in the mind. If you gather that sexual energy and project it to your partner, you are the center of the universe...and you can experience Nirvana...no matter what your size, no matter what life's trials have done to you.

From Sarahlynne
I got sick in my mid-twenties and lost a lot of weight. I looked in the mirror and realized that I could be too thin. It was a life-changing experience. I may not always be happy with my body, but I remember how I was all bones and how unhealthy I looked. I don't want to be that thin. The most important thing is to be healthy. I walk and run at least three times a week. I'm horrible with ice cream, but I try. You can't be too hard on yourself about these things. As the Buddha said, "All things in moderation." Life is too short to be so self-absorbed.

Unfortunately, my boyfriend has body image issues. A lot of his co-workers are ripped so he thinks he should be, too. He thinks he has chub, but he doesn't. He told me he started working out more "for me," and I said, "It's not for me; it's for you. I like you the way you are."

From Ghost Rider
Christin [see entry below], in spite of all the old wives tales that have been spread around, all black women are not bubble-butted. Just like not all black men walk around with a 9" to 12" cock. Also, contrary to the B.S. not all black men are good athletes. Black people differ in physical build just like any other race of people do. Some are short, some are tall, some are fat, and some are slim. Just because a lot of the black men like large women shouldn't affect you. If they can't accept you the way God made you is their loss. 

A person, regardless of color, has to be able to look past color, a person's build and social status in life to see that person for who they are. If a person goes around judging a person by color or size, they really miss a lot in life and pass up knowing some really nice people. Don't worry about not having a bubble-butt. Just appreciate the way God made you to look.

From Christin
I am 46 and weigh 133. I have never had a weight problem; and that is due to genetics. I am blessed to have strong Tina-Turner type legs and a full bust 38B. However, being a very attractive and sexy black woman with an International look, I do lack in the butt area. There is a nice round curve there but not the butt that you would think most black women would have (not to stereotype here). 

Big butts are not a part of my family history. I love my body, but many black men like big women. I am from the city and while living in the city, men loved my look facial looks and body. 

However, I had to move to Virginia where it is a different story. All the women here, black and white, look like amazons. They are huge. I do not want to be bigger. I love the fact that at my age I can wear a 6-8 and look great in anything I wear. Everyone should try to love himself or herself no matter what the world says.

From Anonymous
I have been reading all of your stories. Katel, yours touched me the most. You see I am also married and worried for a long time that my husband was ashamed of my body or was just being nice when he told me I was beautiful. You see I am only 5 ft. 2 in. tall and weigh anywhere from 145 to 160 lbs since my weight changes depending on the season. I have always had a weight problem and ever since I found out that I could not attain 120 lbs (I starved myself to get to that weight and was a size 3/4 at 120. Hard to believe, but true. My body is weird!) 

I always feel really fat and overweight. I have been told for years by friends and family that I am a very pretty girl. But I know what I see when I look in the mirror. Stretch marks, cellulite, flab...but what my husband sees is a woman who adores him. He sees someone who is funny and enjoys life. He sees the love I have for him in my eyes and the struggle I am putting myself through in order to be in the best shape I can before we begin to try to have our first child. He sees a woman who looks toward the next day as if it is a blessing. 

What I am saying is that while I might not be a confident as I should be (I guess I have always had a very negative body image) I have a husband who loves and supports me. A husband who thinks I am the most beautiful woman on earth. And truthfully who else needs to think I am beautiful.

From Teresa
It took me a LONG time to finally learn that it's what's on the inside that ultimately matters...I feel that regardless of your actual size, if you feel sexy and attractive, that the confidence/attitude will radiate from within you. I know it does for me.

I have struggled with body image/weight my entire life. I'm still trying to lose the last 15 lbs I gained from the birth of my daughter (26 yrs ago!)..) I have Lupus and am on Prednisone and have had to deal with weight gains/losses of that, over the years.

I'm 5' 10" and at 49, I can finally say I'm at a weight that I'm satisfied with and feel comfortable at. It may not be the weight that the Dr says I should be at (what does he know?), but I feel good, I feel like I look good, and my boyfriend enjoys looking at me..) I can't ask for more than that!

From Charles
63 yr old. Was an out of shape 55 yr old and decided to start a gym routine. At 63 and 5'8" I now weight 152 lbs. Great for all the things I like to do. Start a routine and you will be amazed at how great you will look and feel. Sure is nice to look at yourself in the mirror and see a fit body. As a bonus your hard on looks a lot bigger when you don't have a beer belly.

From Ghost Rider
From the time I was a kid on, I never really cared if I was one of the popular crowd or not. I did my thing and let others do their thing. People can be cruel to others. A person can be tall, short, skinny, or fat. This is the way God lets us turn out. As I mentioned in some of the postings that I made on other subjects, that I have several piercings ( left ear, both nipples, a frenum, and a foreskin piercing). I had been going to this certain hot springs resort (swimming suits required) and the way the older women acted about my nipple piercings, you would have thought that I had been obscene or something.

I finally got tired of their stiff necked attitude and told my wife that we needed a change of scenery. I started doing a little research on optional resorts and their attitude of your body is yours and we respect your right to look the way you do. I got to the resort and it didn't bother the people there ( Management or Visitors) using the resort that I stood 5' 10", weighed 220 (a little over weight), and had piercings over my body. I was and am satisfied with my appearance. They put me at ease and I had one of the most enjoyable weekends that I can remember. Within 30 minutes I had pushed to the back of my mind that everyone was nude. They accepted me as I am, no fault finding or poking their nose in the air.

I learned that with clothes, people put on airs. Without clothes, they are just what you see. I chose a couples and family oriented resort to go to and fully recommend it. It seems that they actually practice what they preach and want to live and let live.

From Anonymous
I'm 5'6 and was always slim until after having 2 kids. Before kids, I weighed 110 pounds and my breasts were not too big, I wore size 34 c bra. After 2 kids, I had gained a considerable amount of weight which I found quite depressing! I weighed 160 pounds and became determined to take the weight off. I exercised and ate healthier and lost 10 pounds within a few months. I stayed around 150 pounds for about a year, and during that time I noticed that more men noticed me at 150 pounds and flirted with me more than they ever had when I was 110 pounds. Still, I felt that I was too heavy. 

Gradually over the course of 6 months, I got back down to 130, and then I had my third child. I really watched what I ate while pregnant and then took off the weight easily after giving birth. I stayed around 130 pounds for a few years. During this time I became separated from my husband and got involved with a very sexy man. I felt a little insecure around him even though I was not fat. So I went on a diet and got down to 120 pounds. He didn't like it! He said he wanted me curvy. That was a few years ago. I am now around 150 pounds again, my breasts are full, my hips are curvy, and men look at me, ask me out, and flirt with me even though I feel that I'm overweight. 

I think maybe for my body type and possibly the way I carry myself is what attracts men to me, but it didn't happen very often at any other weight than 150 pounds. Hmmm.

From Sensalwhispers
When people first see me the thing they see first is always my size. At only 5ft 5" im not tall and I'm definitely not thin. For years I have struggled with my weight and at the moment it is going slowly the right way, down. My comment is this. It doesn't matter what we look like we will always find something that we don't like about ourselves. No matter how we view ourselves someone will always find us attractive.

Being a large person I have had my fair share of insults thrown at me and yes they do hurt. However I have also had men who have worshipped the ground I walk on, including my fiancée.

I am a confident person but this is only because I realise that others view themselves as they want to be seen. The media promotes the so called perfect image. There is no perfect image. Image has changed down through the centuries and will continue to change. What we should learn to do is embrace the differences that make us individuals. We should look at each person as an individual and the good qualities that person has not what a large bum they have or how fat they are.

For me a sexy person is one that is confident and self assured without being cocky and egotistical, no matter what they look like. I have known people, who we would normally not class as being sexy, get the man or woman of dreams all because of their personal magnetism and PERSONALITY. We are all unique so embrace it and be happy.

From Bill
I am 79 years old and this morning after my 60 minute workout I weighed exactly 161 pounds. I decided that I needed to do something when I could not fit into any of my "church clothes." 

A year ago I weighed 197 pounds and was 73" tall. I had a fat face, bigger breasts than half of the women in my church and decided to do something about it. I joined the local YMCA and found that I could not always get on the equipment I needed without a lengthy wait, it was 13 miles from my home, and changing and going out in the cold after a mind boggling perspiration, decided to buy a gym style treadmill and a small stepper. I was disciplined about my workouts and eventually graduated to a 60 minute workout on the treadmill at 4.0 mph. Burned off a staggering 702 calories at a 3% incline and walked over a thousand miles in my first year and lost 36 pounds. I lost weight just about everywhere, including my face, which looks drawn. My stomach is flat (without sucking it in) and I have a 34" waist. 

The downside is my wife, 75, is on prednisone and is gaining weight alarmingly. She works out on the treadmill (she is 75) at zero incline at 2 MPH for 60 minutes. She sees no result, although the workout must be helping her emotionally and physically. Problem is, she is uptight about my talking about my weight loss so I don't have the satisfaction of being able to say "Hey! baby, I lost my boobies." I can understand her dilemma but to me she is still the sexy lady I met 13 years ago and love her more now than I did then. She has always prided herself on her size 4 figure that is little more than a memory now. Chances are she will remain on Prednisone forever as no other medication can palliate the pain that she has. I truly feel for her and tell her that she is still as beautiful as when we met. She dresses beautifully and has a handsome face. 

I like the way I look and I make my day work around my workout. I warm up on the stepper then get on the treadmill. I feel great and honestly feel good about the way I look ... If only my hair would grow back. When I was a kid I was a skinny, flat chested oddity. Hated to go to the beach and always kept a T-shirt on. Over the years I filled out with a little musculature because of job as a carpenter and felt I looked presentable. After retirement I did little heavy work, drank a lot of beer and ballooned up. 

I am now very conscious about leaving the table feeling I could eat more. I cut back to three cans a day, don't use the garage door closers or the TV remote. It works and I like the "new me."

From Mike
I'm a 21 year-old white male. I'm 5'10, and throughout all of high school, I was frustrated over the way my body looked. The thing is, I only maxed out at around 165, but in my own eyes, I was just plain fat. My biggest concerns were with were my stomach and cheeks. Both were round and unattractive. I tried exercising, but it was no use. The reason it didn't work was because I was only eating around 1000 calories a day. I definitely went about trying to lose weight the wrong way. My self-esteem was at an all-time low, and there were times when I just wanted to hide out for weeks at a time. 

Fortunately, when I got to college, my entire life took a change for the better. See, I lived on a huge university campus that was mostly made up of steep hills. I was constantly walking around...to my dorm (living on the 4th floor definitely helped), to my classes, to see friends, etc. Well, I started shedding the fat, and I began taking serious control of my diet. I swore off fatty foods, and focused solely on fruit, veggies, lean meat, and other healthy choices. Since then, I've maintained a healthy weight of 150. The only problem I have now is that ever since I lost all the weight, I've been determined to shape my abs into a six-pack. At this point, I have more of a four-pack, so any tips on reaching my goal would be greatly appreciated.

From Sarah
I'm a 24 year old single white female. When I was in high school, I was 5'6" and painfully thin. I was always worried about my weight because I was a ballerina. My director was always lecturing me about being too heavy, so I basically starved myself. I was under 100 pounds for a long time. You could count my ribs through my shirt, I was so thin. I always felt deprived of food, and deprived of the attention that other girls were getting at school. I loved dance so much that I put up with insane diets and insane amounts of exercise.

When I went to college, I suffered a severe tendon injury that ended my dancing permanently. I had no reason to put myself through diet hell anymore, so I indulged I ate chocolates, steaks, pizza, pasta...everything I couldn't have when I was dancing. I could feel my clothes getting tighter, and I realized I couldn't wear any of my 32B bras anymore without discomfort. So, one day I dug out the scale (which I had hidden in the closet after I stopped my dancer's diet). I couldn't believe the number I saw I weighed 116 pounds, which was about 20 pounds more than I had weighed 2 months before. I stripped off my clothes and stood naked in front of the mirror, surveying my body from every angle, trying to determine whether I looked fat. I realized, I didn't look fat...I looked "normal"...my ribs weren't showing anymore, my breasts didn't look like mosquito bites, my hipbones weren't jutting out...I was actually starting to look like a woman, instead of a 13 year old tomboy.

Proud of my new curves, I went to the store and bought new clothes. I went to Victoria's Secret for the first time, and was measured for a new bra. I couldn't believe it when the sales girl told me I needed a 34C. I started wearing sexier styles, and out of nowhere, I had guys asking me out every weekend. I really felt like a new person, and I started going out all the time. I went to parties a lot, and met new people. Consequently, I started eating and drinking socially quite a bit. My hips and butt were rounding out, and I jumped from a 34C to a 36C. My stomach went from being flat and chiseled looking to looking soft and a little rounded.

I started dating one guy steadily, and he seemed to think the transformation of my body was the sexiest thing he had ever seen. We went out to eat a lot, and he constantly kept bringing my chocolates and sweets. Eating became a very sensual experience for me, and it often led to sex. I continued to gain weight, mostly on my ass and breasts. I started looking like an exaggerated hourglass. The bigger I got, the more he seemed to want me. After about 7 or 8 months, he moved in with me, and sex basically took over everything. I gained more and more weight, getting up to 178 pounds. My breasts were huge and heavy at 38DD, and and I had developed a huge ass that jiggled when I walked. For the first time, I felt truly disgusting and fat.

Upset at myself, I decided my life was not on the right track anymore. I dropped all my classes, because I realized I wasn't going to do well in any of them because I had been so preoccupied with sex. I knew I didn't love the guy I was with. I had just loved the attention. So, I reevaluated myself, broke up with him, got a job, and tried to get my life back to normal.

Seeing myself in the mirror was a joke. There I was, 22 years old, and I was absolutely huge. Though I was ashamed of how fat I had gotten, I made myself go down to the apartment pool and swim every day, figuring that it would be a good way to ease myself back into a workout routine. I found that losing the weight was significantly more difficult than putting it on. I felt constantly hungry, and exhausted after working out. But, I didn't give up on myself. After about a year, I had dropped down to 157 pounds. Encouraged, I continued to eat healthy food, and I adopted a more rigorous workout. My thighs and calves started looking healthy and toned instead of fat and flabby, and my stomach no longer looked pudgy. I kept working until I had dropped down to a size 6 in pants. My breasts, however, never got smaller than a 36DD. So, now I am 24, and I have huge breasts and a slim, toned body. I again have men chasing me everywhere I go. I don't mind, though...I am happy with who I am again, and that's all that matters.

From Cole
I came into high school at 5 ft, 102 and left at 5’3 112. My mother was the typical short, big boned Scottish woman with fire red hair, green eyes and covered in freckles. My father’s Puerto Rican with black hair, brown eyes and olive skin. Growing up, I had completely different ideals from two totally different cultures on what perfect men and women look like. I have fair skin but will turn brown after a day in the sun, otherwise a somewhat rosy complexion with a few barely traceable freckles on my nose. The blonde ringlets of my childhood turned into bigger curls of different shades of red, auburn, blonde and even darker brown underneath. I got hazel eyes and a 50/50 blend of my mothers bow lips and my fathers larger, fuller mouth. I have a round face with naturally arched eyebrows and a big smile.

I tend to get A LOT of attention from older men but often times ignored by the men around my age (25). I’m not sure if it’s because older men or more seasoned and looking out of an "artists" eye or if it’s simply because the "ideals" have changed that much in the generations of the past. Just last night, this chubby man in his 40’s told me I had a beautiful face, that he’d rob banks for "that face."

My face and my body are mine and I have few complaints. You know, the usual complaints like "these jeans make me look fat, wish my skin wasn’t so oily, wish I had smaller feet, wish my hair wasn’t so big, found another spider vein on my leg, envying my sister for her perfect little nose and high forehead" complaints. But being the modern girl that I am or that I’m trying to be ­ thinking negatively about myself and my body is essentially denying myself and my sexuality. When I don’t pick up a magazine or watch a mainstream movie or go shopping at the mall, I start to feel beautiful. When I read books or erotic stories and I surround myself with friends and people that are accepting and love me, I start to feel gorgeous and totally sexy ­ like suddenly my swagger isn’t just for me anymore. This all halts the instant I go into Abercrombie and I ask the bulimic size 0 girl with her highlighted blonde hair and her tanned skin and bony knees for a size 10 Short in their jeans, my physical and sexual worth washes down the drain along with my dignity.

I am not the ideal. I don’t have tanned skin, I don’t have an ass of a 10 year old boy, I don’t have long legs and I don’t have big breasts. I have big red, curly hair, I have breasts that I love at a 34C; I have short, plump, strong legs; I have a big round ass that rocks without jiggling and I have a great smile with good teeth to match. I love the way I look but the problem is no one else really does. I’m a Southern CA native on the coast and the standards are high. Most people’s ideal body would be the girl from the Pirates of the Caribbean or Angelina Jolie or worse yet, Pamela Anderson. I don’t look like that, I don’t want to look like that and I don’t think it’s what I should want to look like. If only this attitude got me anywhere but the corner with a girlfriend at a pub on a Saturday night, getting approached by "the sleazy-older-married-blitzed-smell his bad cologne from two pool tables away-guy", the "wanna go get high?-guy" or literally, the cross eyed guy. I don’t get it.

So while I do have a healthy body image, since the ideal is the "norm" around here, my confidence seems to diminish in the bedroom but I try not to let that impact the sex. I’m totally uninhibited when given the opportunity to be but coming out of a relationship that I’ve been in since I was 15, the world isn’t such a safe place to express my sexuality. Men my age are just so judgmental and grossly idealistic. If you’re not a size two, it’s like you’re not worth a second glance. The only men that seem to respond to me are men that are 35 and older. I don’t have problems with older men but I don’t harbor any fantasies in regards to older men either perhaps because my father is so young ­ I hardly want to date anyone who shares anything with my father including age. I totally understand the phrase "youth is wasted on the young."

From David
I was tall and skinny as a teen and into my early 20s. I was 6-1 at 14, 6-2 by the end of high school. But weight-wise, I was as low as 139 at 14. In college, I would dip below 160 during the sweaty summers. Post-college and into my mid-20s, I would max at 170, 173 on a heavy day. It didn't matter that I could ingest entire pizzas in one sitting or outeat all but the most gluttonous friends. Luckily, I have my Dad's broad-shouldered frame and a high crested chest that give a thin illusion of some size. Unluckily, I've been doomed with the skinny legs both parents have. Any sign of actual muscular growth -- a four-pack of abs, a little meat on the biceps, my hamstrings giving my thighs a muscular hump -- was celebrated like the birth of a new child.

Oh, and if that wasn't enough, I wore glasses from 14 forward. And was an intellectual type well versed in current events, history, as well as the usual sports. One of the cartoons accompanying a MAD magazine piece entitled What Is An Intellectual Snob showed three young boys, two laughing over MAD magazine and a third laughing over The New Yorker. I still giggle at recognizing myself in any of the three boys.

Not exactly date magnet material, physically or otherwise. This was especially true for me, as I've always liked girls/women whose bodies were very unlike my own, those that exuded sexual and/or physical power. The busty, hippy, meaty female whose body undulates lushly as she moves or the athlete with thick arms and thunder thighs of muscle have always been much more interesting than the skinny model. After all, a drag strip isn't nearly as interesting as the oval or the Grand Prix course. But many of these women viewed guys like me almost with disdain. The old "I'm afraid I'll crush him in bed" jokes are borne from real feelings. I actually had to assure one strong, athletic girlfiend she could cut loose when on top, I could take it. I rarely believed a woman I found attractive would feel the same way about me. It's a doubt I carry deep down today, even after the changes I'll describe later.

There was one thing that kept my physical self-esteem out of total despair and it's why I think athletics should be encouraged for all young girls to help fight the self-esteem issues they face my body was great for running and certain other physical activities. I loved the energy I felt in the last mile and a half of a eight or 12-mile run, loved reaching down for the strength, finding it and scooping it out repeatedly. "If my body can make me feel this way, it can't be all bad," I thought. "If it were too much heavier with muscle, I couldn't do this." At work, whether McDonald's or as a busboy, my shifts became workouts. My lean body moved more swiftly than others, especially through co-worker traffic and allowed me to get more done. Everybody was happier -- customers, who were taken care of more quickly; managers, who saw happier customers and more work done; and me, who got raises and plum assignments (such as there are in those fields). Even as I entered post-college real world career, the fact that I could move quickly with ease helped at work and eased my angst over not being bigger, more "manly."

Then, something happened as I hit my late 20s and the physical changes that occur in all of us then. The best metaphor I came up for it concerns auto racing. In open wheel road racing, they put treaded rain tires on the cars when it looks like rain. The normal tires are treadless. They're faster in normal conditions, but a mess in the rain. Well, all the things I didn't really like about myself and thought repelled women were like rain tires. When the downpour of age started, those of us with rain tires were able to hold our speed as our competition spun out. My metabolism slowed. But mine was going from lightning fast to kind of fast, unlike friends whose metabolism went from normal to slow. They began to grow guts. I began to fill out and when I joined a gym, I began to grow muscle. Even though my waist did gain a few inches, it had a few inches to gain. The youthful face I hated when getting carded or talking to older girls/women became an asset when compared to my peers aging visages. The butt called "bony" or "invisible" by girls/women years earlier was now being described as "tight" or "grabbable."

Nothing else had changed. In fact, with a long-term girlfriend, I wasn't as concerned as before with my overall physical presentation every time I left my apartment. But, suddenly, I was being hit on and propositioned. I enjoyed that I truly liked myself physically. There's some dismay that the good feeling is partially from outside validation. But it's also because I have more the kind of body that I like for itself.

I still bemoan my skinny legs and get annoyed when my overall musculature and fitness level drops when I'm away from the gym for a while. But I have a renewed appreciation for the way my body grew over the years.

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