Come on Command

Fact or Fiction?

I've been reading erotica stories for a while now and a lot of the ones involving BDSM include orgasm control, strict injunctions against climaxing before being given permission to do so. They also involve climaxing on command.

I've been doing some research on my own, and find that if the stimulation is right, I can't not climax. The only way to stop it is to stop or change the stimulation (hard enough to do on its own, but possible - and actually quite delicious when done repeatedly). Are others able to control their orgasm? Is it something you have to train yourself to do? Or is it just fiction?

If you were being perfectly and relentlessly stimulated, how long could you hold off? As for climaxing on command, is this fact or fiction?  —Teela

At times it is folly to hasten; at other times, to delay. The wise do everything in its proper time.  —Ovid

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From Dan
Well folks, I appear to be a bit of a dom and thoroughly enjoy making my partner come when I want her to and not when she wants to. Forced pleasures for real!  In other words, I like to play her a lot, touch, stroke, kiss, lick, nibble her everywhere on her hot nubile body. I enjoy exploring her body and her reactions  - but there's a method to my madness as the saying goes. I get at least two types of pleasure from this. 

The first is of course, that as a guy I really truly like her body - her softness, smoothness, roundness, heat, odor. Kissing her and opening her mouth - wow! I like to spend the first several times just enjoying her - of course! - but also learning and experimenting how to subtly control her orgasms.  My aim is to learn to bring her just to the tipping point and hold her there, straining, panting, moaning, screaming, crying, flushed, ready, helpless, beautiful, but waiting -- then releasing her, and bringing her up again and again, until finally I can't wait any longer and  have to have her so turn her loose for a magnificent orgasm.

I must admit I could watch her come over and over and over and never get tired of her sounds and the way she looks when approaching orgasm and finally having her "O."  What an erotic sight/sound! Women are so PRETTY at those times! Yummmm! I like to know I made her look so beautiful and inviting. What a turn on for me!  And then, to be able to "string her out" as it were, holding her on the edge, holding, holding.... Girls, if you knew how beautiful you look during those times! Then finally telling her I'd been holding her "O" off and was now about to make her come several times, until I'm unable to wait anymore to possess her, her look of surprised, pleased, intent and joyous disbelief/anticipation is so erotic I cannot begin to express it.

Usually the poor "victim" of such treatment is so far off in her pink tingling, warm, moist, billowing cloud of sensual pleasure she is completely lost to anything except me - and THAT is such an ego blast
for me that I can't begin to put it into words. And then finally to know she wants me inside her and the exquisite sensation while pushing into her -- yessssss indeed!

From Anonymous
Interesting that I would come across this forum and with this topic as I have recently discovered that while daydreaming and fantasizing while fully clothes and without any stimulation I can have an orgasm.  I was shocked when I felt my abs start to contract and realized that I was indeed having an orgasm.

I was really hoping this wasn't a fluke and I've been able to do a few times again. Not a bad feature

From KJ
Well Folks...I can tell you its a fact. My Darling can come on command. He won't come until I do and I say 'come!' I always multi orgasm, so he keeps going until I hit the point of wanting him to come with me and finish. When I reach that point I say 'come!' and boy does he! And its great!

I have been with guys who come without telling me and suddenly its over, and I have been with guys who tell, but I may not be finished...and its disappointing! With my Darling, I feel important - that its just as important that I come to - and we always come together in the end, and that's always special!

From JP
Addressing the comment by 'I' and 'Free' regarding orgasm without touch. [see I and Free's entries below] I do it all the time. Anywhere I want—as long as I'm sitting, that is. It's really easy if I have to go to the restroom (except, dangerous because too much relaxtion during the orgasm can a problem) because I'm already tightening kegels—I have to be careful to control my breathing and movements (cross my legs and appear to be casually bouncing my leg) so others nearby don't wonder what the hell is wrong with me! 

I like to forbid myself to take a breath until I reach climax, or that I can't look at a speaker (in church—yes, people, I've done it there, at workshops, in class...) or I have to 'beat' the speaker to closing remarks. My husband has watched me do it right after we'd had sex. I was still aroused after two orgasms (those are the best nights!) and found that I couldn't resist pressing my thighs together against my still hard clit and squeezing off another one. 

Well, this isn't bragging folks, I just want to know if there are more people out there who can do this? And, to encourage you to try it. Use those kegels—I think it is so awesome that 'I' has experienced this, though I'd like to know if he can let it go and ejaculate this way. ?

From Hawk of Shadows
Within a BDSM context, it's control play, pure and simple. Like any reflex, it responds to classical conditioning; like any sexual activity, trust and belief are a big part of the results. I don't have any long-term successful experience training men to this, so I can't speak to that. From what I've heard, refraining from orgasm is much much easier for a man than orgasm on command. 

From my own experience, women who find it difficult to orgasm in the first place are less likely to be able to do this -- or enjoy it if they try. Women who orgasm easily seem to be more amenable to this type of training. I am one who orgasms easily; a dominant partner who greatly desired it, hypnosis to reinforce the conditioning, and a series of lovers since all of whom have required me to get permission before actually orgasm, have ... created a monster. I am at least one data point for the real life existence of this ability.

From I
When day dreaming about sex and relentlessly practicing the kegel exercise, I discovered I could get my muscle down there to spasm nearly involuntarily. By alternating between large-slow flexes and small-fast ones I could feel my erection (by the way I'm a dude) subside while at the same time begin to feel "orgasm like" sensations on the tip of my penis just below the head. As the sensation increased my voluntary flexing turned to muscle spasms and my erection slowly would come back. 

Just at the point of total hardness I would feel like I was about to ejaculate and could actually feel the perennial chamber begin to fill. Pre-cum at this point is usually beginning to drip. This is where it always ends, without full climax or ejaculation. All of this sensation is induced without my hands or grinding on anything. 

I find that I get closest when I'm in a meditative state. I would like to be able to come via my mind, it would come in handy in places like airplanes, church, long drives etc... Any one have any similar experiences or suggestions?

From Free
My experiences have taught me that a little more control is possible that most others have indicated here, but it is not all about the moment. For men, delaying or slowing an orgasm requires training outside the bedroom with the male equivalent of kegel exercises. It is the same premise as Tantric sex. 

Also, stopping and starting, for me, heightens the climax, even over a long period of time. I once had sex without myself climaxing, then masturbated over 24 hours later--it was the most intense of my life. Since I started exercising, there have occasionally times that I can't come without flexing certain muscles, i.e., I controlled it. 

As for women, it's no secret that mental comfort and stimulation factor heavily in her ability to climax, so results will vary greatly from one woman to another on whether, how, and why she can control orgasm. However, I once commanded (at her request) a partner to hold a pending orgasm until I gave her permission. I don't know how she did it, but she did, and her release was stronger.

I've heard from both men and women who came without any physical stimulation, but it was always a fluke and could not be repeated.

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