The Global Village

Is it possible to find true love in cyber-space?

A friend of mine has been hooked on cyber-love since the first day he got the Internet. He has met many of his online loves in real life. He always seems to choose women who live on the other side of the planet. The problem comes when he forks over his hard-earned cash to run off to meet the new love of his life. The lust is wonderful for a few weeks. He's head over heels and they make plans for one or the other to move. Then the wheels fall off. The logistics of moving across town are difficult enough, but a move across the country or to a whole 'nother country is a nightmare. Governments stand in the way of true love and won't supply the needed visas. Employment is difficult to find.

This whole thing gets me to thinking. Are we as humans really supposed to move that far from the village to find mates? Has the internet destroyed our perception of what love and lust really are? Is the grass really greener on the other side?  —Lybbe

Is it possible to find true love in cyber space? Perhaps...

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From Hissy Fit
I've been on the internet for 10 years. I've been in many chat forums and groups, all related to interests of mine. I haven't looked for romance online but I have looked for friendship.

Over the long term, I've come up pretty short in that department, making only one truly decent, loyal friend, who only graduated to that status AFTER I met her in person (she lives in my county already so we hang out.)

People keep talking up how valuable and wonderful an experience it has been to deal with people being "open" and "honest" online about their feelings and opinions, in a way you can't do as easily face to face. I agree, yes, that can have much value, but I've also seen a lot more of the down side of online communications, myself. In my experience, people also tend to view relationships formed online as easily disposable. I've had some former "friends" write me off in a heartbeat over seemingly minor disagreements or opposing viewpoints they didn't want to hear or know about.

So, to all of you who play online with the exciting fire of the process of discovery with total strangers and with getting involved with those completely unknown to you initially, good luck to you, but it's not all a bed of roses and long-term-relationship outcomes, as some have gushed about here. Sometimes, people cut you out of their lives, no second chances given, with the little effort a click of a button takes, and there's not a damned thing you can do about it. Can you live with the frustrating pain of this if it happens to you? The impotent feeling of not being able to turn a dismissed relationship around? The grasping and wondering of how another  so-called human being could dismiss you so effortlessly?

For the most part, people you deal with on a face to face basis have to come up with more effort and reasoning to justify giving you the boot. In other words, they have to be more accountable for their actions.

The internet IS fun because of the reduction of accountability, the anonymity, the ability to role play, to be someone else you're not sometimes. But these are all aspects that really aren't the foundation for solid, real world relationships. Sure, this comforting openness in which you can express yourself with few recriminations can add spice to your life, but sometimes it can leave your stomach all in knots later when someone has stomped off and turned you off in cyberspace.

What makes me laugh at some of the entries here is how gullible some people are and how they, as Mulder on the X-Files did, "want to believe." Like some lady who was gushing about how "great a person" her online (married) lover is, and how lucky his WIFE must be to have him. HOW lucky is ANY spouse whose husband or wife gives their intimacy (sexual or otherwise) away to a complete stranger(s) online ? That ain't "lucky" to me. That USED TO be called getting screwed over.

From Rob in Euless
I met my current and all-time love online during the early days of AOL. She was a Long Island divorcee and I was a Texas-based BBS operator. She wandered onto AOL looking for friendly diversions and I was there leaching files for my system's callers and avoiding a sexually devoid marriage at the time. We met in a series of chatrooms, liked each others' banter and took it to the next step. It worked and I dismissed my spouse from my heart (with many regrets) immediately.

Almost 12 years later (more than twice as long as the span of my marriage) we're together, very much in love and engaged to be married. Neither of us wanted the road it took to be together and at times it has been a tough road to travel. However, each obstacle has been something we have overcome together and I cannot separate her from even the most simplest of plans or thoughts.

Do online-based relationships have merit? In my case, I have to say yes.

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