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I Feel Myself

From Tim
As a 43 year old male, this is a topic that I'd rather not think and talk about. But, there is more than one way to skin a cat. If it does happen, so be it. But my lover will not go unsatisfied that evening. I promise...

From Kogan
I just wanted to say how much this site has helped me figure out what's been going on with me lately. I'm nearly 19 years old and recently found out exactly how embarrassing "going limp" is. I didn't know what was wrong with me, the girl I was with I'd been dating for 6 months and we'd had sex many times before. In retrospect, I realize I had been thinking a lot about unrelated problems and just couldn't let myself relax.

I was afraid that I was suffering a serious problem after it happened the second time a week ago and I was dreading going to my doctor over it. After reading everything posted here, I'm sure it will no longer be a problem for me. Since I know what probably caused it and how some girls react to it, I'll know what to say if it ever happens again. Thank you all for your posts, they've saved me a lot of confusion and heartache.

From Jean
These things happen, my experience with it was a bit weird because it happened during the first encounter between me and a new partner, but he was upfront about it (he's had the problem before), so that reassured me I wasn't doing something wrong. He thanked me for being understanding, but to me, how can a woman give a guy a difficult time for that? It's not like it's something he can control. We don't always come and that's not under our control either. I wouldn't want a guy giving me a difficult time for that. And he did satisfy me quite nicely in other ways. So, there were no complaints from me!

From Anonymous
I've had trouble with impotency all of my adult life (51 now). For me it's been an on and off thing, sometimes it works, sometimes not. I have no idea why either. It bothered me when I was young, early twenties, but I discovered that if I had a patient partner and relaxed and took my time my chances of success were greater, although not guaranteed. 

What I also discovered was that there are so many different ways to please a woman without penetrating her with my penis and one of the most pleasing things for me is pleasing my partner. And in the days before ED drugs, it became a lot of fun taking the time to seek and find those specific things that turned on the woman I was with and in my exploration often I found myself becoming erect. 

I've used Viagra and other drugs since they've come into the market place and while they work, I pay a heavy price of days worth the indigestion and heartburn (which I don't get otherwise) and it's just not worth it to go through that. Not when my wife has the patience of a saint and I still get turned on teasing and pleasing her.

From Anonymous
I'm a 24 yr old guy. In the last few years, I've had this problem a few times. It's a terrifying experience... you know, it's just supposed to work... and then in the middle of sex, gone. Or we've been making out for hours, I've been hard and throbbing, and she puts it in her mouth, it feels great, and then...surprise, gone. It's so frustrating.

I've found that stopping masturbation can help build up enough sexual energy or whatever to carry me through... and once I've come once with a girl, the trust thing falls out of the way... I suppose that could be an argument for therapy for me.

Anyway, try to stay focused on the feeling, how good it feels, exercise, and don't pressure yourself. Yes, it's a problem, but if she likes you enough to sleep with you, chances are she likes you for more than just that, and as long as you're sincere and communicative, you can work around/through almost anything.

From Ann
Y'know, it does happen, even if it hasn't happened to you before, and to me it's no big deal. Then again, I'm not entirely straight, so sex without any penis at all is a perfectly reasonable proposition. An uncooperative one doesn't bother me in the slightest. The one time it happened to a partner of mine was when we were both in our early twenties. I held him, made reassuring noises--and meant them!--and we went to sleep.

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