Is Cybersex Cheating?

An acquaintance wrote a story about a cybersex affair that eventually moved into reality. He said that while he has experimented with cybersex many times, he's never gone so far as to meet any of the people he's been involved with, because he's never cheated on his wife. Here's my burning question of the day....Is cybersex cheating? —Lybbe

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From Sunny
There is a much more gigantic issue at play regarding cheating.  It's so common for both men and women that there must be some reason people would risk their current lives for it.  I read a book once that said humans are just not physically, emotionally or logically able to meet every possible need of their partner.  Many great marriages have ended in divorce over cheating when the cheating was just that partners way of meeting a need.  I've spoken to many many people that truly loved their spouse but strayed for one reason or another. 

The problem, I think, lies in when the cheating takes away from your spouse.  If my husband is in an emotional relationship with another woman, and I'm not getting my emotional needs met, I would be furious.  The same for sex.  If I get sex once a month, and my husband gets online and has cybersex, something has gone awry.

It's society's fault that we feel the way we do about cheating.  Like someone else that posted, I had an amazing love affair online.  I still have very very fond memories of it.  He was totally opposite of my husband in looks, we finished each others sentences and he thought I hung the moon.  I was totally in love with 2 men at the same time.  And each relationship deepened as time went on.  You don't have a finite amount of love to give.

That being said, many people would not accept this, they have been taught one man/one woman.  If you "need" to have cybersex, then it's something that needs to be discussed with your spouse.  I'm not talking details, just "I have erotic chats online".  If your spouse doesn't approve, then it is at that instant, cheating.  Maybe whatever need you have that's filled online is something your spouse just isn't capable of.

I knew a guy that truly loved his wife.  But she was vanilla when it came to sex.  And that was alright with him.  But he wanted to chat about doing things his wife would not even consider.  He had a need to be filled.

So, it would be fantastic, if we all practiced the art of being happy with someone else's happiness.  If it makes your spouse happy to engage in cybersex, wouldn't it be awesome to just let him?  If it made my husband happier and hornier for me...I would totally let him. 

From StockingKitten
If your partner would be unhappy if they found out, then YES IT IS! and everyone who pretends that it isn't, is lying to themselves - and worse, lying to their (real life) partner.

You are simulating sex with another person! Ask yourself, would you be happy if you found out your partner was doing that with someone else? Of course it's cheating! The cheating part starts where you keep important information like this from them. It's not somehow not happening just because it's over the internet. At least at the point where another (real) person is interacting with you, live (as opposed to watching a pre-recorded porn film or reading erotica), it's cheating.

And it's not just (as someone else commented) between you and your cyber buddy - it's between everyone who has agreed to be your long-term, committed partner, on or off the internet. Commitment means you owe them your honesty and respect.

The exceptions to this, are of course if you and your (real life) partner have both agreed beforehand that this is OK, or, if you are single. Each to their own - I would like to point out that I'm not trying to moderate this site, I love the openness, and I've frequently had cybersex and so I do understand the attraction (in fact, yum yum!) But please, let's respect our partners here.

From Anonymous
I don't necessarily find cybersex cheating. I think its a  sexual fantasy. However I recently discovered my husband likes to do it but when I act sexual and nasty like his conversations in the chat rooms I get no response. He rarely wants to have sex, but loves to do cybersex?? I am really disturbed. Any suggestions?

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