Men & Women Revealed
What you really ought to know

We've all heard that men are from Mars, women are from Venus, and neither sex communicates well with the other. Poor communication leads to poor relationships and lousy sex. So why not take the opportunity to improve our social intercourse, in and out of the bedroom, right here Inside The Erotic Mind?

Guys, what do you wish women knew about men? And gals, what do you wish men knew about women? Don't be shy, step up to the mike (so to speak) and tell the opposite sex what you think they really ought to know about you.   —Helen

Sometimes I wonder if men and women really suit each other. Perhaps they should live next door and just visit now and then.   —Katharine Hepburn

Here's a few things you really ought to know...

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From Steven
What I'd really like is for everyone to take a step back and evaluate their "mate wish list" from scratch.  For instance:

I understand women find it terribly unfair that so many men want thin women.  For me, I like curves, so long as their weight is healthy.  I don't care for underweight, but rather healthy, which means not too heavy and not too thin.  Some men like women who are underweight, which is a problem, but I don't think that includes the majority of men.

It is a little too easy to say that men hold women to an unacceptably high standard.  Some men do, but then how about the reverse?  How many women find unemployed men or men with low paying jobs attractive?  The amount of effort required to have a lucrative career is at least as much as the effort to maintain a healthy weight.  Men are sexist for wanting women who aren't overweight.  Women typically get a free pass for only wanting men who have good careers.

How about men's obsession with large breasts?  Well, is it fair to write off potential male suitors because they're bald?  What's good for the goose . . .

I'm just suggesting that both sides of the debate have too many expectations of what their mate should be like.  Think about what is really truly important to you in a partner and seek that out.  If you do an inventory of the things you want in a partner including a lot of those assumptions (be those assumptions "thin" "rich" "perfect skin" "cool car" "younger/older than me") and you find that your mate needs 5 or more things, then you're setting yourself up for disappointment.

My $0.02 as someone who has been happily married for a decade.

Good luck to all!

From Susan
Women want to be equals inside and outside of the bedroom. Not being treated as equals is one of the biggest factors in break ups. If dinner's over where are you? Are you watching CSI or are you helping to clean up the kitchen?If you had a bad day and would like your woman to take you to bed and take it all away, what do you do when she comes home upset?

It's the daily drudgery of running a household that gets me down personally, it is something that needs to be done, but why am I doing it alone? I hate dishes and laundry just as much as any man, I would rather be reading or playing Xbox too.

So why do women burst into tears for no apparent reason? Could it be we are tired and horny and there are tons of everyday crap to do before we can play?

From Doug
Don't assume that all men want sports. I haven't watched any at all in years. I much prefer sharing with a warm living breathing woman to any possible electronic device or entertainment. I prefer deep honesty and intimacy. I would rather have the truth, whatever it is to a lie or mislead or evasion. There is no danger in telling me the truth.

I like a lot of touching and long deep hugs. I like to sleep snuggled up. I find that women make all sorts of assumptions about me, almost always wrong. I'm almost 60 but my mind hasn't ossified and I'm not interested in being old.

From Euphrosyne
This may be a little backwards, but here's what I wish my fellow (ha! fellow- get it? okay, it wasn't that funny) women knew about men: they're HUMAN.

They are not dogs, or aliens, or de facto predators, or heartless users; at least, not in any greater proportion than women are. They are people. They have different biochemistry and a totally different experience in society as children and adults. You obsess about your looks; he obsesses about his manliness and doesn't even get to talk about it with his friends. As a group, the most melanin-deficient subset of this gender pretty much runs the world. As an individual, that guy across the table from you is wondering how much of his hairline wound up on the shower floor this morning. And he can't read your fucking mind.

Not that I'm not up for bitching about ignorant or thoughtless or hygienically-challenged partners, male or female. Far from it. But there's venting to your good friends, and then there's self-defeating avoidance of your own contribution to the problem...

After a long and interesting romp through the sexual playing fields, I'm pretty much about personal responsibility, and I believe that once you hit 25 or so, your issues belong to you. Say what you want. Figure out your boundaries and standards. Stick to 'em. Tell the truth. If you want cunnilingus, get busy with some fellatio. If he doesn't reciprocate, MOVE ON.

Then come buy me a drink and tell me all about it.

From Bob
Here's a shock for some... men and women are identical! Topologically that is. That means we both have the same parts, and mostly in the same places. Certain parts are larger (more developed) in one gender, and smaller (less developed or atrophied) in the other gender. e.g.. we both have breasts and nipples and all it takes is hormones to cause the male breasts to grow into fully functional breasts.

Similarly all of the same parts exist down below, but the gonads on a male become testes which live (normally) outside in the scrotal sack which if you look closely is the same as labia majora on women. Female gonads become the ovaries which live up inside a woman.

The glans penis, is the same part as the glans clitoris on women and the comparisons could go on and on. We are the same except our hormones cause some parts to develop differently, even the brain! (I won't get into that argument however.)

On the up side however, there is still enough difference to keep it interesting.

My personal advise on foreplay, is to start off with a good hug! After that, it's up to whatever comes up!

From new to dating
After 20 years of marriage, I am new to dating (I am a woman interested in a hetro relationship). What I wish men knew. . .please, come up with some new material! We all know men prefer tiny, petite, thin woman. I don't need to keep hearing that over and over again. I had an e-mail friendship with a man. Just e-mail, we were never going to meet. After a month or two, he told me he prefers tiny, petite, thin woman. He never heard from me again. Not that I took it personally, but I was just sick of hearing about it.

Also, the baby, baby, don't get hooked on me spiel. I get that same speech from every guy I date. Even the ones who are looking for LTR. Think a lot of yourself there? Have to beat the women off with a bat? Are they breaking down your door? Do you have to warn off every woman who looks your way, cos you know they are going to fall in love with you? Get over yourself.

Sorry. Had to get that off my chest. It has been getting on my nerves lately!

From Beau Stevens
The more I read answers to subjects relating to dealing with others across boundaries, both obvious and not (gender, race, religion, etc.), the more obvious it becomes to me that we are all here with our own experience, attitude and persona. We are lucky to even find one person to fully understand us, but to do that we need to know ourselves first and foremost, and then present that truthfully to another or others.

That's just the whole human experience and is why generalizing always leads to problems, even though generalizations can seem to contain a truth.

I say, take your time with someone you really want to know, and let them really know who you are.

And no, do not ever think you can significantly change another person.

From Pat
For many men (none in this group, I'm sure), I wish they knew how to find and stimulate the clitoris and the g-spot. With all the info out there on the Internet these days, it's a wonder there's any guy left out there who doesn't know this stuff.

From The Gray Mouser
What do I wish the opposite sex knew? That's easy, but it applies to all sexes (or shades thereof) equally.

I wish the whole ruddy lot of 'em would realize that wishing change upon 'the other side' just ain't gonna work. You want change? You work for it. That's that.

From Richard
What do I wish women knew about men? Pretty much anything; anything, that is, that didn't lead to disappointment, bitterness and recrimination later on.  Most of all I just wish we all knew ourselves a little better.

A curious thing about this thread.  Repeatedly I have seen suggestions as to what women want of men and pretty much every time it has struck me that what they actually want of men is what men frequently want of women.  Most of us are actually more alike than we know.

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