BDSM

How much pain are we talking about?

I have a real question for the folks out there who live the BDSM lifestyle. As long as we're not talking about an abusive relationship, rather one where one partner gets physical pleasure from pain and the other doesn't mind giving it, how much pain are we talking about?

See, my whole problem with the BDSM fervor is, I doubt the pain inflicted is real. We write stories about welts and bloodletting, but is that really involved? I've rented some videos that proclaim there's SM in them, but I find them laughable. I've rented videos that purport to teach me about the lifestyle, but I've spanked my kids harder than I see in those films.

And frankly, the idea of glorifying pain is offensive to me. So the question is, to those who think they live in a BDSM lifestyle -- how far have you gone?    —Dorothy

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From Anonymous
Yes, it's real and there are many of us who enjoy the art of giving and receiving pain.  Each person and relationship is different, some more hardcore than others, and some with safe words, although my submissive and I have no safe word between us.  In one club we have visited, there was a special room for bleedings, piercings, and all matters concerning knives and other sharp instruments.

BDSM covers a wide range of activities, too many to mention here in this post.  But we are real people, living normal lives, raising kids, and blending in with society.  Yet we are committed to the lifestyle, it is who we are, D/s satisfies our needs, whets our desire, and strengthens our bond to each other. I love my slave.  she loves her Master.  We know each other's limits, we share each other's fantasies. It is a good life.

From Anonymous
To Suzie, [see Suzie's entry below] that's really interesting. I was the same way that when I was younger than 10, before I knew anything about BDSM, I had daydreams about being tied up or dominated in other ways, especially by men. I read a lot when I was younger and feel this probably came from old fairy-tales of princes and giants enslaving women, etc. Some times thinking about that would give me a warm feeling between the legs, which I once again didn't associate with sex. 

Being gently dominated or tied up definitely makes me feel feminine and therefore sexy - I'd like to know whether this is more cultural or instinctive...

From Suzie
My partner and I do not live a BDSM lifestyle, the thought of it makes me cringe. We live fairly boring day to day lives and he does far more housework than I do. If he ever tried to tell me off or punish me, I don't know what I'd do, but it wouldn't be pretty! 

But our sex is always BDSM related in someway. For as long as we can both remember we've had 'kinky' fantasies. Mine started before I was ten. I dreamed about being whipped and dominated before I even knew it was a sexual practice. That's why I know it's not wrong or perverse, it's just something in me. I'm the submissive, the masochist if you like, in the relationship. I like pain. When the endorphins are flowing I like a lot of pain; my faves are when he uses a leather flogger on my backside or pinches my nipples really hard. I love him to pull my hair too. But, to be honest, and I get the sense that this is the same with a lot of BDSM practicing couples, the pain is only so wonderful because it is part of the submission. 

I'm a wimp with a really low pain threshold in day to day life. I hate hurting myself accidentally and I take paracetamol at the first sign of a headache. And it wouldn't turn me on if he just grabbed hold of me and hurt me. The pain is only a small part of the much greater whole. 

 I don't like the thought of pain for pain's sake, or of being cut, branded or scarred in anyway as a result of it. That's not for me. But if pain is an element of my total sexual submission, then give it to me, please...I'm begging on my knees...

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