Polyamorous Relationships

Could it work?

Is permanent ménage possible in real life? It's such an intriguing concept and I think I've come to a place in my life where I could enjoy being a "sister-wife" to the right man.  It appeals because, having reached the delicious age of 42 and being still unmarried—though currently in a live-together relationship—I feel rather "feral" and unsuited to strictures traditional marriage.  A poly relationship would allow intimacy, companionship and personal space.

So, what do you folks think?  Do you know of any, or are you in any, long term polyamorous relationships?  What combination of sexes works best, or does it matter at all?  Are these relationships limited to three people, or are relationships with even more partners viable, either on a permanent or casual basis? Any personal experiences?   —Anne W.

"Polyamour...is a matter of growing our minds to catch up with what our hearts already comprehend: love knows no boundaries." —Tinamarie Bernard, Modern Love Examiner

Polyamour in action...

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From Jack
To Ferran: [see Ferran's entry on page 2] I have a close friend (man) who is in a similar relationship with 3 women. He is hetro all the way, but they all are bisexual. His first wife (legally married) is bi and she continued her relationship with her lady friend. After a short time the friend moved in with them and both women urged him to accept them both as equal wives.

About a year later, woman number 3 moved in and he now has 3 wives, all bi. They all live and sleep together and even make love together. And all three women are very attractive and under 30 years old. They are not allowed to be with any other men, only each other and the husband. They all seem very happy and have been together for 4 years. There never seems to be any jealousy among them. I think in cases like this, poly will work fine.

From Ric
I'm in a permanent relationship with two women and have been for some time.  I think it can work but there are considerable issues involved, many unexpected.

I am disabled with a serious and complex spinal injury and that caused considerable problems for my wife.  Sexual problems occurred and the desperation to prove I was able to give pleasure to a woman became an overwhelming drive, and one that was not being met with my wife.

I was in the hospital in the same room with a young woman, Cassie, who has epilepsy so cannot drive.  She desperately wanted children and a family but was a virgin at 25 and living with on overly protective mother and brother.  She had never done more than kiss a boy at school.  We became friends and eventually she asked if I would father her children, a no strings arrangement.

I cared for Cassie greatly but did not wish to be unfaithful to my wife nor lose her.  She did and does mean everything to me.

Cassie had a very bad fight with her brother and left home and, having nowhere to go, stayed with my family.  She became somewhat sexually aggressive without having a clue what to actually do.  The situation concerned me enormously.  I should explain that I need to use injections to gain an erection and these vary in the results causing erections from a couple of hours to ten hours.  Permanent damage can occur at greater than four hours and my wife had become heartily sick at being woken up three times or more during the night when an injection lasted much too long.  One way to prevent damage is to have sex.  It releases chemicals in the brain that aid in the protection of penile tissue.

Much to my amazement, my wife told me one night to go and have sex with our guest.  She was very tired, grumpy and in no mood for any discussion.  But she did talk to me long enough to assure me she was serious and would not regret her decision in the morning.

We sat down and discussed the issues the next day, my main concern being that I was not prepared to create a child or children and have little or nothing to do with them.  Cassie said that she loved me, loved my wife, and because of her seizures wanted the security of having another woman in the household who could care for her baby or babies and run them to school etc.  Cassie had no problems sharing nor being not on equal footing with my wife and promised many times that she would never leave nor attempt to break up my wife  and I.

Cassie and our family now have two small children because of the arrangement.  We sleep in the same bed and Cassie was bold enough to start oral sex with my wife during lovemaking which led to sharing between the women sexually as well although both say they are not even bi-sexual and it is just a part of our connection.

It turned out that Cassie could cope very well with the arrangement but my wife became very jealous especially since Cassie was willing to have sex all the time and she had not been.  The friction became quite major during Cassies first pregnancy and I worried that I might actually lose my wife.  All I could do was show her I loved her and eventually the issue just went away but it was frightening for the three of us.

The other problem that I would consider the most serious was that we have older children and I had no desire to hide the nature of the relationships from them nor would it have been practically possible.  My eldest daughter took the explanation of the then new arrangement very badly.  She still can be bitchy towards Cassie but having a baby sister seemed to change her attitude greatly.

It  has not been easy and while there is nothing illegal about the arrangement, we live in a normal middle class suburb and we are snubbed by some.  Thankfully others, when they are informed of the reasons for the arrangement, have no issue with it at all.  But it still has an effect on our children and they often have malicious things said about them, even though the arrangement has nothing to do with them.  I have wondered whether living on a farm or a little away from mainstream communities would help but neither my wife nor Cassie wishes this.

From James Fabert
My research and experience indicates the extended family may be the salvation of this society, if we can rid ourselves of the puritanical shame and guilt.

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