Porn and Relationships
Hot or Not?

Does pornography help or hurt a relationship? What are your thoughts, feelings, and experiences, either good or bad?    —Anonymous Web Reader

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From Anonymous
I am the type that gets somewhat mad at the fact that my man watches porn....(sneaks). But at the same time I find myself wanting to watch it with him. Male/female only. When I try to bring it up in creative ways....I find it not happening. It can be turned into a sexy thing...you two can learn a little something new.

From Anonymous
To: Confused [see Confused's entry below] You answered your own question: You stated that the sex is awesome. If your husband also likes porn, it is in addition to your sex, not instead of it. If you ever close your eyes and have fantasies during sex it is the same thing.

I have been married for 27 years. My wife and I still have an excellent sex life, (about once a week, which is pretty good for mid-fifties with older children still living in the house; it's hard to get some privacy). I have always been a fan of porn and we watch together often. It has been a substitute when I travel for business, and a source of additional excitement for both of us when we are stimulating each other in foreplay.

From Confused
I am a 32 yo female. My husband and I have been together for 5 years. I just found out about a year ago that he was hiding porn on our computer. I found it accidentally. I was very upset. We have 2 girls (1 and 2yo) When I confronted him he said that guys are more visual. That is a bullshit excuse. I am actually smaller than what I was when we met, but I feel that I am not enough for him. I feel jealous of these perfect women.

I also can't let go of other things too. At his bachelor party they went to a strip club. No big deal, but he got an erection with the 1st stripper who happened to be an Asian girl. Now I feel he has an Asian fetish and that he is just stuck with me. We have an awesome sex life. We do it about 4 times if not more a week. I sometimes do things that he wants to do sexually even though I am not comfortable with them. I feel that if I do them he won't look elsewhere or maybe he wouldn't need the porn. Sometimes we watch together but I don't really feel that it turns me on. He says that I am wetter when we watch it. 

How do I get rid of these feelings of jealousy and worthlessness?

From Julius
As ardent watchers of porn movies my partner and I agree they are for the most part trash, but find them nonetheless delightfully stimulating. The occasional excellent one makes the search fun. We usually go together to the XXX Store and spend as much as an hour trying to find something delightful. The covers are a useless guide and I often wonder if grabbing the first three would work as well (three seems to 'almost' guarantee one moderately good 'un.)

As for the original question? Well we're still together and sex is the oil for the machinery. Porn is about sex, sex is wonderful. Written and pictorial, I find it delightful as long as it's 'within my comfort zone'. Heavens, I (no, we) even write the stuff and call it erotica.

It says here in my dictionary Pornography; writing, pictures, films etc depicting sexual activity with the intention of arousing sexual desire.

Sounds great to me!

From Sylvie
Together my husband and I use porn to get aroused prior to foreplay in our lovemaking. We have a small collection of DVDs, probably buy a new one every three months or so. 

I enjoy gay male porn, as does my husband, me often fantazising about him and another man with a long fat cock fucking his mouth, penetrating his ass then, once finished with him, in my fantasy, switching attention to me, fucking me every which way. 

When I'm away traveling I have no idea if hubby watches porn, masturbates into my panties, or uses hookers, and as long as I don't find out about the hookers as in finding condoms in his jockstrap drawer, and I don't have any heartache as a result. 

Likewise he'll never be troubled when I indulge with other men while on my travels, just as long as when I get home we enthusiastically join together for some good creative sex and put our porn collection to good use in support of the love in our marriage.

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