Can You Cheat On The Phone?

I wonder what other people think about phone sex. If you participate in phone sex with someone other than your spouse, are you cheating?  —Jacqui 

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From Anonymous
I feel so guilty. I would never ever want to hurt my husband I love him so much. I have a sex drive that needs a ride! I talked sexy on the phone for the attention, for the feeling of being wanted, and sexy and I liked it because I feel am lonely. My husband would be hurt if I told him this, and I don't want to hurt him so I will just not do it anymore. Does this make me horrible?

From Elly
I personally think it would depend on wether it was anonymous or a personal call, say someone you work with or met online and carry on a non sexual relationship with. If you know so much about someone that they are no longer simply a vent for sexual frustration, you may begin to desire a relationship with them. Wanting that relationship is cheating. A call to someone you don't know is not.

From Sassy
Now being a phone sex operator everyone expects me to say no. Well I haven't always been one. I have also experienced in my years of this profession that most people think it is all about sex. This isn't always the case. I have had men call me and just wanna talk about something that has happened that he doesn't bother his wife with because it isn't that big of a deal but he needs to vent about it. Most people not just men can vent on strangers easier than with someone they know because they don't have to worry what the stranger thinks of them.

Now I have had all sorts of people call me. Men usually call these lines because they have a fetish that their wives just wouldn't understand. I have had married men 30 years with 5 kids call because they like to be dressed up in women's clothes and made into a panty boy. In today's society he would be labeled gay and less of a husband and father if it was to get out. Through phone sex he can be anonymous and fulfill his desires. Also I have asked men that called me why they call me and they say because I respect my wife enough not to ask her to demeanor herself the way I ask you...I can ask you because I don't know you! That seems like a fair thing to me.

Now I have had a preacher call me because his wife was so religious they slept in different beds, he was married for 55 years! Could you imagine 55 years of sleeping in a different bed and only having sex on special occasions? Now if a man has an open minded wife and one that wouldn't mind some of the weird things men ask of me then it is cheating. So before you go judging the man or the operator ask yourself...what are your boundaries!

Now don't get me wrong I have mine as well. I had a boyfriend that asked me to quit my job because he felt I was cheating on him when I went to work. I don't see how he feels that. They weren't touching me! But all is to their own opinions. I have people ask me all the time. Would you feel the same if it was your husband/boyfriend and you weren't an operator? Well considering I'm pretty open about a lot of stuff I would ask him why he feels he needs to call someone he'll never meet to fulfill over a phone what I can in person.

So is it cheating? No i don't think it is.

From Lance Gable
I ask this question to myself; Is phone sex cheating? And after reading some of your messages, I came to the conclusion that NO its is not cheating. It's just one of the highest forms of masturbation. Yup, that's all it is folks.

For those who get caught up in a relationship over phone sex. well that's a different topic. Now your talking about phone sex in the household, or phone sex with a different person while being married. Hey buddy that's cheating! Cyber, phone, and web cam becomes all cheating!  Shit evening masturbating becomes cheating! "Can a guy get a fucking break! No! Because your ass is married and  you're bringing a whole new entity into y'alls lives. Notice that I said y'all lives, not yours!

So, is phone sex cheating? If you're married yes. Girlfriend and boyfriend, NO! ... but why Lance? ... because a man whom is not married will do whatever it takes, that pleases him on his own leisure time. (no thoughts of girlfriend, always  partying, drinking brews, and making girls, strip clubs, lap dances, and showing your ass to world.)

So listen, phones sex is just a fantasy. So when I'm with her it's all about her, *and not me*. You see the difference?

You're here to explain what phone sex did to your relationship with your mate, and that's not the topic ladies. The topic is did your mate physical cheat on you? And no he/she didn't.

Phone sex is cyber sex with out typing! I'm getting off, he/ she is getting off, that's all that matters! who said anything about relationship. duhhhhhh!

This has nothing to do with my woman or whoever I choose to have phone sex with, I'm in a state of mind of masturbation, and getting off! yeeeeeeah

From Unmay
May be it is cheating however isn't it true that our conscious mind leads always to cheat the heart, which always remains captive of the conscious mind that is governed in turn by the fear of the innumerable bondages of our social-ethical-political laws?

Phone sex is a way like other means to come out of the suffocation. It is possible only because partners at both the ends are sick of the same disease.

From Krystal
Yes it is cheating. This is coming from a wife and mother sitting up at 3:00am crying my eyes out. We have battled with this for years. He keeps saying "I know it hurts you and I will stop". But never has! I have tried many alternatives to spice things up. It makes me feel as though he doesn't love me and I am not good enough.

I have given my life up for my family. And this makes me feel very much unappreciated and useless. It really hurts. But I love him and don't have any clue on where to go from here?? Sometimes when we do things we need to think about how it will affect others in our lives.

From Counsel
The problem, of course, is that this is a subjective issue--meaning what is "cheating" for one person may not be "cheating" for another.

However, there may be some objective issues that one has to deal with regarding "phone sex"- namely that the time and attention given to the "other" party is time and attention you divert from your current relationship. That time and attention will affect your current relationship.

The emotional attachment given, if it is, to that "other" person is emotional attachment that is detracted from your current significant other--usually since the new other is "exciting" as in all "new" relationships.

Perhaps the real question is, "Why don't you work to make your current sexual life as exciting as the Phone Sex you find so exciting?"

From Gemstone
I happen to be in a relationship and love my partner. But our sex life has dramatically decreased since he started working nights. I can't even remember the last time we had sex more then 2 times in a week. I have a very high sex drive.

One night I was on the talking to a male freind of mine. We have a very good chemistry but I never intended on being anything but friends. We started talking and next thing I know I'm having phone sex for the first time. I have done it three times total and I don't think it's wrong because it's just a way for me to get off without being physical with someone other than my partner. I'm never going to have sex with the guy and I dont have any feelings for him.

I think phone sex is a good and one of the best alternatives to cheating when sex is lacking in a relationship. I only do it when I feel really pent up. My partner doesn't know I do it because I know he would be mad. But if it were him and I wasn't able to satisfy his sexual urges I would be grateful if all he is doing is phone sex.

From Ravenwoman
I think that if both partners are aware of and ok with it, then no, of course it's not "cheating". Even if the partner ISN'T aware of it, I would hesitate to call it cheating. Is it cheating to watch porno? To masturbate, with or without some form of erotic material involved (pictures, words, sounds, fantasy?) Am I cheating when I read and write erotica? I certainly don't "confess" to my partner every time I masturbate...that is just a private aspect of my sex life that I don't feel any need to share.

I don't see phone sex with a paid professional as cheating. Now, anytime there is more of a connection on an emotional or in person physical way, yes, I would consider THAT cheating (assuming the other partner didn't know or wasn't fine with it)

I've never done it myself, but I wrote a story once about it (and in my story, the callers end up meeting and go on to carry on an affair, both over the phone and through the rare meeting) and it was pretty darn hot, in my opinion and from what my readers said. I think "dirty" talk and explicit masturbation scenes turn a lot of us on, big time. 

I may have to try it sometime myself, and I'd have to do it with someone other than my partner, as I don't think he'd be into it. But who knows? Maybe he would be...we've simply not had very many separations in our time together, so never really had any need or chance to try it.

From M73
It is! And for Steven or Susan or anyone else that doesn't feel this way—have a relationship where you are kept in the dark about what your mate craves (it is more than you!) and then respond again. It is about the boundaries laid out with your partner concerning your relationship. It IS between those two alone. But if something comes up that one is hiding from the other, that is not beneficial to the committed party.

No, no one is a possession, but since you have chosen to be in the relationship, then find out more about what the two of you together can do to spice things up. If Cyber and Phone are what gets your goat, then let your partner know. If you feel it is none of their business and you are doing no harm, then think again. You decided to be with this person, but if you are not getting what you want, you don't have to be there.

Sure, if you are married, it is not so easy, but if it is just your S.O.—what are you doing?!!! You don't have to be uncomfortable with your desires and you don't have to hurt your partner. Think about being solo. What makes you so special that you should be able to have your cake AND eat it too? More individuals thinking like this do nothing but build a foundation for a crumble. Be who you are and if you are single and know these are some of your habits, tell your mate before you take the time to get to know one another. Save yourselves the agony of being a spouse who never knew that the computer and the phone were way more exciting than you!

As for you married folks, if you never talked about it being a part of your marriage, unfortunately it is cheating because someone other than you is fulfilling the partner's "needs" that you signed up for. In any relationship it is cheating.

From Michael
I think phone sex is definitely cheating -- if you try to keep it a secret from your spouse. So why keep it a secret? Like many couples, my wife and I have fantasized through the years about adding a third person to our sex life just for the sake of experimentation. But after talking about it, we agree we don't risk what we have with an actual physical encounter outside marriage.

We have, however, had some very erotic experiences with phone sex. It adds a lot of spice for her to be talking dirty with a total stranger while we're having sex. I even feel comfortable enough to let her do it when I'm not here. It may seem strange to some people, but we believe it's the only safe way to bring an outsider into your sex life.

From shadow_dreamer
Like cyber-sex I feel phone sex is also cheating. You are not only venturing into another avenue but you are straying from your relationship. One should stop, think and take a good look at their relationship and answer the question "Why am I doing this?" Even if you're thinking it's just for fun or self gratification then try to imagine, see how it would feel because it hurts your partner. It not only deteriorates a relationship it can also create a few emotional problems for yourself and your other half.

We are emotional beings and when we get hurt we may forgive but it is rare to forget thus creating bad memories. How would you feel if your other half participated in phone and cyber-sex?

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