Losing Your Virginity
Fiction Versus Reality

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From Jane
An older, female cousin of mine was far more realistic abert the first time than any erotica - 'hurts like hell, and for the first time, it's not really anything to be looking forward to'.

I'm 20, and lost mine recently to a boyfriend of a month (who I'm very happily still with). It surprised me that I'd lose it so soon into the relationship, considering I'd had relationships that wandered past three months and I still hadn't even considered doing it with them, but while it didn't always exist in the past, the connection is there with him and I knew he would be the one I'd lose my virginity to (plus I'm a believer in no sex until you believe you're mentally capable for a baby, by yourself or in a couple).

He's experienced and that definitely helped, because he knew what was going on while I didn't know fully what to expect. We'd tried a few times, each time breaking down the pain barrier bit by bit, but it became apparent that I wouldn't be able to take him in without lube (which was no news to me, considering I had immense pain with just a tampon).

I'm suspecting he planned for it to happen at the time that it did, having brought more condoms and lube, as well as having his house to ourselves (which is a rarity). The sex wasn't the blissful, orgasmic experience outlined in erotica, nor was it the traumatic, horrible experience outlined by a few of you in previous posts. I went between being completely relaxed and being scared out of my wits the whole time, and while the lube helped him slide in a lot easier, it didn't take any of the pain away - the worst of the pain, breaking my hymen, sending me into tears. Neither of us came during the act, but instead manually sent each other into orgasms afterwards. He brought me painkillers after and held me silently after. We didn't go straight to bed, instead joining friends for a few hours before going to bed, but he kept a watch over me all night and kept asking if I was alright.

I didn't bleed during sex, but bled very lightly for a couple of days after (plus a constant urge to pee!) For the same couple of days, there was a weird feeling in my stomach and pain in the crotch region, which could be accurately described as a mild period cramp. Mentally and emotionally, and especially as he held me afterwards, I felt pretty numb and was reflective, but in a happy, relaxed way, pleased that it had finally happened.

My boyfriend has told me that it'll hurt again in the next couple of times, and probably only then will it be completely pleasurable, but despite the pain, I'd do it again now if I could.

From Trixie
I lost my virginity about three months ago. I'm young and Catholic, so i take sex pretty seriously. I'd been dating this guy for over a year and he'd asked me if I wanted to, and my response was always the same "I'll tell you when I'm ready!" He was very supportive and patient, and the night when I told him I wanted to he seemed so surprised, but happy. 

We talked for over an hour beforehand, discussing our concerns and whether or not we would regret it afterwards, and that got us both less nervous and more comfortable with the situation. We both decided it would be better if I drank a little beforehand because we'd both heard how much it hurts for the girl on her first time. So after I'd had a beer and a half we started taking off our clothes. This was all on the beach (under a life-guard tower, very romantic I know!) and so it was freezing! So we got started pretty quickly. At first he would enter me only an inch at a time, because i told him it hurt, and he gently glided his way all the way in over a course of about half an hour. 

It did hurt, ladies, and the only suggest is to have a partner you can fully trust and love. Wait until you're in high school or after, and date the person for at least two months beforehand. The guy and I are still in a serious relationship and I am so happy that I didn't waste my first time with someone who would bang me as hard as he could and pretend he didn't know me the next day - that would be hell and nothing a girl should ever have to go through. I did bleed and still do, but my supportive guy and I go slow and it works.

From Anonymous
I was almost 21 when I lost my virginity. It was with my first boyfriend who I had been seeing for about 3 months - it doesn't sound long but he was like no one I've ever met before. We had done everything else - fingering, oral etc but he never pushed me into sex as he knew I was a virgin. He said it was completely my choice and I was to stop him straight away if I was ever uncomfortable with something.

I had been thinking about having sex for a while and had decided I wanted to loose my virginity with him. So one night during a heavy petting session I suggested that we try having sex. Needless to say, he didn't take any persuading! But again, he reminded me it was my decision and I shouldn't do it if I wasn't 100% sure. I told him I was sure.

I guess I was a little nervous whilst he was putting the condom on. He tried to enter me and I felt a sharp pain and cried out. It wasn't going in easy so he stopped and went down on me and fingered me some more, to try and relax me. Well it worked because when he tried again he pushed all the way in - slowly so it barely hurt at all! He then stated thrusting slowly and there was really no pain in the slightest! It was just that first bit So we got into the full swing of sex and it was amazing. And even when he slipped out, he just entered me again with ease. So yes, I did get over the initial pain quickly and thoroughly enjoyed my first time. I didn't come during intercourse but after he came, he rubbed me until I orgasmed too.

I didn't really bleed much at all - there was just a bit of blood - like the last day of your period.

The next few times we had sex there was a small amount of initial pain again - but nothing bad! After about the 4th time, there was no pain.

There are so many horror stories here, I feel very lucky that I had a good experience. But just remember - losing your virginity is special so for all those virgins out there - save it for someone who means something to you and who you can trust.

From Anonymous
My first was definitely not a horror story. I'm actually not even sure that I was a virgin the first time I had sex, because several months before, while being fingered during a make-out session, I experienced the customary 'quick, sharp pain' with a small amount of bleeding, so I'm pretty sure I lost it then. 

At any rate, when I did have sex for the first time, it was with my boyfriend after he'd just finished a show with his band. We went back to the band room and went at it there. I don't think it would have hurt even if I'd still had my virginity. He was 6'2" and about 220lbs with a penis that was no more than 3" fully erect. I guess I was still pretty tight though, because when he threw my legs over his shoulders and pumped me hard and fast, I came almost immediately. Not a bad first time, overall.

From Anonymous
I wanted to have sex with him so badly, so the night after we went to a club and it was a very sexy night, we were dancing and grinding on each other. We went back home and he started giving me oral sex and I begged him to just put head in for a second, and he did and it was so weird!

As it didn't really hurt, I felt that sex wasn't going to be a big deal so I really wanted to have sex with him, so we were messing in the bed and I told him I wanted him and he rubbed his dick against my clit and it felt good. He made sure I was wet enough and he penetrated me, I was prepared because of the other night but then he started going deeper. It hurt, but what he did that helped a lot was that he didn't move in and out, he took breaks inside me. He was so gentle but then he went deeper and my hymen was torn and I cried out! He freaked out and I assured him I was fine and he didn't even realize I was bleeding nor did I until I went to the bathroom afterwards.

I didn't enjoy that night at all, we had sex a few days later and I bled again and this time he saw it and he was just freaked out. Sex was uncomfortable for a while after it, and I reckon I bled about 3 times after the first time.

To me the experience of our love and relationship being consummated was the thrill and pleasure, I just loved feeling him inside me and I still do!

It definitely changed my feelings towards him, I've fallen deeper in love with him.

From Jodi
I was stupid in how I handled my first time. Not because of the situation—someone else could have done the same thing and not been "stupid" but mostly because I didn't listen to my gut. Ladies and gentlemen, if your gut says "I don't wanna" listen to it.

So, the actual sex. I didn't think it would hurt as much since I had been raped. I thought it just hurt your first time. Ummm yeah. I was wrong. I did know that there would be some pain, as it has been a long time. So I told him to take it slow for that reason. His response, and I quote, was "It's sort of like a band-aid. You have to go real fast so it hurts less" and he rammed his way in. I swear, I literally almost threw up it hurt so bad and I did start to cry. I think that freaked him out a little, but it didn't stop him for long. I just dissociated myself and waited until it was over.

To add insult to injury, just as I was starting to feel ok and like there might be something nice to it after all, he was done. And since I was not about to try again (not with him anyways), I just said "yes, it was wonderful" and shooed him out the door as fast as I could.

I know that in today's day and age, honesty is the best policy, and maybe some constructive criticism might have helped his next woman along, but to be honest, I just didn't have it in me. I bled for three days and the fourth, I bled when I went to the bathroom. I never once told him no, or to stop—and I consented all the way. But there is a part of me that wonders if he would have stopped if I told him to. Which is probably the other reason I didn't want to do anything but agree that yes, he was a sex god. I'm a little gun-shy about angry men in intimate situations. So getting to my point, I decided that I am still a virgin because who is anyone else to decide that for me?

From SarahB
There are so many horror stories here! Mine wasn't like that at all. I was 19, I'd fancied this older guy for ages, we flirted a lot one day we got together. I'm still with him too.

The first night together, I was swept off my feet by him (literally). He was much more experienced than me and gave me oral until I came. Although I'd never done it before I returned the favour and was surprised at how much I enjoyed it. We didn't have sex but we both came, and it was very intimate and passionate.

The second night, we messed around for ages and then he suggested getting a condom. He's kinda large and I was quite scared when I saw him putting on the condom, wondering how much it was gonna hurt inside me. When he was pushing inside me for the first time it hurt, but he got all the way in and, even though it was a little uncomfortable it felt good too. He was very gentle and when he came, he stayed inside me and fingered me until I came too.

After that it only felt a little uncomfortable on initial penetration for the next two or three times, but he made me orgasm.

Anal hurt a lot less the first time.

I think the important thing is to be with somebody that you love and absolutely trust. Whatever pain I experienced, it felt good that I was experiencing it for him. I guess had he just dumped me afterwards it would have been horrible, but instead it was beautiful.

From Suzie
Wow, I'm kinda jealous of everyone that's written that at least knew when they'd lost their virginity! I'm 23 now and in a fantastic sexual relationship, but I have so many fantasies about losing my virginity - those unrealistic romance novels turn me on, even though I know they're not accurate.

I've always been very sexual, and when my partner and I got together it wasn't long before we were touching and doing oral sex and things like that, then as soon as I was on the pill I wanted him inside me. Trouble was, even though he's nearly twenty years older than me, he's still fairly inexperienced and wasn't that confident. I was tight and he couldn't get inside me, but the thought made him come real quick, so we had to stop trying. We tried a few more times with no success. Then I thought I'd lost my virginity when I could feel that he was well between my lips and I asked him afterwards 'What just happened?' and he said 'You know what' - I was left thinking, 'well, that wasn't so bad, but it wasn't so good either!' Later I realised that he hadn't actually been inside me at all! He just meant that I'd made him come!

Clearly, this wasn't so satisfactory, so we decided to try and relax my muscles, which I now realise were not abnormal, thanks to reading everyone else's postings. So I lost my virginity to a small vibrator...hardly the fantasy scenario. That did hurt - a lot, but really turned me on as well. Eventually he got me loose and wet enough that, after being together sexually for over a year, he finally managed to get inside me. I loved it, the thought of it, the feel of his hips so close to mine etc, but I couldn't help wishing losing my virginity had been a bit different.

From Single in New York
Wow! loosing your virginity is hell!  

I guess I didn't really know what to expect. I'm 20 years of age ad I lost it to a family friend on holiday. I had only known him for 5 days and then we did it! It was beautiful the way it happened, but scary with the actual copulation of intimate love making. I was shaking like a leaf, it hurt so bad that the pain is indescribable (it makes me wonder how young girls do it?)..I cried and yield during the process, we were both sweating like mad... I tensed up pretty bad...which makes it worse ladies...cause the muscles in your vaginal wall when tensed makes it a forced entry...and that's no good. 

It wasn't rushed really, we both wanted it! But so many things were racing trough my mind, how deep can this guy go, am I doing it right, is this the right thing to do..blah blah!..at some points I didn't feel it could go anymore...he kept at it, which made me even more afraid and I was in sooo much pain...I guess I wasn't as horny as I wanted to be. Foreplay was limited so that could have been why I didn't enjoy it either. 

I bleed and I'm still hurting...not real bad... but its uncomfortable! But I don't know what's worse...being a virgin or you've done it for the first time, but not quite sure if you've done it!..cause I bleed when we had sex, but it didn't go all the way in...I got like 1/4 of it. And on top of it some people's hymens don't break all the way on their first try...so I'm shit scared for the second round...and don't no when that's gonna be at all!...but good luck to the virgins..relax, protect yourself (the pill and condoms) is my best advice!

From Anonymous
Unlike many of the posts on this topic, losing my virginity was a very positive experience. At the time I had just turned 18 and had been with my boyfriend for the last six months. We had been close friends for many years before that and very openly communicated with each other. I always was very comfortabe in my sexuality and made an effort to explore, read, and learn about as much as I could. 

Within those prior 6 months before intercourse we had explored fingering, oral sex, and variations on that thoroughly. I never experienced pain from any of these activities and because he was such an attentive lover, derived great pleasure from them as well. I was very eager to take the next step, and I actually had to convince him due to his religious convictions. However, he did come around and we made a day of it. We bought sexy lingerie, condoms and went in with a very positive attitude. I knew that it wouldn't hurt and it didn't at all. We had lots of foreplay beforehand and didn't rush. 

While I did not come the first time in missionary and didn't really experience pleasure, it did not hurt at all and there was no discomfort. We tried again later with me on top, but I couldn't really get the right motion. But at last, on our third attempt, which was actually doggy style, he lasted for about 25 minutes and I had multiple orgasms. We both collapsed after that as both out legs were shaking from the exertion.

So, in short, while first times aren't how they are portrayed in erotic novels, the experience is what you make of it. Just remember, it's important that there's trust, communication, respect, and lots of varied sexual activity with your partner before you decide to have sex. Learn to pleasure each other via hands and mouth before taking the plunge. And sex, like anything, requires practice. Hitting the right spot, gaining the right rhythm, learning what works for both of you is something that has to be learned and explored. It's been over a year since I lost my virginity and my lover and I are still going strong. My personal motto is "Variety, variety, variety!" Keep it fresh and keep it fun!

From Tiffany
I'm 19 and when I was 18 there was this guy I messed around with for a couple months and he was my first sexual related experience. He used to finger me a lot and one night he went down on me and fingered me like crazy. It hurt, not bad, and after I noticed I was bleeding. I was really sore the next day, but I got over it and didn't think anything of it. 

Then one night I was with this other guy and we had some foreplay and then we decided to go for the real thing. Initially it was uncomfortable, but then it was just pure bliss. I guess my hymen was broken by that other guy, so when I really lost my virginity, it was wonderful

From Naive
I just turned 21. My boyfriend and I went out of town for my birthday, and that night we had sex. I talked about it quite a bit with him and I got examined beforehand just to make sure everything was okay. We used condoms, which as much as guys might like to complain, they can still feel pleasure with them on, so don't let them use that as an excuse not to wear one. 

I was actually on my period and I wasn't sure that I wanted to do it, I was embarrassed by that, but he told me he didn't mind and so we did it. He was extremely gentle and yes it hurt, but I wanted it. After the first encounter we both took a shower to wash off some of the blood...we had sex in the shower, and that didn't hurt at all, and it was more wonderful than the previous time. 

That weekend we had sex a few more times, and each time the initial penetration hurt but I still enjoyed it. We came back into town and went a few days with out having sex because I told him I was sore. So some days later we tried again and right away the initial penetration was extremely painful, worse than anytime before, he actually stopped because I cried out. Then he tried again and when we started to get into it he noticed a large amount of blood on his leg and hand. We stopped and cleaned up, and this was when I realized that he must have only tore the hymen a little bit in the prior attempts, because the pain and the blood this time was much worse. 

I'd only recommend that you have sex with someone, the first time, that is going to respect you to stop, even when he's into it, because it will hurt, and you need to know he's going to understand that. I don't regret anything I did and I'm just glad that I finally got the worst part of the pain over with and can finally start to really enjoy myself.

From Frances Deadbeat
I haven't lost my virginity yet. I have tried with two different guys. The first guy that I tried with I wasn't really interested in I just sort of thought that I should get rid of my virginity because everyone else has kind of thing. He went far too fast, possibly because he didn't realise I was a virgin and in like two seconds I had my legs over his shoulders and he was attempting to thrust forward to victory. It was embarrassing and uncomfortable. It got too painful and I told him to stop. Which he did although asking me if I wanted to try again. 

The second guy that I tried it with was my ex boyfriend, we tried a few times but because he was a virgin and nervous and I was a virgin and nervous it didn't seem to progress very far. I think next time I will just have to practice more, although it would be easier if I could work out where it was and to get it stop hurting which definitely makes me want to stop it!!

From Sheila b
Well well well. Losing my virginity was hell. My first time was at my sister's graduation party (at the time I was 16 and still a virgin). The boy I was mooning over (he was 18) for the past couple of years was finally paying attention to me. So I started playing big girl by drinking and dancing and flirting with older guys (much older guys). Anyway, it was nearing time for my curfew so I went on the porch to get my bearings together and low and behold this boy decides to come out as well. I was 16 so I was extremely naive he started saying how he always liked me and I'm different from all those other girls. And we started kissing and lifting my skirt. 

Conveniently the porch was connected to a bedroom (now how did he know that) we stripped and he kissed my breast and went lower on me. It felt good. But when it came down to the actual penetration it felt as if I was punched in the gut. And I seriously thought having my period was bad but that was terrible. He pulled out just before he came. And then he toppled right over me and a few minutes later went to sleep. I was up and decided to push him off of me. My mistake he woke up again and this time when I said no I have to go he laughed held my hands over my head and did it again. 

When school started again I noticed the whole foot ball team was making a pass at me (strange isn't it that before they never noticed me) and every time I looked the boy in the eye he smiled and looked away. But that was my story.

From Sarah
I felt I had the right guy, I was 17 and I thought he was the love of my life, we knew each other for 4 months and thought it was time to make love to each other. It felt wonderful and we did it for 3 hours, we did not get bored or sore because we came together and it felt like years of orgasms right after the other. 

He dumped me 2 days after because all he ever wanted was my virginity. I was single ever since and now I'm 43

From Nerrie
I don't know about everybody else out there...but my first time hurt like Hell. There was no romance, no foreplay or anything like that, he simply cut to the chase. He yanked my pajamas off...along with my underwear and went to work on his mission. His mission was to pop my cherry. And boy, it was just an awful experience.

Yeah, I was extremely wet and he did finger me but it hurt so bad. Eventually, his fingers were replaced with something worse, his penis. I've never felt such a terrible sensation in my life. He had a hard time getting in because I was so tight. When he finally managed to do so, my earth shattered, that's how bad the pain was. I didn't cry or anything, just whimpered, feeling rather numb, drowning in pain. He obviously enjoyed himself and eventually released his load inside of me which is another mistake.

He lied to me about wearing a condom. So now, I'm a bit scared because there's a slight chance I might turn out pregnant or something. I hope not! I guess I'll just have to sit around and wait and see what happens.

Other than that, it's been about four days since he popped my cherry and I'm still bleeding. I'm also a bit sore but I guess I'm still kind of curious about sex, in general and how good it feels. Maybe next time will get better. Maybe it'll be the same. Who knows?

From Angel
Well, Last night I slept with my boyfriend. It just sorta happened and it was sweet and he stopped when I told him to because the pain was just to much. Then all night I was sore and we had sex again this morning and it was better this time than last. I hope every time keeps getting better. He is really gentle and sweet.

From Anonymous
I'm 29, and I gave my virginity away last night to one of my brothers' best-friends (who is 36). We've been together now and in love, secretly, for six months. He is my first true love!

He was so gentle and pleasing; I actually came about four times before intercourse. Ooh, he gives such good cunnilingus! Anyway, before we began intercourse, he kissed and licked the entrance to my vagina (I'll never forget the sensation!) and rubbed his erect penis against my clitoris moving me into another orgasm. In the middle of this orgasm, he squeezed my clit as he slowly entered my vagina. The sensation sent me over the edge and even though I felt the fullness of his penis, I felt no pain. When he began thrusting, I surprised both of us by contracting around him until we both came to climax together.

This morning, I was very sore. After we did it again and slept a few more hours, he drew a warm bath for me and massaged all my sensitive areas.

I never imagined my first time to be so beautiful! Now I guess the painful part comes in telling my brother and the rest of my family about our relationship?

From Kate
Well my best friend just lost her virginity about two weeks ago and she told me it really hurt and when she did it for the first time she was clawing the guys back because it hurt so bad. She told me she regrets it and wishes she had not done it and now I am scared. Will my first time hurt as bad as hers did?

You should get with San Francisco Sex Information, a free nation wide organization that provides anonymous, accurate, non-judgmental information about sex. 

From Adele
I lost my virginity just after my 15th birthday to my then boyfriend who was 19. I only did it because I was scared to lose him. Even though I regularly played with myself I was very tight and because his penis was very thick it took him a while to get up. He was very gentle and caring but no matter what he did couldn't bring me to orgasm.

It wasn't till after about 5 times that I actually came. I'd brought myself to orgasm before but it didn't compare to the orgasm he gave me.

From Dragon Girl
Everyone's body is different, true. I'm a girl slash woman right now, I'm seventeen bordering on eighteen, and I gave my virginity up last night.

Count your blessings, you lucky girls out there who feel little to no pain their first time. Count them and gloat.

My first time hurt like a mother, and I haven't even gotten to the second time yet. There is no describing this pain. Plus, it doesn't just go away. All freakin day today, right now even, it aches. I have a low pain tolerance. It bloody HURTS like nobody's business. My lover didn't even go in all the way. Half way, with a condom. It hurts. I'll do it again with him, soon. It will hurt me again. But I want to experience pleasure. And since I've gone this far, there's no way I'm turning back before I realize this wonderful feeling sex gives you. No way.

I'm going to go through more pain, yes. Probably a lot lot more than I would ever want or expect. But this is a choice I make. With a man I've chosen. I wouldn't have it any other way. I don't regret this at all. I would go through the pain again just to be with him.

Choice makes a wonderful difference. But it hurts so bloody much! It hurts when I'm just thinking about it!

From Jill
Amanada [see entry below], I think your biggest problem is expecting things to be like they are in books. Remember those books are fiction, the characters are fiction. The sex portrayed is hardly real life. It's all about what the author things the reader wants to read, and not what actually is. So don't expect your experiences to be anything like make-believe people.

Another problem could very well be that your boyfriend is not doing the things that give you pleasure, and perhaps entering you before you're ready. That's generally uncomfortable for any woman. You could try getting a how-to book, and reading it together. That way you both can learn about sexuality and try things that you both like.

Also, just to make sure there isn't a physical problem, you should see your doctor. Tell him/her that you're experiencing pain during intercourse. Don't be shy, your doctor is use to such issues. 

From Amanda
My boyfriend of over a year had attempted to have sex but failed to get his penis in. We saw this as a sign and decided to wait. We fooled around a lot and explored each others bodies. We even had oral sex before which wasn't all that great in my case. He also had fingered and suck on my breast. Neither were that pleasing. 

Recently, we decided to try to have sex again. He then stuck his fingers in me which really didn't hurt at all since I was quite use to them and then his penis. I expected some pain, but it hurt like hell. The initial thrusting of getting his penis inside of me hurt the most, but when he soon was in me I didn't feel as much pain but I didn't feel any pleasure either. I didn't bleed at all. We had sex a couple of times afterwards which hurt as well and I still don't feel any type of pleasure at all even though I tell him that I somewhat do. 

Is there something wrong with me? I mean I don't get excited like some of the characters that are portrayed in the books. And my first time wasn't as pleasurable as it was suppose to be as they describes. I wonder when will the pain stop every time we have sex and when will the pleasure begin. Hopefully after some more tries it will get better.

From Michelle
I guess that at 35 I'm a bit old to still be a virgin but my dear boyfriend came to stay one weekend, (we've been seeing each other for about two months but he lives a way away). I'm rather shy so didn't want to strip in front of him or risk embarrassment. I waited until he had gone to bed then put on my big tartan pajamas and crept into his room and under the covers. He was very tired after his long trip and we just fell asleep with my arms around him - lovely. 

In the morning I suddenly felt bold and put my hand lightly against is crotch, barely touching his boxers. As he woke up it was fascinating to feel him harden, and my touch got firmer. He rolled over and kissed me, his hand on my breast, and I continued to knead him gently as he took of my pajamas, his hands moving downwards. I rolled on my back and he rolled over too. 

I guess every woman remembers that first spreading with the hardness pressing until he slid straight in and I was stretched wide. No pain, only new feelings as he moved in and out. I was a bit scared in his final frantic heaves and then the dear boy jerked and poured his soul into me. We are going to be married now.

From Em
My first time to have sex hurt so bad! It didn't help that my partner is 8 inches and very thick. It only went in 1 or 2 inches and then I started bleeding. He is extremely sweet though and stopped right when I told him to. It only lasted a few seconds. It took me a while to consider whether or not I was still a virgin because his penis barely went in. I came to the conclusion that I was no longer a virgin. Any comments?

From Anonymous
I haven't lost my virginity yet (good thing too, cause I'm only 15!). I'm really rather scared about the whole thing, although at the same time I want to get it over and done with! From your experiences, I can tell that I should wait for the right guy, and not rush into things. thanks guys.

From Kimberly
You know... the first time I had sex, I was really inexperienced. I hadn't even been fingered up until that point. And it hurt. it hurt real real bad. I had to make him stop for a while, because I couldn't take the pain and was bleeding a little too much.

It actually took me until time four for things to feel good, but you know, after that, I finally understood why everyone enjoyed sex sooo much. I guess everyone is different in how they react to their first time...sigh. I just wish I had been one of those girls that felt no pain their first time.

From Ghost Rider
Come on people. Be serious. A person doesn't lose their virginity. They give it away. If they lost it, you would be able to go down the street and find it laying on the sidewalk, or get in the car and find it laying there where it dropped when they got out. This is a very tired and over used statement.

From Anonymous
Would a male point of view fit here? Specifically, bi-sexual men surrender virginity to penetration too. I did, and every nerve cell I possessed connected to sensory awareness was at the highest pitch I've ever known. There is simply no other experience for humankind that equals getting fucked the first time. (Excluding being stoned, drunk, or against willingness.) Including man or woman.

Romance novel description is of course absurd. But female comment here strikes me as odd too. Much of it has the sound of repetitive script. I'm sorry. But where is the revelation of sensory and psychological awareness? Where is the erotic impulse that spread your legs wide in offering to hard blunt maleness to enter you? Wasn't this something you thought about for years, tried to imagine, really wanted to happen? So much of the description here sounds like finally doing the chore of cleaning charred pizza drippings inside an oven.

But I am a man without a hymen, and losing my "virginity" might be so far removed from the female experience it is ludicrous to compare. Or maybe not. My man was experienced and very considerate, but nature designed the male animal to fuck and that was precisely what he wanted and intended to do to me. Understanding that was awesome and terribly exciting, and rather than submitting to him, I consciously yielded to what was inevitable and undeniable. There was one sharp streak of pain when he pushed the head in and I yelled OWEEEE don't think I didn't. But that was the worst, and thankfully very brief. 

He spread the muscle apart very slowly to bury all the way, and there was acute discomfort in that. Then he rested and allowed me to accommodate the massive stuffed sensation of him, which I did. Further relaxation came with his first strokes, which felt raw and abrasive and touched no pleasure in me whatever. 

Soon the magic of Romance novels started to happen. Little electric jolts sparked deep inside and spread ripples of pleasure through out my center. The pleasure intensified and all my resistance melted away. I sank into a sea of receptive joy that no man can possibly imagine until he experiences it. 

Afterwards, he said, "You sure this is your first time?" "Hell yes I'm sure. You think this is the sort of thing I'm likely to forget?" "You seemed to take it with more ease than most first timers." "Well, I wanted to for a long time, and I guess I was as emotionally and psychologically open for it as I could ever hope to be."

From Anonymous
If I was to write him a letter, this is what it would say - I never thought it'd be like that. It didn't hurt, it was sensual and amazing. Plus it made me fall in love with you. But now I'm panicking.

I can remember you sitting on the edge of the bed, your head in your hands, thinking "what have I done?" I promised you I'd go to the clinic today, I am, but I don't know what I can get. Apparently it's expensive. If I can't get it in three days, then I'm screwed.

But if I can get it what will I do if it doesn't work? I'm only a teenager. My parents are never gonna find out about this. I'm so scared.

message to virgins - savor it. It was amazing at the time but now I'm terrified and dunno what to do.

From Amrita
I lost my virginity when I was 18 to boyfriend at the time. We were practically best friends so it seemed right. Anyway, he took his time with me, kissed me from head to toe, and at first it hurt and I bled a little but it wasn't that bad. He was patient with me. 

However, I couldn't stop thinking what I was doing was wrong and that I'm giving up a part of myself. It was strange. I remember feeling incredibly sad afterwards and when I took a shower, I cried. Sometimes I regret it but what can you do. It's already been done and that was two years ago.

From Michaela
I lost my virginity to my husband at 21 years old. It was a little uncomfortable, but my husband was so sweet and gentle and patient with me. He never hurt me once. My husband's hardness felt wonderful inside of me, and I got so wet that it made the gliding that much easier. 

I had heard all the horror stories about how painful it was going to be, or how it would hurt to sit or walk the next day. I experienced none of that. I had maybe a little spotting, but nothing more than that. Of course, my "cherry" had already been popped at the gynecologist, as I had gone to get on birth control a year prior. That probably made the experience less painful.

From Patrice
I lost my virginity when I was 22 to my best friend. We had been friends for ages and could talk about anything. I had read every sex book ever written and I had read romance books too. With all of this preparation, there were things I still didn't know. 

Firstly, the romance books lied; it didn't hurt, I didn't bleed and I definitely didn't have an orgasm the first time. Secondly, none of the books had ever addressed semen running down your leg or the smell of sex the next day. This bothered me at first because I am so scrupulous about my hygiene. I was grossed out. This was before AIDS and I was on birth control for painful periods. The only saving grace was that he was my best friend.

From Anonymous
Some are born without a hymen...like me for instance.. and no I didn't ever rip it... trust me I'd kinda know if I did.. ok maybe once or twice but it was accidents and I would have bled which I did not ever (at least not on my monthly thing) heck I didn't even know what the hell people meant when they said hymen till I read up on it cause I don't have one period end of story.

From Sarah
I lost my virginity last night (4/20 good job if you know what that means!) and I'm 19; I've never been waiting for anything in particular, I think I have just finally found someone who I trust completely and I can see myself being with him forever, and I think that's important.

I have often wondered about the truth in romance novels, they always make losing your virginity seem perfect and trust me mine was not, but it was by no means horrible. It actually did hurt a lot at first (and I have a high tolerance for pain!) then after a few more "movements" it started to feel.....better, it didn't hurt anymore but it still didn't feel good. 

And today I am pretty sore; I walk fine though, I guess I expected to walk like a penguin after the first time (don't ask, because I don't know why). I just keep telling myself that it can only get better, and I do believe that or else why would anyone ever have sex (okay besides for reproduction)?

From Z
I have read most of the entries about how people lost their virginity and I find one problem with this. I am still a virgin and 20 years old but I am dating one sweet guy 25 and we have talked about going all the way and will do so in some days I guess. I have read loads of information on it and asked him many questions, sort of thought about the atmosphere and I guess I feel ready to let myself just go with it. 

The point is however that although I had dated other guys previously they never felt safe enough to experience this with. When I say safe I mean during the actual experience. I am not expecting that this man is the love of my life but this is something that I would really like to do with him, because I just want him. I think people sometimes are too suppressed to embrace such feelings which come from our body and yes they may or may not develop into love. I think its a plunge and even though I have taken all measures to be in control I know this experience is about losing control. 

So this is a message to those of you who have not already: you just need to be confident and true about what you want.

From Tara
The first time I had sex was last night and I'm 18 years old and the guy is 28. I met him sometime back and we jus clicked instantly. Anyway we first went for a few drinks cuddled and stuff. Then we went to this really nice hotel, went into the Jacuzzi first to relax, but I wasn't naked at the time and didn't even know how far it would go. We went to the hotel room after a couple of minutes, watched TV. Then he started to kiss me. He kissed and licked my boobs (believe me I was very nervous). 

Because he noticed I was kinda scared he switched off the lights so it was really dark. He undressed me and kissed me from head to toe. When he finally started doing it, I was too turned on to even feel much of the pain. It hurt a little and not for long but most of it was enjoyable. I just hope I'm not going to get pregnant.

From Jae
I was 23 when I did it for the first time, it was with my wife to be, I had waited by choice. She had been active since she was 16 but not very experienced. I had read a few Mills & Boons sex scene years earlier and when it came time to do it, she didn't believe I was a virgin. I personally think people rush into sex, she regrets all her past actions, she thought they would love her by doing it, but once they got it within a month or so they'd move on, so think twice.

From Bec
My first time was when I was 14, with my 15 yr old virginal partner. We'd been talking about it for a while, and bought the condoms, and finally we went for it. There was no pain for me - instead it was awesome! But unfortunately an experience like that is rare.

From Anonymous
Losing my virginity sucked in the worst way. I was 15, at a party and had fallen asleep (passed out?). Next thing I knew my "date" was pushing himself inside me. Yes, this is date-rape folks. Not fun. I don't remember bleeding but I can tell you it hurt for days and I could barely sit the next day. When I finally did choose to have sex I had no problem being intimate at all. That surprised me because my first experience was so horrid. My first "chosen" experience was kind of awkward but he was older and had more practice so was able to help me along.

I kind of envy women who choose when and to whom they wish to give their virginity to. When I read those romance novels (past-tense) they piss me off because they just seem so phony. I know my experience was hardly the norm (although I'm shocked at how common date-rape actually is) it still doesn't seem like anyone could not just scream from the pain of it. I guess it's true for some people though since I'm reading about here on the site. Anyhow, those are just some of my thoughts on it...

From Anonymous
A friend of mine, "female," commented on her first time in discussion, and to my surprise She told me that it had been incredibly painful both the first and second time and that she had bled both times. I found this quite shocking as it shattered a naive belief I held, that girls have a good time the first time, as every girl I knew up until this time was so careful and strategic in how they intended to have the sex their first time. 

In retrospect, looking at when I lost my virginity and when a girlfriend gave me her virginity, I can't help but feel a timeless sense of strangeness and disillusion. I feel I rushed into sex myself, and with regards to the girlfriend, I feel I rushed into that also. I don't believe many people find storybook romance in their first experiences. For me, it is something I would rather not think about, because through the passage of time, it's something I've had a hard time separating myself from and I think I'm in some form of denial about the whole affair. 

Sex I have now is more akin to the storybook romances I have read about, and to be honest I can't help but feel slightly betrayed by the depiction of losing virginity such books present.....or perhaps I merely envy them.

From KL
I was 15 when I lost my virginity to a girl who was also a virgin. We had known each other since we were 6 years old. She was always talking of us getting married & very interested in my body & its private parts since we were about 7. One night, she was staying at our house and I went into her room and crawled into bed. After making out for a bit, she said she wanted me to be inside of her—she had always dreamt about it since she "matured". 

I obliged—she was pretty wet, so getting in wasn't difficult. (I knew nothing about popping cherries back then—she must have popped it by herself at some point). I asked her if I could come inside her (probably not the best time to ask a girl this question, but I was naive back then). Within seconds after she said "yes", I unloaded inside of her. 

That feeling was different than the one when I would whack off, much better, in fact! She didn't come, though, so I fingered her after I pulled out & eventually she did come. (Not her first orgasm, though). That was the last time I saw her as she & her single mom moved away.

From Kelly
My first time I was drunk at a party, with one of my best friends who was still involved with his ex-girlfriend of the past few years. I of course was best friends with her too. We had been flirting around for a bit, and I went to the party expecting something to happen, but certainly not to lose my virginity to him.

We both got drunk, and ended up in a room, and he was far more experienced than I. I had my cherry popped ages ago, so for me the pain wasn't from that, but from being stretched out down there. Actually I waddled the day after. At the time, I could handle the pain. I got some, but certainly didn't achieve an orgasm. I was laying on bottom, he on top, and we did it more than once. He of course was in heaven, but not I.

I don't regret doing it, just regret who I did it with, and how it's affected our friendships.

From Sarah
I lost it tonight. I read these entries a few days before doing it. We couldn't even get it in because it took so damn long because I was so small. He thought I wasn't a virgin. He's a VERY attractive Brazilian. 

We used contraceptive of course, but it still hurts like hell. I can't imagine it ever feeling good, but there's still hope for the future. He was really good because I actually almost orgasmed, even though it hurt like hell.

From Darby
I've read romance for awhile, and I knew the way losing your virginity is portrayed in books couldn't possibly be accurate. However, I lost my virginity a few months ago (I'm 19), and my boyfriend is older and a lot more experienced. It really didn't hurt me at all. I didn't feel even an instant of pain - it was all good. Part of it was probably that he knew what he was doing. I never bled either, which is something I still don't really understand. I was definitely a virgin the first time we slept together.

From Jen
I'm 18 and I still have not lost my virginity. I am very much in love with my boyfriend, and he is a virgin as well. We have just respected the fact that while we're definitely physically ready, we aren't emotionally. I'm sure we will soon of course, so I've started birth control. 

Anyway, about the topic of books - one of my favorite authors - Judy Blume wrote many books dealing with issues of sex. In Summer Sisters she describes a sharp stabbing pain and no orgasm for the character in her book. And how the pain continued the next few times she had had sex...from what I can gather, that seems like an accurate depiction for most!

From Lizbeth
It was three months before my eighteenth birthday. My boyfriend (now husband) was a year younger and also a virgin. We had been together for a year and had done some "petting" but we were both very nervous. We had a general idea of what we were supposed to do, but it was easier said than done.

Every time my dear lover tried to put on a condom he lost his erection. It took several attempts before he was successful. Then he had trouble finding the right place to put it. I was no help to him because I hadn't even used tampons before. Again, it took a several tries.

It did hurt. more than I had expected. The bleeding was minimal. He was very gentle and concerned. We went slowly and after a bit I was enjoying myself. It was amazing to feel so close to him. It only took about five minutes once he was all the way in and I didn't orgasm, but it was still a wonderful experience. It was still a bit painful the next few times and I didn't climax until the pain was no longer present.

There were no fireworks, but we were very much in love so I wasn't disappointed.

From Anonymous
I suppose that I'm one of the rare ones that actually waited until I was married to lose my virginity. While I had participated in some petting with a couple of guys (and of course my then fiancé) it was rare that I was touched down below.

The first time was difficult. It did hurt and I did bleed. I think that a great deal of the pain comes from a body not being used to that kind of stimulation. Probably some KY or something similar would've helped a lot. I remember just feeling rubbed raw. I didn't start to really, really enjoy intercourse until we'd been married about a year. Believe me, we were very active newlyweds.

Now, I did remarry and hadn't been intimate for over a year. I actually bled a teeny bit. I was quite active during the four and a half years of my first marriage, so it's not like it was still new. I believe that because vaginal tissues are so delicate they just have to get used to the whole experience again. Even though my husband is usually slow and tender (especially since our first time was his first time) I was a little sore, but not much.

So, if you're experiencing a lot of soreness, I recommend getting some personal lubricant from the pharmacy. Also, practicing Kegel (pelvic floor) exercises will help strengthen that area.

From Anonymous
I was high. Let's get that out of the way. And if anyone has ever tried it while stoned, any sort of physical touching, or masturbation is INCREDIBLY enhanced. It's wonderful.

But losing my virginity wasn't, it was pretty crappy, actually and I, too, am disturbed by the way its portrayed in fiction. All that talk of extreme pleasure is just crap and badly misleads. I love this site and all its links, I just wish I'd come upon it sooner.

Anyway, I was too high to care much and the guy was very small but it did hurt and I did bleed a little. He was pretty rough, there was no emotional connection so I guess he didn't care. It was over quickly though, thank god and I never saw him again.

That was almost 4 years ago. This time I'm waiting for a nice guy and thanks to this site and others I don't care how long it takes.

From Kim
I was 16 at a party back in the 70's a little painful but nice He was very sweet and gentle about it. It felt like we did it forever, you know 15 minutes. The best part was when before he came he pulled out and slid his penis onto my clit and pumped back and forth squirting on my belly. WOW I don't think I have had an orgasm like that since! I still love that feeling to this day. Oh Chip! Where are you now?

From Suzan
It was 8 days past my 18th birthday in 1971. There was a sharp pain at first, but the second time he went thru. There was a small amount of blood.

But I did like it.

It wasn't a bad experience but it wasn't great either. You don't know what the hell you're doing the first time. I do remember, starting when I was about 16, being so terribly curious to know what it would feel like I thought I would go crazy. Not necessarily how the first time would feel, but mostly just how it was going to feel to have that part of a man's body inside me with all that skin contact.

I used to think if a burglar had broken in at night, I would have happily offered myself....well, that's what I had in my foolish head at the time anyway....I'm sure reality would have been quite different.

From Angel
My first time was very, very painful! It felt like a fire and it hurt! It actually hurt every time for the next two weeks. I did not really start to enjoy it until I had been doing it for a couple of months.

The biggest mistake that I made my very first time though was not telling the guy that I was a virgin. I was shy and so in love and he thought that I had been active before. When he pushed into me that first time, I thought that I was dying (literally).

From JohnnyD
My loss of virginity is an odd thing to those I tell because from about 12 years old I was petting and fingering girls but never really had my cock touched till about 18. The odd part is that although I desired full sex like any guy I was more interested in doing oral sex on a girl.

Even with my first 'real' girlfriend I did oral on her many times before I ever had full penetration and that was at her request. I was quite content just to do oral on them. Now that I am married I still find that I prefer doing oral sex with my wife while fingering her to actually penetrating her with my cock.

From Syd
I'm still a virgin, I touch myself a lot and use vibrators and had a few serious boyfriends but never found the guy I love as much as to let them get inside me. I've done most things with guys except that. They finger me and stuff. Does this mean that I am a virgin? I'm terrified if its going to hurt and I'll bleed. But because I please myself I should be 'broken in' right? Help!

From Nicole
My boyfriend and I had sex and it didn't hurt all that much. But I heard a girl is supposed to bleed her first time, and I didn't. I finally bled, but it still hurts. I was also under the impression that it's not supposed to hurt at all after you lose your virginity the first time. I don't understand why it still hurts. Please help me I want to understand what all the books say and I want to be able to share a pleasurable experience with my boyfriend. Help!

From the editor: You need to get with San Francisco Sex Information, a free nation wide organization that provides anonymous, accurate, non-judgmental information about sex. 

From Barry
Not a big story this, but a good memory just the same. I was 16 but very tall and looked more like 19-20. My sister was/is 3 years older than me but I used to fit in well with her friends because I looked more their age.

We used to go swimming in the river not far from our houses and it gave me the chance to see my sister's friends in their bikinis, real eye candy for a randy 16 year old.

One day a friend of my sister named Chris knocked at the door looking for my sister to go swimming. She wasn't home so I went with Chris. At 18, Chris in a bikini was pure pleasure.

There was only the two of us there, we swam, then sat on the river bank having a chat. Won't bore you with the small talk but she was as interested in what was inside my bathers as I was in hers, so we ended up naked behind some bushes and the rest is history.

Chris wasn't a virgin but I think that really helped.

From Jane
To Rex [see entry below]: Do the smart thing and encourage your girlfriend to see a doctor. And do it now! There's simple or complex reasons for your girl to still feel excruciating pain, but there's no reasons at all why she should continue to suffer and not know why.

From Rex
My girlfriend and I have been together for nearly 3 years now. It was only recently that we decided to share the experience of sexual intercourse. As I was quite experienced, she was still a virgin. In my experience I had never encountered a virgin. She and I have had intercourse a countless number of times thus far, but the pain for her is still excruciating.

I beg of any who read this, please help me. I want nothing other then to show her the pleasure that can be shared through making love. Is such pain after so many tries a usual thing? Should I insist that she see a doctor? I don't know how much longer I can stand such displeasure in something that should be the most beautiful thing someone can share with another!

From KateL
I have been married for 3 years, and I lost my virginity to my husband, (then boyfriend) when we were dating. We had been messing around so much before we did the actual "act" that I was totally ready for it. It didn't hurt at all.

I certainly didn't climax that first night, though. I've noticed that it's lack of action down there that seems to make the difference. I was really sick one time and we didn't have sex for two weeks. The first time we did it after that hurt a lot worse than any of my first times. I think because when we were dating, he was always finger banging me, so I was all stretched.

From Cathy
This was a long time ago and I think that makes a differences. I was only 14 and I didn't have a clue about Real sex. I was at a party, 1st time drinking and I woke up next to this guy. I was bleeding and I hurt. I didn't even have my period yet. That's what I thought I had. A older girl told me and I was very upset. I had done petting but I thought I'd be in love for sex.

The guy called me the next week and asked me out. After getting into an argument it was clear to me that he didn't know I was a virgin. He called me a whore. I stayed away from all guys for over a year which might not seem long. I had a weird family life and became quite sexually active. It just seemed the thing to do.

From Kalliannassa
Losing my virginity was neither a completely spontaneous thing, nor something I planned to do quite that way. I had considered that possibility with the guy I was with, and had prepared by getting on birth control and reading up on the subject however I could including this site. He was and still is the best friend I have ever had, which helped a lot. We had been playing around with each other for a couple of months, doing everything else but, when it finally happened.

Long story shorter, I was very stressed one day and he wanted me to relax, what started as a cuddly nap, turned into a make-out session, then into our first time. He was a virgin as well. I still believe that if I had not wanted to do that at the time he would have stopped, but I chose to let it happen. I decided to make that choice with this guy who was and is still my best friend, so it could be with someone I trusted that completely. He really had no idea about what to expect. I rather knew that it would not be great and it wasn't.

While my theoretical knowledge was rather complete, I wasn't sure we were doing it right until he told me that while everything we had tried before was good, just getting the head of his penis in me had rocked it up into another dimension. I had never really even been able to use tampons before so I was stretched rather painfully and must have had one hell of a hymen, I bled each time we were together for almost 2 weeks which really really bothered him, probably because each time he would insist we quit and then not touch me for a couple of days. I remember thinking how considerate that was, and getting rather annoyed when I had to convince him that it wasn't helping to do it that way.

I think that stretching to accommodate him hurt more than my hymen actually giving way. We talked about it immediately afterward and I told him that to be perfectly honest, it hadn't been very good, but toward the end, (he actually lasted maybe 10 or 15 minutes once the deed was done, and I was impressed by that) I was beginning to see how that could be really really good, and once I quit being sore could we find out for sure? It took me about a month to really have an orgasm like that, but once I did I was hooked.

From Dragon
For me losing my virginity was really 'losing' it - I WAS indulging in some very heavy petting, but then he went too far and wouldn't stop. But I only bled a little and it didn't hurt all that much.

My question is, does losing your virginity hurt because of the hymen tearing or because the muscles need to get used to it? After my first time, I was celibate for a few years, and then with my second lover it was painful the first few times, but then it got a lot better. I got the impression that it was because my muscles had to get used to the penetration again and perhaps it was because he was bigger than I was made.

From Raven
My first time wasn't my idea (the choice was taken from me). Even so, it wasn't particularly painful and though I did bleed a bit, it wasn't much.

My first 'serious' boyfriend afterwards was very patient and understood why I wasn't exactly 'raring to go' about having sex. He let me come to terms with it when I was ready....for that I'll be forever grateful. When we finally did, I bled again (the hymen evidently wasn't totally obliterated during the first time), but it did feel good after that initial twinge of pain. There were no earth-shattering orgasms though...didn't have my first one until months later (with the same patient guy).

I think it is possible to truly enjoy your first time with the right person - who knows what he's doing and is a caring and talented lover. However, I don't think it's realistic to expect that. It takes most women some time to learn their bodies, not to mention for a lover to learn to please them. After all, we aren't all carbon copies - push "X" button for "X" response. That alone stacks the odds against us.

From Grace
ERWA's portfolio of links lists a great site, the- clitoris.com, that has an excellent section about losing your virginity. It explains that pain during intercourse is bad period. If your first sexual experience was painful, you were not prepared to have intercourse.

I had no pain or bleeding the first time I had sex, which probably had something to do with the fact that I had been sexually "active", touching myself and so forth, since I was very young, so my hymen did not tear.

The above website has valuable information for anyone who is considering losing their virginity. It may be too late for most of us, but at least we can help our daughters not make the same mistakes.

From RGM
I always appreciated my First Time, and the more descriptions I read, the more convinced I am that I was incredibly lucky. I was also fairly careful, but I don't think that's any guarantee. Amazingly, I had no pain, no blood, nothing except that really bizarre sensation of someone else inside me... like many others, I wasn't all that excited about it, other than the novelty, and I definitely did not go into screaming orgasms within seconds.

In fact, I didn't had an orgasm with a partner during sex until my fourth boyfriend, years later! But I did have a great guy, and it was his first time as well, making the experience remarkably special. And we did have a nice time, and it's a wonderful memory. I wish all women could say the same.

From AMH
Before I'd actually done the deed I was obsessed with trying to find out just how much losing one's virginity would hurt, and I got a bunch of different descriptions, mostly horrible. I fully expected to feel as though I were being ripped in two. However, when the time came I was so surprised by how little it hurt I almost laughed in my lover's face when he asked me if I was all right.

I'd have to say it was the equivalent of riding a bicycle and hitting a nasty bump, though I expect my discomfort was greatly reduced by making sure he was taking care of business elsewhere downstairs as we continued.

From Jane Lane
I had never really thought much about it, but being in high school when I did lose it (I didn't lose it, I just gave it up because it got boring!) it wasn't about being a pure virgin, instead it was labeled "inexperienced" and in order for the chance to have the best guys, you had to be experienced.

Throughout my late teens, I never really got much pleasure from sex, I got more pleasure out of masturbation than sex. For me, sex was about pleasing the guy, and the mischievous feeling that I was being a "bad girl" ... that was about it, until I met a man (not a boy!) who has really opened me up to intense sexual pleasure and real powerful orgasms, and still treats me with total care. Looking back, I say if you lose it, then its just going to get better as you live your life, you'll eventually meet someone who does it totally for you.

Virginity isn't all its hyped up to be, you don't change as a person when you lose it, there's nothing evident that someone can point at you and go 'you've lost it, how dare you.' It's a choice.

From TMS
My first sexual experience was awful... didn't want to be the last of my small group of friends to "lose it". The guy was drunk, I was unsure of what to expect, it took him far too many attempts to succeed... I think the discomfort was due to the failed attempts rather than the successful one! I was just grateful it was over!

Should've waited for the "2nd Guy"... he was much better equipped in all the important ways your first time SHOULD involve. Anyway... I came in second of 3 friends... Should have waited!

From Amadom
There was no pain and no blood. I hadn't been in a hurry to lose my virginity and by the time I got round to it years of riding horses and push bikes had done their job. Those of my friends who were also out of their teens when they lost their V plates report similar experiences.

I'd bought a whole shelf of sex guides by this time and knew how to push the right buttons. The first time was still pretty dull for me although he really enjoyed it. Even if you've read all the books and you've practiced your oral and manual techniques on a banana the first time nerve will get to you.

From Christian L. Ambrose
I did not experience pain myself and there were no huge fireworks. It was also incredibly awkward as it was his first time too. He kept falling out and other weirdness so we finally gave up, snuggled, talked and eventually drifted off to sleep. The next morning, I climbed on top and went for a ride until he came, which didn't take long at all. It was interesting and sex did get better as we both learned more about it from personal experience. I did not expect much in the way of fireworks and did expect a little pain.

Of course, I lost my virginity about 1.5 years ago and I am 30 now. I am currently with this guy and we are mates and best friends rolled into one. We are very serious about each other. I was determined that I would either wait until I was married or until I found someone with whom I would spend the rest of my life with. As a friend of mine pointed out, I am as good as married.

Sex is a lot of fun and I have had some great orgasms but I wouldn't say it's the best thing in the world. Another friend equated it with a full body massage and she is kinda right. I still enjoy snuggling and talking more than sex. Having said that, I don't anticipate returning to celibacy anytime soon.

From Teresa
I always found the concept of virginity kind of baffling. My first boyfriend and I did practically everything together except intercourse (mostly due to lack of birth control). And somehow because we hadn't done that one specific act we were virgins? Silly.

I think because we were so comfortable with each other that when we finally did "lose our virginity" it wasn't painful. I found it kind of weird, not really exciting, except that watching his response was fun.

It wasn't until much later, when I went on the pill, that I began to understand the appeal of the whole thing. I think anxiety about pregnancy plays a role in women's feelings about intercourse. Biology and society being as they are, women feel the risk of (unplanned) pregnancy more acutely than men do.

From Carmen
I noticed this same thing! Needless to say, it kinda gave me some false ideas about what to expect about my first time.

My first time was with a guy who was very experienced. I however, was nervous and had no clue about what to say or do. It basically amounted to him doing all the work.

Does the pain turn to pleasure ever so quickly as stated in the pages of the books I read?

I don't know where they get these ideas. First of all, he didn't penetrate me in one thrust as they often describe but it took a while for him to get in. And it hurt like hell, whatever lube I had going for me before he started, stopped flowing. And while the pain diminished after a bit, it never felt good. In fact, it took a few tries to get my bearings and for it to feel good.

From Lori
What bothers me the most is that most of these authors are women. They know better. Who are they trying to kid, and more importantly, why are they lying about this?

As I recall, while wiping the cobwebs from my mind, he was quick as lightening and small in size so I didn't feel anything but a few quick pokes; no pain, and certainly no bombs bursting in air. But I'd also been using Tampax for years so that may have made a difference too. Then there was the fact that I'd been drinking, so the booze anesthetized everything but the guilt.

From Stevie Burns
It does bother me sometimes that so many writers portray the loss of virginity as this slight little pain or discomfort that is overwhelmed by the joyous power of his dick inside of her. For myself, that thrill didn't come until MUCH later. Months.

Losing my virginity was a terror. It took having sex every night for 8 nights in a row. I bled heavily each night, and as I learned later, he wasn't all that big. He tried to be careful with me, but - well it's apparently just how I'm made. I did not enjoy having sex until a few months later.

From Anonymous
I don't recall any discomfort at all my first time. In fact, it was quite enjoyable. My boyfriend, who must have either had experience with virgins, or heard what to do from his friends, encouraged me to be on top and I just did what came naturally.

As for earth shattering pleasure? Nope. And nothing but a vague sense of "what's all the fuss about" for many, many years until I finally met a man who properly introduced me to my vagina. I never even believed vaginal orgasms existed till I actually had one myself a couple of years ago.

From Jane Noel
Owie, owie, owie that first time. He went where no man had gone before slowly and considerately (I had a really wonderful guy in my life at the time) and sex got much better within a week or so. But the first time? That hurt.

I did have someone who knew what it was like to make love to a virgin, and for a teenager, he had a lot of self-control. (No mad thrusting!) I was really lucky, considering most of the girls I knew lost their virginity under much less joyful or caring circumstance. I feel like the exception, not the rule.

But the pain lasting but a moment, then earth-shattering pleasure? Nope.

I did write a 'losing it' piece that I tried to make much more realistic than the ones I'd read.

I knew what I was doing the whole time, though I think I had two beers to relax. We planned our first sexual encounter (more exception than rule again) and I was already on the birth control pill by the time The Deed was done.

When I read those stories where the pain only lasts a moment, then ecstasy descends, I usually snort. In derision.

From Barbara K
I had intercourse for two weeks with my boyfriend before my hymen actually broke and the only reason it broke was because I experimented and instead of lying on the bottom in the traditional missionary position, I decided to sit on top for a change.

I sat on top and it felt like someone had stabbed me inside my vagina with a needle sharp stiletto. I winced and hopped off of him very fast and he started freaking out because I was bleeding all over him. I opened the glove compartment of the car, grabbed some tissues and held them to my pussy until the bleeding stopped and I said, "Stop worrying. I told you I was virgin. It just took a little longer for my hymen to rupture."

The bleeding stopped about thirty seconds later. I kissed him. We made out some more until his cock got hard again. I climbed back on. He felt wonderful inside me and we made love until we both had our orgasms.

From Volponia Fox
My experience was painful, sordid, boring and woefully non-erotic. But I was really just getting rid of the burden of virginity; it was not a long-term, worthwhile relationship, so that's probably not surprising. I've no idea whether being in love with the asshole would have changed the experience for me. I have thought that the 'first time' is something you just do to get it over with, unless you are wise/lucky enough to experience it with someone who loves you.

From Beth Laurels
I just lost my virginity to my best friend of four years a few hours ago. And it was not the bad thing that I thought that it was going to be. We both love each other and trust each other very much and I am happy who I lost my virginity to. I don't regret it at all and I am not that sore, and I didn't bleed. I have been cramping though and peeing a lot and sometimes its as though I can still feel him inside of me but I think that's from the stretching to accommodate him. 

He kissed me, my neck a lot, breathed on my neck and in my ear and fingered me and played with my clit a lot before he entered me and I know that it really helped to be wet and turned on. Lubricated condoms also are a must. The only mistake I think we made was planning it because it gave me two weeks to worry about it and be nervous about it so I think we should have just went for it. 

I was nervous as hell as he undressed me and when I saw him put on the condom I knew that now was when it was going to happen, I knew that if I had said I didn't want to he wouldn't have put it inside of me, but I am glad that I let him because now that the first time is over I will know what to expect in the future when we have sex. 

It felt so good feeling him moving inside of me, just be prepared for when they are near coming they will thrust harder even if they don't mean to. But it was worth it and I have no regrets. I am lucky I guess.

From Anne
I would just like to thank everyone who has posted here for their insights. I was terrified of my first time, but at the same time I was tired of being a virgin. I am 18 and had been a virgin by choice until I met this boy. He was almost too good to believe and I fell for him within moments of meeting him. 

During our second or third session of making out, hand jobs, and fingering he asked me how far the night was going to go. I had been thinking about having sex with him for a while so I only hesitated for a moment to think before saying that I wanted to have sex with him. I never told him that I was a virgin, but I did make sure that he was gentle (I have read the posts here and I didn't want to go crazy and end up hurting more). 

There was pain, but not as bad as I was expecting. It was a sharp stab of pain, but for me it subsided quickly. Needless to say I didn't experience an incredible sense of pleasure afterwards, but soon enough I was able to actually enjoy the experience. 

All in all it was a good experience, although we were never actually together I don't have any regrets and would probably do the same thing if given the chance.

From Carri
Oh my god...I lost my virginity a few days ago...and it was amazing.

His name is Paul. We were having a few beers, and I took the first step. He left to go to the bathroom, I ran to mom's room and stole one of her condoms. He came back in, I tossed it at him, and at first he was skeptical. I was 17 at the time, and he was 24. I know...but I wanted him so bad! We went upstairs, and he undressed me. He put the condom on and got into my bed. I was so scared, my legs were shaking! He kissed my breasts and touched me everywhere accessible. When he "put it in" it hurt SO BAD that I almost wanted to stop. But, I let him keep going. It wasn't long before he came, and It felt so good to know that I had given this man an orgasm. We did it two more times that night.

I'm turning 18 in 13 days, and he's still 24. We've talked about it a lot and decided that we want to move in with each other. No one knows about "us" except his brother, whom I trust immensely. We've had sex at least two times a day since then, and every time it's been just as amazing as the first time. I did bleed, a little bit, though. And I was so sore for the next couple days, but It didn't matter. I'd lost my virginity and I was happy. I was especially happy that it was with him.

From Miss O
Frankly, I dreaded my first time because I had several forced sexual experiences as a child that made me afraid of being touched, never mind making love to a man. I was 22 when I lost my virginity. Until then I had kissed only two men - one my age when I was 16 and a much older man when I was 20. I did not particularly enjoy either experience.

Shortly after my 22nd birthday I was living in Paris when I met a man 10 years older than I. We chatted a few times and one night he asked me out. After our date he accompanied me home and suddenly I knew I wanted to make love to him. I was just ready - without even giving it any thought beforehand.

When we were in bed I confessed that it was my first time and he took it calmly and and promised to be gentle. That was the first time I had exposed my body to a man and when he told me I was beautiful I felt like a huge weight was lifted from my shoulders. We kissed and caressed each other for quite some time before he entered me. He was very well-endowed and it hurt when he entered me, even though he did so slowly and tried to be as gentle as possible. When he was in me all the way he thrust slowly in and out of me. It hurt, but it was a good hurt - pleasure and pain were all mixed up.

We made love three times that night and I experienced the same physical discomfort mixed with intense pleasure each time. Best of all, my negative childhood experiences were washed away. I saw sex for what it really was - an entirely natural and very pleasurable experience and one that I loved! He was the perfect man to be my first lover and I'll always appreciate that he showed me that sex can be wonderful and natural and fun.

I am curious though - how do men feel about being a woman's first lover? Is it special for you? Do you feel a sense of responsibility or is her first time part of the pleasure of the experience? I wished I had asked my lover how he felt about being my first. I've always wondered if he realised what an effect he had on me.

From Anonymous
I wasn't much into the dating scene in high school or college, and man ... every guy I knew claimed to be getting laid constantly, so I felt "really uptight" about it. About mid-way through my college career, I was friends with Craig, a guy from Nevada. He told me that when his girlfriend wouldn't service him, he'd go to the whore-house. Soooo, a few weeks later I took off to Nevada on my own, determined to lose my virginity.

I arrived at the house of ill repute about 10:30 pm, which in that business is fairly early. Even though Craig had told me all about whore house etiquette, I was still nervous as hell. The only Lady available at that early hour was a Black gal called Lucy. No problem. She led me towards her room, and I spotted a urinal hanging on the wall. I recalled my buddy saying it was always good to drain your snake before you got to the girl's room, so I told Lucy "I'm going to take a piss", and I stepped up to the urinal, and took care of that business. 

Lucy watched, and as I finished and started to tuck my stiffening cock back into my fly, she said "leave it out, I need to inspect you" (this was long ago in the days when at a whore house the guy rode bareback). Lucy then stroked my dick a few times, and boy! did I instantly get rock hard. She looked it over (Craig had told me about this step, but man, I was still nervous as all hell! I wasn't used to females seeing, talking about, or much less touching, my cock) and said "he looks real good to me". 

We then proceeded to her room, I told her I just wanted a straight lay, she took my $10. (yeah guys, I tell you it was long ago), told me to get ready, and left the room. I undressed, and was laying there buck naked, with my cock standing up tall and proud. She re-entered the room, took off her gown, and while I played with her tits, she rode me to orgasm, which didn't take long. Craig had told me that he always thought about football, in order to delay coming. So I did that also, but still came pretty damned fast!. Watching my pale white pecker slide in and out of her black pussy, I shot my load all too quick. 

She lit a cigarette while I quickly dressed, and I was out of there. Driving on across the desert in the middle of the night, I stopped 4 different times and jacked-off, I was so excited about finally "doing the deed".

Though I still do male-male sex, once I knew just how good male-female sex was, I knew I badly wanted it, so I started finding girlfriends. Although I will tell my guy friends that "yeah, I've been to whore houses" and "yeah, I've had a black girl," I never tell them that that was my first time. You never even tell your girlfriends you've done brothels—they just don't get it! 

I'm not embarrassed about it, actually I am glad it happened just like it did, with a professional woman, and a Black one at that! I blew through a lot of taboos all in one great night! It's just one of those private things I keep to myself.

From Lisa
First of all, I'd like to thank everyone for posting their tales on this forum....guys and girls. Reading them gave me some idea what to expect, and as my guy and I had planned a month before doing so, it calmed my nerves considerably. It feels weird to think that I'm not a virgin anymore, but I gave away my virginity (I hate saying it's lost, cause I knew exactly what and well... who, I was doing.) to one of my closest guy friends. 

The ironic part is that he and I barely saw each other in person and when doing so, were around all our other friends so we'd had no time previously to ourselves, despite the fact that we spoke online every night and on the phone every week. Anyways (sorry, get sidetracked easily) I was very fortunate to be able to discuss all my fears/concerns/inhibitions with before going through with it. He not only took the time to relax me nightly about it, but also drove six and a half hours to see me, paid for our hotel room, and took me out to dinner. He made it into an "event" and during he explained things so I would know what to expect usually, and took his good old time in thoroughly pleasuring me. And I learned to do the same, despite my earlier thoughts and freaking out about it. But, there is something about being able to satisfy the other person and make them excited that is truly enjoyable. 

At any rate, he went slowly working his way into me, stopping when I was in pain, and adjusting himself to fit into me better when needed. The first time we did it (we went again later that night) it wasn't great but I had very little pain (as someone on here said earlier... lube is your friend!) and no bleeding, which was a godsend. Also, anyone who is reading this before their first time, as I did, relax your muscles. Be comfortable with the person, they think you are beautiful, which is why they want you, so take comfort in that, and relax! enjoy! 

The second time we had sex my guy tried different positions as well, that was actually fun! And there was no pain at all that time, so I highly recommend waiting till you're comfortable with the other person, and having fun with it. Yes, I was nervous too though.

From Rivergirl
I lost my virginity when I was a freshman in college. I have always been grateful that I lost my virginity to a man (we were both 18) I was in love with and who loved me.

I lived in a dorm; he lived at his parents' home. His family was in complete turmoil (his parents' marriage was in a shambles) and luckily, he and I sort of got lost in the crowd. I spent the night at his house a lot and no one cared. We shared his single-sized bed. This went on for a month or so, us sleeping together but not having sex. Then one morning, I awoke to find him lying on his side, resting his head on his hand, staring at me. I knew. . .I thought, well, this is it!

I was at the end of my period and had to remove a tampon; that left me really dry. I guess we were both too inexperienced to know about having lubrication on hand. It hurt when he penetrated me and during subsequent thrusting (he was well endowed, but I don't think we had to break through a hymen), but I didn't care. I was just so glad to have this new way for us to express our love for each other.

Losing my virginity wasn't sexually fulfilling, but it was a great experience. Thanks, Marc. (He was French-Canadian.)

From Sadistic Bitch
When I asked my partner to have sex with me, he was hesitant but I coaxed him into agreement (really, submission) by arousal. I was horny and I had a boy all to myself. We were both virgins.

Most young girls pretend they're "in love" or that their purely lustful feelings for this other person are "special". I don't lie to myself like this. I wanted sex, and I was prepared to accept that it wasn't going to be special.

So anyways, I was on top, and I did whatever I wanted. It was earth-shattering, loud, and nasty. I implemented kink into my first time with a little light bondage. I've read it all but only dreamed about doing it for real. I felt as if I'd practically done it a thousand times and was a seasoned pro when I actually did it for real. I can say that it was probably good for me because I was in control and I knew what felt good. It didn't hurt that much (but that might be because his dick was really small) and I had a great time.