Married And Gazing

Is looking the same as cheating?

Author Stephen Arterburn, counselor and co-author of Every Man's Battle: Winning the War on Sexual Temptation One Victory at a Time (WaterBrook Press) say "They've learned from experience that their sexual happiness and enjoyment radically improved when they consciously began avoiding being titillated sexually by anyone or anything other than their spouses."

They go on with: "What we are saying is to starve your eyes from those images. Don't look at that pretty girl next door. Don't look at sexy pictures in magazines. Bounce your eyes away from that. Then your wife will be more desirable then ever before. The intimacy level will be much higher. And you will feel much better about yourself."

The inference is that women are sexually attractive to their husbands only if he doesn't look at anything else that might warm his sensual senses. Huh? People never cease to amaze me in their endeavors to frustrate sexuality and twist a perfectly natural impulse to look at and admire attractive people.  

So my questions are: Do you enjoy looking at attractive men? How do you feel when your partner looks at attractive women?  Is looking the same as cheating, or does it add spice to your relationship?  —Adrienne

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From CB
My wife and I have been married for eleven years and are comfortable with each other looking at other people and getting aroused. We went to a wedding a few weeks ago and one of the groomsmen, who was single, kept checking my wife out. She thought he was good looking and flirted with him a little bit. She was wet from the idea of riding this guy's cock and the idea of me sucking him till he blew his load all over her tits, I didn't think we would make it home.

Once we got home we were stripping coming through the door and we had the best sex without the emotional attachment of a threesome and it was fantastic. We feel there is no harm in gazing and often gaze together to add to our fantasies.

From Col
Of course I enjoy other men appreciating my wife's good looks and trim figure.  I'd hate to have a wife who was physically unattractive.  Personality is more important than looks but I'm afraid a short rotund wife with a great outlook on life is no comparison to one who is slim, attractive, exudes sex appeal and one who also has a superb positive attitude. 

We celebrated our 25th wedding anniversary back in July with a party and I was more than pleased to see a line of men, young and our age, all trying to get into her panties.  It was a fabulous feeling and sometime later I discussed it with her and she wondered if I'd ever consider a threesome.  I wasn't sure but willing to try it.  It turned out one of the men at the party had been emailing her so we fixed to meet up with him.  Watching my wife satisfy him and he satisfy her was an amazingly erotic experience, he being a good 15 years younger than her.  We continued to see him for a few more meets and the experiences with him added much to the enjoyment of our own sex life.

From Anton
My wife has always accepted the fact that I enjoy looking at other attractive women.

But I also enjoy knowing that men gaze at my wife.  In fact, she told she loves knowing that other men are eager to fuck her.  I talked her into wearing tighter and tighter clothing and showing much more cleavage when we go out together.

She now enjoys being watched so much, it usually makes her wet just to think about it.

From Alex
My wife suggested I write this (in the end she wrote it for me) since I insist she presents her slim figure and well proportioned legs and ankles in the most attractive way possible.  Why?  Because my wife is 48 and exudes sex appeal. I enjoy her attracting other men, I enjoy her flirting with them, and am fascinated by the thought of seeing her being fucked by another man, a young, good-looking one with a very large penis.  She shares the same thoughts and challenges me to arrange a threesome.  One day I will. 

For the time being I am happy to leave it to fantasy, enjoy watching her at parties leading some poor soul astray, never quite sure (she teases me) if she has been fucked when away at a conference in some exotic location (unless there is a tell-tale bite on her nipple or her labia is enlarged and inflamed from a very recent fuck) but willing to be convinced since (on her return)  it will heighten my sexual technique and responses and take our love-making to new levels of excitement.

From Alan and Diane
Just read from Us over here and would like to comment on our experience.  We're in our 50's, also live in the UK and go to a new very well equipped gym each Saturday and Sunday morning for an hour's workout followed by a laze in the Jacuzzi.  There we learnt about the '11 o'clock club' where at 11 at night the Jacuzzi becomes a place where couples interested in swapping meet up. 

More for married and gazing type amusement than a serious look to join a group of swingers, we went one Saturday evening and enjoyed ourselves thoroughly.  The Jacuzzi rule was no clothes so we both had a very interesting introduction to husbands with erect or semi erect penises and wives with pert boobs through to boobs as sacks. We discovered that if a couple wanted to swap and couldn't wait to dress and go elsewhere one of the saunas was the place for sex. We didn't swap but did go back for further married and gazing at other couples, eventually swapping with a young sexy couple during our fourth visit, enjoying the experience, later linking up with their friends, other couples, at two swingers parties.

From Sammy
We are mid-aged, married for longer than we care to remember but still have our looks and an interest in sex. Also for as long as I can remember, I have fantasied about my wife being fucked by other men. It's a fantasy she also enjoys during our lovemaking, heightening our responses by getting me to list what this fantasy guy would be doing to her. 'So if I went to a party and got fucked by another guy you wouldn't mind?' My response is always the same - no probs, just make sure I'm there to watch him.

The reality is that, at parties, we will both circulate, meet new people, chat, perhaps dance but my wife will always be careful not to create the impression she is 'up for a fuck' unless she means it. For her part she tells me she could never pick another guy up at a party I was also at, maybe if she was on her own.

Would I worry if she ever got fucked? Probably not if I could participate or she immediately returned to me, hot for sex, allowing me to leave my seed inside her, over the other guy's. But that brings me back to my fantasy and my wife can't take it or me seriously.

From Kathy
My husband and I might be very different but we don't have any problems about interest shown in us by others. We've been married for over 25 years (we're both in our late forties) and I guess we're both from the 'meaningless fuck' school, if we like the idea of opportunistic sex with someone then our understanding is 'do it!' That doesn't shatter the very firm foundations on which our marriage is based. We love each other and are sensible enough to know there is nothing to be gained by breaking the marriage up for some immature 'grass is greener' scenario.

We enjoy sex (hubby is athletic, a great fuck and has a cock to die for and one I wouldn't give up in a hundred years!) and I guess our heads would be in a different place if we were off sex, and we both know that our mutual hubby-wife sexual enjoyment just might be enhanced by the occasional (condom protected) extra marital fuck I might experience with a stranger or one of my co-workers. So, yes, happily married but very happily gazing too - but with both feet firmly on the ground!

From Us over here
My husband and I have been married for 19 years and over the last couple of years have started to openly look at other people in a very sexual way - the other people we are looking at are all women and my beautiful wife is now experiencing her bi-sexuality.  We spend time alone looking at other women and making references to their breasts and bonnets. 

We both are members of a very nice gym here in the UK and we spend many hours lazing around in the pool and Jacuzzi area 'people watching'.  My wife then spends many hours going into every last detail of their bodies from the changing rooms and showers - she describes their breast shape, nipple shape and colour, how long or short their bonnets are, and their arse shape.  We spend many long hours making love discussing what we would do with them if they decided to come and join us. 

We have even discussed the option of going away and finding a lady of the night who we can use in our fantasy - anyone have any ideas how we can go about getting one?

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From Gigi
Thanks for responding Ravenwoman. It helps to hear someone else's experience, esp. so thoughtfully written. [see Ravenwoman's entry on page 3]

I agree, despite myself, there are some subtle, primal but perfectly perceivable clues that men must pick up on and HAVE picked up on with me. So far, I have fended them off but feel horrible about all the mixed messages I must be sending.

I'm still trying to work it out with hubby. I haven't sought anything outside of the marriage, though it is still a battle to keep this semi-serious gazing contained. But, no cheating.

Still, this more complicated level of gazing is is very like cheating in that the affect seems so long lasting.

Great forum.

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