Nipples and Clits

Is that all there is?

For visual foreplay, and lots of it:

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From Lazarus
Well...I've heard this from a lot of women and it's pretty sad. As a guy goes maybe I am weird. My idea of foreplay is to decorate a room and buy her lingerie to get into the mood, then I usually start giving her attention starting as soon as she wakes up. You know kissing the back of her neck, stroking her hair, and the usual hugging and squeezing, all with clothes on. By the end of the night she usually doesn't want to wait real long for penetration.

Best recommendation I have is to buy 101 Nights of Grreeat Sex (has 50 ideas for men and 50 for women) and leave it some where he can find it.

[101 Nights of Grreeat Sex is available at Amazon.com / Amazon UK

From Anonymous
On this subject, I must admit a certain disappointment. I like to think I've been adequately trained (as so many of you wish for), but that could just be wishful thinking on my part. My wife, I am sorry to say, is more of a direct approach girl, a few minutes of foreplay, perhaps some hands or tongue and then on to fucking. Sometimes, if I spend too long on foreplay she will actually physically pull me up to get on with it.

My lover (who is quite new to me), on the other hand, loves full body caresses (as do I, I enthusiastically support the notion that men too like to be touched all over their bodies) and the careful, slow touches that set the nerves alive and the brain tingling. I have not quite got HER trained yet, as I'll also agree that men (well, me at least) do NOT like slam-bam oral sex either. I need time to get prepared as well. Indeed, a slow careful use of hands all over this male body sets up a delicious thrumming in my head that I've only experienced a few times in my life.

More competent foreplay, that's the ticket.

Thanks for the book link [see entry 'From Mary' below]. I'm going to have to get that.

From TMS
Honestly, size DOES matter...While it's true that too large can be painful, not being sure you've been entered isn't much fun either. HOWEVER, if the foreplay isn't top of the line the size issue goes by the wayside anyway. Unless you're talking about the occasional quickie, SLOW MOVING is the key to MY happiness! Savoring a kiss, the warmth of a wandering hand, the exploration of the ENTIRE body, the slower, the better! The notion that the BRAIN is the biggest sex organ is on the mark, don't you think?

From Greymaiden
I think I'm with just about everyone else on this forum when I say that big dicks aren't all they're cracked up to be. A woman is only so big herself and anything too large can become downright painful . ..and not in that good way ;)

Foreplay, on the other hand, who doesn't love it?

From Ann
In my we-won't-get-into-exactly-how-considerable experience (mostly because I'm not sure myself), this kind of thing tends to happen under two circumstances. 1. He doesn't know what he's doing. 2. He doesn't know what he's doing and will not admit it even to himself. The first type will learn, usually happily. The second is tougher because the jump required to learn means copping to the fact that he doesn't already know.

Sexual knowledge isn't instinctive, but we're taught that it is or should be for men. Men who give up on this notion are generally great in bed. I've been lucky here. I've encountered only a few of the kind you describe. Most one-night-stands took a bit of a recipe book approach, but one-night-stands are limited that way. Most of those I spent any kind of time with loosened up after a bit and got wonderfully playful, each different in what he liked and disliked, each extremely sensual in his own way. No body part felt ignored, although a few might have felt a bit fixated on. <G> But approach #2 has been the exception rather than the rule in my life--Thank God!--as has the roll-over-and-snore bit, which, now that I think about it, is closely correlated to approach #2.

 My only nit over the years has been a tendency to be a bit too romantic, sometimes even too gentle, which I like a lot of the time but not always. Be fun if someone turned to tables on me more than once in a blue moon. But overall, I have no complaints about my lovers, at least not most of them.

From Boo
My husband and I have been married for 20 years and our sex life is excellent. I am a curious bi-sexual and we often talk about our female friends in a very naughty way. Qe both describe how we would like to seduce them, how we thing their bodies look, how heavy their tits are etc. One evening whilst he was lapping my juices, he decided to take a lick at my arse, I was in total heaven, the wave of emotion that came over me was brilliant, he loves it to as a giver and a receiver! Just try it.

From Anonymous
Here, here! (Note the "men" mentioned in this email are not men in general, they are men in particular those who focus on bits rather than the whole. Wouldn't want anyone to think I'm man-bashing here!)

Karen, my experience has unfortunately been more like yours than Ann's, though there was one lover in particular who was fond of the whole-body approach. But even he became single-minded once his hand made its way to my puss. He'd go straight for the clit, rub it rather clumsily, and then dive in with the finger-fucking.

I think Ann is right when she describes the two possible "types". One is just unaware but trainable, the other is aware but too concerned about his own ego to listen (or thinks he knows better than you do what you should like. As if.). I'd add a third type too the type who just isn't paying enough attention to your pleasure to bother listening.

It doesn't seem that much of a challenge to me. But then, you have to give these guys some slack. For years they were criticized for not even knowing where the clit is. Now that they all seem to know, they aren't going to be fooled into thinking that rubbing just anywhere down there is going to work. They seem so "task-focused".

I think too that possibly they've watched too many porn flicks, where the women, even though they never even seem to come, never get pleasured as a whole package rather than just a collection of "bits." And in spite if this, they squirm and moan and respond like cats in heat. What's a guy to think?

He's supposed to think that the real live woman he's with (each individual one) likes certain things and he'll get a LOT further with her if he listens and touches her the way she wants to be touched.

I've come right out and explained to a couple of men exactly how I like to be touched. I've written them hot stories describing it in minute detail. But it didn't help at all. I even try to teach by showing - making love to them the way I want them to make love to me. So far it hasn't worked. Even when I tried to guide them "in situ" they didn't get it. So who's to blame?

And how do you fix it? You keep looking till you find a guy who's trainable and who is as concerned with your pleasure as he is with his own.

All I know is that if I ever got a guy who touched me all over with as much care and attention as he gives certain specific parts of my genitals, I'd probably be his forever. Well...for a few months, anyway.

From Slohand
Ladies of the Jury, I am here to bear witness to the truth, we men can be trained.

In my youth, I was much as Ann described - focused on so few of the wondrous erotic zones of the female body, but yeah, I am reformed!

I have learned the joys of the slow build up and the gentle touch, and have come to appreciate the wonder of all those curves and slick folds between a woman's legs.

I have learned that the best way to stimulate her (my wife, anyway) is not through more pressure, increased speed or deeper thrusting of my fingers - but rather by applying the lightest touch possible to her clit for the longest time possible, until she is ready to burst - then stopping altogether (sometimes) and starting all over again...now that's the ticket!. In fact, unless I am looking to stimulate her g-spot, my fingers rarely enter her - except for more lubrication, which is VERY readily available.

Granted, those other things have their time and place, but for maximum pleasure, slower and lighter are my watch words.

But in defense of my brethren, even in stories here on this list, from the many talented female writers we have here, the women tend to have their heroes go straight for the clit. The stories rarely dwell upon the type of caressing of the mound, lips, etc that Ann mentioned. If you aren't going to tell them, my sisters, who will? If you remain silent, well, then I am afraid you are doomed.

From Barbara
It's a combination of foreplay and what I call the 'feedback loop.'

Knowing that the other person is aroused by me, arouses me, and knowing that I'm aroused should arouse the other person.

If I feel like the other person is 'just going through the motions' or 'just getting his/her rocks off' then I can't get aroused.

Also, I can't stand it when the other person expects me to lie there like a dead person and wait for the other person to bring me to orgasm.

It takes at least two participants to make love.

Last, but not least, when it comes to clitoral stimulation, slow and gentle at first is what I want and only on the right side of my clit. The left side is too sensitive for me at first. Later, after I'm aroused and my pussy is dripping, then I like my stimulation to be harder and faster from me and from my partner.

From Jill B
How can you be "Wrong" when you're talking about what pleases you? I also hate the dry finger shoved inside routine. And don't get me started about rough fingernails! Communication means a lot. Guys need to hear about what feels good and what doesn't. If women won't tell them, who will? One boyfriend complained when I tried to drop hints that "his past girlfriends didn't seem to mind". I reminded him that they all dumped him. So they did mind. He never did take coaching well. Now I'm just another ex-girlfriend. On the other hand, I've been telling my husband for years that it hurts when he tweaks my nipples. He still does it.

From H
<Ladies of the Jury, I am here to bear witness to the truth, we men can be trained. >

Uhya, well, maybe, to a degree... Send some of whatcha got over here, K?

BUT...

My DH [Dear Hunsband] has some mental blocks that I now try to escape by "banning" the acts entirely. KISSING is one of them. I am seriously kiss-deprived but it's a darned sight better that the gross-out I would otherwise deal with. Actually - it's not "Kissing" it's "tongues" that are the problem.

Ever see that episode of "Sex and the City" in which Charlotte meets a cute guy she likes - and then he licks her face when he's kissing her? EEEWWWW. Well...I live it real life. Gross-me-green. Can't stand it. He, of course loves it and forgets every fucking time - despite having been sworn at, slapped and pushed away countless times since 1985. Now I simply won't tolerate it. I don't think it's funny. I hate it - and I still married the guy because his plusses outweigh the minuses. I just can't stand anything more than a peck on the cheek or lips.

The other thing he does which annoys the shit out of me is he gets into this space where he sucks my breast - not the nipple, but the thin, vulnerable skin on the outside. It's painful, leaves a mark and once again, I HATE it. I have actually stopped him in the middle of things and yelled "DON'T DO THAT!!!" To which he sheepishly says, "But I like it!" To which I respond "I HATE it. GET IT?" and he says yes...and stops and the next time he does it again. Two freaking things that in 18 years together he has never GOT. I get so pissed it ruins the entire night. All because he likes it. Fuck...There are things he likes that I tolerate because I can - but these two are off limits for me. I'm clear about it but it never stops.

Now - what I don't get is how much MORE communicative can I be when I say "I hate that and I NEVER want you to do that again..."? It's not a big enough deal to warrant a divorce (I wouldn't dream of it), but always in the back of my mind is the thought that he's going to get carried away and do it again - and inevitably he does.

I mean what must a guy get from deliberately doing something he's been BEGGED to stop doing? I DO NOT like getting my face licked. I DO NOT like having my boob sucked anywhere but where it was meant to be sucked. The face thing makes me want to puke. The boob thing just annoys me. I am NOT turned on by this. I am turned OFF and I've made it abundantly clear that's how I feel. I just don't get it.

Oh, yes - and this is the same guy who if I say, "Keep doing that, or "Don't stop" he'll immediately stop doing whatever it is that's working and do something else!! AAAARGHHHH. This I can almost understand as a need for him to want to "do more" when what he's doing is plenty. Makes me insane when it happens but I can rationalize this by thinking that it's about him trying even harder to please.

It's a real drag when, while making love, my honey has these attacks of amnesia which result in disaster. So, PLease, slo - or anyone else who could shed light on this deepest of mysteries - please do - cuz after nearly 20 years together, I have my doubts.

Love him to death, but...

From Jill
I know what you mean, H. If a guy is a good kisser, with me he almost doesn't HAVE to do anything else for foreplay, or anything else he does melts me like ice cream in July. Kissing is probably #1 on my foreplay list, and I like it all over, especially on my neck and my shoulders and the back of my neck.

From Jordana Winters
Well, after reading all the responses, I see I'm not alone. I didn't think I was which actually is pretty sad. I shouldn't make out like my situation is that bad because it isn't. My husband (love him to death) is way more skilled than any of my past lovers but still needs a little work. I know he's quite trainable and since we haven't been together all that long I'm not even worried about it.

I'm actually with H on the kissing thing. I kiss my husband, just a peck and I love that and I kiss him more intimately, open mouthed, a little bit of tongue and all that and I really like that. Problem is, when he gets excited and during sex he kisses way too rough and I don't like it at all. Like H I hate it and it turns me off so I move myself away from him and have told him I don't like it. He says 'you don't like kissing.' I've explained to him that kissing isn't the problem but it's when he gets too excited and goes all nuts on me. Is he hearing me though? Nope. He just thinks that I don't like to kiss at all which isn't the case at all. Oh well. What's a girl to do?

I agree with the porno thing though. That's quite true. I tell you what, if a man ever attempted to perform oral sex on me like they do in pornos, well he could be down there for a week and I would never get off. Porn is fun to watch but so ridiculous in its reality of what 'real sex' between couples (and not porn stars) is really like. I could go on for a week about the issues I have about porn but that's another thread.

From Dawn
I've always thought my husband's hands were beautiful. His fingers are slender, beautifully formed and his fingertips feel very, soft and sensitive. My pussy wets the instant he splays the lips and rolls his fingertip over my clit. 

Luckily we haven't lost that loving feeling and he always gives me the most amazing orgasms just finger fucking me. Combine that with his tingling tongue sucking my breasts and nipples hard, and I automatically submit and open for him to come inside. I see now I'm so lucky my husband is an ultimate lover.

From Bored out of my mind
My husband wants to know why I'm not as interested in sex as I was when we were going out and first married? Simple: no foreplay. In the old days, we would kiss and caress for a while. This foreplay aroused me and made me want sex, even if I hadn't started out all that interested due to stress or exhaustion. 

Newsflash to men: Women's sexual response is different from yours. It takes a while to build, it is not immediate, and is greatly affected by our lives (exhaustion, stress), as well as our emotional connection to our partner. If you just want to stick your finger on my clit and expect me to scream, "Oh yes, do me now!" you're kidding yourself. You also make me feel as though I am merely a receptacle for your come. Show that you care enough about my pleasure to spend five minutes kissing me -- just kissing me for godsakes -- and maybe I'd be more interested in doing it.

From Adam
I decided to try to train my wife to become aroused with innocent actions. Her wrists are very soft, and I have always enjoyed her soft skin. So as a prelude to any lovemaking, I would gently stroke her soft wrists. Then I would slowly move my attention to the inside of her arms, her shoulders, then finally her breasts. Since she is delightfully soft in all these areas, I always enjoyed these ramblings. As part of her training, I would occasionally stroke her wrists while going down on her or playing with the vibrator.

The end result? When we are out in public, I can slide my fingertips down her wrists, look into her eyes, and get a smoldering and/or loving look back in return. Funny thing is, I trained myself as well. I often start to get hard just by touching her wrists.

She has many soft areas. The inside of her ankles, back of her knees, sides of her belly, around her navel, and best of all, the sides of her breasts and the inside of her thighs. Always a joy to touch. So ladies, take good care of your skin, and someday your man will realize how nice it is just to touch it.

From Anonymous
There seem to just be men who haven't a clue and don't pay enough attention to learn. Perhaps they don't want to learn. My husband was great for a hot and heavy quickie when we were both horny but romance was not even in his vocabulary. I didn't get the full brunt of this until after we were married or I wouldn't have said "I do" So as we got older he developed erection problems that prevents him from penetration. Peyrone's syndrome or the man with the crocked stick syndrome. 

So we never have sex and I've taken to sleeping in a separate room for the purpose of self indulgence. This was OK except I do feel that kissing is the initial first and greatest foreplay. Everything else just compliments that. 

So I have resurrected an affair of long ago, over 30 years. He's the last lover I had before I married. Our friendship has stayed in tact all these years. And while we only get to be together for one week a year. He is such a supreme lover that I will myself to be satisfied and write him erotic emails daily. So we have a lot of mental sex. We are over 1000 miles apart but he has made mental love to me that makes me feel as if he's next to me every night. Ours is more than just sex that attracts us to each other but he is a gentle, slow and attentive lover, taking note from my erotic writings about what I like and how. When he writes erotically back to me which for many reasons is only occasionally, it is so exciting, reading it makes my clit swell and I rock back and forth in the chair and manage to make myself come. 

So I believe it is first the mind and then the whole body but slowly and gently. My lover is a retired gynecologist so I guess that qualifies him in many respects.

From Oaktree
Gentlemen,. please; foreplay begins:

1) On awakening.
2) At first contact.
3) Continuously as long as you are together. 

Bearing in mind the largest sex organ is the brain, find out what she enjoys and never, never, stop stroking her, physically or otherwise. The result is mind blowing sex; Happy women are sexy women. 

From rAgAv
I just love to hold her hips from behind and press her butt onto my cock (while I'm still in my Dockers) so that my pole can get 100% erect. Then just slide my fingers to her perky nips and then remove my Dockers and slide my cock right under her wet cunt and kiss her neck and turn her around and slide my lips from her neck to her nipples to her shaven cunt and give her some serious cunnilingus and then ask her to pose on all fours and then fuck her from behind and watch her ass shake.

From Anonymous
What is there besides nipples and clits? How about toes? Having your toes sucked can be a real... toe-curling experience.

From Natalee
Thank you Buttercup for such a joy filled share. [see Buttercup's entry below] I can only imagine how much love must be in this marriage. Maybe I am supposing because the skillful master of Buttercup's mutual satisfaction is 78, she is older too and has been married a while to this giving man. But that supposing has got me hoping my next 20 years are going to be better yet. My husband got a big smile reading this too.

You go, lucky girl!

From Anonymous
I recently had a lover who was very generous with foreplay - running his hands all over my body, massaging and kissing for an hour or more. However, he ruined a good thing by my taste because he then wanted a BJ and didn't go down on me before or after. So when you're trying to figure out what does and does not work with women, you definitely got to look at the whole package.

From Emma
Here are some tips for a happy and sexually fulfilled woman: do her whenever she does you (preferably beforehand), ask her explicitly what she wants, don't take offense if she offers advice, it will help you out down the road.

From Ed
I have in my life had one lover that really appreciated the art of fore play. She adored have her nipples sucked and clit sucked. I would wake her up of a morning by sucking her nipples or her clit. It made for a mind blowing experience for both of us.

So guys if you want to give her something to think about all day long try this, but be ready to perform when you get home because she will remember that morning

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