Can Fat be Sexy?

The Skinny on Sex and Weight

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From Mary
Fat is a turn-off. Men carrying a lot of extra weight breath heavy, have sweaty skin at the drop of a hat, are not agile, and because of the extra fat at the base of their penis, they can't get in very far - which is really a mute point because their stomach gets in the way. The only comfortable position is doggy-style, anything else is crushing the person on the bottom or fat gets in the way of any significant penetration.

But the main problem is health. Obese people look and feel unhealthy. There is nothing sexy about that. So yes, obese people are a turn-off and sex with a fat man is simply no fun.

From Douglas
I like very skinny, very tall women (I'm 6'1"). I'm not attracted in the least to any extra weight, flabby skin, or chubbiness. One man's opinion.

From Dark Gypsy
I weigh 386 lbs. I am 31, married, and I have a lover. (My lover is my best friend's husband, and everything is very loving and out in the open) I have sex with one or the other of them nearly every night, and sometimes several times a day (on the weekends). Fairly often, my boys team up to please me.

I get more sex than anyone I know, and I am fully capable of many positions including missionary, doggy-style, side penetrations, standing at the side of the bed, 69, you name it. My lover is married to a woman who is half my size, but I turn him on more than anyone he's ever made love to. He has commented that the inside of my vagina feels tighter and more textured than anyone he's ever experienced, and he loves not being concerned about breaking me.

Boys, there's nothing wrong with a skinny girl, but don't knock sinking yourself into fleshy woman until you've tried it. You may be surprised at how marvelously good we feel inside and out.

From Anonymous
I love big. I have become the big I fantasize about - D cup, big brown nipples, big - just big. I love walking naked in the Y and entering the sauna room. It is a big that has finiteness. It is beautiful.

I fantasize going down on naked big women with flower pussies, of getting big hugs, or rubbing big butts - if no one can get how big is beautiful there is something wrong with them. There is just more to make love to.

From Cat
I think weight is in the eye of the beholder and the person with the weight. For myself when my weight is above my norm I find I hide under sexy nightwear. I won't be as forward as usual and even have less sex than usual. This isn't because anyone else is uncomfortable with me, it's just me. 

I have health issues and my weight can go up and down easily. Right now it's up by 15 pds. Yeah, not much but I'm 5' nothing, so it shows. When I'm at my correct weight I'm a sensuous kitten ready to play as I roll over and wait for my belly rub. The 1 thing I have noticed over the yrs. is it seems big women are with skinny guys or vice versa. All I can say is, to each his own and have a good time!

From Mike
Although I'm mainly attracted to thin women, particularly Asians, I also am attracted to a degree to women that are mildly overweight. Some girls that are somewhat overweight (not grossly obese) can really carry that weight well, and it can look quite good on them. Hispanic women in particular have the ability to look really good with some extra weight.

My first wife was considerably overweight, and there was a certain sexiness to that. I'll never forget how her big stomach looked as it jerked up and down in rhythm as she had an orgasm - damn, that was hot.

From Happy at Last
I was married for years to a woman who, by the vast majority of standards, is damned near perfect. She is very pretty, graceful and has an incredible shape (small waist, tall, perfect hips). However, she is the worst b*tch that most people have ever met. Incredibly shellfish and self-centered, my life with this beauty was pure hell. After we divorced, I dated several women solely for their personality. 

Since I am in relatively good shape, many were worried because of their self-image issues. Their lack of self confidence was very unattractive to me. Eventually, I calmed down and settled for an overweight woman who makes me feel like a king. I am so turned on by her and cannot get enough! We make love like a couple of teenagers. Her extra weight is what adds character to the woman that I love. Love equals great sex to me now.

From Anonymous
I'm currently living in South Korea although I'm a white foreign women and I'm constantly surrounded by very thin Asian women. The men here think women from the States look disgusting. They are all very turned-off by fat, so in a way it's a cultural thing. People are products of their environment and they make do with what they have and with what is available. If 70% of the population becomes overweight, men will just have to get use to overweight women so to speak.

Some people think it's curves that make a women look womanly. Since being in Korea I would have to say that thin women can look very womanly. They have a gracefulness, flexibility. In their opinion thinness is a sign of femininity where as fat would be considered butch and manly.

From Anon
I'm a bit more than 1/2 way to a weight loss goal of 100 lbs. (doing it for health reasons, I was obese when I started). At 5'8, I've ranged from 120 lbs to 250 lbs. I feel my best between 130 & 160.

I find I'm at my most energetic when I'm exercising regularly, regardless of my weight. That helps with the important things like flexibility & stamina.

A lot of it is attitude. I'm middle aged and I've developed a lot more confidence as I've gotten older. I'm less physically attractive now than I was when I was in my twenties, but I'm not ashamed of my body and sex like I was then. And I'm more enthusiastic about sex now than I was then. Judging from the reactions of my partners, that seems to be a big turn on in and of itself. So, even though I'm overweight, I'm enjoying sex more now than I did when I was thinner & younger.

From Jeroen
I've had sex with one or two women who would be considered obese, not severely so but definitely more than 10-15 kgs overweight. In tactile terms, it feels fine. Visually, though, it's almost always a major turn-off, though a small handful of women can pull it off. It depends on how it's distributed, too, and on how good the person's skin is. Bad skin and overweight is really not good.

From Doug
In the last 40 years my weight has varied between 175 and 325 for a variety of reasons. I'm 6'1" so there is a range from lean to obese. After a broken back in my early 20s my weight shoot up to 325 pounds from 225. Sex was difficult and painful during the back fracture and rehabilitation phase, and unfortunately some added pain for the rest of my life. At 325 my stomach got in the way in every position except with my wife on top. Sitting face to face was difficult to do and impossible to be able to hug her at the same time. I also lost about an inch of penetration ability because of the fat around the base of my penis. I felt lousy about myself and didn't like being fat like that. 

Over the next 4 years I got down to 170 at the lowest, but not maintainable, and stabilized at 175 - 190 for the next 15 years until medical problems change it. The sex during those years was better in a lot of ways. I was jogging about 30 miles a week at the beginning and was in good condition. I had basically unlimited physical endurance with as much vigor as my wife enjoyed. With no stomach to interfere we could do things that had been impossible before. Being fat imposed all sorts of limits both from a power to weight ratio and physical bulk ratio. It got in the way, I got tired more quickly moving more weight around, I wasn't strong enough to do some things with the weight that I can do without.

My wife was 5'4" and about 125 most of this time. During menopause she gained 40 pounds in 6 months with no change in diet. It was about this time that my muscles became sore for medical reasons and her weight became an issue because of pressure on my body anywhere. Over the next decade she got back down to 125.

All in all, added weight did nothing at all positive for our sex lives. And the more weight either or both of us put on, the more hindrance it was. And when both of us were at the high end (165 and 280) things were the most difficult. We were not able to find a position comfortable for both of us when taking both weight and medical conditions into account. It wasn't all weight and size. That further limited things. My wife wasn't happy with herself at the higher weights. She looked good and certainly caught the men's eyes at the nudist clubs even at her maximum weight. It wasn't about other people's reactions. It was about how she felt about herself. She felt unattractive.

From OTE
When I posted, I was speaking from my point of view (5'11'' and 190#) and the woman being obese. I can understand Jim's experiences with what is traditionally called a beer-belly. My experiences don't include any personal obesity problems.

That being said as a disclaimer, my experiences include but are not are limited to obese women. My last wife (23 years) weighed between 240# and 280# (seasonal variation) on a 5'4" frame. Some positions were difficult but not impossible. Most of the problems were not physical, but rather a matter of my ex's sexual self-image causing her to avoid positions that visually emphasized her body. From my perceptions, it appears that women are more concerned with their body image during sex than men. My ex wanted the lights out or very dim and this is what put real limits on my sexual experience.

Few were the times that I noticed any real physical impairment to our sexual exercises. Yes, the ole missionary position with me laying on her mandated me being bent at the waist, but most of the time, I prefer to support my own weight rather than ask the woman to support me. In my own experience, missionary position with me supporting myself on my arms allowed and continues to allow far more hip movement.

Though my ex is long gone and with new sexual aids readily available, were I to have sex with another obese woman, I would drag out my Liberator Wedge. This marvelous cushion provides just the right amount of hip tilt to make a woman's obesity (within some limits) a non-issue. Whether male superior, female superior or doggy-style, this cushion allows the belly fat to shift away from the pelvic region allowing deeper penetration along with g-spot stimulation.

Though I can't test the wedge from an obese man's point of view, I can visualize a real benefit in the female superior position. Male superior and doggy-style might be easier. I say "might" only because of the issue of how much of the man's weight is supported on his own arms.

IMHO, the logistics that Jim speaks of is more a matter of comfort and ease rather than impossibilities. I have little doubt that physical fitness allows longer and more exotic sexual experiences. Along with being fit for action, being physically fit provides for far better salesmanship. After all, each of us markets ourselves as part of the courtship ritual. For each body type, there is a market. Each person has to consider which market allows the largest numbers to choose among. Not to fear though; for every body type, there are people that see your shape as desirable. Not everyone sees bone-skinny or obesity as sexually undesirable. Each needs to accept their own sexuality and embrace it. Once you can feel sexy, others will see it too.

From Jim
I read OTE, [see entry below] and I agree that a full-figured women is sexy in many ways. However, the question here is How does obesity affect sex, key word being 'obesity' which is beyond full-figured.

Yeah, voluptuous well padded curves makes me weak in the knees, but rolls of fat? No, no no. I know what I'm talking about. Been there, done that. I was 45 pounds over my desired weight, and let me tell you something, when I lost those 45 pounds, my dick looked almost twice as long because the base is no long hidden in rolls of fat. That also means I can now get closer, and go deeper in my full-figured girlfriend - yes, she's full-figured, not fat. Big difference.

I don't feel like I'm crushing her if I'm on top, I'm not huffing and puffing, or dripping sweaty during vigorous sex. And best of all I can hug my girl without my big fat belly getting in the way.

So yeah, obesity affects sex, no doubt.  I mean just think of the logistics, which is not very exciting to think about.

From OTE
Having had long term relationships with women from the boney to obese, I have come to the conclusion that boney women aren't comfortable for long rides. By the same token, obese women exhibit body image problems, yet can have extended periods of raw passion and no bone bumping that leaves bruises.

Now I'm in a long-term relationship with a full-figured woman that carries little extra weight beyond that bit that gives her real woman curves. You know the body type. Mature fertile curves of a proven breeder capable of bearing children with little effort.

My personal taste in woman's physiology has nothing to do with desire to procreate as I took care of that possibility long ago. Rather I consider that I'm a throw-back to a time when women were chosen as mates based upon some genetic criteria of ability to bear and raise children successfully to maturity. Mayhaps it is also about the physical strength and endurance to join me on the hunt. At the same time, carry enough body fat to nurse offspring during the lean times without putting herself at risk from starvation.

What I do know is that this type of physiology has the look, strength and endurance to be the partner of any man worthy enough of her.

In m'lady's case, she has developed a sense of body image that causes her no grief other than her stretch marks from birthing two children. To me, I have no problems with her stretch marks as I see them as proof of her virility.

In mine own perception, I see her as voluptuous. Perfect, no. But neither am I. Matters not as we have long since become bound to one another by the mutual need to be with a life partner that shares common interests and unconditional acceptance of one another. No other woman has ever brought out the "Son of Eros" that was so long kept buried within me. And me towards her? I love bringing out her inner "Aphrodite's Daughter" passion.

The most intense erogenous zone is that grey stuff between our ears. A big share of all the rest is not much more than the wrapping on a birthday present. Draws the eye, but it is what is inside that really gets our attention. Or maybe it is just a strange sense of reality held solely by myself.

Tis my conclusion that you have to pad the package to avoid any damage. Tis for each to determine how much padding is enough. Once you can accept yourself and another, even clothing becomes just another wrapping on a highly desired present.

From Volponia
I consider myself about 50 pounds overweight, and think that qualifies as obese. My last lover must have had about 6 percent body fat. I was self-conscious about how we looked together (he was also 14 years younger than I), but our sex life was very satisfying to me, and, I assume, to him.

From Jordana Winters
As a person who very much values physical fitness (and this is just my opinion), I could never find obesity to be a turn on. There is just no way. There isn't even an association between the two for me. I would say it's actually a turn off. Big time.

Position logistics would be difficult I would think, but, I guess it depends on how obese we are talking. Again, the idea of two or one even overweight people rolling around in the bedroom is something I try not to think about.

From Teela
I am by no stretch of the imagination obese. But if I "feel fat" it really gets in the way of enjoyment. I want to avoid certain positions, wear concealing lingerie. My husband doesn't seem to care at all - it's strictly my own bit of lunacy. He's no string bean and it doesn't bother me at all. I still want him plenty. He's not obese, but he's definitely spread some over the years. I can't seem to allow myself the same latitude.

Why are we so much harder on ourselves?

From Tre
Well, considering I'm a health nut to a point, I don't have a problem when it comes to obesity. I've pretty much dated women that have a few pounds on them. What annoys me is that they all have constantly asked why I'd want to be with them, since I work out. Truly, it comes down this, and this might sound so cheesy... it's the mind. I love a woman with the 50's curves, and a mind right now. They can believe it or not.

Hell, I just love women!

From Phlye
There have been a number of BBW's in my life. There's a certain je ne sais crois about being enveloped in more woman than one man can handle that's... well, it makes me feel all warm and cozy just thinking about it!

Always was a fan of big mammaries, and, when combined with a booty you need a roadmap for so you don't lose your way... whoa.

One more thought. With few exceptions, every submissive woman I've encountered has been of the BBW persuasion. Coincidence or just good fortune?

From Tess
In terms of the act of sex itself, I've never had an issue. At my top weight, I was afraid I might hurt my husband when I got on top of him. But, he assured me it was not a problem at all. The obese men I have been with did present some challenges as they had fat around their pubis that "shortened" their cock. And, of course, they were out of shape and I had to do most of the physical work. Even then, I did not consider it a problem; I just approached the situation with some creativity and firm resolve to find a solution.

I will add that there are many more men than one might think who are attracted to BBW (Big Beautiful Women). Some of these men have true fat fetishes, but many of them just appreciate a woman who is comfortable with her body, no matter her size. The perception of men whom are attracted to BBW as "losers" - unattractive, desperate, or any other negative image - is blatantly incorrect. Men who are attracted to BBW are as diverse and varied as the general population. There is no stereotype for BBW admirers - just as there is no stereotype for a BBW.

I think that the dom/sub ratio among BBW is pretty equal. Some men prefer a BBW Dominatrix as her size contributes to her power and dominance. There is a strong contingency of men (and woman) who enjoy smothering, trampling, face sitting, and Giantess fantasies of being dominated and/or humiliated by a woman much larger than them. There are some aspects of D/s relationships that employ humiliation of a BBW - Piggy girls and "cows". There is also a population of feeders and feedees that center their sex on food and weight gain. I can not embrace these extreme fetishes; they are just not my cuppa tea.

From The Butterfly Temptress
I am considered "obese" by today's standards. The problem came when I fell in love for the first time in my life with a man who is naturally predisposed to physical perfection. My Knight is well built and can eat like a horse without any trace of heaviness or obesity. Why would someone like that want to be with someone like me? It's a head trip of the worst kind.

Sex used to not be a problem. Now, however, because the Knight is smaller than I am, I shy away from certain things. I love riding him, but I'm afraid of crushing him, so I don't. I love oral sex, but I'm afraid he is turned off by having his mouth on my plump cunt lips, between my chubby thighs, so I frequently turn down or refuse it. I am not morbidly obese, so I know it is in my head but it doesn't change anything. I worry about those things now. I didn't before.

From Amanda Earl
I'm 5'1 and 160 lbs. Sometimes I have to buy clothes in plus sizes and sometimes not. My husband is 6'1 and 280, definitely a big bear.

I love everything about my husband's size; it's a part of his personality and beauty. Physically I'd rather make love to men with meat on their bones than really skinny guys because I feel like I have to watch my movements or else I might crush them. They just feel more fragile to me and I don't enjoy being jabbed by a boney hip.

From Oxartes
Beautiful women come in all sizes, shapes & colours. Neither my wife nor I will be modeling swimsuits of any kind but that's not the point. I'm not puppy-eyed in love my wife because I find her sexy, arousing & attractive; I find her sexy, arousing & attractive because I'm puppy-eyed in love with her. My wife was never overweight before we met (she blames my cooking; she says I feed her too well) but she was never wafer thin either. That is singularly unattractive. What guy wants to cuddle up to a stickwoman?! Not me; yecch! I adore my wife's thighs and her unflat tummy... Mmmm!

Quoth Freddy Mercury: "Fat-bottomed girls make the rockin' world go round."

From Cervo
The object of my fantasies is always someone I like and who enjoys my sexual attentions whether in the form of flirting or some more direct 'contact.' I can truthfully say this has included all sorts of ladies of all sorts of sizes and shapes though rarely, if ever, very small and thin. I am an enthusiast and such people strike me as easily damaged by being held firmly in one's arms. That may be simple prejudice. Who knows?

Fat is in one's mind. The usual person's notion of a fat bottom is not in the least to me. Girl's come in curves. I like girls a lot. I like curves a lot too, but first of all I like girls.

What I do not care for sexually are people who look unhealthy. One can be quite large, round, and roly-poly or very small and round and be quite delicious. Truly delicious. But when people are obese in such a way that they are sallow and shapeless, then you know they are killing themselves a pizza at a time and that is not erotic at all.

Size has nothing to do with muscle tone and fitness either. I will never understand the objection to an ample girl, nicely dressed and looking radiant, who is toned and fit. Nothing says that thin is a standard in this regard except our national obsessions with various health fads.

I firmly contend that size and roundness of form are appealing in an appealing person. What kills the interest is sloth. Inertia is as romantic as a broken fire plug.

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