Porn on My Partner's Computer

Why am I so jealous?

I need some advice. Recently, I discovered a lot of porn on my husband’s computer, around 10,000 photos to be exact. They accumulated during a "dry" spell when I was having our two children. The dry spell has been over for some time now.

When I found out about the porn, I went nuts. Since then, my husband hasn’t looked at the porn, but I’m afraid this won't last. So afraid in fact that I’ve started snooping around on his computer, which makes me feel really rotten.

The fact is I don’t want my husband to feel like he can’t ever look at porn. What I want is to lose my hang-ups over it and let my husband enjoy. I mean we have good sex so why should I care? But right now I do care. We’ve talked about this to death to try and work things out, but I still feel like a stranger around him and am afraid to go into his office for fear I’ll catch him looking at another pornographic picture.

Why am I so jealous? I feel I’m just as good as these porn women. There’s nothing they do that I won’t do. Is it wrong to snoop on my husband’s computer when he’s away? I suspect so, given how awful I feel when I do it. —Anonymous

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From Lola
When a man watches porn does that mean he isn't happy with his own sex life? My boyfriend knows that I don't like him watching porn so he decided to do it behind my back and when I found a lot of it on his computer and confronted him about it he tried lying and saying he didn't do it. When he finally stopped lying about it he didn't understand why I was so upset about it.

In my opinion it means hes not happy with our sex life or with me so he has to look at other women and get off to them. It makes me feel like I'm not good enough for him and it makes me really self-conscious about myself because I don't look like all the porn stars. I consider it a form of cheating even though he is just looking.

I just really don't like it and he told me he wouldn't do it anymore but I honestly don't trust him with this subject anymore. When we talked about it, it turned into a big fight. After arguing about it for a while he just wanted to drop it even though I was still really upset and was not over it at all. I've decided to cut him off from all sexual activities. Is that wrong of me to do? should I not be upset about this?

From Give Me  A Break
I'm so tired of people believing men give up so much to be with one woman.  Um, excuse me, there are two people in the relationship.  Women give up another life they could be living as well.  So why is it a given that women should be grateful men don't cheat.  I could have a different man every night if I wanted as well.  What? Would that make me a hoe?  Well then me and men would be equal. 

I've decided to be married and share my life with one man.  However, whenever I bring up the issue of porn, I'm told I should be grateful he's here with me.  So then when he runs short on money and I can't have everything exactly the way I like, can I go talk to other men to fulfill my needs/find a virtual replacement?! Cause, um, women like to be taken care of, correct?

From Anonymous
I am also is in the same situation with my husband.  He looks at porn almost daily. I am 27 years old and my husband is 44. We don't have sex as much as I used to have with my younger ex boyfriends that's why I hate it knowing that he looks at porn because that's probably the reason why he doesn't get excited as much anymore or maybe because of his age, or who knows!

Anyways, what I did is I also look at young hot guys online and don't care if he sees me or not. It made it erase the jealousy I felt knowing that he should be the one that should get jealous and not me!

From Kodageas
I am a 27 year old male and I have looked at porn since I can remember; however, when I met my wife and she saw me looking at porn she was excited and turned on. I guess I am a lucky man. I do have to say though I understand some women's point-of-view when it comes to their man looking at porn and becoming jealous. I have been there with an ex. I had a solution for her to get over this "big" thing though. At first it will probably be awkward but it certainly starts to help.

When in public or at home on the computer (two sites in two different windows side by side his and yours) have him look at other women and actually check them out. Then ask him how he feels and how it is different towards you. Have him do the same thing back to you. It will build faith and trust between you, along with creating a more intimate and exciting love life. After a while this will become routine and as for the porn thing you might just start looking at it with him.

Another way is you pick out a porn movie of your choice for the both of you. It would be a surprise to him and if he gets aroused have fun with him and try the positions they do or try to follow along with the porn video (this is an awesome one) going the distance can make your relationship much deeper than it is now. I might be younger but I have been in similar situations many times and have used this idea. It works with a percentage of 87% or so. Remember it takes some time.

[From ERWA: This is good idea, Kodageas. We'd also like to suggest that watching porn together it's an excellent way to clue your partner in to your personal turn-on, and turn-offs. We have a selection of adult movie suggestions for couples, and For the Girls is a good porn site to browse through together.]

From CameoRose
Add me to the list of frustrated women...

My boyfriend looks at porn on the computer all the time. Not just sites that show nudity and sex, but more often the sites that feature women being bound and gagged, tied up "crucifix style", etc. He saves the pictures that he likes best from these sites, so he can look a them later.

He tells me that I am beautiful, and how there isn't anybody else that he wants, but he sure doesn't mind staring at those damn pictures for hours on end.

I have never felt so awkward, inadequate and unwanted in my life. When he first moved in with me, earlier this year, we were having sex every day. Now, it's been over 4 months. The last time anything happened, I had to initiate it, and he just did a "quickie" like he wasn't all that interested.

He chats with several people on the net, on sites that he visits, etc. It scares me to think that he would rather talk to them than be with me, and the really bizarre thing is that he signs in under a woman's name on one site. I will probably never understand that.

From Married Guy
I occasionally look at porn more for the curiosity and excitement—and curiosity leads to more curiosity—way too much usually, time-wise, etc. I rarely orgasm to pictures/videos as then I feel unfaithful to my wife. It also makes me feel like crap. I often tell her if I did look and come. I feel more comfortable at sites like this in which reading about the sexual views of other people leads to fun fantasies I can share with my wife.

Getting her excited is the most fun thing for me. Looking at her nude body and diving into her breast and vagina is more exciting than seeing anyone else. Hearing her gasp and moan, and seeing her mouth open with her eyes rolling back in satisfaction is wa-a-a-y more exciting than seeing someone's video I neither know or care for.

From Victor
I am a 45 year old man who has been involved with porn since I was 12 years old. I have heard that the only real reason someone views porn alone is that they are lonely or immature. Since I am married with two children I must be the latter!

I used to think that I looked at porn to get off because my wife wasn't as interested in sex as I was. But recently, she must have had a change in hormones (she's 39) and was after me for sex 2 or 3 times a day. She gave me pleasure any way I wanted it. This included sucking my cock in a hotel bathroom - very hot! But as soon as I could, I was back on the computer looking at porn sites. I'm thinking that I am like a lot of men who instinctively and subconsiously try to put distance between themselves and the women in their lives. Maybe it's a holdover from the mother-son relationship or the cultural taboo of being pussy whipped. But something's behind this fear of intimacy.

That's what I think it is, because viewing porn, I'm just a frustrated spectator who has an itch he can't ever scratch.

After masterbating to pictures of gross women and men doing gross things, I feel gross too. It's not healthy.

From Rikotica
My fiancé' never said much but I could sense something. She often wanted to watch me masturbate while looking at porn on the net or whatever it was that turned me on. Mostly consisted of women in sexy lingerie and heels beside other porn. It started to make her feel, "How can I compete with a hottie that's maybe 22 years old or her tight youthful body". 

My fiancé' is a 5ft 2in 126 lb redhead that is very pretty and sexy but , let's just say "Mature". I saw her concern for my voyeuristic desires and I decided to back off and you know what/ I am having much more fun with her! I take a peek now and then and still masturbate once in a rare while. It's been much better for both of us!

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