Swing Clubs

What goes on at these parties?

Anyone ever been to a swing club or sex club? I'm dreadfully curious—what's it like? What are the rules, the etiquette? Can you go and just watch or do they find that annoying?

By "swing clubs" I mean the type of establishment where you have a membership and there are scheduled parties and dances, rules and regulations, etc. Off premises or on. It turns out there's such a club in the city where I live, and I'm told by my gentleman friend that an acquaintance of his (from work no less) can refer us to the proprietors. I'm not the type to want to get naked with strangers, but I certainly am the type who has always wanted to indulge an untried voyeuristic inclination.

So, the more anyone can tell me about what goes on at these parties, the better. I'll know if I want to try and go to one...or two or three or...

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From Tyler
Reading Tina's very helpful guide, I guess my wife and I were a 'tourist couple' when we had our very first partner swap experience.  It happened in Rio, we were staying there during carnival week, a mid-scale hotel with a disco club in the basement which we discovered had a theme for every evening.  Wednesday night was couples swing evening, the hotel inviting couples staying at the hotel to attend, offering a free cocktail as an inducement.  If you were there it was assumed you wanted to swap partners for sex, not in the club itself, partners to return to their rooms for sex. 

We are in our early forties, married for 13 years, enjoy our sex and, being slim and good looking, we've both had many opportunities for extra-marital sex but never indulging.  On the night in question we went out for a meal, returning just after midnight.  In our room my wife suggested we go to the swinger's night in the club.  To watch or join in?  She wanted the latter as long as I didn't get mad.  No, I promised, I wouldn't, be interesting to see if she did meet anyone, what sort of guy she'd select for sex.  We had no condoms but there was a large bowl of them at the bar and we both took handfuls. 

We met a couple straightaway.  They, too, had not done any swinging before and after an hour or so of dancing we decided to leave, my wife accompanying the husband to his room, his wife with me in our room.  The sex was very enjoyable, and my wife reported that she also had a very satisfying time, the husband being very athletic and well endowed.  Her boobs covered in bites, my wife returned the following morning and my partner went back to her husband.  Back home we decided to get into the swinging lifestyle although, so far, we haven't found any couples who we'd want to swing with.

From Tina
I have been participating in swinging for many years and thought that I could add something to this discussion.  First, it seems that swing clubs are being discussed here in a generic manner.  They are hardly all the same.  There are many different kinds.  Some couples may be turned off totally by one kind, but find a "home" in another.

1. On premise clubs - As you might guess, these are commercial clubs where sex takes place on premise.  They generally have a seperate social/dance area/bar, and then rooms for sexual activity.  The may not exist in your area due to legal restrictions.  In that case the off-premise and house party may be more common.

2. Off premise clubs - The best way to describe these are as being a "singles bar" for swingers.  Basically, a place to meet, dance, and drink and then take your party home or to a hotel.

3. Socials - These are less formal "meet & greet" events, usually held at a bar or hotel.  Usually common in areas where off-premise clubs are not available.  The hotel variety may also include rooms for the participants to spend the night and play if they meet someone that they click with.

4. House party - Pretty much like it sounds.  A swing party held in a private home.  Common in areas where legal restrictions prevent on-premise clubs or the lifestyle population is too low to support one.  These are generally non-commercial, but a donation may be requested to help pay for expenses.  Parties are often held on a monthly, or other periodic basis.  In some cases, a house party may be a little hard to differentiate between an on-premise club, simply because the owners/hosts are obviously hosting the parties weekly and doing so on a for profit basis.  Perhaps due to legal issues, they are running an on-premise club in their home.

OK, I just wanted to touch on a couple of other commonly mentioned topics in this thread. 

1. Cliques at clubs - Yes, they do exist, but allow me to play devil's advocate for a moment.  Cliques, by definition are socially based groups, in other words, groups of friends.  Clubs being cliqueish are usually noted by "newbies."  I think what is missed is the large number of newbies that come and go in a swing club.  Many are just "curious" or just want a "naughty" night out.  The regulars at a particular club may be there with plans already made to spend time with their friends.  Or, alternatively, the regulars may be hesitant to invest the time to get to know someone that turns out to be just a "tourist couple."  The regular couple, while perhaps attracted to the newbies, may decide to wait and see if they become regulars rather than waste time getting to know a couple that is not interested in playing with them.  Understandably, this can turn into a Catch-22 situation.

2. Single Males vs. Females - Yes this can be an issue.  On one hand you have club owners and party hosts that fear that their events will be overwhelmed with a horde of single men.  Believe me, it happens.  I've seen clubs that allowed in single men and pretty such that's pretty much all that are there.  The exception are a few couples who are really into large number of men.  The other problem with this is that many of theese single men are clueless as the rules of swinging and how to act with a female swinger.  Obviously, that is not always the case, but it happens, a lot.  Many parties and clubs may allow in a small number of men.  They generally tend to be "made men," that is, men that are known in the lifestyle community and who are generally accepted by the majority of couples.  Let's face it, swinging is a couples oriented lifestyle, and is not a democracy.  Hosts and owners are going to admit those people that fit into their groups and best serve the purpose of their groups.  My husband was between relationships when we met and he was one of these "made men."

Single women likewise can create issues.  Generally they are more accepted if for no other reason than there are a lot less of them.  Its a matter of simple economics in one way, supply and demand.  Many couples may be looking for a single female playmate, especially in the case where the wife is bisexual.  A lot more female swingers are bi than their male couterparts.  There is, on the otherhand never a shortage of available single males.  On the other hand, some partnered women can be very territorial.  A man playing with another married woman is considered safe.  Both partners are committed.  However, whether accurate or not, there is a perception that a single woman amongst swinging couples is "looking for a man."  This can create jealousy and insecurity which may not otherwise exist within a couples only group.  I am not justifying this, but rather just reporting the kind of situations that I have unfortunately seen develop.  The same reaction does not usually occur with single men.  They are presumed to just be there for no strings attached sex, which is usually true.

3. "Sex being too impersonal" - I sort of laugh at this.  I understand that many of the contributors here are newbies and reporting their initial impressions.  I was lucky in that I was introduced to swinging by my husband and he was already well established in the lifestyle.  Due to this, I inherited many of his friends.  To us, swinging is based on friendship.  We've often said, that swinging is like a cake, sex is just the icing on the top.  To me, its understandable that newbies may have this impression, especially if their only experience was a one night stand type of thing with what amounts to strangers.  That is not to say that we only pay with others from our social circle, but when we do play with new folks, its with the thought that they may eventually join that group.  We primarily attend house parties where the other guests are friends, friends of friends, and a sprinkling of newbies.

I've seen a lot of changes in swinging over the last few years, including a huge increase in its popularity.  I think the internet has a lot to do with this.  I'm sure other alternative lifestyles are seeing the same.  The biggest change has been the diversity of people interested in the lifestyle.  In the "old days," it was primarily middle aged couples (mid 30's to 50's), middle income, and primarily Caucasian.  There are a lot of younger couples now and more minorities involved in the lifestyle.  I've also seen a marked decrease in the importance of friendship with a lot of swingers.  "Putting notches on the headboard" seems to be or more interest to a lot of people.  Also, physical appearance seems to often be of more importance than friendship or compatibility with a lot of couples, especially the younger ones.  I suppose this is understandable to some degree.

From Joe
My wife and I swing, and we only go to clubs or parties that insist that all members practise safe sex. I have to say that I'm appalled at how many entries here don't mention safe sex within the swinging community.

The consequances of swinging at clubs or parties (different, of course, with a long time aquantaces known to be clean of sexual transmitted diseases) without protection is a seriously bad idea.

Be careful, folks, play but play safely. The price to pay otherwise is damn scary: think Chlamydia, Genital warts, Herpes, Gonorrhea, Hepatitis, Syphilis, AIDS)

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