Porn Is Not For Women
Or is it? You tell us...

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From MegS
Sadly, in the past, the statement, "porn is not for women" was all too true. My first encounter with porn happened in the early stages of my sexually-active phase of life, when, eager to please a partner, I agreed to watch one. I was horrified, to say the least! Looking back, I realize that that film wasn't aimed at me; rather, it focused on the specific needs of males; visual, graphic, images.

Lacking a storyline, these movies all too often depersonalized the characters, especially the females, in a way that made me uncomfortable. After all, us good little girls had had it drummed into our heads that you shouldn't sleep with someone who doesn't value you; who only sees you as an object. Here I was seeing an example of exactly that, and my partner was expecting me to enjoy watching this?

Thankfully, the adult industry has changed. While still offering those sorts of graphic images, it also offers products more geared to females. Now, instead of romance novels where the man is in control and the woman is a fluttery virgin, we have strong independent women who aren't afraid to say what they want. We have film companies, such as Candida Royale's, tailoring their product to women as well as men.

The internet, whilst being notorious for porn, is also helping to connect women to adult topics that suit them. The bottom line is, porn IS for women these days. Or at least it is for me!

From Tanned
Well yes and no! love to see what women do who love to look at men. I go to these beaches that are clothing optional and some of the woman leave there clothes on. They are are lot of private spots on the beaches here. I will walk up close to them and plant myself so they can see everything I do without them knowing I am watching their reaction.

Slowly I remove my clothes down to my speedo. Most watch intently and if not i stop there and move on. But it seems they are pretty interested most of the time. Sometimes I lay down face first and rub a little on the towel to get worked up and then turn face up. If the woman is into looking I take it all off hard-on and all. I have had some great reactions and the women really like to look.

Once a women was really smiling big so I stroked my cock for her and the next thing I know she had her suit down and was fucking herself. Needless to say we both had incredible orgasms. She came as fast as i did. She shared with me that she never experienced anything so sensual. I think women are into live porn or is this erotica?!

From Jules Jones
Anyone who thinks women aren't interested in porn should type "slash fanfic" into a search engine. Most of the readers and writers of slash are female.

From Anonymous
I am a man who loves porn and erotica, but prefers erotica. I believe women do like porn, only most of it is aimed at us fellows. I would one like to direct an erotic movie aimed at women. I think most men are interested in sex, period, no matter it is aimed at.

From M Kyle
I have read all your postings, and I for one am glad there is a site like this here. I have recently been discovering exactly what porn is and I agree that there is porn and there is erotica. I don't like porn in it's smutty, "let's bang the chick of the day," and get all the shots of a hairy ass penetrating a women.

I have read erotica and found it stimulating, but I would like to see erotica in a movie. I like sex, I'd like to see sensual, erotic, and stimulating visuals without the feeling the I should be "on my back spread eagle" for my lover. Men don't seem to understand that women DO enjoy sex, but it's not just having an Orgasm that is the main goal. Personally, It's all the play, teasing, petting, and general sensuality of sex that makes it worth the time and effort, and generates a better more satisfying "O". So, where would I find titles for sensual, erotic movies? I think porn is okay, just it's not for me.

Editor's note: You can find excellent erotic titles at Babeland Sex Toys (under 'genre' choose 'couples').

From Jane Lane
I'd have to agree with most posts here. Porn IS about women, but perhaps it goes deeper than that (no pun intended). Usually, curious or horny (or both) people watch porn, like a discovery. I admit to watching it, and I admit to liking it, I am a woman, and that comes as a surprise to many men as it's almost a dream for them to have a girl who likes it.

The aim of being alive really is to procreate, to have sex and increase the population. Human beings were built with a sex-drive and porn is just one of those natural things that spawns from such a reason. I see it as an exploration of sexuality, and if women were not supposed to express and explore their sexuality, then what a biased world it is.

You either like porn or you hate it. Everyone's seen porn sometime in their life, but not everyone admits to it. The one thing to remember is that you shouldn't be ashamed of yourself for such a thing. once you've seen one porno, you've basically seen them all..

From Robert Scott Leyse
So I asked some New York girlies how they feel about porn-- their responses are as follows.

1) ChloJo "The only guy I'm interested in gawking at is the one who's fucking me. The only slut I've ever stared at naked for an extended period of time is myself in the mirror. I've stared at a lot of women with their clothes and makeup on, but it was solely to admire or mock what they were wearing--no sexual attraction figured into it."

2) JodySue "It's totally a guy thing--a sweet guy next door thing! Guys who're into porn know how to treat a lady! Strange, right? But true!"

3) Missy "Why would I give a shit if some females are into porn? Why would I care if some aren't? What I'd like to know is where in the bloody hell did my favorite brush get off to! Did you hide it again, RS? Hand it over right now, or no Marie Antoinette costume game tonight!"

4) Angie "I once flooded whilst perusing Cosmo, but I was sixteen. In my twenties now, I require stronger sensations to get me off--such as when Ella tweaks my twatsie in the girl's room as I'm licking yogurt off her pert lil' nips."

5) Ella "I only enjoy porn when I experience it through the eyes of guys--as when Jacob comes over and goes to the "Tawdry Trailer Trash" or "Bang Them Bimbos" sites and starts laughing his head off while mashing cherries on my ass."

6) St. Sophia "I really LOVE Catholic schoolgirl uniform porn! And nun porn! Yeah! Nun porn!"

From Dick Froemming
We have subscribed to a 24 hr. XXX satellite channel for many years, and my wife thoroughly enjoys watching (and masturbating to) certain videos; those showing quality shots of BJs and those by directors such as Andrew Blake.

Clearly, the "really good stuff" is in a 1-5% range, just as in any other genre, and she enjoys the good stuff. Sometimes, the nastier, the better! She likes women who display more intense attitude (as opposed to the less enthusiastic moaners).

It's not really fair to ask, "Is porn for women," since there is such a wide range of tastes.

A good porn flick is like a good erotic story. It either grabs the viewer/reader by the throat (or other body part) and drags them in, or it doesn't. And whether the viewer/reader is drawn in is as much a matter of individual taste as the quality of the work itself.

From Amadom
Not that any of us would ever download porn but I think that most porn is downloaded not bought. Who controls the computer in most house holds? It's ridiculous I can make most PC applications bend over and beg but when it comes to putting a new graphics card in the computer it's always the other half that does it. If I'm going to do something he does it while I'm out.

I think it's also because it's considered alright for men to admit they watch porn. It's a bit like masturbation if you call one of my male friends a wanker they say yes, and? My other half is a bit of an expert at manipulating media and we frequently get people brining their favourite bit of porn round to be transferred to a spare tape or disk before they wear it out yes I know DVDs are supposed to be near indestructible but we're talking about true collectors of "squelch" here. They never watch the original that gets displayed proudly on a self.

From Christian L. Ambrose
I have seen two porns but I like reading erotica better. The two porns were okay I understood why this culture gets a little freaked out about two men getting together and the other was just nothing but one scene shown in different situations and places. Needless to say, they both did not keep my interest.

I was initially intrigued but I decided to hang out with friends and watch movies. I would like to have a nude photo of myself and a friend of mine has talked about doing that for me. I'll admit it I'm a nudist. But seriously, so many of these porn sites and movies were obviously made for men by men with no real consideration of the female sex. Of course it is said that men are more visual than women. Perhaps that is true. I just prefer something sexy but sweet (kinda like me).

From Anonymous
I want to thank you, Adrianna de la Rosa [see entry below], for speaking out so clearly and passionately on the subject of "Porn is Not for Women, Or Is It?" Thoughtful discussion on this subject is long overdue.

As a man who enjoys classic erotica (Lady Chatterley's Lover is my favorite), I agree ­ porn is not Art! (I make a distinction between pornographic and erotic literature and movies. Pornography is disgusting trash. Erotica, when done well, is Art). And, like you, Adrianna, I too find almost all of the male-written or produced porn on the Internet ranges from the incredibly boring and unrealistic to the disturbingly cruel and grotesque.

My guess is, the incredibly boring writers have probably never observed or reflected on the complexities of actual caring carnal male/ female relationships, or they are unable or uninterested in writing realistic, believable stories. The pornographers (especially the video pornographers) more often than not portray disturbingly violent, cruel and grotesque male/female sexual relationships. I believe most of these pornographers are deeply disturbed, dangerously misanthropic individuals. And, worst of all, I'm afraid they do, in fact, represent a cultural norm.

I'm famished for literate, realistic erotica. In my limited experience, here are some of the things that happen in real life erotic female/male relationships that I rarely, if ever, read or see on the Internet

(1) Sex play; i.e., a couple having fun in bed, usually before but sometimes after intercourse.

(2) True to life seductions. In real life, either the man or the woman, for any number of moral or practical reasons, often sincerely attempts to resist hoping into bed with whoever they find sexually attractive. When their resistance breaks down and they finally do fuck, it's much more meaningful and believable.

(3) Affection and the difficulties and pain of ending an affair. In illicit affairs ­ the usual subject of erotic relationships and erotic literature ­ when either member of a couple actually cares for the other, he or she usually wants him or her to live a happy, fulfilling life, which means ending the sexual relationship. That is one hell of a painful and complicated condition. I would like to see an accomplished writer deal with it successfully.

These are some of my views on this very important subject. Does anyone share them, or am I completely out of touch with the wide world of contemporary human sexual relationships?

From Adrianna de la Rosa
I feel compelled to speak out here--I simply must! I agree with Joile that the porn industry is run by males for males and so they are "going to have their way" with the depiction of women. What scares me, especially as a feminist, and writer of literary erotica is some of this imagery being projected is extremely violent and degrading towards the female sex. I just can't stand it or stomach it.

While some might argue that this is feminism taken to a higher level, in that women are more freely able to express themselves sexually and pose as "porn sluts"--I wonder about this. Internet porn has a wide access and shapes culture as you are reading this. The violent sites are degrading to women in my opinion, and can help to pass this message along as a cultural norm, or at least begin to embed it collectively--that women are nothing but sluts and pigs waiting to be abused by males. You have to wonder who is looking at this stuff anyway? Torture on pay-per-view internet sites? Grotesque.

Curiously, I had never seen a porno film until an editor from Cleansheets asked me to review one. A woman was involved with the making of the film and that was a great thing! I found it highly camp, educational and funny all at the same time! Also the women were real-- not airbrushed Barbies, and that was refreshing to me as a feminist. Am I going to watch another one? No, unless I'm asked to review one. My idea of the erotic tends more toward high art! Show me the photos of Edward Weston, any grainy old- fashioned prints from the past (camp!) up to about 1940--Helmut Newton's work and so forth. I'd rather read erotica than look at cheesy, sleazy films --they are vulgar--I mean do they even have a plot to begin with?--Give me an art print from the past (preferably black and white) or sex in mainstream American and foreign films past and present!

I think I've figured out what I'm trying to say here Porn is not Art! and vulgarity and violence are disgusting to me! Sex should have style! (In my book anyway).

From Jolie du Pré
The Porn industry is controlled by men, and as long as it is controlled by men it will be created for men. However, there have been some women who have produced porn as a result of their dissatisfaction with the industry.

From jojo
A while ago a friend and I went into a sex toy shop. A man came in and sidled around the shelves. Whilst we were bantering, he looked up and said "I didn't think women came into these places"

I waved the vibe, she waved the cuffs and I said "Who do you think uses these things?" The look on his face told me he'd not thought of that angle. I think he'll send his woman next time.

By the way I like porn

From J. Corvo
Might want to give the poor guy a cultural break. Until I joined ERWA I had no idea, not a clue, not even a hint, that women were as interested in erotica and "porn" as most guys are. Sure, I had read a few books of women's erotica some years back but I was just not in the field.

When you go to a book rack and look for men's magazines there are dozens of them, all with their bimbo chick of the month on the cover. When you look to the women's magazines you get Cosmo, Playgirl and a parade of magazines with some starlet, fully dressed, but exposing her emotional side. Go over to the erotica section and it changes a bit. Women seem to like to read, guys seem to like pictures. Still, the number of offerings is lopsided.

When you look around at society in general, there is little to indicate that women are a dominant force in the consumption of porn. They are much more likely to be the subject of it.

As women, when was the last time you sat in front of a sex video and wanged away? Were there any men around to watch you? Come to think of it, when was the last time you walked into one of those creepy sex video shops and bought one?

That may be an unfair question. The last time I was in one of those places I would have sooner picked a live cockroach out of a spittoon with my bare hands than picked up one of the videos.

But, my point is, how are guys supposed to know you are not your mamma's good little girls who despise porn as sexist objectification and ugly degradation (in other words-a guy thing) unless you tell us what you like. Tell the guy so he knows, don't tell him and discount him as an idiot.

From Volponia Fox
Hey, J., There is much in what you say. I've always read that research shows women enjoy reading while men prefer watching, too. The only porn movies I've seen (damned few, BTW) struck me as silly, ugly, preposterous or all three.

Playboy shows the pink these days? Guess it's been longer than I realized since my subscription lapsed.

Vol (a raving heterosexual who happens to think nekkid women usually look better than nekkid men in the 'relaxed' state)

From Jay Lawrence
Personally, I think many more women would be interested if erotica were given a more female friendly slant. This is happening, with popular romance novels such as Harlequin developing their racier sections, and with the steady increase in female orientated paperback erotica such as the Black Lace line.

Women are still dealing with the "good girl/bad girl", virgin/whore dichotomy, alas. I think there is still the fear of being socially shunned for admitting to having such "shocking" or "disgraceful" interests.

Personally, I enjoy watching "blue" movies with a partner and I've been into adult video stores but do agree that they are usually pretty sleazy and give you that "on the wrong side of the tracks" feeling! Again, I think that if adult orientated stores are made more women friendly, it would make a difference. I am fortunate to live in proximity to Vancouver, which is a fairly liberal city. There are, for example, several sex shops run by women for women, and they do very well. There are also adult movies which are more "couples" orientated, such as the ones made by Andrew Blake, and this is another area which is, I think, expanding. I'd like to see more and more really top quality adult movies being produced, which actually involve acting (beyond the "ohhh, yeah!"), a plot, good photography, etc. I think that more women would be tempted to watch if there was something more than just an ugly guy frenetically banging a girl with silicon boobs. There's nothing more boring (if you'll pardon the pun) than those endless close-ups of penetration. Women would like to see smiling, laughing, caressing, a strong sensual element, not just cut and dried fucking.

Personally, from my experience, men really do find it liberating to discover that their partner has a healthy interest in "porn". I hope that the market in female friendly erotica continues to expand and that social stereotyping is challenged and changes gradually, steadily filter through to influence mainstream society. At the end of the day, both women and men suffer from barriers in communication and double standards.

From Ann Regentin
Women's interest in sex has been part of mainstream culture for a very long time; it's romance novels. A lot of them were very, very hot even before erotica started making its way toward the shelves in anything but the sex shops. The euphemisms were different, but honestly, what do you think "throbbing manhood" means? It's a big, hard, pulsing dick. Peel away the veneer, and a huge percentage of these books, rabidly and gleefully read by women, are porn. What do you think women do with a romance novel in the bubble bath? Ever occur to you that a lot of Calgon commercials are about women masturbating? (And ever wonder why things are sold to men as sex and women as masturbation?) If you pick up a romance novel now, you will find that the euphemisms are giving way to something a bit more direct. There's a ton of female porn out there, but men walk right past it without even thinking, or they laugh at it and discount it. When women show little interest in what most people think of as porn (ie. male- oriented porn), men say they're not revealing an interest in sex. That's not what's happening. Women aren't revealing an interest in the sort of sex men think they should be interested in. Two different things.

I think the really short version would be that women's porn is out there and always has been. Romance novels are more ubiquitous than skin mags--sold in grocery stores!--and getting increasingly explicit. Do a lot of men find them icky? Heck, yeah! Frankly, so do I. Cockroach in a spittoon describes my reaction to them pretty well. But if you're wondering why women don't buy porn movies, it's because they buy Captive of Love and Calgon, which they've been doing for a very long time.

From Karen
I like porn and it helps me relieve my sexual tension. My husband of almost 5 yrs never satisfied me and would get upset if I ever masturbated. I am now separated and do not have anyone to have sex with. I am straight but I do enjoy watching group sex. I am afraid to do this in real life.

From Not That Anonymous
Dear sisters of anonymous. We live in a fast and breathtaking world. I am a women just over my thirtieth. I am much in for women, I don't ever wish to come out in public with my sexual

habit. It don't work. And, I really like to have the opportunity to watch videos or pictures from my own point of view.

I don't think for a second that peoples' way to look at porno will change a bit if I stop watching those pictures to fulfill my dreams. And to stop the exploitations I think it needs completely other ways.

So I will as I usually do watch for pretty women showing their sweet pussies and lovely asses. It not bad at all to have a handmade orgasm. Fulfill the deepest of dreams meanwhile the world moves on.

Life is short enough, why wait for the prince or princess to come riding up by your side. When that happened you will be dry like the desert dust.

From Anonymous
I am a woman and have watched some porn (all straight) and found it pretty bad. As a person, let alone a woman, I find porn repulsive and sad. Repulsive because porn (or more appropriately sex and human sexuality) has just become another consumer product to be commodified, packaged and sold. Porn is a multi billion dollar business and as such is more interested in profit than anything else, which means keeping costs low to boost profits. 

Does anyone ever think about the exploitation involved in the making of porn? Not all porn actors are Jenna Jameson or Susie Bright. Most come from a demographic which is uneducated and without a lot of other opportunities. I don't imagine the pay is good, and once you get beyond the higher class production outfits I can't imagine the work is great either.

Other comments on this site say that the biggest sexual organ is the brain but it seems to me that you have to disengage your brain (and heart and soul) to enjoy this stuff.

And it is sad because porn has taken our imagination away from us. It is about immediate gratification and consumption - don't bother trying to fantasize all by yourself, we'll give you every fantasy possible (and many that aren't possible unless you pay someone who is desperate enough), just sit back and pay for it. Sure, now there is straight porn by and for women as well as straight porn by and for men, lesbian porn by and for lesbians, gay porn by and for gay men, etc etc. I just find it sad that people spend time watching porn instead of talking to each other and showing each other what they want. It seems like a lot of unrealistic expectations are being generated. Again, half the comments on this site are that porn is fantasy and not a how to guide and the other half (including editorial comments) suggest various porn to get ideas to spice up your own life.

The erotica on this site is good and actually leaves some room for imagination, as well as being within the realm of possibility. and no humans are injured in the making of it.

I would like to understand better how anyone can watch porn and not feel like they are participating in exploitation. I would also like to understand what happened to just using your own brain and partner to dream up something. or is that just old fashioned wishful thinking? This seems the same mindset that has brought us fast food and 77 types of toothpaste but actually hasn't improved our quality of life at all.

[Read The Smart Girl's Guide to Porn by Violet Blue. Violet, a sex educator and porn star, addresses all your concerns and more in this excellent book. We can't recommend it highly enough.]

From Ravyn
I agree with many of the opinions stated here.. the adult industry has always catered to the men but here you have Candida Royalle who is catering to the women and their wants and needs. The few movies that I have reviewed for dvdtalk only 1 would I say that was made for a woman; Dreams In White. Mind you I am very critical when it comes to all the circus acts in these films and how some of the woman as others say " don't enjoy" what they are doing. It true about how different porn was when I was growing up, there wasn't all this craziness you see in them..

From Anonymous
A big thank you to Monikka. [see Monikka's entry below] I long ago faced the fact that until women make porn movies, we're not going to get the images that turn us on. I'm hetero and not a big fan of seeing 2 women. But a really good cunnilingus scene between a man and woman is so rare. And I'm not talking about those wild acrobatic scenes with women's legs spread eagle in the air or over her head. And forget nipple sucking. 

I think men should at least own up to the fact that each gender has their own point of view about pleasure. And yeah it bothers me that not a lot of care goes into the way the porn actors are photographed. Softer lighting would do so much to arouse female taste. But I guess these things aren't important to men.

[There are women porn directors who make fabulous adult movies. Try DVD selections at Babeland.com]

From Anonymous
I am 22 and had never intentionally (random pop-ups aside) looked at porn before this weekend because I figured it wouldn't interest me. I got curious about what the big deal is. It's pretty much what I expected. Most of what I've seen doesn't seem intimate at all; it feels rather raw and exploitative. I am especially disturbed by the incredible amount of teen porn since I feel like this was a pretty vulnerable time when I was exploring my sexuality and getting comfortable with it and a lot of girls are being abused for the titillation of others rather than being normal. 

I think making a video of me and my boyfriend would be fun and I wouldn't mind watching other real-life couples do the same thing, maybe. I am not into watching people get paid for sex acts because sex is not a commodity in my opinion. Any suggestions?

[Try Sssh.com, a smart and sexy erotic journal for women, by women. For the Girls, which is more hard-core. Both site excellent, with no facial cumshots, no 'cum sluts' and 'horny whore' type jazz.]

From Eleanorigby
Is it better to rent via mail than to buy? Or will I get inundated with porn-y mailing lists etc?

[We suggest you rent first, and if you like the film, then buy. Some adult movie online shops are unethical, but not all. Companies we trust and recommend are Adult DVD Empire for rentals and purchases, and Smut Network for Video on Demand.]

From Peggy
I was introduced to porn back in the 1970's, and I personally loved the mags where natural looking, young couples fucked and sucked each other and looked so happy. I hate modern porn, as everyone looks so angry and plastic. I absolutely love the sight of a hard dick connected to a vagina that is adorned with a triangle of pubic hair—what a beautiful sight. 

I like Asian porn as it has kind of an innocent, teenage quality to it. I'm straight, but I like to see pics of women, especially when they're masturbating, right at the moment of orgasm-since I'm a woman, it excites me to see a woman right at the instant that she is having pleasure that is so extremely intense. Maybe that goes back to my pre-pubescent and teen years when I masturbated with my sister and saw her experience an orgasm so many times.

From Robin
There is a general attitude, especially amongst guys (as opposed to real men), that a sexually confident woman will fuck the man, and quite frankly... that's the truth. I do like porn...just for the sake of porn. Men hardly think in terms of being the "fuckees" but of being the "fuckers". In as much as the latter phrase can be true in most aspects of life, it is fortunately inaccurate when it comes to women liking Porn!

Many times in porn films, I find myself assessing how tacky or well-groomed, particularly the women, tend to be, in addition to their performances. Men, on the other hand, couldn't care less. Hence, the male psyche...pussy for pussy's sake, without a bit of thought to the woman's appearance, generally.

Indeed, any man who contends, as a sweeping statement, that women do not like porn, has either not had the pleasure of being in the company of really sexual women, and/or has had limited exposure to those who do like it, if at all.

My sympathies to all you guys who haven't met Us, for we exist...and in grand numbers! And doubtless, if you ever do encounter Us, you'd probably be intimidated or diminished by our lack of, oh how shall I put this.....demureness?!

So for those of you guys....don't think that you all have the monopoly on liking what we are clearly the focus of and can get paid top dollar for....porn!

From American Girl
I have a theory about the American Adult Film Industry:

Angry ­ I don’t care what you like, I will have sex in films, attitude.

Feeling of Degradation ­ Men are men, they will see a girl not viewing herself with confidence and walk all over this… 

Rebelliousness - Women that have very strict upbringing go into porn as a F*** You against American society and then it shows as a rebellious, angry, I don’t care attitude. Not appealing to watch…

Guilt ­ Women or men who are raised to feel guilty about their sexuality (homosexual - men and hetro & homo - women ) is not attractive to see on film. You can see when a person has shame, it shows.

All of these things contribute to a very cold, distant, angry, and rebellious sex that is not appealing and frankly painful for me to watch, as their feelings are displayed in the movies they do. Not only is it painful to watch but also very unhealthy for the people involved. This shows most definitely in American Adult film industry.

The girls in the American industry adopt these feeling out of an unhealthy view on sexuality that is seeded from youth by American society, especially homosexuality. It takes years to undo the damage that is caused by this. This does not happen in Europe, in my opinion, and it shows in the European Film Industry.

It will not change until Americans learn to accept sexuality as normal, vital and a healthy part of life, like the Europeans do.

In European Adult Film Industry sex is natural and healthy = no guilt. This shows as the girls are more comfortable expressing desires and love onscreen. They are comfortable with themselves and their desires…. since it is seen as a healthy part of life and it shows in the European Adult Film Industry. The men do not degrade women as the women have a healthy confidence and comfortable in their sexuality and will not let themselves be degraded.

From Monikka
I went to For the Girls, obviously looking for porn for women. I found movies about couples both straight and lesbian, I found movies about straight men doing other men. What I was looking for was a simple threesome: a woman and 2 men. Forget it. In the few movies they had it was more like a woman doing 2 men than 2 men doing a woman. Boy was she hard workin'- cock in one hand, cock in mouth, guys just hanging out enjoying. The few others were more of the same. Not one had the woman receiving, just giving and giving. More than a couple even had her workin herself while doing some guy who is lying there passively.

What's up with that? Hey, I'm a woman, and I don't think I'm the only woman in the world who might occasionally want to be on the receiving end. Aside from the poor choice of threesomes, many of the movies had women who were busy busy busy, sucking cock, going down on another woman, or pleasuring herself (with or without being fucked). Talk about a woman's work is never done!

And this is at a site which is supposed to be hosting porn for women. I give up.

[Try Three Pillows for threesomes that focus on MMF. Very hot!]

From Greg
I think hardcore porn is pretty scumy but I can't find any porn anywhere where it's about enjoying the sex. Isn't that what porn should be about? I mean people are having sex in the videos but you can tell none of the parties involved are actually enjoying it cause they've done it all so many times. It becomes pointless. The women can't enjoys it in the hardcore ones because it's always about destroying them, which is really stupid, porn should be about a sexual encounter not about how many cocks you can fit into someone's asshole.

[Try Xana and Dax: When Opposites Attract, it's an excellent adult film. What you see on screen is two people very much in love and truly enjoying themselves both spiritually and sexually. If you want a movie with explicit sex but don't want a typical porn antics, this is the movie for you.]

From Cecily
I am a 50 year-old heterosexual woman who loves porn, but I get frustrated sometimes because many camera angles and subjects focus on what appeals to men, not women. I hate lesbo scenes, facial cum shots, guys slapping a woman around while doing her and anything else vaguely degrading to women.

Watching tender lovemaking, including men sucking a woman's nipples and clit until she is going crazy with delight is great. I love to watch fucking and sucking, but when it comes time for the grand finale, I love watching what comes natural to me—a man plunging deep into a woman's pussy and depositing his love juices where the power of the sperm has the possibility of making a baby. God, that's hot for me. 

Better still, I love seeing the occasional shot where the man's balls are part of the camera focus at the precise moment he comes inside the woman's pussy. The tensing and contracting of the balls tells me all I need to know about what's going on deep inside that pussy. Hot, hot, hot!

From Amy
I got addicted to hard-core porn mags when I was a teenager. Back then, (the early '70's) the porn magazines were much more romantic and natural than they are now - most of the porn that is produced today is artificial and cold. The porn I was introduced to when I was about 15 had a lot of young, teenage-looking couples doing things that were very natural and spontaneous, like you just happened to stumble into their bedrooms and they didn't know you were there, and they obviously weren't actors. 

I still love to see those kinds of photos, where the girl is laying on her back with her eyes closed with a sweet smile on her face, savoring the feeling of her guy's dick buried in her. I love to see the connection of the two bodies - if I look at the connection of the penis and vagina, I will instantly start to feel an ache deep up in my belly, and my clit gets elongated and hard. I used to lay in bed for hours when I was a teenager and rub my clit for hours, coming over and over again, looking at those beautiful pictures of teenage couples making love. 

I still have a small collection of old mags like that. In the porn mags that are produced today, the couples look angry and cold, and there's hardly anything romantic about them. In some of the old hard core magazines, a frequent shot would be of a guy pulling out and ejaculating these long, white streams on his girl's belly, right above a thick triangle of pubic hair. She'd look up at the streams on her tummy with this dazed look on her face like she was in a trance from being fucked. In fact, that was the very first hard-core picture I ever saw, and I took it to bed and was captivated by it as I rubbed and rubbed my clit that just wouldn't stop aching. I though the guy's dick looked so beautiful as the come dripped from it, and his girl looked up and admired it. 

A lot of the girls in the mags were teenagers that had these dark red sex rashes that spread over their chests and the top of their boobs and around their rock-hard nipples. The guys looked inexperienced and I thought their dicks looked so beautiful as they connected to their girl's vaginas, and glistened with their juices. I would think, "that's it, give it to ME, fuck ME like that, fill me up deep like you're filling her up." I'd just keep having orgasms until I was exhausted and finally fell asleep. Sometimes I still do, if I can find the time.

From Kasual
People are beautiful in almost every facet of life, but when people are aroused and pleased to be aroused, it is the most exciting thing to see. I am bi and I am into bdsm, but I really enjoy the porn because I can relate to what they feel. Sex is a free tour into your body and mind, porn is simply a reflection of what you like and what you don't. 

I think if people were not intimidated by sex, the porn would not be an issue at all. Arousal is ninety percent of satisfaction, the other ten percent the willingness to accept the satisfaction. If porn can get things going for you... why not?

From Helen
I haven't watched a lot of porn in my time (I am 42), but thought it was maybe time to explore this again. While I must say that the film, In The Garden of the Shadows was several steps up from Debbie Does Dallas, it wasn't a whole flight of stairs. Wonderful filming and beautiful actors, but the movie seems to be still what men want to watch - lots of emphasis on fellatio, woman on woman, man yelling at woman to service him "right", cum all over the face etc. I suppose that is fine, but it doesn't do it for me. It is difficult for me to articulate exactly what I mean, because I haven't come across a movie or story or pic that speaks to me. Maybe I have a problem? I dunno!

Where is the mutuality, the give and take, the pleasure he gets from her pleasure and vice versa? I don't see mutual respect and caring - I see domination (which is fine, if that is what you're into, but are all films that way?). Not every time has to be romance and gentleness, but could some of them be? There are times I just want to fuck, but - gack, I can't seem to make my point.

This is not supposed to be a polemic or stand or anything. I genuinely want to find a film that I can watch with my husband that won't piss me off d/t the aggression against the woman and that won't bore him with too much plot.

Help?

[Browse through Babeland.com's excellent collection of Adult Movies. They have categories specifically for women. Also try Adult Movies for Couples at our Best Adult Movie section]

From Anonymous
If it's porn that is not too demeaning, in positions I like, I love watching porn and sometimes masturbating to it. I saw this one flick on satellite TV that had a scene in which a young, reasonably handsome man stripped his girlfriend down and caress her, gave her a hand job, and teased her in other ways while he remained fully clothed, before he stripped and they both had intercourse. I thought it was really hot. 

I have heard girls suggest porn for young women include more pop-culture that is sexy to young women, like male stars who look like emo-rockers or hip-hop djs. Hardcore in a way women enjoy is good though. If "porn for women" doesn't have enough action and includes sappy music, it's a bit condescending and not that hot.

From Gopher
I’m a male who finds himself in at least partial agreement with the majority of females who’ve posted on this thread.

First of all, abusive and degrading treatment of women in most porn flicks is disgusting. There's nothing less erotic to me than see a man ejaculate in a woman’s face or to urinate on her. Or to destroy a woman’s anus with a monster dick.

One may wonder why such obscene stuff is made and where does one find the sickos to write it but the answer is simple. If there’s a market for anything, someone will exploit it. There’s an army of dimwits salivating over this type of material.

On the other hand, I’m not at all excited by pulp fiction, finding it utterly boring. Like most men, first and foremost for me are erotic visuals.

Nothing is more sexually exciting than watching a woman have an orgasm and observing her facial expressions and muscle contractions as she comes. And I don’t mean fake orgasms by women painted up like circus clowns with plastic tits.

The real deal is tough to find on the Internet but I’ve stumbled across a couple of sites recently that appear to be genuine or else the acting is of a caliber several orders of magnitude above the usual. Is it that much harder or more expensive to have a real orgasm than a fake one?

From Melonia
I used to love porn since I was 12 when me and a friend used to sneak my dad's porn and watch it in secret. I remember one day I saw this scene where the man came all over the woman's back as she was having sex with him doggy style and it disgusted me forever. I didn't know exactly what coming was back then but I sensed this scene was very demeaning at that point for some reason. 

Now I am older (22) and I have come to HATE porn, maybe the porn I liked was 80's porn or something... I must say im a very sexual person and am turned on by many things but I don't see any appeal for women in porn (they aren't sexual, they just pretend they are) and two people who might hate each other behind the scene,  fuck on camera. That is pure exploitation not only for the woman but can be also for the man (it's not good for self-esteem).

 I am not saying sex with strangers is bad (it can be good even in porn) but the inherent domination in porn sickens me...as if this is the only way to feel sexual pleasure, to fuck, to please and to feel pleasure for women.

From Justine
I find the pornography issue a very interesting one, and something that I sometimes find difficult to grasp. I am a 20yr old female, heterosexual university student, my friends and my Mum are disgusted by pornography, however I enjoy it.

My values conflict, and so I have thought and thought about it. The problem I have with pornography is that in some places women are actually exploited and forced into pornography. However, in many cases, women decide to go into porn because they actually want to. And I am not one to disrespect their choice.

Due to my morality confusion, I did some research and still hope to do much more. However, the current book I am reading is titled Some Women edited by Laura Antoniou [Available at Amazon.com / Amazon UK] The introduction by Pat Califia is very good, and suggests that pornographic depictions are not in themselves degrading of women, but are really an example of the male fascination with women, a modern version of ancient worship. One woman being pleasured by five men, she becomes a goddess. Women wanting sex, turning men on so much, being so powerful. It is suggested in the book that assuming the women to be not involved in the actions, the type of sex, the way she comes or looks is in itself somewhat unfeminist. Why can't women be sexy in the most sexual sense, in the fantasy intangible screen. Why can't see scream and ask for whatever she wants, ask for more? And get it?

Why shouldn't women got to work? Why shouldn't women enjoy pornography?

I encourage those interested to read this book. Another good documentary is "Whore" available from most video hire places.

It is not the images of pornography I worry about so much as those cases where behind the scenes is ugly and this is what needs to be addressed.

7/12/07

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