He Said, She Said

Nouns, verbs, are the workhorses of language. Especially in dialogue, don't say, "she said mincingly," or "he said boisterously." Just say, "he said, she said."  —John P. Marquand

I've always thought it was better to vary the verb used to indicate a person's speaking, to give the text more power, using phrases such as "he asked," "she commented," "he replied," "she demanded," etc. So these two sentences would be roughly equivalent:

"I can pick a lock," he growled.

"I can pick a goddam lock," he said.

I have just finished reading one of the most enjoyable romance novels I have ever read. It was a long book with a complex plot and a great deal of suspense, and it was an easy read, with one page flowing effortlessly into the next. Every time one of her characters spoke, she used the word "said." Every time.

Now I'm wondering if all these descriptive verbs for speech may be cumbersome, slowing the pace and weighing down a story.

Any thoughts on this?   —Angie 

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From Steohanie
If there's one thing I learned from my college creative writing class it was this: you must SHOW instead of just telling. So verbs are good. They're our friend.

I actually struggle with that at times but I think I'm getting past it although I tend to use "and" way too much.

From Katie
As an editor of Erotic fiction I can tell you that dialogue tags are not necessary unless there are more than two people in the scene you are writing. Even with more than two people in the scene, you still do not need to use dialogue tags.

"I can pick this lock." Glancing to his side he noticed she had a skeptical look on her face. "Just give me a minute will you?"

"If you say you can, then I believe you." Her hand rose from her side and she wiggled her fingers sending the message for him to get on with it.

He bent down closer to the lock mechanism and pulled small thin tools from his shirt pocket.

"Ummm, how soon did you say you would get it open?" Her quivering voice made him look at her. Seeing her wide open eyes and the tilt of her head, he looked to the left.

"Oh, crap!" He turned back to the door and prayed that he would get them to safety in time.

No dialogue tags and you can tell who is talking by their actions.

From Cathy
The first time I ever used dialogue I didn't have a clue. So you couldn't tell who said what. Once I got the hang of it I really was tired of the same words. So, I pulled out my favorite book my Thesaurus and made myself a list of all the words I thought I could use to replace said. There certainly is a lot of them. I do my best to use different words as often as I can for the he said, she said thing. Have fun with it.

From Sascha
When I write I just go for it, often times looking back through my writing to see all of the little "saids" in the piece. I don't like them personally, I don't like writing them but if I need to clarify, I will.

From Cervo
Well first, what you refer to are adverbs, not verbs, and they create the predicate of the sentence. One way to avoid this redundancy is not to cite the speaker when it is obvious who spoke.

Viz.:

"Want a smoke?" said Jim.

"Yeah, well maybe not," Sally said reaching for his cock.

"Good. I'm glad to hear that."

It is best I think if dialogue is organic to action so that people speak while doing something which can also abrogate the need for repeating "to say" in its various permutations.

So:

Jim shoved the pack across the sheet, "Want a smoke?" His cock was growing harder in his fist.

She looked at his eyes. Then she let them drift down to his cock, "Yeah, well maybe not right now."

She began to lean down as her lips opened. Her eyes stayed on his.

"Good. I'm glad to hear that."

From Joan
There are different schools of thought about this, and I guess in the end it's up to the preference of the writer. But I've been told that putting the "descriptiveness" into the spoken words themselves is more vivid to the reader. I mean, if you read the two sentences above, you'll notice that the second one is showing the "growl", as it were, through the way he says it. The first choice tells us that he's growling. In the second example, I can hear the character better in my mind's ear.

Observe some other ways to look at this:

"I can pick a lock," he whined.
or
"I can pick a stupid lock!" he said. "Give me a chance, will you?"

"I can pick a lock," he bragged.
or
"I can pick any lock," he said. "Even if it's one of those new supersonic alloy ones."

"I can pick a lock," he sighed.
or
"I can pick a lock, but I can't steal," he said. "I just don't feel right about it."

Any other ideas from the rest of the crowd? I love to talk about dialogue.

From Jay
Well, many of you know I often write stories that are entirely dialogue, so it shouldn't be surprising that I have an opinion about this.

If you're writing clearly, there's almost never a need for dialogue tags. A lot of this has to do with that old bugaboo, telling instead of showing.

"Just beat it!"

is infinitely better than

She flipped her fingers at me. "Beat it."

which is infinitely better than

"Beat it," she muttered, flipping her fingers at me.

Why? Well, first of all it's a matter of economics. The fewer words the better. Moreover, (and this is very important) the less you say, the more readers can supply their own interpretation of her voice. Some might hear a whisper, some might hear a grunt, some might hear muttering. Regardless, the reader's interpretation is consistent with his or her visualization of this character. And the reader will send you a love note saying, "I really identified with (whatshername). I could just see her standing there. I could hear her. I knew exactly how she felt." If you say (whatsername) whined and your reader sees her as a strong woman, you've lost a him or her.

When I write, I don't worry about it and ALWAYS use "said" if I feel the need. Figuring out another word only slows me down (and ultimately clutters the writing.)

When I re-write, I attack the "saids" without mercy, removing as many of them as I can -- which usually means most of them -- adding activity or gestures where absolutely necessary to make up for the absence, just as Joan and Cervo have illustrated.

Having done that, I usually end up with a story in which there are very few dialogue tags, and a "said" or two here or there isn't a problem.

I don't think I've ever done anything where I used expressions like "he grunted" or "he growled" or "she whimpered" or "she whined." (Although these people do sound interesting.)

I do remember reading a story once that was full of things like

"Get out of those clothes," he husked.

That's probably what cured me. I've been trying to husk, and I can't figure out how to do it. And my wife usually laughs at me when I try.

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