Keeping the Faith...
When You Get Rejected

You have to know how to accept rejection and reject acceptance. 
—Ray Bradbury (1920 - ), advice to writers

I've been writing for most of my llife- literally. I started with poetry and short stories as a little girl and I simply kept on going through high school and on. Here I am at the age of 28 and I submitted a story that was rejected- with a kind note- but rejected just the same. I'm not cocky and it was somewhat expected, but it bothers me more than I thought it would.

How do you guys deal with rejection? I know it's inevitable and it happens to the best of the best, but what makes it easier for you to swallow?    —Serenity Lake

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From Alana Noel Voth
How do I handle rejection? With a Self-Inking "Bullshit" Stamp from www.coolstuff4writers.com. My brother got it for me for my most recent birthday. It's fun to watch my son give each rejection letter the official stamp before we paste it into a photo album.

I also track the fate of every story in a manuscript log a.k.a. spreadsheet. This helps me put the submission process into perspective. It feels like I've separated the creative aspect of writing from the tedious and often frustrating process of submitting manuscripts . . . and opening rejection notes.

I had a teacher in college who told me a story about a writer who wallpapered his entire study with rejection letters. Every wall including the ceiling. I think the writer was Ron Carlson, who now publishes quite a bit. But he didn't always.

Sometimes rejection inspires you to try harder—you simply refuse to give up! I've learned some of my stories have been rejected for good reason. They weren't that good . . . yet! Thanks to editors like Greg Wharton and M. Chistian (and others) stories I thought were "finished" were subsequently rejected by said editors, which encouraged me (after the initial sting) to examine the stories again. Two years later, those stories have evolved past by wildest dreams.

I simply can't force or rush writing. Every time I do, I end up regretting it. I need months, sometimes a year to finish something. It takes me three or four or five or nine drafts to nail stuff like character development, backstory to conflict to resolution, not to mention convincing dialogue.

But here's another thing. I wrote a story called "Genuflection" that I truly believed was good, and it was subsequently published in Best Gay Erotica and then in Best American Erotica. But I've written at least ten other stories in the past two years that I feel are equally as good as "Genuflection," and one of those stories has been rejected by eighteen editors and counting. Another has been rejected eleven times and counting. Not to mention I've lost like fifty-seven writing contests/awards in the past three years.

Every week I get another email or letter of rejection. I just keep writing. Honestly, I write because I "have" to. It's like eating or breathing for me. I've always-always HAD to write. But haven't always had to publish.

Peace, Alana a.k.a Lana Gail Taylor a.k.a. Alana Noel Voth

From Jeya Jenson
I sit and brood for hours and hours, beat my head on the desk and curse my stupidity. Then I rewrite it and resend it. I ain't made a major dent in anything in a long time, so I know how you feel.

From Riain Grey
I have a little mantra that I tell myself when I get a rejection letter. Here it is:

1. All writers get lots and lots of rejection letters.
2. A rejection doesn't mean that my story is bad.
3. A rejection letter just means that my story didn't fit the publication/theme/anthology I submitted it to.
4. Hey, at least I sent it in! A rejection letter is better than nothing.
5. Hey, at least they answered! Never hearing back is even worse.
6. A rejection letter means I get to try sending my story somewhere else!

Then I cry, stamp my foot, and eat chocolate until I feel better.

Seriously, though, it's absolutely true that it always hurts to be rejected, even if you rationally know that it's par for the course. I try to remember that rejection is SUCH a big part of life and that if I can handle rejection gracefully, then that is a good start.

I know many writers who collect/keep their rejection letters. There are even journals dedicated to publishing nothing but rejection letters. Ultimately, I think it is better to try and fail than not to try at all.

And, needless to say, when I get rejected I try to get out there and get back on the horse. The first long-ish short story I wrote got rejected 3 times before it was accepted for publication. So send that story out again!

From Helen Madden
It depends a lot on how much the rejection hurts, which itself depends on how hard I worked on a particular story and whether or not I wrote it for a specific market (and then suddenly have no other available home for it).

Best case scenario, the story was easy to write and not written for some place specific. It doesn't really hurt, I just shrug my shoulders and look for another market and send it out again. Remember, you can submit a story over and over and over again until you find a home for it, and even after that, you can continue to submit it to markets that take previously published material (just be careful you don't violate the contract you have with the first market you sell it to).

Worst case scenario, and I had one very recently, I slaved three or more months over a story and targeted it for a very specific market. It's a great story, but there currently is no other place I can send it to because I tailored it too much to that particular market. It hurts like a bitch, and no matter how nice a rejection letter I get, I mope about it for days. I try not to let the moping last too long though, and instead use any anger I've got to go burn up the computer as I write a new story to send somewhere else.

So I guess my answer is, if it really hurts, put on your best sneer and say, "You stupid fool! You just rejected the best story you ever read! Now I'm going to go write an even better story and send it to someone else, so take that!" And then actually go write the story.

Just as a note, don't actually tell the editor who rejected you he's a stupid fool. You actually might want to submit something else to him later on ;)

From Stevie Burns
I think rejection letters get easier to take after a while because you realize that they don't really mean anything. You will eventually reach a point where you won't even need a mantra anymore. As you say, that you submitted it is cool, the getting published bit is just the inevitable perk... and you know you're working diligently to write well, and diligence yields success. Always.

I know many writers who collect/keep their rejection letters. There are even journals dedicated to publishing nothing but rejection letters.

Yes, these are really stupid and ultimately damaging things to do with rejections... the reason it is stupid - and I really mean an idiotic thing to do - is because one rejection letter from a publisher doesn't mean they have rejected you, or all your work. You can submit to them again, at any time. If you have another story or another novel, Tomorrow! And it is damaging to keep these on file because you ultimately are creating a file folder of lies... the lie being that 'these publishers didn't find my work worth publishing' - which is not true. They just didn't want to publish what you submitted. BIG difference.

So kick up your heels, remember that a publisher out there is just waiting for you to discover them, and that the ones who have passed up one story may well want your next.

From Michael Michele
How I handle rejection of my work depends on the situation (I know this because I've received a lot of it it, in many different ways).

Once I submitted a story that was accepted, but the editor never contacted me again or replied to any subsequent emails. That "rejection" was difficult because of the "limbo" status and just the oddness of it all. I remember wallowing in a righteous funk for a couple of days.

Once I got a rejection so badly written and punctuated that I had to laugh and just be relieved my work would not be associated with this editor's publication.

I entered a contest once, and was on vacation when the results came in. My spam setting erased all of my mail so I, reasonably I thought, wrote the editors of this publication, explained and asked if they'd be kind enough to let me know if I'd placed since the winners had been notified while I was away. They never replied at all, which bothered me much more than finding out later (when the contest results were "officially" posted) that I'd not placed. In truth, I felt my piece was far more interesting than anything selected, and realized that this particular contest/publication just goes for things that I consider pedestrian. So, that eased the sting and made me realize finally, I'm probably barking up the wrong tree with these people, so have crossed them off my list for submitting work.

Like some have suggested, it IS better to try than not to, and to realize that sometimes the rejection is because your work just isn't right at that moment in time for that particular editor. I had one like that too, the editor said it was the best thing he'd read in years BUT he'd just published a story with a similar "theme" so wouldn't print anything like mine for another year at least.

The point of all this is Look at why your story was rejected, assure yourself the piece was good (be honest - I look at some of my early submitted work and want to crawl under a rock somewhere), that you followed the guidelines, that the story was something whoever you submitted it to would likely publish (based on other things they put out), and then send it to someone else - keep trying until you find a fit.

In this business you will get many more rejections than acceptances and over time, hopefully the sting will ease as you gain more experience.

From Brenna Lyons
Yeah, it might bother you, but... Keep in mind that you can't expect every book to be the right fit. Editors, like reviewers, are subjective. He/she might have rejected it for reasons of his/her own and not be intrinsic to your quality. It might have simply not fit the line you queried. You said the note was nice. That's a good sign. If it didn't have any particular comments, it might be that your story was good but not what they wanted.

My two cents? Get back on the horse and submit again. Keep submitting. No one ever got published by giving up at one rejection letter, and some of the greats had 100 or more of them before they were published. That's what I do. Look at it again, clean it up, dust it off, and send it out to another market. Sooner or later, you learn to put rejections in perspective. Since you can resubmit elsewhere, it's not that big a deal, really.

From Jordana Winters
I've never cried. Never. I've never brooded. Never banged my head against the wall. I could care less really. I figure that if they don't want it I'll just submit it elsewhere and hope someone else wants it. I'm 28 and have been rejected...hmmmm...I don't know, probably more than thirty times now. For the amount I've been accepted compared to rejected, well, its quite ridiculous.

Grow some thick skin darling. Better get used to it.

From Teresa
I draw a bath and settle into the bubbles with a wine cooler, while a lovely man reads me poetry...

No, wait, that's something else...

I've found that all the writers I admire have had to deal with rejection, especially in their early careers. Editors aren't infallible arbiters of taste -- they have their preferences and prejudices and agendas just like any other readers. I believe that if you just keep writing what's important to you, relationships with editors and readers will develop over time.

From TreSart L.Sioux
Rejection doesn't bother me. I guess with being involved in the art world since in high school, got use to it. Makes sense that over a lengthy period of time, it's just a simple rejection. To me, somewhere out there is a home for your creation. ;)

When I first joined the group, which I came across by accident, I was nervous as hell to submit my first flasher. Of course, I made the mistake of not understanding the rules and it was well over 100 wds. Lesbian Superbowl Sunday is now on Sensual Venus.

I was nervous as hell to submit my first story, Festival Erotica, but there was so much input and kindness by this group that it gave me the confidence to work hard and become a better writer.

All and all, there are going to be rejections. Simply take a deep breath and move on to the next adventure!

From Kathleen Bradean
I see fewer rejections now than I did when I started, and some of that is because I feel that I'm better at the craft, but a lot of it is because I've gotten very picky about who I'll work with. I send out fewer submissions, but my hit rate is better.

Everything depends on how you choose to face it. Rejection letters can be a tool. Learn from them by reviewing what you sent.

Did you follow submission guidelines exactly? Did you research the site or the editor and get a good idea of his/her preferences? Were you professional? Fudging on word count, theme, or guidelines is a good way to earn a rejection. Lesson? Writing is an art, but publishing is a business, and too many writers approach submissions with an unprofessional attitude. Like a bad resume, a poorly done cover letter or refusal to follow guidelines gives an editor an easy reason to set a story aside.

But for argument's sake, let's assume that you wrote a coherent cover letter and submitted a well crafted story that was within the boundaries of the call for submissions. Why else might your story have been rejected?

1. It might not have fit well with the other chosen stories. Lesson? You can't win 'em all.

2. Your story might have been similar in tone, style, or plot to another story that was chosen, and they simply didn't need a second one like it. Marcy Sheiner (spelling?) one wrote that for Best Women's erotica, she liked to have one really good vanilla hetero couple story in the collection, and the first great one that she received made it in. Ones received later didn't have as good of a chance. Lesson? Submit early.

3. Your story simply wasn't the editor's cup of tea. Lesson? Know thy editors, if you can. And, you can't please everyone.

Those are things you can't fix, really. Those are the rejections that should be taken philosophically. (easier said than done)

I've had a few rejections that I deserved. Absolutely. The story wasn't ready, and I knew it, but I was up against the deadline and sent it anyway. 100% my fault. I'm not allowed to mourn those rejections at all. Heck, I should be grateful those stories didn't see the light of day as they were. Lesson? There will always be another anthology. Wait until the story is right before sending it to anyone.

How do I personally take rejection? Some are harder to take than others, as Helen mentioned. If I am really taking it hard, I set a "blues" deadline and let myself mourn up until that point. Then I have to get over it. I give myself about three days. After that, I take a hard look at my story. If I still think it is ready to submit, I get that thing out in the mail ASAP.

Chocolate helps, too.

From TreSart L.Sioux
If I'm understanding you correctly, are you meaning keeping rejection letters is a bad thang to do? If so, I must disagree.

I've kept all of mine, and gradually they are being plastered on a canvas that shall be titled...'Fuck you, your loss!' I also have a canvas for the happier times in acceptance...titled, 'Wanna fuck?'

Seriously, I do keep all rejects. Simply because it reminds me that not everyone is going to like my style or my stories. Next, I'll look at the acceptance ones and say to myself, 'but there are few that do!'

From Jean Roberta
Does anyone here read Ursula LeGuin? On a website somewhere (it might have been LeGuin's) is posted a rejection letter she got many years ago in response to a novel submission.

The rejection letter was articulate but firm the editor found that the novel had too much necessary backstory to explain a fairly complex imaginary world - readers would be turned off, the whole thing needed to be substantially rewritten to emphasize action as distinct from culture and physical characteristics. Basically, the letter said nice try, but you're not a competent fantasy novelist yet.

The novel that was rejected? "The Left Hand of Darkness" (sent in under that title).

Guess who had the last laugh?

From Scriblr
Well I am reminded of a favorite author of mine, John Creasey. It seems he received over 700 rejections before he published his first book. He went on to publishing over 500 books under several pen names. So, besides being a good writer he is also an object lesson to any writer. Oh yes...I have kept my rejection letters/notes. At the moment they number about 25 (give or take), so I have a long way to go before I get to 700. Still, you have to take them, and use them as part of the process of writing, and remember that no one gets it right the first time...you just have to keep going until you do get it right. I guess that is the difference between someone who 'really' wants to be a writer, and someone who is 'playing' at it; look at every rejection and think...well I will get it right next time....and it's 'your' loss (editor).

From Jude Mason
I've been reading this thread with a great deal of interest and thought I'd add my two bits worth. I've been writing like many of the members here for a long, long time and have had my share (and someone elses I'm sure) of rejections. You asked how we handle them. In the beginning, I'm sure they were well deserved, and possibly some of the writers here will agree with what I'm going to say next.

The first thing you do, is feel upset. I'm sure we all do that no matter what. Then, I truly believe it's wise to look at the work itself and wonder if it's the writing needs to be improved. I'm not saying you're a bad writer, or anyone so don't jump on me. The piece may very well have just not fit what the publisher was looking for, but again, maybe the writing wasn't up to the standards he/she was looking for. So, perhaps that's the first step. If you've had readers go over it, run it through storytime here, or have a writing buddy or two who will tear your stuff to pieces for you, and it's been edited until it's perfection, then you go onto the next step.

You also have to make sure you subbed the piece to the right place. Guidelines are usually pretty specific, but not always. They may have sounded perfect for your piece, but for whatever reason, the publisher just didn't want that story. Someone suggested he/she may have just accepted one too much like it, and that sucks, but at least she knows the story was good. There are a lot of reasons it might have been turned down, but after you've grumbled and griped, you can still sub it somewhere else.

I've had a publisher tentatively accept a piece that I'd written specifically for him, following a group of pictures he'd supplied, but he wanted a few minor changes. The story itself had been a tough one to write but I was pretty happy with it and knew it was good. I re-worked it as he requested and sent it again. And again, he liked it, wanted it, but wanted me to do more work on it. By this time I was beginning to wonder if he really wanted my story or if he had one in mind that he should just write and save me the trouble. Anyhoo, I did one more re-write and he again suggested some changes. I quit then. In my opinion, I was never going to please him. I could not write the story he wanted. I'd changed a perfectly good piece into something that wasn't mine and wasn't well done any longer. I finally did sell the piece, but I was never happy with all the work I'd put into it vs what I was paid for it. I've never worked with that publisher again, and have since heard of a few others who have had the same experience with him. Those kinds of rejections are horrible.

I guess the best any of us can do is write to the best of our ability, learn all we can from others who have gone the route and try not to let rejections get under our skins too much. ERWA sends out calls for submissions often. May I suggest you pick one you're interested in and write for that call. Pick one that'll give you time to both write the story and get some crits from the group here. When you send if for crits, let the group know you're going to sub it to that call and ask for crits that dig deep. You'll have one hell of a good chance of being accepted.

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