Too Many "Thens"
Excise the offender ... now and then

The word "then" bends many people the wrong way. For example in the follow sentences:

She slid from the corner of the desk and stood in front of Helga for a moment. Then slowly, Tina eased to her knees in front of one of Hollywood's top reporters. 

Some writers are anti-then. They would eliminate the "Then" from "Then slowly" and begin with "Slowly." I think the word "Then" is a word that indicates a pause. Even though "for a moment" indicates a time period.

What say you scribes?   —Rex Gordon

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From Talia Kelley
I used to use 'then' often, but only to indicate an order of action. I have, however, found that MS Word harbors a distinct dislike of it being used on its own (that is, without 'and' accompanying it). This has caused me to examine my use of this word and to explore other possibilities in each instance.

I have found that, in most instances, I can start a new sentence where I would have used 'then. The result is description of the order of action in a manner that ultimately flows better.

From Meri
That's kind of a tough one. When I go back to edit a section, I try to go by the 'cut your sentences to within an inch of their lives' rule. Sometimes nothing else works and if the flow is better with a 'then' in there, with a pause required in a sentence that would appear choppy without it, I leave it in. But by cutting sentences shorter you automatically create a pause with that stop and start anyway, so there are different approaches. The semicolon thing works well, too.

From Gwen Masters
I did it all the time. ALL the time. Recently an editor whose work I highly respect pointed it out to me, and rather bluntly said, "It's lazy writing."

I went back and started to edit my pieces. I found "then" everywhere in those stories! I cleaned it up, found new ways of saying the same thing, more "showing" and less "telling"...now I try not to use "then" unless I absolutely have to, and I think my work is better for it.

From A. F. Waddell
Instead of using "then", I tend to insert a semi-colon into the sentence, then (grin) insert the new action and close the sentence.

"She typed into the text box; AOL punted her offline."

I've found Shrunk and White's "Elements of Style" to be helpful. Especially "Write with nouns and verbs. "

I feel be as simple, direct and tight as possible—with consideration to individual writing style. But (grin) we all need a conjunction now and then. And I LOVE adjectives...

From Janrae Frank
I try hard to eliminate the "Thens" because it does indicate a pause. However, I often find it difficult to entirely escape from them. It frequently steals the momentum of a scene in much the same way as "was" and other passive forms do.

From meranda Blue
It seems to me that the answer to your then question is a matter of over usage. If each action starts with Then she or Then I -- or a combination of Then and next, it ruins an otherwise promising story. However, the occasional use of the word then, for dramatic effect (because I do think it places a pregnant hesitation in the mind of the reader) is fine.

From Rosemary Laurey
'Then' is one of the words I over-use hideously, and excise like mad when I edit. Yes, it has its uses, but often just takes up page space. After all, the period indicates a pause.

From Eden Blackthorn
I know in my earlier stories, I completely abused the phrase "and then"... so it was like reading a grocery list of actions. I've had to do a lot of editing in my older stuff to make them flow much more cohesively. But, I do not believe that one should eliminate every single 'then' in a story. Sometimes, it is the perfect transition word. Just use it sparingly and not in conjunction with the word 'and'.

From Lesly Sloan
I've learned to rarely use the word "then" in my stories, but there are exceptions; e.g.,

He kissed his way from her toes to her pussy, then he entered the "promised land" with his tongue.

I could have put a period after "pussy", but I wanted to show continuous action. In the example you gave, "then" was not needed - a new sentence should have been started, as others have noted.

From HaMalkah
For me, "then" focuses my attention on exact chronology of movement. At that point, as a writer, I have to decide how necessary is it to my readers to understand A "then" B? Will they figure it out if sentence A follows sentence B? Or do I need to make it clearer for dramatic purposes? For example:

"She secured his handcuffs. Then she spanked him."

Is this a sequence of events? Or do we need the "then" to better understand that, without the handcuffs, he wouldn't have allowed her to do the spanking?

For me, the "then" is important only for the second reason. If it's merely sequential, I'd remove the "then."

From Black Gull
I suppose that I see the use of "Then" as one would see the use of red pepper. When used sparingly it may slow the action or sometimes suggest thought or hesitation. As words go, I like it.

From Oldbookie80
I think the word "Then" is a word that indicates a pause. Even though "for a moment" indicates a time period. I suggest that "then" is a link -- and also a separator -- between two time periods. It is also a noun referring to a time period (now and then). It's an adjective (the then hottest game in town), and an adverb, meaning either at the (same) time, or in the following time period.

I think, in all of its guises and uses, it's damn near indispensable--now and then.

From Liam Taliesin
Not to sound too much the eternal compromiser, I think it really is a question of balance. Sometimes rhythm and flow are aided by words such as 'then', which carry the (perhaps) undeserved taint of redundancy. At other times rhythm is best achieved by eliminating the word.

To be 'anti-then' strikes me as self-limiting in the same way that denying the poetic value of 'ing' words may be. Frowning on metaphor, simile, or any of the myriad writing tools we have at our disposal is one thing. But to say, NEVER do this, include that, or consider such and such a technique, for whatever reason, diminishes craft. The psuedo-journalistic mode may work well for Hemingway, but would be tedious if all writers adhered to it.

No question excess verbiage should be cut. But there is a fine line between judicious editing and butchering a work in the name of Spartan writing.

Just another point of view...

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