Pussy, Cunt, Cock ...
Choosing the right word

The difference between the right word and the almost right word is the difference between lightning and the lightning bug.  —Mark Twain

I have a dilemma that no doubt all writers of erotic fiction are put through at one stage or another. More specifically, just what words should I use to denote male and female genitalia?  I shy away from the Mills & Boon style references to manhood, member, shaft since they tend to border on the comical at times. Similarly, it's hard using phrases like "he slipped into her wetness/warmth/love tunnel" without questioning your grasp of rudimentary English.

One of the crits I received for my last attempt had the author's personal opinion that she found the word "vagina" cold and clinical. I'm in complete agreement with her. However, I'm not quite sure what a suitable replacement would be.  —Kellaway

Interested in this topic?
Follow the Participation image and share your thoughts with us.

From Leon Symone
 To me, I think what makes the "pussy" or "cock" demeaning or weird is not the word themselves but the context in which they are used. I use certain words depending on the situation of the story. If it's downright dirty, then "cock" and "cunt" are most definites. If my narrative exudes an innocent or virginal tone, then I choose words accordingly... like "pussy" or "poonany" or "woody".

Of course, there's something quite sexy about someone who is otherwise coy suddenly using dirty language... I think that's the fun part of writing pornography/erotic. You never know what your character will say or do!

From Laurel
I think the words cunt, cock, pussy, or dick, are the things that are comical as well as demeaning.

These terms sound much more like an object, and not a human being. They put the author at risk of losing readers, because readers lose respect in the writers writing skills However, in some cases, if your writing is a gift from God, then by all means, try it. Who knows, maybe you can get your readers to continue.

So at any rate, getting down to the question at the top of this page: My advice as a reader is that you have your readers imagining what is going on. 

Most readers love details and description. When a writer chooses to add those key elements, it almost always drives the readers over the edge into wanting more. In many ways, a good erotica, a detailed sexual story, is much better than a porno would be, and it is certainly better than summing the sexual scenario up into a few coarse words.

From Bobby Michaels
As a writer of male/male erotic romance, I obviously never have to use the names for female genitalia.  However, because my friends who are writers do use it in their writing, I am always faced with a dilemma when asked to comment on the stories, what do I say?  I have a very negative connotation to the word " pussy" having only heard it used in a derogatory sense. I am even more put off by the use of the word " cunt" having known to many women who consider it an insult.  I agree that the terms vagina and penis are far too clinical, though I did end up using the word penis in a sex scene in my next book because the guy using the word had never had sex before and had basically denied his own sexuality (of any kind) until his mid twenties.  It just seemed right for him to use the clinical terms which he had learned when young.

I rarely use the word " dick" much preferring the word " cock" which just sounds harder, and I don't write much about soft ones!

From Catherine
For the female genitalia, I tend to use the word cunt, but I use it sparingly. I use of pronouns ('she took him in her mouth', 'her wetness') and describing around it, then throw in 'cunt' when I really want to draw the reader's focus to the genitals. For the guys it's usually cock. In one of my stories it emerged that while one character had a cock, the other had a prick. There was no obvious reason for using two different words, as they weren't in a scene together, but it arose (ha ha) naturally in the course of writing.

I think word usage has a lot to do with the characters involved and the story you're telling. The word 'cunny' might come to me while writing in a specific historical period, for instance.

From William
I've read a lot of sex stories, also watch porn movies and if you want some action the words cock, cunt and pussy must be used, they have a real meaning in sex. I personally love the three words. The word fuck is right to the point when you ask a woman if she's willing. Try it some time you be surprised at the answer you will receive.

From Len
I'm surprised not to see any mention of Inga Muscio's excellent book Cunt. I didn't agree with everything she said, but I did appreciate her perspective. She explores a multitude of ways of (and reasons for) reclaiming the word "cunt." Check it out!

From Meri
I use whatever the situation and/or character personality calls for. I really don't consider any word off limits and, hello, politically correct? We are writing porn in it's various forms, are we not? If it's on the edge (or slightly over it), then harder words have their place. 

Honestly, though, when I see people repeatedly using phrases like 'her sex' it makes me wonder if they're just intimidated by all the other terms and makes me want to suggest that they look in a mirror and start by repeating the word 'vagina' and graduate to 'naughty words' from there just to reassure themselves that it's okay to expand their vocabulary a little. Be colorful, be creative, and have a little fun.

From Lady Jayne
I use "cock" and "pussy" on a fairly regular basis. I stay away from "dick" because it sounds childish. I never use "cunt" or "cunny" because to me they're vulgar and make me want to puke. I can't even stand reading them in a piece of erotic fiction. I prefer to use "ass" over "butt" or "bum", unless I'm writing a more toned down story.

I agree with Bob (he's commented below) that it's a matter of context. I also think it helps to know what audience you want to target with your writing and why you're writing in the first place. Are you writing to arouse others or yourself?

From Jon Steel
In the several years I spent in the military, I observed the constant use of certain words, like fuck, cock, and cunt, as forms of punctuation or insults. "Fuck you, you cock sucker, etc. etc." "Hey cunt, come here." As a consequence, I find the use today somewhat irritating. Most euphemisms, unfortunately, are not good substitutes. I have to say, however, that in most of what I read on ERWA and other sites devoted to erotica, the writing is so good that I do not find anything offensive or irritating.

From Vivi Anna
I don't like the word pussy. I rarely use it in my writing. I think it sounds silly and childish. I prefer cunt but only when my sex scenes are very dirty and hard. I use the word sex a lot to refer to the woman's anatomy, or slit. Cock is my favorite manly word. I think it all depends on the flavor of the story and the personality of the characters.

From Lou Ann
In college I had a great writing professor who said that if you could use a good Anglo-Saxon word, do it. It conveys power and decisiveness. My characters always have cocks and cunts, though wet folds and magnificent erections do come into play now and again.

From Stephen
If we think of our bodies in many ways, and the shift from our non- lovemaking selves to being fully engaged sexually, then we need to have a gradient of words to describe this various states. I spend most of my time with my beloved penis accompanying me as I move around the planet... but there are moments when my girlfriend does or says something, and my "penis stirs"... when I'm in the fully-fun frenzy of sex, I don't know from my "penis"... I only feel my "steely cock". So there's the issue of which noun is right... but don't overlook the way those adjectives modify the noun-of-choice, and allows the words to carry the shifting sentiment of the days, of the moments, of the mood- state of the person. 

Hmmmm. makes me think I should try to create a gradient of these words for men's parts, and for women's as well. I could start with "my tiny, collapsed, softly sleeping penis" and end with... ?

From Rex Gordon
I prefer to use pussy, because this part of the female anatomy has both the softness and the bite of a cat. It is like a cat in other ways too. When it captures its prey, it may growl and when satisfied, it may cry out... well, its owner does at the above occasions--unless its owner is it's partner as in BDSM.

Cunt to me is often used as "four-letter word" to describe someone who is perhaps worse than a bitch. Or it is used by one who is trying to demean his or her slave.

I may also use cunt when writing from the point of view of someone with little education and even less class--unless of course he or she is in a dominate position allowed by the "cunt."

From Lisa
This is an issue for me as well at times. There are so many words for genitalia - and none of them are that great. I think my least favorite is "slit" - in place of that, I think the cliché "hot wet pussy" would be preferable. Cock seems marginally better than dick - but really?  I try to read the sentence out loud, and pick the word that seems to sound best phonetically with the other sounds in that sentence. If it doesn't jive, I adjust the word or the sentence.

It's also difficult to try to create a slightly new way of describing or calling a body part. But it's worth trying I think. Our sexuality isn't enough a part of our vocabulary...at least not in a positive sensual and sexy manner.

For some inspiration, I recommend reading something by Juliet Hastings. She uses both "clinical" and "hardcore" terms - but uses both so that they don't really sound clinical or hardcore. I aspire to write more like her myself, so check her out - she's published by Virgin, Black Lace series.

From Volponia
I think you can get away with just about anything if you put it in the mouth of a character, so to speak. Imagine John saying, "I love your hot box."  Then, imagine him saying, "I love your sweet little pussy."  Or John (the savage) could say, "Open your cunt for me, bitch!"  Each sentence tells you a little something about John, IMO. Outside direct quotations, you could make liberal use of pronouns: he entered her; she took him in her mouth, etc.

From Julie
Yes, vagina & penis are very clinical to me, but sometimes cock, pussy, especially cunt are way too coarse for what I'm writing. I want a happy middle without having to say "he plowed her furrow fields with his John Deere, and they were happy as pigs in slop..."

From Gary
I suppose when writing, you should use the language you feel most comfortable with. However, no other equivalent word equals "Cunt" for sincerity, power, confidence and honesty. If your fiction reads like you've made a conscious decision to avoid using it, it is possible it will show, and readers will think you're either embarrassed about writing sex, coy or prudish. Having said that, "pussy" is a good substitute. Or "sex."

But a cunt by any other name doesn't smell as sweet, as Shakespeare once said. I think. As for cunt sounding coarse...well, Chaucer did okay with it:-)

From Teaz2Please
What I've found most helpful is to let my characters speak for me. For example, if I'm writing about a woman who likes to have her lover talk dirty to her when they're making love, then it feels right to use the harder words...e.g. cunt. But that same woman, outside the bedroom, would probably kill her husband/lover if he called her that at any other time.

"Erection" sounds a bit less clinical than "penis", at least to me. Many writers have said "her sex", rather than "her vagina". Poor spellers may have said "her virginia", but who knows?

From Philip
What to call things is the same problem faced by sports announcers. How many ways can you say "won" or "lost"?  Well, lots of ways, evidently. All of the sex words have been used so much that their impact just doesn't rise to the level of a real experience. A lot of it is taste, I think. I like "pussy", I don't like "ass". I like "erection" and sometimes "hard on", but I don't like "manhood". To me "vagina" is the birth canal (both for in and out). I like "vulva" but it is rarely used. For that matter, I don't think "hard on" is used very often by the members of this group, either. I haven't seen "stiffy" yet.

From Bob
I'll add my vote to the folks who have already suggested that the word—whatever word—in and of itself is not as important as the context in which it is used. Some of the allegedly "coarser" words like cunt and cock can be used to describe gentle lovemaking—I've seen it done, or rather read it right here at ERWA.

I think you should use every word in the arsenal. Play with them, experiment with them, see what sounds right; especially words you might have an aversion to.

From Jude
Language of any kind, nasty, smutty, clinical, whatever needs to fit the tale. If you're talking down and dirty, then you should be able to supply the right terminology to fit that tale. Language is there to be used and explored, words are just words, use them properly and they can make your work sing, shy away from some and your story will fall flat.

From Danielle
You also have to deal with the fact that the word "cunt" is used in a very negative way to refer to women. I agree "pussy" is a good substitute because that doesn't have the same secondary meaning.

From Jean
That was certainly true in my youth. The only times I heard the word it was used to insult and degrade. I suppose, in some circles, it still is. For some women, using the word "cunt" is reclaiming it and removing the sting of those old associations. I have been known to fondly remark to a special girlfriend, "You are such a cunt", and mean it as an endearment. It may be similar to the way some black folk affectionately call each other by the N word (which I can't bring myself to type).

From Gary
I think cunt as a derogative term aimed at women has thankfully lost a lot of its 70's Dworkian connotations - it's not as negatively politicized, now. Probably quite the opposite is true. It's an empowerment word, like "Queer". As shown by the Vagina Dialogues, for example.

In any case, cunt in its derogative sense applies equally to both male and female. But which words do not have a secondary meaning?  Prick, cock, ass, asshole, hmm, okay, equivalents with no secondary meanings: penis, buttock, anus...it all becomes rather medical when we get concerned about using (mostly latinate) words with no negative secondary meanings.

As for pussy, well, yes it is softer, "nicer", and as Jude has said, it really does depend on the context and the style of the prose, but if you're writing explicit sex, I really think the honesty of cunt, if not over-used, has no equivalent.

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