Laying Down the Law
by Keziah Hill © 2005

I hate some sex toys. Plastic ones that smell funny and have stupid battery compartments. Those irritating slide things always stick, so I end up breaking a nail. And all those cutesy poo animal shapes in hideous colours. Why on earth would anyone want to be fucked by a rabbit?

Don't get me wrong. There's nothing I like more than cuddling up with my sleek, tasteful vibe on a Saturday night after I've closed the shop. Mine's appropriately low key. And it's dead easy to change the batteries. No mucking around, just unscrew the end, put them in, and away I go. There's a lot to be said for good technology. But I do miss hands and mouths.

Weekends in the shop are the busiest times. Everyone comes in. Gay boys looking for their porn hit, couples looking for a bit of spice and weirdos looking for god knows what. I don't care as long as they don't damage the merchandise.

Last weekend it was a group of university students doing an assignment on human sexuality. I felt like a dorm mother telling them about the health benefits of a little light bondage. They took notes, gasped at the twelve inch dildos, giggled over "Tit-fucking Whoredroids from Plant Mammary" and stocked up on flavoured condoms.

After they left, I realised one of them had lifted the Ultra Smooth Rainbow Bliss 5000, the crème de la crème of vibrators. It was iridescent bright purple. The blurb on the box said it had everything you could possibly want in a sex toy. You could fuck yourself in both holes, get your clit rubbed and snap on an extension cord for the nipple stimulator. When you'd had enough, one press of a button and rose scented massage oil sprayed out the end. A kind of do-it-yourself money shot. I used to look at it with loathing.

But at three hundred bucks it wasn't cheap. I was more than a little pissed off, particularly after I called the university to explain the problem. A snotty sounding toad told me her precious students couldn't possibly be responsible. They were from good homes. I couldn't accuse them of shoplifting. I said I didn't think times had changed that much. Shoplifting was the sport of choice in my university days; it was the only way to keep up the stocks of ciggies and chocolate. When she spluttered with outraged denial, I told her she could look forward to a visit from the cops and hung up.

A call to the State's finest didn't fill me with confidence. They said they'd get to it when they could, but other matters had priority. Yeah, sure. I couldn't see them pulling out all stops to recover a vibrator. I guess I could claim it on insurance, but it didn't seem worth it.

I was brooding on the injustice of the world, stocking the shelves with lurid animal toys, when I sensed an unusual presence in the shop. Sure enough, standing at the doorway was a poster boy for tall, dark and handsome. Central casting couldn't have done better. Sinful dark eyes, a mouth to die for and a broad muscled chest. I looked at him suspiciously.

"Can I help you?"

"Ms Crane?"

I hadn't been called Ms Crane for a long time. "Yeah, I'm Trixy Crane. What can I do for you?"

His gazed travelled up from my baggy black jeans, to my "Weapons of Mass Distraction" T-shirt (a vain hope—with my less than ample tits, it was clearly a political statement), and finally to my dishevelled dark hair. I could see what he was thinking. Most men had the same thought when they met me. Disappointment I wasn't some kind of silicon sex goddess. Everone thought a woman who owned an adult sex shop and had a name like Trixy would be blonde, voluptuous and wear black leather. They were so predictable.

"I'm Detective Andy Pope. You rang to report a theft."

My jaw hit the floor. "You're kidding? They sent a detective over? Wow! My tax dollars are working today!"

He smiled and my heart kicked up a notch. Not to mention some other parts of my anatomy. I couldn't remember the last time I'd responded to a man with such a welcoming gush.

"Some of the details in your report are similar to some thefts other people have reported in the area. Would you mind if I asked you some questions?"

Would I mind? I don't think so. Not if you keep smiling with that wicked twinkle in your eye.

"Sure. It'll have to be while I look after the shop. I'm the only one here at the moment."

"Isn't that dangerous for a woman on her own?" he asked.

I snorted. "The last time someone messed with me they got a butt plug up their nostril. I can look after myself," I said. In my experience, the more good looking a guy was, the more of a dope. I tried to reserve my opinion but I wasn't hopeful. At least he hadn't patted my head and called me 'little woman'.

I picked up some more vibrator boxes and thrust them higgledy-piggledy on the shelves. Turning, I watched with appreciation the smooth roll of muscles under his leather jacket as he leant against the counter. That wasn't all. A distinct bulge in his trousers showed me Detective Andy Pope was finding adult sex shop detail just his cup of tea. I wondered if it was the black leather corset on the curvaceous blow up model behind me or the rack of gay post cards to his left.

"So tell me what happened."

I shrugged. "Just a bunch of students in here being silly. One of them lifted my most expensive vibrator."

"How do you know it was one of them?"

"There was no one else in here. As soon as they arrived, looking bright eyed and bushy tailed, note books in hand, everyone else made a hasty retreat. Not many people want to be part of an assignment. Cramps their style."

He laughed and my heart did a little pitty pat.

"So you didn't notice anyone take it? Wouldn't it have been fairly bulky?"

I shook my head. "Some of them were wearing those army disposal store overcoats. You could hide an AK47 under one of them and no one would know."

He nodded, staring at me intently. It was a little unnerving. He seemed to want to say something but was having trouble. I was getting the impression it didn't have anything to do with stolen vibrators. He kept flashing quick glances at my T-shirt and then, I swear, blushing. On six foot, broad shouldered, walking sin, it was kinda cute.

"So," I said cheerily, "any clues? Got a list of vibrator thieves you can look up?"

"We're following some leads. It could be part of a student prank or it could be something more. Could you describe the vibrator for me?"

"Sure. I've got a pamphlet here somewhere."

I walked over to the counter and rifled through the stack of paper next to the cash register. He stood close to me. Too close. I started breathing in quick little pants as a sharp spike of heat zinged through me. He smelled of coffee, stale cigarettes and mint gum. Ambrosia. I was in big trouble. Everything about this guy was turning me on.

"Here it is," I said, waving it in front of him trying to ignore the sudden tightening of my nipples.

His eyes glazed over and the bulge in his pants got bigger as I gave him a run through of the functions. He seemed particularly interested in the anal attachment.

"A big seller is it?" he asked in a breathless voice.

"Not really. Most people are happy with your basic phallic vibe. Although how they can stand the plastic ones I don't know. I find the sleek metal ones are much more user friendly," I said, holding up a glittering gold vibe.

He gulped and stood there speechless staring at the vibe and then at my T-shirt again.

Maybe he had a problem with political slogans.

Shuffling from foot to foot, he looked as though he was trying to pull himself together. Strange man for a cop. Kinda coy and tough at the same time. My cunt shimmied again.

Don't go there Trix. Not a cop.

Dragging his eyes away from the vibe, he became brisk and professional.

"Okay. I'll make some inquires and get back to you."

"Thanks," I said, feeling bewildered. And disappointed. He sure was easy on the eyes. Nothing else that good was likely to walk through my door any time soon.

*               *                *

The next couple of days went in a whirl. I'd seen it before. Full moon in Scorpio. It sends everyone into a sexual frenzy. They start rushing into the shop to buy whatever they think will get them through the night. Business wise, I couldn't complain. But I wished I had someone to share it with in my bed. It had been a long time between drinks for me—months in fact.

Most men thought I'd be a firecracker in bed and were always disappointed when I showed no interest in nipple clamps, handcuffs or candle wax. The women were worse. I found my main attraction was the range of vibrators I stocked. More than one woman had begged me to break out the Rainbow Bliss. What's wrong with mouths and fingers, I'd cry, tossing them out of bed.

I'd stomp around the place after these less than edifying encounters, furious that everyone seemed to prefer a piece of technology to a living, breathing woman who was willing to make them french toast in the morning. What was wrong with the world? I blamed the internet.

I was musing on these profound insights when Andy arrived, looking tall, dangerous and temptation personified. Boy, he packed a punch. Parts of my body I didn't even know I had tingled into life at the sight of him.

It was just at the end of my shift. Being the owner, I hired other people to do the shifts I hated and would disappear up to my apartment with relief. Friday night was usually full of drunk office workers letting it rip before the weekend. I didn't need that.

He saw me and sauntered over smiling broadly, the boxed Rainbow Bliss in his hands. I couldn't believe it! "You got it back!"

"Yeah, it was part of a prank. The kid who took it also lifted a blow-up doll from another shop and was going to leave an artistic arrangement outside the US consulate. Some kind of anti-war protest."

"Subtle."

He shook his head and smiled. "Well, they are kids."

"You didn't charge him did you?" I had a sudden pang of guilt. If the kid told me what he wanted to do, I would have gladly donated one of the animal vibes. I'd have been chuffed to think one of my sex toys was part of an anti-war installation.

"Nah, just gave him a warning and told him any future liberation of private property would get him into big trouble. He seemed to get the message."

I beamed at him. "Quick work. Are you normally this efficient?"

"I had an incentive," he said stepping toward me.

"Really?" I said, my heart pounding.

"Don't look so terrified. I'm not going to eat you. Well, not right now anyway," he said backing me against the counter.

"What are you going to do with me?" My voice sounded high and panicky as I tried to speak through a suddenly dry throat. This was in direct contrast to another part of my body which was weeping with anticipation.

"Is there somewhere else we could go where I could show you?" he murmured lifting his hand to my mouth. He rubbed his thumb against my lower lip and my tongue slid across his skin. Salt and citrus. Just like a margarita.

I looked up at him as he towered over me. "Are you wanting to trade sexual favours for a good investigative outcome?" I asked.

He laughed and I felt the vibration in his chest against my aching nipples. I pressed closer.

"Investigative outcome? I've never heard it described like that." He stared down at me with predatory brown eyes and placed his hands on my hips, pulling me tight against him. "What if I was? You got a problem with that?"

He bent and ran his tongue along my jaw. I gasped and realised it was entirely possible to melt from lust.

"None at all," I muttered. "Come with me."

I chucked the keys to the shop to my assistant, Jerry, who'd been watching the whole exchange slack jawed with amazement. Pulling Detective Andy Pope behind the counter, I led the way to the back of the shop where a doorway hid the stairs to my apartment.

I pounded up with him close behind and threw open the door. We stumbled in and stood staring at each other.

"Do you want coffee?"

"No."

"Wine?"

"No."

"Anything?"

"The bedroom."

"Yes," I said and led the way.

He pulled me to him and kissed me hard. He tasted like onions, coffee and sin. I couldn't get enough. I wrapped my arms around him and prepared to devour him. When he cupped my buttocks and pushed me against his cock, I wriggled to get my clit against that glorious hardness. My mouth was still on his, pushing, licking, biting his tongue and lips. He tumbled me onto the bed and pushed his hand under my T-shirt, pulling it up and over my head.

Then he stopped and stared at my breasts.

My heart sank. Here we go. He's confronting the reality of no silicon.

"I've been dreaming about this. I bet I can get your whole breast in my mouth," he murmured and proceeded to do just that. He sucked hard and I nearly came on the spot. I gasped when he took my nipple in his teeth and pulled, a tingle of pain making a direct hit in my cunt.

He raised himself on his knees and ripped off his shirt while I wiggled out of the rest of my clothes. My eyes didn't move from that big, rigid bulge in his pants. When he stood to unzip and step out of his trousers, I almost wept with joy. His cock bobbed up in front of me looking hard and enthusiastic.

I rifled through the drawer in my bedside cabinet, pushed aside my trusty vibe and pulled out some condoms. He grabbed one, ripped it open, covered himself and pushed me back on the bed. I like a man with a sense of purpose. His tall strong body was all over me and I sighed with bliss. When he made moves to slide down to put his mouth on my cunt I stopped him.

"Just fuck me, Andy. Just get your cock in me."

He looked dumbfounded. I guess the tired old protocol was get her off first then fuck her. Well, sometimes that just didn't do it for me. Sometimes I only wanted the feel of a hard cock inside me, wanted to be pressed into the mattress with every thrust while I ran my hands down a smooth back. More than that, I wanted to take in the heady smell of sweaty sex and hear the slap of balls against my cunt. There's nothing like the good old missionary position for wrapping myself around a perfectly working male body while he went for it.

And go for it he did. He pushed my leg up around his hip and plunged in. It was heaven. Fast, furious and frantic. That in out, in out, god, how I'd missed it! He went to raise himself on his arms to take his weight off me but I pulled him back.

"Forget it," I growled. "I need your skin against me. Don't be so polite."

He grinned down at me and thrust hard. I gasped, feeling his cock almost to my womb.

"Yes," I muttered through gritted teeth. "Keep going!"

I whimpered with joy as he pummelled my cunt. Sliding my hands down to his buttocks, I pushed him in harder. I wrapped my legs around him and held on as he rocked into my body. He collapsed on me after coming with a hoarse cry, and I smiled with total satisfaction, pinned by him, unable to move. He stirred after a while and to my disappointment, slid out of me. Pulling me against him, he brushed hair out of my eyes and kissed me.

"You didn't come."

"No," I said, smiling. "I didn't."

He looked confused again and lay on his back staring at the ceiling. "You're a strange woman."

"Yes," I said. "I know." I lay on my side and traced lazy circles across his chest with my finger.

"So, was that the most boring fuck you've ever had?" I asked.

He looked at me, horrified. "No! Of course not! Why would you ask that?"

"Because we did it quick and traditional. No mucking about. Some people find that a little boring."

He shrugged and rolled over to face me. "Who am I to argue with tradition? Sometimes the old ways are best. Although, even I think it's a good idea for both people to have an orgasm. Is there something I should know?"

He ran his hand up my thigh and started stroking the sensitive skin on the edge of my bush. I gasped with pleasure when he slid a finger into my cunt and brought it out to smear juice over my clit. He started a good, even stroke, not too direct with just enough pressure.

"When I sleep with a man for the first time," I said, panting, "I just want to feel and smell him. If I start thinking about orgasms, I don't have as much fun."

"No? What about now? Are you having fun now?"

He quickened his pace and moved down to replace his fingers with his mouth while sliding his fingers deep into my cunt. I nearly shrieked.

"Yes," I said, sounding on the edge of hysteria. "I'm having a lot of fun."

He sucked on my clit, vibrating his tongue against the tip and I shot to the ceiling. I think I screamed, but I wasn't sure. I wasn't sure of anything except the slow slide of his fingers in and out. As I came back to earth, he pulled them out and licked them slowly, moaning with pleasure.

"You taste great," he said and kissed me. He was right. I did.

I snuggled against him and breathed in his tangy, sweaty smell. As I started to drift off, he stirred.

"Do you ever use any of your stock?" he asked.

"Hmm? What do you mean?"

"You know. Have you ever used the Rainbow Bliss?"

I snorted. "God no. I use something much more low key. Why?"

"Just wondering. Seems strange an owner of a sex shop wouldn't use some of the products."

I raised myself on an elbow and glared at him.

"Out with it. What is it you want to use? The nipple clamps? A cock ring? Do you want to fuck me with a bunny?" I started to pull away from him, furious yet again that my main attraction had nothing to do with me.

"No, no, no. That's not it. Come back here," he said rolling me under him. I started to struggle as he pinned me and started nibbling on my ear lobe. I kept it up for a while, but the combined effect of his tongue in my ear and his hard cock rubbing against my clit, turned my struggles into a desperate attempt to rub as much of myself against him as I could.

As he trailed hot nips down my neck I moaned. "Well, what do you want?"

"I want you to fuck me," he whispered.

"What?"

"I want you to fuck me with your vibrator, the one that's been inside you."

I gulped and stared into his eyes. They were feverish with desire. He rocked against me, pushing his cock against my vulva.

"I want to feel what you feel when I fuck you."

He moved his hand between us and pushed down hard on my clit. I came again with a scream.

Damn, this boy was good. And I had to admit the idea of sliding my well used vibe into his tight, round ass was very tempting.

I lay there recovering, while he rummaged in my beside table and found my vibe and lube. Oiling it up, he presented it to me like a little boy about to get a Christmas present.

"How do you want to do this?" I asked, a flutter of excitement making me nervous.

"Like this. So I can see you," he said, lying on his back and bringing his knees to his chest. His cock was rock hard and sticking up. This could be good, I realised with surprise. Lots to keep me occupied. My cunt started a low, warm pulse as I watched his strong, hard body open for me.

I laid the vibe on the bed while I lubed up my fingers. Easing one into his sweet little hole, I moved it gently in and out, adding another when I heard his gasps of appreciation. He started moving his hips to meet the rhythm of my fingers.

"Now," he said. "Put it in now."

I put the tip of the vibe against him and pushed slowly. He groaned deep in his throat and closed his eyes. I couldn't believe how gorgeous he looked. Like some kind of wicked fallen angel. Good enough to eat. Keeping up a smooth thrusting rhythm, which he seemed to like a lot, I kneeled between his legs and took his cock into my mouth. He seemed to like that even more.

"Fuck! Trixy! God!" he yelled, as he grabbed the sheets with both hands.

I turned the vibrator on and he yelped some more, especially when I sucked the tip of his cock hard into my mouth. I started to synchronise the thrust of the vibe with my sucking mouth. Up and down. Down and up. He tasted earthy and musky. This was fun. More so when I felt him on the verge of an explosion.

"Trix, I'm gonna come now!"

"Good," I mumbled incoherently. "Go for it." I don't think he understood me but I didn't care. I kept up a good stroke with the vibe as he shot off in my mouth. He didn't taste too bad, but the best part of the whole experience was the look on his face when I pulled out the vibe and sat up, wiping my mouth.

Adoration. I had never been adored. He looked at me as if I had given him the most precious gift he'd ever received.

I crawled up his body and kissed him lightly. "You okay?"

He smiled dreamily and bent his head to lick my nipple. "Mmm."

"Hungry?" I asked.

"Sure," he said. "I'm always hungry."

"What do you feel like?"

He frowned, considering.

"French toast?"

_______
© 2005 Keziah Hill. All rights reserved. Content may not be copied or used in whole or part without written permission from the author.

Bio: Keziah Hill decided to ignore the voices of discouragement telling her she shouldn't write anything unless it was worthy and uplifting. Instead she turned to erotica, romance and crime, finding other definitions of worth. She lives in the Blue Mountains, a World Heritage listed National Park in NSW, Australia.

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