Hot Movies Article by Ralph Greco Jr.
With Fifty Shades of Grey thrusting BDSM (Bondage/Discipline/Sadism/Masochism, or Dominance and Submission) into the mainstream like never before, suddenly seemingly non-kinky couples were looking to explore some “Mr. Grey” and “Anastasia” fantasies. But as happens with anything that spreads like wildfire across the culture (especially when it comes to something naughty), self-appointed societal watchdogs had a field day once again labeling this kind of non-vanilla sex play as “wrong,” “wicked,” and seemingly the pursuit of a sick mind.
In this all-too-quick-to-judge, ill-informed prejudice, many misconceptions and complete falsehoods were cemented, while some new ones sprang anew over what BDSM really is and what people who engage in it get from it.
Here are five of those biggest myths, debunked:
1. There must be something wrong with someone if they like BDSM.
The sad fact of the matter is that there are emotionally scarred people everywhere. Just because you might want to experience the look, feel, and sweat of what Latex Housewives love, or that you frequent one of your local downtown dungeons wearing a leather mask and heels, that doesn’t mean you have any deep-seated psychological ‘issues’ to work through. One could argue that since the BDSM scene and its players promote safe and consensual play (and only adults can consent), kinky pursuits might actually be the best way to indulge a sexual itch. “Scenes” (the word kinksters use to describe a BDSM encounter) always include “safe words” (a word or phrase that a submissive/slave can say that will cease all action immediately), and high levels of hygiene and safety protocols.
2. BDSM always involves pain.
Sure, words like “discipline” and “bondage” carry with them a connotation of pain, but BDSM does not always involve pain. Usually, this kind of play involves (and we must always use the word usually as there is not just one singular way to engage in BDSM play, just as there isn’t one way to tie a knot) what people in the BDSM scene refer to as a “power exchange.” This simply means that one person dominates (the Dom, Master, Mistress, Mommy/Daddy) their submissive (the sub, slave, baby). And yes, the Dom might wield a whip, drip hot wax, or use nipple clamps to control or punish their submissive (lots of people seek the endorphin release that pain can bring), but there is just as much BDSM that involves only the immobilization of a sub, or even benign roleplay like something where one person wears a leash and an inserted buttplug tail.
3. Once you try BDSM, you never go back.
Akin to downloading a movie like Julia Ann‘s incredible Whipped Ass title and wanting to enact a few scenes from it (then getting on with one’s life), plenty of BDSM players move back and forth from kink scenes to what the mainstream would consider “regular” sex. Just because somebody enjoys some BDSM games once in a while, doesn’t mean they grow an addiction for latex-strap confinement or dildo play that sees them excluding oral sex or good old humping from their sexual repertoire.
4. People who engage in age-play are hiding dangerous urges.
Some BDSM scenes involve one (or more) of the participants playing at being an age or role that they are not in real life. This can include the submissive acting infantile or the Dom ‘feminizing’ a male sub by making him wear women’s lingerie (sissification). And while dressing up like one’s favorite animal might be seen as strange by some, it’s when words like “Mommy” are used in a sexual context, or when men or women are diapered for punishment, or when some fauxcest scene is enacted (see Mothers & Stepsons 3), that BDSM critics grow apoplectic.
What the uninitiated fail to notice in their rush to judgment is that folks roleplaying in a BDSM scene, whether they are acting a gender they are not, or act so young that all they can manage is some unintelligible baby talk while their Dom diapers them, are playing in a controlled and fully-discussed moment of abandon.
What could be safer and healthier than this?
For more on the realities of Daddy-Dom roleplay, read our latest guest article from Lola Fae: Deciphering DDLG Dynamics.
And finally…
5. People into BDSM are a very small minority.
Again, if we judge by the firestorm of the popularity of Fifty Shades of Grey or just traipse back to the good, the bad, and the sweaty of our own sexual pasts, we might see we’ve skirted by, dipped a toe into, or maybe even enjoyed some ‘balls to the wall’ full-on BDSM experiences. Some we might recall fondly, others might have missed the mark, still others we might be aching to try again. Then consider all the millions of other adults like you, some with more kink experience, others less. That’s quite a large number of folks who have probably had some BDSM in their lives… as well as the many who might be playing at something quite naughty at this very moment (you lucky dogs!).
There is a vast majority out among the world who have tried and will try again (and again) BDSM. Just think: you could be one of them!
Check out our extensive catalog of BDSM content on HotMovies!
Ralph Greco, Jr. is a professional writer of blogs, reviews, interviews, fiction, poetry, songs, SEO copy, and one-acts plays for both mainstream and adult clients. His two regular ‘sexy’ columns: ‘Writing Dirty Words,’ and ‘The SEX FILES’ appear at sexpert.com and shortandsweetnyc.com, respectively. Ralph is also an ASCAP-licensed songwriter and recording artist and with fellow writer, M. Christian, teaches classes across the U.S. at kink conventions. Ralph and Chris also host a podcast called ‘Licking Non Vanilla.’