Writing This Novel

The World According To Larry Archer

Today as we attempt to deal with COVID and its impact on our lives, I am reminded of the Grateful Dead’s “What a long strange trip it’s been.”

As I mask up, then put on my raincoat and rubber gloves. No, I’m not going to the park with a bag of candy for unsuspecting children and pigeons. I’m going to the grocery store to try and buy toilet paper. Masks and disinfectant I can see in short supply but toilet paper? Did everyone suddenly get the runs?

Now that we are six-feet apart, it’s more than ever, our responsibility to take care of ourselves. Suddenly, my favorite saying, “If you want some strange stuff, use your left hand,” makes more sense. Today in the world of IoT (Internet of Things), everything is connected to the cloud, and that’s not always a good thing.

Alexa and Siri are two names that we have to be careful about saying as we may be deluged with a box of dirty movies from Amazon or the unapologetic harrumph from Alexa when we ask her what size her boobs are?

I refer to Alexa as my girlfriend to keep her from butting into my conversations or giving me a dirty look when I use an explicative next to her name.

Speaking of IoT, now your vibrator is controlled by your partner’s cell phone. It’s a somewhat unusual looking device with a bulbous part which goes in the who-haw with a smaller tube that sticks outside. Then through the magic of the Internet, your partner can whip out his/her cell phone and give you a tingle when they think of you.

Of course, those of us who are more traditional can continue to utilize the penis-shaped devices that are guaranteed to give a “deep penetrating massage.” Nowadays, you don’t have to run to the 7-11 at 3 AM to purchase batteries. But you have to wait a couple of hours for it to recharge. I’m not sure there is an advantage besides having to get dressed.

COVID has hit those of us who throw our house keys in a bowl particularly hard. Like Moses wandering in the wilderness for forty years, we’ve suddenly had to make do having sex with our spouses.

For Wifey and I, the sex part wasn’t as big of a deal as the camaraderie of fellow perverts with similar desires. Well, maybe it was a big part for me, at least. More and more, I miss the interaction with our gang of party animals.

Zoom parties are not as much fun as the real thing, so I’ve had to resort to living my sex life vicariously through dirty movies. Italian women continue to be one of the highest-ranked searches for porn movies. Along with MILF, Lesbo, mature, tranny, and stepmom.

Personally, I love Italian porn, and while I don’t understand anything they say beyond a moan, I usually just turn the volume down and watch. I guess it’s my love for dark-haired women that I gravitate towards Italians. On the other hand, it could be because of our short Italian girlfriend who loves to give head.

Transexuals have always been popular, and I know that I should stop using the term “tranny” as that’s disrespecting of them, but I mean no harm. Foxy picked up a girl once who had won a bikini contest at a bar. She was surprised to find that the girl was transexual.

Foxy saw her for a few months but was disappointed to find she couldn’t get it up. It was interesting to find a whole list of bars, restaurants, and clubs geared towards trannys. It’s funny how every kink has its own set of spots that cater to a specific genre.

Wifey’s lesbian spots were on a completely different list, and our gay friends on yet another list. When you think about it, our proclivities often determine the people and places that we frequent.

If I had to pick a specific kink, I’d have to say that gay bars are the most fun, with transexual a close second. I’ve been to my wife’s favorite lezzy bar and felt uncomfortable there. It’s unusual to go to the men’s bathroom and find women there who give you a dirty look, rather than the other way around.

She will sometimes ask me to drive her to the bar and then pick her up. She doesn’t like to drive if she’s been drinking and prefers me to carpool her. I once tried to sneak in afterward and sit in the corner, but the hostility I felt was noticeable. When she decides to have a girl’s night, I’ll drop her off and sit at an all-night restaurant with my laptop until they kick me out.

Gay bars are always a lot of fun. The guys are generally in good spirits, and it’s kind of like being at a Village People reunion. While I don’t think I have any inclination to be gay, I do like gay guys, and we have a number of gay friends. However, I’m not brave enough to go to the leather bar in the basement. LOL

I know that I should be writing more smut now that I’m working from home, but it seems like my boss feels that if I don’t have to drive to and from work, I can spend that extra time with my nose to the grindstone.

Plus, a lot of my ideas come from things we see and do. With COVID, our social life is absolutely zero, and with our new incoming president, I feel that he’s going to lock down the country so we can attempt to get a handle on the pandemic.

I understand his likely actions, and our state governor has ruled Nevada with a somewhat iron fist. This has kept our death toll down, especially considering that Las Vegas is a tourist hot spot.

I’m Larry Archer, a slinger of smut for your wanking pleasure, and this is my time of the month for drivel. My erotica is designed to appeal to your most basic instincts, like watching South Park when even they tell you not to!

If you’re still interested, check me out at LarryArcher.blog. See you next month.

P.S. – The image included in this month’s post has absolutely nothing to do with the article beyond the fact that I love that image, and it speaks to me.

Hotwives and cuckolds

As a writer of erotic stories, I’ve often found that real life is sometimes harder to believe than fiction. Usually, I’ll experience something that gives me an idea for a story, and remembering a past experience is one such event.

When I lived in Houston, I ran around with a guy who lived in the same apartment complex. One night, over a beer, he said, “I had a weird experience the other night!”

“Really, what happened?” I asked.

“I walked into a neighborhood bar on Bellair, which was empty except for a couple sitting at a four-top. I sat down at the bar and ordered a beer.”

“After a few minutes, the woman got up and sat down beside me. She was hot and asked me to pass her the peanuts, which were on the opposite side from her. She pointed at the peanuts while bending over to give me a good shot of her boobs in a low cut top.”

“She tried to make conversation with me, but it freaked me out with her husband sitting at a table, not ten feet from me. She finally gave up and went back to her husband.”

“Then the bartender came over and whispered, ‘Don’t you like her?’”

“I replied, ‘Yeah, but not with her husband sitting there.’”

“The bartender chuckled and replied, ‘They come in here all the time, and she picks up a guy to take home with them.’”

My friend said that after thinking about it for a minute, he got up and asked the couple if he could join them. After a few minutes, the husband suggested that they go back to their house.

Going back to the couple’s residence, they had a drink, and then he ended up in bed with the wife while her husband sat in a chair by the bed and jerked off.

Initially, he was self-conscious about banging the guy’s wife, but after a few minutes, he completely forgot about her husband and had one of the best times of his life. Afterward, hubby invited him back anytime to take care of the wife.

At the time, I was a young single guy and would have never believed that married people would do such things. Fast forward a few years, and here I was married at a swinger’s party in bed with another guy’s wife.

Pam was a gorgeous older blonde MILF with a fabulous body that belonged to a much younger woman. Jack, her husband, had followed us into the bedroom and stood in the corner, watching.

When she noticed me looking at her husband, Pam asked, “He likes to watch. You don’t mind, do you?”

I said, “No,” because what else could you say in a situation like this?

She was insatiable, and one of the best lays I’ve ever had. The whole time Jack is whacking off watching us.

Towards the end, Foxy came in and climbed in bed with us. She often checks on me to be sure I’m doing okay. She kissed Pam, and I could see that Pam didn’t enjoy it as much as my wife did. Pam said that she’d never been with many women before but figured out if she wanted me, then she’d have to play ball.

It turned out that Pam and Jack lived a few minutes away from us, and we became good friends. In addition to screwing, we did bar hopping, dining, movies, and strip clubs together. Where we lived in the Midwest, strip clubs were typically in a less than attractive part of town. Jack was a cop and could legally carry a gun, so there were additional benefits to running around with them.

When I started writing porn, I have often included them in my erotic stories. I named the fictitious couple Pam and Jack in their honor. Hotwives and their cuckold husbands can be found at most swinger’s parties.

Pam has come over to the dark side and enjoys women as much as my wife does, but she still likes dick better. Jack is happy to hide in the closet to watch his wife get her lights drilled out and makes no bones about enjoying it.

A lot of my stories are based upon our experiences with Hotwives and their cuckold husbands. Hotwives are a popular theme in erotic literature, and it’s always fun to write about them.

I’m Larry Archer, and I love to write those stained and stuck together stories you read in the privacy of your locked bedroom or bath. My stroke erotica with somewhat of a plot thrown in is based upon our adventures in wife swapping. Join me on the twenty-fourth of every month to update our struggle to remain sane in this pandemic. For more perverted stuff, check out my blog, LarryArcher.blog, for more of the same. You can find my stories at Amazon, SmashWords, Apple iBooks, and many others for your reading pleasure. Remember, if you need some strange stuff, try your left hand!

Stay Safe! Love Foxy and Larry

Stay Safe, Jerk Off

I hope everyone is working from home or sheltering in place. Foxy and I are lying low, like most people, and trying to ride this out. Our social life has ground to a complete halt, but at least we are not sick yet. If you’re thinking about publishing a story, now is the time as everyone has time to jerk off.

Las Vegas, a.k.a. Sin City is a ghost town, which is really weird. The governor of Nevada jumped on this like a duck on a June Bug and closed the entire town, except essential services. Casinos, restaurants, and most businesses are closed. At least the price of gasoline is close to breaking two bucks. Average prices in Nevada are about seventy-five cents above any other place, except for California. It’s too bad, we can’t go anywhere.

Even the strip clubs are closed, but Little Darlings hasn’t lost their sense of humor. Their sign says, “We’re Clothed.”

I often opine on urging people to write smut and stop talking about doing it. Shoulda, woulda, coulda!

Since next month is National Masturbation Month, I’ve been practicing every day and sometimes more often. I’ll be ready in a week or so to do justice with self-abuse. At least nowadays, most vibrators are rechargeable, which keeps me from having to go to the 7-11 at 2 A.M.

During those times, when I’m resting my hand, I’ve been working with InkScape, which is an open-source graphics design program like CorelDraw. I use CorelDraw to create my story covers as well as Instagram, Twitter, and other advertising images.

Certainly, I realize that you can do the same thing with PhotoShop or GIMP but the “right tool for the right job,” as my auto shop teacher always told me. CorelDraw is not cheap, and if an open-source program can do what I want and is free, that sounds like a winner.

InkScape works well except that the export process to create a JPG for posting has some size issues that require a little post-processing to fix but not too bad. Someone else I know is trying the CorelDraw Home version, which is $60 at Amazon, and getting good results with it. I’m going to stick with CorelDraw, at least for now, as I know it and have been using it for years. It costs me one-hundred bucks a year, and they send me all the new versions, which is not too bad.

I still have a day job, and writing smut is just a fun exercise. My goal is to make enough money to keep me in computers and camera gear. That’s been working pretty well, but my sights are set on a new Canon R5 system, which is going to blow my savings in one fail swoop.

My other long time hobby is photography, and I shoot a lot of models in town. It’s incredible the number of girls who will take their clothes off for pictures. Everybody wants to be a star, and Las Vegas is almost like LA. I trade pictures for modeling, and everyone is happy. The girls are all looking to have photos to post on Instagram. With digital cameras, you don’t have to spend hours in the darkroom and just have to pop the SD card into the computer and, voila, there are pictures.

I got started when I was in high school, and things are so easy today. The new generation of cameras is capable of outstanding results. I used to use a Hasselblad when I shot film, and my Canon digital is so much easier.

Now I’m shooting mostly landscapes, flowers, inanimate objects, Wifey as social distancing makes it more challenging to work with people you don’t know. When COVID-19 is finally behind us, I can go back to shooting girls. Of course, I still shoot tons of shots of Foxy. She was a model when we met, and I’ve got tens of thousands of pictures of her, but variety is the spice of life. She’s my best critic and always helps me edit the photos I take.

Hunker down and stay safe. Read a dirty book and get ready for next month. Foxy and I hope that you stay safe. We’ll get through this!

LarryArcher.blog/stories

Publishing for Fun and Profit

Cuckold Club – First Date

Today was a somewhat successful day of man over machine and software! Last week I promised myself that I would release my latest smut story, which required me to climb several hurdles.

The first was obviously to finish the story, which I did Saturday. My plan is to release it for preorder on Monday at both Amazon and SmashWords. To do that, you have to have two almost identical copies of the stories.

One has the frontmatter and backmatter for Amazon and the other, frontmatter and backmatter for SmashWords. You are not allowed to have links in a story that points to a different publisher. For example, if you have a link to a SmashWords site in your Amazon Kindle copy, then Amazon will throw you under the bus.

Once I had the body completed, then I had to create the frontmatter and backmatter for each publisher. As I’m using Scrivener to write my smut in, I had to translate my existing Word versions to Scrivener. While copy and paste is the obvious solution, trust me, its not that easy, especially when I’ve never published a story out of Scrivener.

I’ve put off digging into the Compile function and trying to figure out how to tell Scrivener to bundle the Amazon version with its files and then create a SmashWords version with its unique files, was a hill I didn’t anticipate having to climb.

Once I got it to work, it started to make sense, but it was a good thing we don’t have any small children as they would have their vocabulary increased with mostly four-letter words!

Scrivener doesn’t use Styles like every other word processing program, and there is apparently a way to do it with version 3 of the software, but I didn’t have time to dig into it. The same with the Table of Contents (TOC), and I did those manually, which meant I had to do them twice. Once for Amazon and once for SmashWords.

I think I’m about 90% of the way there and will try to figure out how to automate the final 10%, so Scrivener will spit out a complete file pretty much on its own. Maybe?

The SmashWords version slipped through their meatgrinder without an error, and I used Calibre to convert the .DOCX file to ePub, and that looked pretty good.

All in all, I’m pretty happy with Scrivener and how my first story in my Cuckold Club series turned out. The story is available for preorder now and will go live next weekend. I haven’t seen a big benefit to releasing a story for preorder, but I always release a new story on Friday as the publishers tend to hipe a story in the first few days, so I want to make sure the story is available on the weekend instead of letting it languish during the week.

Scrivener sells for fifty bucks for PC or Mac, and that, to me, is very reasonable for what it can do. True, they should probably hire a technical writer instead of using programmers. As a programmer, I can attest to the fact we create poor documentation.

In a past life, I did contract programming for several car manufacturers to create computer-based training courses (CBT). I worked with a team that included video crews and technical writers. I learned so much about technical writing from them, which has helped to this day.

Speaking of Amazon and SmashWords, I want to offer my latest thoughts on these two behemoths in the publishing world.

As I understand it, Amazon publishes about 70% of the eReader stories, and SmashWords is somewhere in the 30% balance of the market.

Depending on your story content, you need to utilize both to maximize your sales. Amazon is particularly sensitive to story content, and if your typical story is on one of the fringe topics, they will give you fits.

As we’ve discussed many times at ERWA, if your story is thrown in the dungeon, sales will suffer greatly. Buyers will have to have a link to the story or the exact title. Amazon will not offer up a story from the dungeon, which means the kiss of death in most cases.

SmashWords is extremely tolerant of story content and will often allow stories that violate their liberal limitations. A search of their bestseller list will usually include stories that would give Amazon censors the vapors.

Up to now, what I’ve done is to write a story that will skate through both publishers. This way, I don’t have to create two versions of the story. With SmashWords, there is a catch. If your story includes a fairly short list of no-no’s, then they will not push the story out for you.

If your SmashWord’s story is ranked premium, then they will publish it to Apple iBooks, B&N, Nook, Kobo, and others. Apple is somewhat sensitive to story content and the blurb. They have rejected several of my stories for being too explicit, and I’ve had no success in changing their minds.

Strickly from my personal sales, my SmashWords sales are solid from month to month, while Amazon varies with the length of time since the last release. In the last year, my Amazon sales have varied from 1 to 3 times my SmashWords sales.

SmashWords doesn’t seem to care how old a story is, just how popular it is. I have stories that are several years old and still relatively high on the charts. Amazon, on the other hand, will bounce all over the place.

When I release a story on Amazon, sales will shoot up and stay for several months. Then it will slowly drop until I publish a new story.

Having SmashWords push my stories out to Apple iBooks really helps me. Most months, my income from Apple is around 50% of my SmashWords sales.

Now that I’ve released my first story in the Cuckold Club series, I can go back and finish House Party 2, which is currently approaching 100,000 words. I’m looking to take Lisabet’s suggestion and break it up to two stories, HP2 and HP3.

That will help as I’ve tried to inject some angst into the House Party original story and now have to try and fix the problems I created. The primary characters, Foxy and Larry, in my stories, are fictionalized versions of Wifey and myself. In real life, we’re in the Lifestyle, and writing erotica was a way to talk about some of our adventures. While not trying to promote things we do, it has been a lot of fun for both of us.

In House Party, Foxy left Larry for another guy and moved to California. There was no fight, she just wanted to be on her own. Foxy and I met before she turned 21 and has never actually been on her own.

It’s difficult for me to write in problems as we’ve never had issues before, and my fictional Foxy and Larry are basic extensions of ourselves. They are pretty true to life beyond the fact I don’t have a strip club and more money than God. My wife is a gorgeous creature and exactly as portrayed in the stories, except not quite as far over the edge.

Anyway, I’m starting to ramble. In HP2/HP3, I’m trying to get them back together, while trying to deal with the extra women who have complicated the situation. Foxy now has a girlfriend, who is her love interest. Larry has a new squeeze and a MILF, who is his best friend’s wife.

If that sounds complicated, it really is, and I’m struggling to make everything work out. If I break HP2 in half, then I can publish the next excerpt, which will give me time to figure out how to make everything work out, without resorting to Judge Judy.

Plus, I’m glad that my wife is a Luddite and refuses to read anything that’s not made of paper, else I’m afraid that she’ll be pissed at me. I haven’t shared the details of House Party and the marital breakup yet and am not sure if she’ll be happy with me about it.

At least I’ve got her new iPhone working, and so maybe she’ll cut me some slack if she finds out what our fictional selves have gotten tangled up in.

Until this time next month, I’m off like a prom dress! Catch my blog at: LarryArcher.blog

Larry Archer (and Foxy!)

What’s in My Toolbox

For my ERWA blog posting this month, I’m going through the tools I normally use while scribbling out my smut stories. I’ve discovered that there are ways to save money, yet not scrimp on performance or capability.

Philosophy

The traditional way to publish a book involves the use of editors to proof your manuscript, graphics designers to create a cover, and a publishing house to put it all together. In a perfect world, this is the way to go, but unfortunately most of us live in the real world.

Assuming that our story sells for $2.99 or $3.99 and we have a 70% margin, then your profit from a $3 book is $2, and a $4 book is $3. I’m using rounded figures here and know this isn’t strictly correct.

For a cover, let’s assume a price of $50 to $200 per cover. In terms of sales this translates to 25 sales at $50/cover or 70-100 sales at $200/cover. The painful truth that most of us quickly learn, your sales on an erotic story will be slim. Then you have to ask yourself, how long will it take until my new story is in the black or when you stop bleeding money?

Until you become rich and famous or have a spouse who doesn’t pay a lot of attention to the credit card bill, the average beginning smut writer can’t afford the luxury of hiring outside help.

Getting your foot in the door can be a pricy first step unless you are willing to do the grunt work yourself. Designing a cover is not that hard if you are reasonably competent, and using inexpensive or free tools can get you started. Certainly a professional graphics designer or copy editor can do a better job, but I don’t think you should drive yourself into the poor house doing it.

Make sure that you join our group of talented people who write erotica. They can offer a lot of advice to both new and seasoned writers. Erotica Readers and Writers Association (ERWA) has been around for many years and should be high on your list of blogs to follow. https://erotica-readers.com/blog/

Hardware

I’ve always been a PC person and generally considered those who had drunk the Kool-Aid to be under the influence of Steve Jobs, even from the grave, but not any longer. Like many, I’ve been seduced and taken a bite out of the forbidden Apple. Like Adam and Eve, who just ran around naked in the woods and screwed all the time until they succumbed to the forbidden fruit. They took a bite of the Apple and found themselves outside the fence.

In 2012, when I first started writing porn, I realized that I needed a laptop that I could take to the bathroom when I had one of those urges. I have purchased three Ultrabooks or thin, light PC laptops for the successful executive on the go. Every time I bought one, I quickly realized that they were not very good. Buyer’s remorse quickly set in as I discovered their shortcomings.

The problems I discovered centered around a couple of necessary features for me. Touchpads under Windows sucked, and many people are plagued with “ghost” touches. The touchpad would do things by itself and drove me crazy. This is a common problem, and many users complain about it.

I finally figured out how to stop the problem, but by this time, I had moved on to my MacBook Air. Others have suggested that I use a mouse to eliminate the issues, but then you have to lug the mouse around and deal with it.

The other problem is battery life and performance with Windows laptops. If you don’t get a good CPU like an i7 processor, performance sucks. Battery life is always measured in a few hours. Manufacturers boast 8-10 hours of run time, but they typically lie. When you can only get maybe 3-4 hours, you’re as bad as someone with an iPhone. You walk around with the charger cord in your hand, looking for an outlet.

Foxy uses an iPhone 8S with 256 Gig of ram and constantly has it plugged in and complains about battery life. For a thousand-dollar phone, I’d expect more, but that’s what she wanted and who am I to complain. I’ve learned to just hand over my credit card and close my eyes. What I don’t know won’t hurt me.

My love affair with Apple started in 2012 with my purchase of a 2012 MacBook Air, which only has an i5 processor, but you’d think there was an i7 under the hood. As a touch typist, the MBA’s keyboard is the best I’ve ever seen. My mistakes dropped like a rock, and once I got used to the differences between the PC and Mac operating systems, I’ve never looked back, mostly.

In 2015, I upgraded to a new model MBA with 8 Gb of ram and gave my old Mac to Wifey. It works well with her iPhone and saves me a lot of time dealing with Mac to PC problems. My new Mac was just like the old one except for twice the memory. To be honest, I’ve never noticed any problems with the previous Mac’s 4 Gig of memory, but I’m a sucker for new stuff, especially if it’s shiny.

I’ve got money in my bank account for my writing and have been thinking about upgrading, but the new style keyboard scares me. My 2015 Mac is doing well, and I’ve been thinking about swapping out the 256 Gb hard disk for a 1-Tb disk, which is pretty reasonable. Not that I need it, but it would be something new.

One other neat thing about the MBA is that it boots instantly when you raise the lid and doesn’t drain the battery like a Windows laptop does. Fast Start is turned on by default, and that means when you power off, you don’t really power off but enter a hybrid state that allows the computer to boot faster. The downside is that the laptop is constantly using power and will rarely go more than two days without exhausting the battery. My Mac will go for several weeks at least by just closing the lid, with minimal battery loss.

But I have found that there are reasonable alternatives for those who like the Windows operating system. A couple of years back, they took away my work Toshiba laptop and gave me an iPad, which works for 95% of my needs when I’m away from my desktop PC.

A few months ago, I was running a test and needed a PC for the field. Our IT department loaned me a Lenovo business laptop, and I promptly fell in love. It has an older style keyboard that is a joy to type on. It reminds me of my old Dell keyboard, except this one doesn’t clack when you type on it.

The Lenovo is not as skinny and light as a modern Windows ultrabook but is not bad. It probably weighs a pound or so more than my MacBook Air but still not objectionable. Looking through refurbished laptops on Amazon, I discovered that I could buy a 4 year old Lenovo T450s for $315 used and rebuilt with Windows 10 Pro installed.

I’d never bought a used laptop before but liked the one at work so much, I sprung for the unit. It has an i7 processor, 250 Gb solid-state hard disc, and 4 Gb of ram. The unit is probably 4 or 5 years old but looks perfect. Naturally, both of the batteries had degraded to about 75% of new, and I ordered replacement batteries for the unit. While I had the back off, I added 16 Gb of ram to bring the unit up to 20 Gb of ram.

Now I have about $450 invested in the unit with new batteries and lots of ram. I consider this a better alternative than spending almost $2 grand on a high-end laptop. Plus, this thing has huge batteries and will run all day without requiring a charge.

I prefer my MacBook Air as it is lighter and has a phenomenal battery life. The Mac operating system is a form of Unix (Linux) and is more efficient than a Windows computer. On top of that, when you open the lid, the sign-in window shows up instantly. Even if you let it sleep overnight, the boot time is maybe 10-15 seconds, which blows my Windows 10 Pro laptop completely away. Unfortunately, some of the engineering software I use is only available on a Windows machine, so I flip back and forth as needed.

If you are on a tight budget and you need a computer, take a look at refurbished units. I’ve have been pleased with my used computer, and if you grab something with an i7 processor, it will be plenty fast even if it’s a few years old. Make sure you get a solid-state hard disk.

Less expensive laptops are available, such as a Chrome unit, but often have limitations and are slower than a more top of the line unit. By purchasing a used business-grade laptop, I get a unit that is durable and provides power and capability at a reasonable cost.

Word Processing Software

I use Microsoft Word for word processing, but it can be expensive. Now the new Microsoft Office 365 is just a rental that costs you about $120 per year. Renting software pisses, me off and I refuse to upgrade as I want to own the software. Depending on which computer I’m using, I run Office 2016 or 2019, but there are cheaper alternatives.

LibreOffice is a good free alternative that is available for both PCs and Macs. It’s virtually identical to Word, that is except for the Free part! LibreOffice comes with an office suite like Microsoft Office. https://www.libreoffice.org/

I’m also experimenting with Scrivener, which a lot of people like. You can buy it for either PC or Mac for about $50 each. They are beta testing the new Windows version, and you can download the beta version for free until they come out with the final release. If you are running Windows, it’s a good way to grab a word processor for free and will only cost you about $50 sometime in the future, if you like it. https://www.literatureandlatte.com/

Scrivener is kind of cool in that each chapter can be a separate document and allows the writer to deal with a story in parts, yet the software bundles everything together to output. You can also export to Word format to publish. It will publish to electronic book formats, but I’ve haven’t been that adventuresome yet.

Scrivener is a total solution to publishing by giving a writer the ability to build a completed manuscript from the parts, such as cover, front matter, body, and back matter. Plus, it can be set up to publish to different formats with a compiler option.

I’m writing the follow up to House Party, called cleverly House Party 2, using Scrivener, which has been an interesting challenge. There are enough differences to make the program different from Word, and I’m still not sure if I’ll like it going forward but am a glutton for punishment.

Graphics Processing

Having some good graphics tools are a requirement for the Indie writer, in my opinion. While an author can outsource the creation of the cover to a graphics artist, that cost can be difficult to make up with sales.

To replace PhotoShop try GIMP, which is very close to PhotoShop except being free. Download a copy at https://www.gimp.org/

To design your covers, give InkScape a try. InkScape is similar to CorelDraw but free and not hundreds of dollars. https://inkscape.org/

Another good one is Canva, an online cover designer. It’s somewhat limited as you have to pick a template and change it to your story’s details, but it’s free. https://www.canva.com/create/book-covers/

For resizing images, you can’t beat IrfanView, https://www.irfanview.com

To convert document files to ePub, MOBI, or PDF, grab a copy of Calibre. https://calibre-ebook.com/

All the software mentioned above is free and can be downloaded from the Internet. Certainly, commercial software will likely have a few more bells and whistles, but for the struggling artist they can fit your needs. I use mostly open-source (free) software except for a couple, but I pay the bills, and Foxy doesn’t have to bother her pretty little head about where our money goes!

Addendum 2019-10-26 – Mom always told me that if I kept on playing with myself, I’d go blind. I’ve always said, I’d just do it until I needed glasses! I now think it’s affected my brain as I missed a couple of things that are not really associated with writing smut but I consider necessary.

NAS Drive – If you have a network at home, which most of us with cable do, you should invest in a Network Attached Storage (NAS) device with RAID. A NAS drive is similar to the USB portable drives people use to backup or store important files such as pictures and videos from your wife’s first gangbang. A NAS drive will have an RJ-45 network jack that looks like an oversized telephone jack (you remember those don’t you?).

Plugging it into your router or a switch if you have a wired network, will allow backups from any device connected to your home wifi or network. The trick is to get a NAS drive with RAID 0. RAID means that the storage device has two physical hard disks inside that are the same size. With RAID, saving a file to the NAS drive means that the unit automatically writes a copy to the second hard disk. The non-techy explanation is there are two copies to every file, stored on different hard disks. So unless the unit is destroyed with a hammer, it’s virtually impossible to lose files if the hard disk crashes. Always remember, it’s not if a hard disk will fail, it’s when the hard disk is going to fail.

If a hard disk fails on the NAS drive, just unplug the bad hard disk and plug in a new disk of the same size or bigger. The NAS drive will automatically format and use the new hard disk by copying all the files from the original drive to it. This takes a few days as it’s done in the background but the drive will continue to work normally.

NAS drives are not cheap but what’s your data worth? I have a Qnap T-420 which holds 4 hard disks. I’ve currently got 2 – 2Tb and 2 – 4Tb drives in it. Using RAID the capacity of the unit is half the installed storage, so in my case, I have a 2 Tb file system for my writing and personal records and a 4Tb drive for scanned images and video. I also store my pictures from my DSLR and our cell phones there.

FastCopy – I use the FastCopy shareware software to backup my files from my desktop and laptop computers. FastCopy is supposed to be the fastest copy utility around and it only copies files that have changed or are new. It skips the existing files so you can just tell FastCopy to copy from folder to folder, which just takes a few clicks. I write batch files and put them on my desktop to backup my computers. The site to download from is partially in Japanese but with a little head-scratching you can figure out how to download an English version. https://fastcopy.jp/en/

Crystal Disk Info – This handy little utility will read the status of your attached hard disks and tell you if any are having problems. When you run it, it will scan all of the connected disk drives and display the health status of each. If you start seeing warning messages, immediately buy a replacement drive and copy the files to the new drive. Typically, you never get warnings when your hard disk is having problems as it will retry to read a bad sector until it manages to get the data. But then one day, it cannot and you are typically history at that point. By watching the Power On hours and if the status changes from good, then you’re okay. A rule of thumb that I use is to replace an external USB hard disk at around 12,000 run hours or an internal at 18,000 – 20,000 hours even if you don’t see problems. These days an 8-Tb USB drive is about $150 so it’s not that expensive to swap them out. A good 4-Tb internal drive is about $85 also. https://crystalmark.info/en/

Sorry, I didn’t think about those at the time I was writing my monthly blog issue but feel that these are also important.

That’s it for this month, and follow me for more ramblings from the dirty mind of Larry Archer. My personal blog is https://LarryArcher.blog.

New Year’s Resolution Going Down in Flames

by Larry Archer

I must admit that I’m a failure at New Year’s Resolutions. Amid our annual New Year’s Eve Pajama Party, I made a promise to myself that I would focus on writing my porn and get stuff pushed out the door.

I didn’t promise to stop jerking off, lose weight or exercise more. Didn’t promise to stop beating my wife. The only thing I promised myself was to write erotic stories and get them published. One simple task and I utterly failed at it.

Being honest with myself, I have to admit that I have published two well-received stories in 2019 so far, Idle Hands and a box set, Swingers Box Set. While I did get those two stories out the door, I now find myself working on four stories at the same time and not being able to finish any of them as I can’t seem to focus on one story.

This is like in engineering, we have the expression, “There comes a time in every project when you have to fire the engineer and go into production.” Which loosely translates into, “Engineers are never satisfied and will continue to tweak something forever or until the cows come home.”

When you publish at Amazon, one of the things that you learn is the 30-day cliff. After about 30-days, Amazon will start sliding you further down in the search engine results. This means that when a reader searches for erotica, your stories will stop popping up in the search results no matter how good the story.

SmashWords doesn’t do this and ranks stories by popularity, no matter when they were released. For example, if you search for best-selling erotica in the SmashWords’ Menage/Multiple-Partners category, you will find my story, Crashing The Swinger’s Pajama Party is number sixteen in this category. The amazing thing about this is that this 80,000-word story was released in June 2018, a year ago and is still number 16 in the multiple partner’s best seller category!

As you might imagine, an 80,000-word story doesn’t just happen overnight, and there was a lot of work plowed into the story. If you publish at SmashWords, your stories get to stand on their own feet and don’t disappear in the distance after 30-days. To me, this tells me that my ROI (Return on Investment) is better at SmashWords than at Amazon. However, the fact that Amazon Kindle reaches millions of more readers than SmashWords will often make up the difference.

To accomplish the same type of ranking at Amazon Kindle, you need to publish often and at least once a month or more. This is why, at our New Year’s PJ Party, I promised myself that I’d focus and publish regularly. However, this resolution got lost in the orgy room along with my clothes as best I can remember.

Currently, I have four or five stories in various stages of completion, with most around 20,000-words or about half-finished at best. I just can’t seem to focus on one story and get it out the door.

What will happen to me is that I see something or get an idea for a story and cannot help but start working on it. I feel that I need to get my initial thoughts down before I get distracted by something else.

It’s like the curly headed brunette on the new Sally Beauty Supply billboards. I’m in love with her, much to my wife’s amusement. The truth is that being from Texas, we all love big hair and the girl on the billboard looks so much like Foxy that I can’t help but blow her a kiss every time I pass that billboard.

I will see something like the brunette and get an idea for a story, which is why I’m my own worst enemy. Once I get distracted, I will write madly away just like Don Quixote when he sees a new windmill, just without Sancho Panza.

Growing up on a farm, left me with the life-long curse of waking up at the crack of dawn only without cows to milk. Foxy reacts negatively to being woken before 9 AM, and so I’ll often lie in bed and think about my latest story.

I’ve found that I can let my characters act out their fantasies in my mind. I will slip out of bed, grab my laptop, and drive to a nearby fast-food restaurant for coffee. At that point, it’s just a matter of downloading my brain onto my trusty MacBook Air.

I fully realize that I’d sell more if I concentrated on one story at a time and got it out the door, but what I should do and what I actually do are two different things. Luckily, writing smut is not something I have to do to keep the wolf away from the door.

It’s been almost seven years since I published my first erotic story. Previously, the only thing I’ve done remotely close are presentations on how to throw a house party at Lifestyle conventions. Writing erotica allows me to take things we’ve seen and done and convert them to a story, which someone will hopefully enjoy reading and possibly wank off to.

Follow me at LarryArcher.blog for more of my ruminations, and until this time next month, I’m off like a prom dress.

Experience vs. Reality?

By Larry Archer

A question that seems to have come up a lot recently is what does a writer of erotic fiction base his/her story upon? Do I write from experience or imagination?

I’ve never hidden the fact that we are in the Lifestyle and often use our experiences in the stories I write. Being a swinger has helped me write erotic stories because we’ve often been there and done that.

I was reminded of this difference when I watched part of Suburban Swinger Club on Lifetime. I say part because I was interested in The Secret Sex Life of a Single Mom, which came on following Swinger Club. I ended up watching the last fifteen or so minutes of Swinger Club, so I got the ending portion first.

After watching Sex Life of a Single Mom, I started watching the Swinger Club movie which followed Sex Life. Lifetime was repeatedly showing these two movies back to back. Sort of pulling a sex story train gangbang to my way of thinking.

I could only stand a few minutes of Suburban Swinger Club because it was completely wrong and possibly based upon someone’s idea of what swinging is about instead of knowing what swinger’s parties are actually about.

I’ve based my opinion on the beginning and end of Swinger Club but don’t think watching the entire movie would change my opinion for a number of reasons.

Warning: somewhat of a spoiler follows. The movie seems to portray swingers and swinger’s clubs as some type of weird cult with people who would never get a second invitation to party at the clubs I’m familiar with.

First, the people were all young and attractive in general, which I guess is Hollywood’s idea of the typical suburban swinger’s club. When in real life the people you’ll encounter are a broad variety, young to older, plain to gorgeous, and everywhere in between. The only way you might be able to tell the type of party is the dress code. By and large, many women in the Lifestyle tend to be exhibitionists, and their dress code normally reflects that.

I knew that this story wasn’t based on reality was when everyone threw their house keys in a bowl. That was how you picked your partner for the night by plucking someone’s keys out of the bowl.

First, they didn’t go to the selected partner’s house, they went upstairs, so why the keys, other than it is something that may have happened in the 1950s with the original group of fighter pilot swinger’s?

When you are at a House Party (aka swinger’s party), your partner isn’t chosen by a lottery, it’s by personal choice. You meet and talk with someone; then if you hit it off, you ask if they would like to party (aka fuck and suck). At this point, if both of you agree, then you get together and do the nasty.

Another point that galled me was one of the guys assumed he could get with the new girl at any time he desired, even without getting reciprocal feelings from her, after they partied for the first time.

Just because you get together with someone, you don’t own that person or have more rights. You get together for recreational sex and not a relationship or ownership.

What you can’t expect is that your partner will stay quiet if you break the rules. Once I remember a new couple who showed up at a party and the husband immediately started inviting wives out for dates and nooners. I guess he thought that this would be like cheating where everything is on the down low. Boy, was he wrong and they were never invited to another party. I’m sure they were asking themselves, what happened? He had no idea that all the wives immediately started talking with each other about what had happened.

As hard as it may be to believe, swingers may have loose morals, but they don’t cheat. When we get together with someone else’s husband or wife, it’s typically in the same house and often the same room, not at Motel 6 with Tom Bodett.

Since swinging is not socially acceptable to the majority of the populous, we tend to not talk about our parties around the water cooler.

I got into writing erotica for two basic reasons, (1) I wanted to see if I could do it, and (2) it was a way to talk about our experiences that didn’t have our neighbors burning crosses in our front yard.

I admit that I made a bad choice in picking the names of our counterparts in my stories, Foxy and Larry. Originally, I started out by writing stories about us, but then fictional Foxy and Larry took on a life of their own. They have evolved into a couple, who are a lot like us but a little more over the edge.

The makebelieve Foxy and Larry own a strip club in Las Vegas, The Fox’s Den, and enjoy a hedonistic life of excess both in the money they make and the lifestyle they lead.

When I discuss the actions and emotions of Foxy or Larry, the story typically portrays how they actually are in real life. For example, in The Watchers, one scene portrays Foxy and one of our girlfriends Chrissy staring in a gangbang witnessed by a room of voyeurs, Foxy is apprehensive about performing for an audience.

Not trying to throw her under the bus but that’s exactly how my wife is. She hates to plan and while she’ll do the most outrageous stuff on the spur of the moment, will usually fail to follow through if it is planned and scripted.

I’ve seen her on the floor making out with another girl at a dance with hundreds of people watching, yet if I would have suggested anything like that, she’d flatly refuse.

I’ve learned never to push my wife and always let her take the lead as it typically works out better all the way around. Swinging has allowed us both to grow and the crowd we run with are the greatest.

One of my recent stories is based upon an actual event that actually occurred. We have huge New Year’s Eve Pajama Parties and once a couple from down the street crashed our party, creating the impetus for Crashing the Swinger’s Pajama Party.

You can imagine my shock and theirs when a straight “normal” couple walks into a party with over one-hundred naked or semi-naked people doing obscene things to each other.

Needless to say, our actual relationship with them cooled somewhat but exploded in the fictional version of the encounter.

This was another case of fiction imitating real life and while a lot of the story was a what if, it is based upon fact. Thanks to Lisabet for suggesting that I write that story, which ended up as an 80,000-word novel that’s been one of my best sellers.

I also feature a lot of the people we know in my stories. With the names changed to protect the guilty, naturally. People who are more than walk-ons are typically real people. In my stories, I try to portray them pretty much true to life.

We have a menagerie of friends that we run with and by and large are a great group. Our best friends, Pam and Jack, are a MILF Hotwife and cuckold cop couple we do everything with. And yes, even that, well except that Jack only likes to watch the three of us and abuse himself, while holding the camera.

Another thing I don’t believe in is using condoms in my stories, a topic I’ve railed against many times before. I believe using a rubber doesn’t add anything to a story and since stories are not safe sex lessons, I don’t use them. And I promise, once you can get an STI from reading, I’ll make everyone put on a rubber.

Now having ragged on Suburban Swinger Club, I’d like to suggest that you check out The Secret Sex Life of a Single Mom. This great movie on Lifetime is about a Cougar divorcee dating a young guy, half her age, and becoming a submissive in a Dom/sub relationship.

While some things were missing as this is regular TV and not the Playboy channel, the story, in general, was good and should help in understanding why someone is a Dominant or submissive.

As always, if it’s the 24th, then it’s more erotica from the dirty mind of Larry Archer. Visit my blog, LarryArcher.blog for more of my ramblings.

I’m Afraid to Come Out of the Closet!

About a week ago, I released my latest box set, Swinger’s Box Set, for pre-order on Amazon. Who! Hoo! Then the very next day Amazon kicked me in the cojones and threw me into the dungeon. One Day, people!

Lisabet was right, and my original cover crossed the line for Zon. Why I asked myself? Everyone was pretty much dressed and in the bathroom, the cleanest place in the house. Surely, nothing nasty ever goes on in the bathroom?

Quickly, I reworked my cover with a more bland and non-threatening image. After resubmitting, my rating was switched to “Safe” within a couple of hours.

It was almost as if someone was sitting at their keyboard, ready to click Safe as they waited for my submission and give me absolution for my previous sins.

Up, Down, Yes, No! was I in some type of manic state where one day everyone is out to get me and the next its Mom and apple pie? Just because you’re paranoid doesn’t mean that they’re not out to get you.

Then to top it off, the big guy upstairs, no not Trump, but the big, big guy throws Sin City into the freezer. For the first time in ten years, its snowed in Las Vegas and two days in a row.

The girls all abandoned their short skirts and switched to pants as the weather hovered in the thirties with a serious wind chill. Instant downer!

I turned to Fox News and confirmed that global warming was, in fact, a hoax and fake news, but even after showing the outside world the news on my laptop, it still hasn’t warmed up. Confused and upset I’ve retreated to the comfort of my desktop as the warming glow of my twin monitors is likely giving me measles, brain cancer, or berry berry.

As you’ve likely read about, recent changes in regulations have caused problems with the porn industry and erotica in general. First, Tumblr was purchased by a goody two shoes company who felt that nudity and sex had no place in their organization. A large number of blogs in Tumblr instantly were censored and yanked. No longer are you able to see pictures of your next door neighbor’s wife with the milkman.

Then the thought police in Washington tweaked the rules making companies who hosted sites that exposed the naughty bits to be responsible for the content posted by their downstream sites.

Fearing the loss of their licenses, more and more web hosting sites are clamping down on perverts like me. I’m going to have to stop wearing my raincoat to better blend in with my local elected officials.

Over the last few weeks, it seems that many of the blogs dedicated to authors of erotic material have sprouted numerous messages about censorship and the big thumb of the government pressing down on erotic author’s collective necks.

One of my favorite quotes is from Larry Flynt of Hustler magazine, “Freedom of speech doesn’t protect speech you like, it protects speech you don’t like.”

As the walls continue to close around authors of smut, like when Luke, Princess Leia, and crew were in the trash compactor, while movie watchers were trying to confirm that Princess Leia was, in fact, braless in the movie, we must not give up the fight.

 

Kindle Unlimited I’m Sorry For All The Bad Things I’ve Said

By Larry Archer

While I’ve understood the appeal of Kindle Unlimited (KU), up until now I’ve rejected it for a couple of reasons. First is narrow versus wide. With KU, you cannot publish your story anywhere but at Amazon. I think you can do print versions, but most of that stays with Amazon.

Going wide, you can publish at all the other sites such as SmashWords, Apple, Kobo, B&N, and others, in addition to Amazon. Another drawback to wide is that you can’t publish in ePub or other formats that are native to Windows, Mac, most tablets and phones.

Certainly, nowadays there are apps which allow you to read Kindle books on other types of devices besides a Kindle. But to me, it is aggravating that Amazon restricts you in an effort to keep you corralled into the Kindle World.

Publishing on Amazon and allowing your smut to be in the Kindle Unlimited section, allows people who cough up $10 a month to read all they can stomach. For an avid reader like myself, I like KU except the nonconformist side resents being told I can’t publish a story anywhere except on Amazon.

Amazon pays about one-half cent per page for every page someone reads of your masterpiece. This doesn’t sound like a lot, but when there are millions of people out there, it adds up.

I decided what the hell, I’ll try it again and published my latest story, House Party, both narrow and in Kindle Unlimited. This 85,000-word novel is my biggest yet, and I have to admit that I was a little hesitant about committing for the next 90-days before I could go wide.

I was floored when in the three weeks since release it has sold 31 copies, and almost 18,000 page reads, which translates into 74 complete story reads of the 243-page novel. This one story in three weeks has earned basically one and a half times my normal Amazon income for a typical month!

That’s all the bragging I’m going to do, and I apologize for it but what I’m trying to say is consider using Kindle Unlimited to see if it helps your book sales.

Normally I don’t pay a lot of attention to my Amazon sales as I’m too lazy to read all the reports but using Book Report (GetBookReport.com) makes it so easy to see your best selling stories and how much money you are making. Book Report also breaks out your sales per day, week, month, etc. so it’s a lot easier to see if you’re doing any good.

I’d had always read that Amazon has a 30-day cliff and will start throwing your story under the bus in a month. Since I’ve been using Book Report since May or June, I’ve confirmed to myself that is true.

If you release a story, it will bump your author’s rank for about a month, then you’ll see your rank start to fall. Publish a new book, and it’ll immediately jump up for another month.

So, the old saying “Publish or Perish,” is definitely a truism with Amazon. This does not seem to be true with SmashWords. From what I can see, SmashWords only goes by best sells or most popular, without considering age.

I have two books in SmashWords Men’s Erotica Best Sellers that are in the top 60, and one of the stories was published in 2014 and is ranked higher than a story published this year.

While certainly, you can argue that one story is better than the other, but the bottom line is that a story published four years ago is ranked about the same as a story published in the last few months.

This tells me that when you publish at SmashWords, your story doesn’t get forgotten in a month and continues to be ranked on its merits, without being penalized for age.

Up until recently, I’ve always made more money at SmashWords than I have with Amazon but the last couple of months have been just the opposite.

The thing I really like at SmashWords is that they automatically push out to Apple and others such as Kobo and B&N. My sales through SmashWords are typically split four ways between SmashWords, Apple, Kobo, and B&N.

Sales and marketing are the things I hate to do. I’d druther pound away at my keyboard than try to figure out how to market a story but I’m becoming convinced that I need to pay attention to things like sales figures, advertising, etc.

I’m not naive enough to think I’ll ever quit my day job and write smut but I am covering expenses and being able to buy a nice laptop every year or two.

That’s all for this month folks. Go out and VOTE on November 8th. Until next month, if it’s the 24th, it’s time for smut from the dirty mind of Larry Archer. LarryArcher.blog

cuckold – Hotwife – Bull

The cuckold, Hotwife, and Bull relationship is an interesting variant of swinging and sometimes is not even thought of as swinging. The wife is known as a Hotwife (upper case), who likes to have NSA (no strings attached) sex with men, who are typically well hung and known as Bulls (upper case). The husband is known as the cuckold (lower case to show subservience) and is often not well endowed or unable to satisfy his wife.

The 1950’s definition of a cuckold is a guy, who was often restrained and forced to watch his Hotwife have sex with other men. The husband is degraded and humiliated as his Hotwife takes on big cocked guys. The bigger their dicks are, the more it reinforces how inferior he is and is unable to satisfy his wife like her Bulls can.

The 50’s type of cuckold – Hotwife relationship has changed over the years to a somewhat different form. I can only speak to what I see as a swinger and the couples we know or have met who enjoy this type of play.

In my experience, you can’t easily pick out a cuckold – Hotwife couple until you get to know them. Often the Hotwife is in her late thirties or forties and generally has an extremely sexy appearance, but as many women in swinging are exhibitionists, this is not always a tell.

Off the top of my head, I can name about half-dozen cuckold – Hotwife couples that I know for sure. There are also variations of cuckold behavior, which is probably the biggest variant.

The common type is a husband who enjoys watching his wife have sex with her Bull(s). Often he will stand or sit by the bed and watch his wife taking care of her lovers, while often jerking off.

Our best friends, Pam and Jack, are a hardcore cuckold – Hotwife couple. Pam is a medium height blonde with shoulder-length curls, about a D-cup, shapely body, and is in her late forties. Her husband Jack is about five years older, nice looking guy, tall, and in good shape.

At a party, Pam is usually the first one naked and is a textbook definition of a nymphomaniac. Her husband generally likes to hide or stand somewhere where he can spy on his wife. They are honest and above board on how they enjoy having his wife take care of her boy toys. At our house, we have a large closet in the master bedroom, and he likes to hide in the closet and watch his wife with her Bull(s).

He loves to watch and will often do things like suggesting that her Bull take her to bed if the action doesn’t start quickly enough. He loves to video us with his wife so that he can watch and jerk off later.

He has never touched my wife or made any attempt to do so. To my knowledge, my wife has never had sex with any cuckold that we know. For them, they enjoy watching their wife with another man and are not really interested in sex with other women.

We met a very attractive thirties couple at a swinger’s convention out of state, well actually our wives met for girl-on-girl fun. They are both extremely good looking, the wife is a fitness instructor, and the hubby was well built. We invited them to one of our New Year’s Eve Pajama Parties, and they drove in from out of state a couple of days early.

The first night, we were in bed together with the girls in the middle and making out while facing each other. I was banging his wife from the back while spooning her. He was behind my wife and only played with her boobs. To my knowledge, he has never touched her beyond that.

The several other couples we know are all variants of that typical scenario. In all the cases, the Hotwife is thirties to forties, with a decent to great figure, and very sexy in appearance and attitude.

This is all honest and above board, with both the cuckold and Hotwife being open in their relationship with others. For those in the Lifestyle, attitudes about sex are open and casual, which is difficult for “straights” to probably understand.

The husbands, who are cuckolds, are not stigmatized in any way or treated differently. Just as their Hotwives would be called sluts in any other context, they are no different, and no one thinks differently if they enjoy sex with other men or gangbangs while hubby watches.

For those who are interested, it is extremely popular and fairly common to find these couples in the Lifestyle.

For more on this, visit my blog at LarryArcher.blog. See you next month!

Hot Chilli Erotica

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