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Valentine’s Day

Valentine’s Day is in two weeks. What to do? What to do?

You could go out to dinner with your loved one and buy them flowers. Catch a romantic movie. Go for a walk in the park or on the beach.

That was, until Covid reared its ugly head. So, what are some good ways to celebrate the Day of Love while isolating and wearing masks?

There are plenty of things you can do. Turn off your phone and unplug the computer. Here are some suggestions for fun things to do on Valentine’s Day.

Breakfast in bed. Buy some bed trays and enjoy your poached eggs, bacon, sausage, and hash browns in bed with your loved one. Even better – get up before your loved one does and make breakfast while they’re still sleeping. Once finished – assuming the delicious smells do not wake up your partner – wake them up and feed them! One of my favorite breakfast dishes is crab cakes eggs benedict. You can’t go wrong with eggs benedict especially if crab meat is involved (unless you are allergic or don’t like seafood).

Cook a lovely dinner at home. Both of you pitch in in the kitchen. Make it special. Why not try your hand at something you’ve never made before? While I bake, my husband cooks. I make the junk food, LOL. My husband made orange chicken with brown jasmine rice for dinner today. It was amazing! Make the meal super special by getting out the good dishes and popping open a bottle of fine wine or bubbly. If you aren’t comfortable with a fancy meal, go simple but delicious. Tonkatsu and rosemary chicken (like Shake N Bake, but better) are two of our go-to meals when we want simple but good. Plus, I can make these dishes. If I can make them, anyone can. You’re reading a post from someone who can burn water. 🙂

If cooking isn’t your thing, order takeout from a good restaurant. Many restaurants that are open now offer takeout and curbside pick-up. The sky’s the limit. You could go for the usual Chinese or Mexican, or something more elaborate. Put the food in a warm oven as soon as you get it home to resurrect it in case it gets too cold.

Why merely buy a card and sign it when you can write a love letter? I like note cards with beautiful ocean themes on the front. Pen a beautiful note telling your loved one why you care so much.

Buy a bag of X rated candy hearts. I’ve seen them at Amazon. Some of them have saying such as “SPANK ME”, “LICK ME”, “TEASE ME”, “RIDE ME”. You get the idea. You can exchange these candies and act out the instructions. Loads of fun!

You don’t have to go to Spencer Gifts at the mall to get sexy playing cards or coupons anymore. Create your own! Create a set of coupons your partner may cash in at any time. Suggestions for messages include “Give a half hour back rub”, “good for one strip tease”, and “Voyeur: watch me”.

What kinds of sex toys do you like? Try couples sex toys like a dildo harness or warming scented massage oil. I used to write sex toys reviews for Babeland, California Exotics, and other companies. There are sex toys out there for every fetish and desire. I recommend the silicone toys over the jelly rubber ones. They are more hygienic. Yes, they cost more, but they are worth it. Some good high-end brands are Jimmy Jane and Lelo. My favorite sex toy company is Lelo, from Sweden.

Try a little light bondage. You don’t have to go full Marquis de Sade here. A flogger whip, blindfold, and plush cuffs make for a fun and relaxing evening. If you are more advanced, try shibari – erotic Japanese rope bondage.

Get naked and paint each other with water-soluble body paint! The tactile sensations will turn you on and the whole idea sounds like fun anyway. You’ll laugh as you tickle and touch each other. Who knows what that could lead to? 🙂

Enjoy a romantic movie. Some good movies for Valentine’s Day are “Pride and Prejudice”, “The Princess Bride”, “When Harry Met Sally”, and “P. S. I Love You”.

Game night! Play a board game or computer game together. Make sure the wine and/or bubbly are flowing to make the game even more exciting.

Read naughty stories to each other. There are many good erotic and romantic books and short stories out there for you to enjoy. You can find recommendations on this web site. There are also my books. My Amazon Author Page is here: https://www.amazon.com/author/elizabethblack

Listen to music together. You can go for your favorite bands or listen to something especially naughty such as Lords of Acid. My husband and I like to play what we call “Dueling iTunes”. He’ll play a song and then I’ll play one. We set up our computers so the songs play on the TV. Sing along and have fun.

If you are lucky enough to have a large bathtub – or better yet a hot tub – toss in your favorite scented oil, bubbles, or bath bomb and enjoy a good, long, warm soak together. Make sure you have chocolates, berries, and champagne handy. Don’t forget the romantic music!

Once Covid lifts and it’s safe to go to a hotel, book a room with a hot tub. I have Hilton Honors, and I’ve used points to get steep discounts on hotel rooms with hot tubs in them. Where I live, the Hampton Inn (part of Hilton Honors) sometimes offers jacuzzi rooms starting at $150 per night, which isn’t bad for a room with a hot tub, fridge, and microwave. Order delivery or bring back food from a restaurant. Don’t skimp on dessert. Some of my favorite desserts are crème brûlée, chocolate mousse, and ice cream.

If you live in a warmer climate, enjoy Valentine’s Day outdoors. Star gaze or sit in comfortable chairs and talk about anything under the sun. Just remember to socially distance and to wear a mask when appropriate.

Make Valentine’s Day your own and enjoy it with your partner. Keep in mind you don’t have to limit yourself to Valentine’s Day. These suggestions work regardless of the time of year. Turn every day into Valentine’s Day if you wish! Supercharge your love life with fun, games, and toys. You won’t be disappointed, and neither will your partner.

UPDATE: I just learned that Kraft has come out with a PINK Mac and cheese that tastes like… candy! Just in time for Valentine’s Day. If you have a wicked sense of humor, make some of that up for your loved one. It’ll be talked about for years to come. LOL

Sexual Preference, Your Personalty, And Other Nonsense

I found a fun article about how your Myers-Briggs personality influences your sexual preferences. Do you like anal? Sex toys? Multiple partners? Now, there’s a handy test to help you find out how wrong you are about what you thought was your sex life.

You may read about the survey here at Metro:

https://metro.co.uk/2019/01/12/personality-says-sexual-preferences-8336852/

It’s total nonsense but amusing nonetheless. I’ve taken the Myers-Briggs Personality Test before. I always end up INTJ – Introverted, Intuitive, Thinking, Judging. With an emphasis on Turbulent rather than Assertive.

I’m in good company when it comes to writers. Isaac Asimov, Jane Austen, Sylvia Plath, Emily Bronte and Sun Tzu are INTJs. There are even INTJ fictional characters including Sherlock Holmes, Professor Moriarty, Hannibal Lecter, Walter White, Gus Fring (what’s with all the criminal masterminds?) and Victor Frankenstein. I like how Holmes and Moriarty are both INTJs. Lecter and Agent Clarice Starling are also INTJs. Nice juxtaposition, like a yin/yang of cold and driven people.

I also come very close to the following:

INTP – Introverted, Intuitive, Thinking, Perceiving

INFJ – Introverted, Intuitive, Feeling, Judging

INFP – Introverted, Intuitive, Feeling, Perceiving

The difference between T/F and P/J is nearly 50% in my case. I break even enough to consider them.

INTJ is The Architect, the rarest of the results (2% of the population), especially when it comes to women. Only 0.8% of women are Architects.

According to this new sexual preferences/Myers-Briggs study, I supposedly love doggy style. I don’t. It’s too impersonal. I don’t like staring at the headboard while my man bangs away. It’s also too hard on my knees.

I also don’t like cowgirl, which I believe is another preference for INTJs. This may sound strange, but I don’t like being on top because I get cold. It’s also hard on my knees. I like to be buried under the blankets while I make love. I stay warm that way. I also feel overexposed when on top. It makes me feel very uncomfortable and vulnerable. I do like side-to-side. That works well for both of us.

If I go by my other possible test results, I have the lowest average number of sex partners (ha!). I counted my lovers and they came out to just over a dozen. I came of age in the go-go 1980s so that number may be considered low for that era. Heh heh. I also supposedly would masturbate the least. Not a chance. I love my sex toys. I used to test them and write reviews. Companies would mail them to me for free. I got some nice ones, too – JimmyJane and Lelo. They can cost in the hundreds. I have my favorites and I use them.

According to INFP, I’m difficult to satisfy in bed and am most likely to be mistaken about what I like in bed. That one is close enough to being true, although I don’t know if the study means I don’t know what I want or if it means my partners didn’t know what I wanted. The former is not true at all. The latter has certainly been true. My past lovers occasionally not so much didn’t know but didn’t care what I wanted. I wrote them off fast enough.

Here are the categories for the Myers-Briggs sexual preferences survey. Are you a match or did you laugh your ass off? Me? I laughed.

Logistician (ISTJ) – least likely to share what they want in bed

Advocate (INFJ) – masturbates the least

Architect (INTJ) – loves doggy style

Protagonist (ENFJ) – second most willing to use sex toys

Virtuoso (ISTP) – most willing to have a threesome and is submissive in bed

Consul (ESFJ) – will likely decline threesomes and anal sex

Mediator (INFP) – difficult to satisfy in bed and most likely to be mistaken about what they like in bed

Entertainer (ESFP) – least likely to experiment with someone of the same gender

Campaigner (ENFP) – most likely to experiment with someone of the same gender Entrepreneur (ESTP) – doesn’t really fancy using sex toys and easy to please in bed

Executive (ESTJ) – has the highest average number of lovers and is most satisfied sexually

Commander (ENTJ) – most willing to use sex toys, likes role play and bondage, and very dominant

Logician (INTP ) – lowest average number of sex partners

Defender (ISFJ) – least adventurous in bed

Debater (ENTP) – most willing to have anal sex

Adventurer (ISFP) – second most likely to be mistaken about what they like in bed

Take the Myers Brigg test here: https://www.16personalities.com

———

Elizabeth Black writes in a wide variety of genres including erotica, erotic romance, horror, and dark fiction. She lives on the Massachusetts coast with her husband, son, and her two cats.

Web site: http://elizabethablack.blogspot.com

Facebook:https://www.facebook.com/elizabethablack

Twitter:http://twitter.com/ElizabethABlack

Amazon Author Page: https://www.amazon.com/author/elizabethblack

Newsletter: http://eepurl.com/b76GWD

Eroticon, Part 4

by Jean Roberta

On the last day of EROTICON: Sunday, March 18, the weather was still grey and sleety, but there was plenty to do indoors.

At 10:15, Mirtha and I passed up Natalia Grubizna on “Designing your sexy-sexy product,” more Kinklab demonstrations, and Cressida Dowling on “Is there a book in your blog?” to hear a Nigerian-British female blogger, Oloni, discuss polyamory.  The audience contributed comments, but we would have liked to hear more discussion of the history of long-term relationships involving multiple lovers, the challenges of maintaining these relationships, and ways to make them work.

At 11:05, we went to hear Jamie Lawson give a personal talk on “Becoming a queer anthropologist.” This speaker explained his early belief (common to many LGBT professionals) that he could keep his professional status completely separate from his general world-view, his sexuality, and his social status as a closeted gay man. His talk on the breakdown of this belief was poignant.

At the same time, someone from the site Fetish.com gave a talk on “Getting it up! How to raise your writing visibility on Google.”

The lunch buffet was as delicious as the one on Saturday. On Sunday, it was scheduled earlier to allow for the five-minute readings from 12:30 to shortly after 1:00 p.m.

At 1:15, we reluctantly passed up Nina Saini’s talk on “The adult industry in the 21st century,” to hear Kendra Holliday on “Shocking the System: When Your True Life Tales Cross the Line.”

Kendra Holliday from St Louis, Missouri, a sex-worker and the divorced mother of a daughter, told her cautionary tale of being publicly persecuted (and this word doesn’t seem too extreme) after blogging in social media about her actual sex life, including her experiences with other people. She talked about being slut-shamed on a blog, “The Dirty,” being threatened with the loss of child custody by her ex-husband, and being fired from her job with a non-profit organization. This speaker seemed surprisingly cheerful, possibly because at its lowest point, her life had nowhere to go but up.  Like Hester Prynne in The Scarlet Letter (novel about the public shaming of an “adulteress” in Massachusetts colony in 1640), this woman has survived.

At 2:00 p.m., we heard Lori Smith (a lingerie collector) on “The surprising history of the bra.” As an amateur seamstress, I was fascinated by her illustrated lecture. I had already known that in 1914, an American socialite named Mary Phelps Jacob had applied for a patent for the bra (or brassiere), even though she didn’t invent it. I hadn’t fully realized that the changing shape of women’s breasts under all clothing styles since then (and before then) were largely created by undergarments, or that the invention of rayon from wood pulp (called “artificial silk” or “art-silk”), latex, and lycra were crucial in the development of the bra.

Lori Smith debunked the myth that feminists in the 1960s were “bra-burners.” She explained that due to fire regulations, a symbolic trash-can filled with the trappings of femininity by protesters at the Miss America pageant of 1968 was not even burned.

The talks we missed were by Dr. Meg-John Barker and Justin Hancock on “How to give responsible sex advice,” and Michael Knight on “Tech for Blog Success.”

At 3:00 pm, we had to choose amongst three workshops: “Photographing Eroticon” by Molly Moore, “Financial Wizardry for Sex Bloggers” by two Sarahs (Sarah Bryn Holliday and Sarah Jane), and Remittance Girl on longer (self-contained, novel-length) erotic fiction.

We went to hear Remittance Girl, who discussed the challenges of writing erotic fiction which can’t easily be read in one (one-handed) sitting. As she explained, the nature of erotic feelings is that they are short-lived (there is a cycle of arousal and release), and can’t easily be sustained over the course of a novel without boring the reader.

And there have always been cultural and legal prohibitions on publishing sexually-explicit work. RG pointed out that the big publishing platform, Amazon.com, has inconsistently slammed down on erotic publications which are not bestsellers.

She summarized the history of erotic publications, many of which predated the invention of the novel by centuries. She explained that the classics (the poetry of Sappho, the “satyr” plays of ancient Greece, largely destroyed, the first-century Satyricon, The 120 Days of Sodom by the Marquis de Sade) are generally episodic, containing a series of sex scenes. She went on to discuss twentieth-and-twenty-first century works of erotica: Lady Chatterley’s Lover, Lolita, Crash, Fifty Shades of Grey, all of which are about something besides sex.

RG discussed the “snowflake method” of writing a novel: to build a relatively simple central premise into a novel-length plot by adding complexity to the events, the characterization, the background and setting.

She explained the archetypal “Hero’s Journey,” as defined by Joseph Campbell, in which a central character becomes a hero by being tested: hostile circumstances give rise to cycles of despair, hope, resourcefulness, and psychological growth. She pointed out that many films from the Walt Disney studio follow this pattern.

RG circulated a chart detailing “The Pervert’s Journey,” an erotic version of the hero’s journey. This version of a traditional plot was both hilarious and recognizable. It showed brilliantly how suspense can be maintained throughout an erotic novel through the introduction of elements which on the surface seem to be anti-erotic, including the hostility of other characters, society at large and the “pervert’s” own fears as obstacles to the “pervert’s” self-actualizing search for sexual fulfillment.

At 3:40, we all gathered together into one room for prizes! Molly Moore explained that all the attendees were entered into a draw to win sex products which had been available for sale at the merch tables throughout the weekend. To our surprise, Mirtha and I both won items. Mine, a large clear diamond-shaped vibrator from a company named “Bijoux Indiscrets,” could possibly be passed off as a coffee-table ornament.

After hugs and photographs, we were off to our hotel room to have a quiet supper in the restaurant and pack for our trip home to Saskatchewan on Monday morning.

We wished we could have stayed longer, but work was waiting for us. Our four-day visit to the UK was an unforgettable break from the routine of our lives. 

———————————————

Eroticon, Part 3

by Jean Roberta

Afternoon on Saturday, March 17, at EROTICON: Annabelle Knight, author of The Endless Autumn (with some television experience on Channel 5 in the UK), discussed erotica, and more specifically, erotic romance, as a genre of fiction that sells very well, but which critics disparage and few readers will openly admit to liking — as distinct from readers who openly read mysteries on the beach or on public transportation.

This talk was given in a large, packed room. Unfortunately, the speaker’s voice didn’t carry well, and she stood near a pillar. Giving talks to large audiences in large rooms is clearly different from performing for the camera.

At the same time, Miss Eve E was discussing disability and sex work in another conference room, but Mirtha and I couldn’t be everywhere at once. (Next time, we might split up, then compare notes later.)

AND there was a demonstration of vac play going on, followed by Kayla Lords on a podcasting panel.

At 2:30, Emmeline Peaches gave a talk called “Cracking the Whip? Different Approaches to Sex Toy Activism.” What does sex toy activism look like?

Alas, I never found out because we went to a workshop named “Self-Editing Tips and Tricks” by Anna Sky, with whom I had exchanged some emails about the anthology, Truth. She is “the brains behind” two presses: Sexy Little Pages, and Resonance Press. The editor of the anthology, Zak Jane Keir, was there, wearing a toque that labelled her a “DOXY” (the name of a sex toy company) in large letters. The speaker discussed some of the common mistakes made by fledgling writers of sexually explicit work (independent body parts, impossible actions, etc.)

I had brought along three handouts that I had used when I co-led a workshop on grammar for sex-writers with Shar Azade at the first annual conference of the Erotic Authors Association in Las Vegas in 2011. I offered them to Anna Sky after her talk, in case the material might be useful to her. Mirtha was amused by the passion that editors/English teachers/grammar nazis bring to the subject.

Later, there were more “Kinklab” demonstrations, but Mirtha and I felt the need for some rest in our hotel room before the Saturday night social event.

Beginning at 7:30, all the attendees were invited to a pub in NW1, The Edinboro Castle, where we had our own section. The place was packed and noisy (not really our scene), but we were able to order food there. We both had fish and chips, and the food was excellent.

Even though it’s possible to buy “fresh” seafood in Saskatchewan (flown in from a faraway ocean), there is something distinct about the taste of seafood in Britain. It was as amazing as I remembered.

Apparently the original plan was that the crowd from Eroticon could circulate in and out of the pub and the enclosed outdoor space, but the cold weather discouraged that.

We noticed a woman across the table from us sitting perfectly still, and then we saw why. A young woman standing nearby was busily using scissors on black paper to make a silhouette of her model. Silhouette-making is a Victorian art-form that the artist, Alison Russell, learned from her late grandmother, a painter and silhouette-maker for over fifty years. Mirtha and I were impressed by the results, and we asked Alison to make our silhouettes. We learned that she didn’t need to be paid because she had been hired for the event. (For examples of her work, see my silhouette below or check out her website: www.alison-russell.co.uk)

A company named Eropartner was giving out free drink tickets and displaying “Zumio” sex toys which could be won, but there was such a crowd around their table that we couldn’t get close.

I drank Guinness all evening, but I didn’t hear a word about St. Patrick’s Day, and the few attendees wearing green didn’t seem to be doing it for any particular reason.

I found the women’s loo clean and quiet, but when Mirtha went in there after me, she came out looking annoyed. She told me that three women had been fighting over a man in there, and she didn’t stay long enough to find out who won. I had somewhat expected to encounter some alcohol-fuelled English vs. Irish hostility, but instead, sexual competition was apparently the trigger of the evening.

We old women were relieved to go home to bed.

 

Erotic Lure Newsletter: April 2016

Dear Lubricious Lechers,

I’ll bet you thought I’d forgotten you. The latest edition of the Erotica Readers & Writers Association website has been live since the start of April, but not a peep from Lisabet?

A million pardons. I was occupied with my annual slave refresher course and retreat, two weeks of kinky re-education required by my Master each year. That means two weeks away from computers and the Internet. (Try it some time!) Anyway, I’m back now, honed and horny, eager to give you what you’ve been waiting for.

A tour of the current site, I mean. We can talk about the other stuff later.

Let’s begin in the Gallery, where we have stories and chapters from a stellar half-dozen authors who truly merit the label “awesome”. BDSM, science fiction, lesbian lust, magickal connections, taboo sex–sample their tales and you’ll find a bit of everything. Meanwhile, the plentiful selections from our ERWA Storytime list play with forbidden desires, sly humor and erotic horror.

Indulge in literary lust:

https://erotica-readers.com/story-gallery

Summer’s coming–time to stock up on reading material for those long, hot days ahead. Our Books for Sensual Readers section has something for every taste. Check out the SPRING FEVER erotic super bundle, thirteen exciting, passionate tales of the season. Over 100,000 words–that will fill up a lot of days at the beach! Looking for a steamy novel? Consider the outrageously filthy HUNG: A FORBIDDEN ROMANCE by Aya Fukinishi. Go and get your favorite toy; it’s time. Or try MIDNIGHT MIRROR by Delores Swallows, a tale of extremes and obsession in a digital world where it’s all to easy to make fantasies real. I recommend THE GAZILLIONAIRE & THE VIRGIN, my genre-busting BDSM erotic romance that will turn all your expectations on their heads, and I’m definitely drawn to Delilah Devlin’s clever and unconventional vampire tale FRANNIE AND THE PRIVATE DICK. Lovers of gay erotic fiction should snap up a copy of L.M. Someron’s STROKE RATE, a M/M romance set against the background of competitive rowing. In the lesbian section, BOMBSHELLS AND BITCHES, edited Kathleen Warnock and Lea Delaria, caught my eye, as well as Sacchi Green’s BEST LESBIAN EROTICA 2016 volume. I know from experience that I’ll like anything Sacchi edits.

You might also want to take a virtual stroll through the Vintage and Classic Erotica section, where you’ll find (among many other titles) THE EMBROIDERED COUCH, a new translation of a 17th century Chinese novel banned in China. We’ve got lots of sexy non-fiction, too. I’ve put Dr. Sharon Moalam’s HOW SEX WORKS on my TBR list. Yeah, I do have a lot of first hand experience, but I figure I should bone up (so to speak) on the theory!

All these volumes and many more can be yours with a few clicks. Remember that every purchase you make via our affiliate links helps to support the ERWA tradition–twenty years of original, high-quality, free smut!

Mix the joy of reading with the joy of sex:

https://erotica-readers.com/books/

What about those of us who write all those books? Authors, we salute you! Visit our Authors Resources pages for tons of information about publishing opportunities, as well as a rich archive of articles on the business and craft of writing. Recent listings include the Silence is Golden anthology from Sexy Little Pages; Blood in the Rain, a vampire anthology; and Best Lesbian Erotica 2017 edited by award-winner D.L. King. In addition to specific calls, we provide submission guidelines for dozens of publishers, magazines and websites that will pay for YOUR erotic work.

Looking to publish your sexy stories? Start here:

https://erotica-readers.com/erotica-authors-resources/

Are you more visually oriented? Meet me in the newly reorganized Adult Movies section. We’ve got the down-and-dirty on porn for women, porn for couples, porn with a plot, whatever floats your boat. I zeroed in on “The Doll Underground”, directed by Eon McKai, a wild tale of female revolutionaries. Then there’s “Compulsion”, erotic comedy featuring Randy Spears and Carmen Hart as a couple who meet at a support group for survivors of mountain lion attacks (really!). Brad Armstrong is one of my favorite directors; I’ve bookmarked his classic “Eternity”, a lavish production with fantastic costumes as well as delicious bodies. And that’s just the tip of the iceberg.

Whatever your porn preferences, we’ve got you covered. (Or should that be uncovered?) We’ve teamed up with the very best purveyors of adult video to provide you with near-instant gratification, too. Just use our affiliate links to buy whatever films tickle your fancy.

For the voyeur in us all:

https://erotica-readers.com/adult-movies/

What goes better with a smutty film than a sexy toy? As usual, Sex Toy Scuttlebutt showcases the latest and greatest erotic implements, including the Wireless Vibrating Thong for men, and the We Vibe 4 Plus couples vibrator. The latter includes a mobile app (yes, you read that correctly) that allows remote control of the vibe from anywhere on earth. What a brave new world we live in!

You could live without toys. But why should you?

https://erotica-readers.com/sex-toy-playground/

Inside the Erotic Mind, you’ll find a sincere and sexy discussion of relationships involving a significant age difference. Opinions vary, but many contributors to this month’s forum describe positive experiences with lovers ten to twenty years older or younger. Want to share your own thoughts? Just click on the Participate link.

There are no limits inside the erotic mind:

https://erotica-readers.com/inside-the-erotic-mind/

Speaking of limits, I have to go meet my Dom for an annual review of our contract. I’ll leave you to explore on your own–there’s lots more sexy goodness for your to discover.

Until the next edition of ERWA, in July, I remain…

Lasciviously yours,

Lisabet

Hot Chilli Erotica

Hot Chilli Erotica

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