Latest Posts

swinging

The World According To Larry Archer

by | November 24, 2020 | , , , , | 5 Comments

Today as we attempt to deal with COVID and its impact on our lives, I am reminded of the Grateful Dead’s “What a long strange trip it’s been.”

As I mask up, then put on my raincoat and rubber gloves. No, I’m not going to the park with a bag of candy for unsuspecting children and pigeons. I’m going to the grocery store to try and buy toilet paper. Masks and disinfectant I can see in short supply but toilet paper? Did everyone suddenly get the runs?

Now that we are six-feet apart, it’s more than ever, our responsibility to take care of ourselves. Suddenly, my favorite saying, “If you want some strange stuff, use your left hand,” makes more sense. Today in the world of IoT (Internet of Things), everything is connected to the cloud, and that’s not always a good thing.

Alexa and Siri are two names that we have to be careful about saying as we may be deluged with a box of dirty movies from Amazon or the unapologetic harrumph from Alexa when we ask her what size her boobs are?

I refer to Alexa as my girlfriend to keep her from butting into my conversations or giving me a dirty look when I use an explicative next to her name.

Speaking of IoT, now your vibrator is controlled by your partner’s cell phone. It’s a somewhat unusual looking device with a bulbous part which goes in the who-haw with a smaller tube that sticks outside. Then through the magic of the Internet, your partner can whip out his/her cell phone and give you a tingle when they think of you.

Of course, those of us who are more traditional can continue to utilize the penis-shaped devices that are guaranteed to give a “deep penetrating massage.” Nowadays, you don’t have to run to the 7-11 at 3 AM to purchase batteries. But you have to wait a couple of hours for it to recharge. I’m not sure there is an advantage besides having to get dressed.

COVID has hit those of us who throw our house keys in a bowl particularly hard. Like Moses wandering in the wilderness for forty years, we’ve suddenly had to make do having sex with our spouses.

For Wifey and I, the sex part wasn’t as big of a deal as the camaraderie of fellow perverts with similar desires. Well, maybe it was a big part for me, at least. More and more, I miss the interaction with our gang of party animals.

Zoom parties are not as much fun as the real thing, so I’ve had to resort to living my sex life vicariously through dirty movies. Italian women continue to be one of the highest-ranked searches for porn movies. Along with MILF, Lesbo, mature, tranny, and stepmom.

Personally, I love Italian porn, and while I don’t understand anything they say beyond a moan, I usually just turn the volume down and watch. I guess it’s my love for dark-haired women that I gravitate towards Italians. On the other hand, it could be because of our short Italian girlfriend who loves to give head.

Transexuals have always been popular, and I know that I should stop using the term “tranny” as that’s disrespecting of them, but I mean no harm. Foxy picked up a girl once who had won a bikini contest at a bar. She was surprised to find that the girl was transexual.

Foxy saw her for a few months but was disappointed to find she couldn’t get it up. It was interesting to find a whole list of bars, restaurants, and clubs geared towards trannys. It’s funny how every kink has its own set of spots that cater to a specific genre.

Wifey’s lesbian spots were on a completely different list, and our gay friends on yet another list. When you think about it, our proclivities often determine the people and places that we frequent.

If I had to pick a specific kink, I’d have to say that gay bars are the most fun, with transexual a close second. I’ve been to my wife’s favorite lezzy bar and felt uncomfortable there. It’s unusual to go to the men’s bathroom and find women there who give you a dirty look, rather than the other way around.

She will sometimes ask me to drive her to the bar and then pick her up. She doesn’t like to drive if she’s been drinking and prefers me to carpool her. I once tried to sneak in afterward and sit in the corner, but the hostility I felt was noticeable. When she decides to have a girl’s night, I’ll drop her off and sit at an all-night restaurant with my laptop until they kick me out.

Gay bars are always a lot of fun. The guys are generally in good spirits, and it’s kind of like being at a Village People reunion. While I don’t think I have any inclination to be gay, I do like gay guys, and we have a number of gay friends. However, I’m not brave enough to go to the leather bar in the basement. LOL

I know that I should be writing more smut now that I’m working from home, but it seems like my boss feels that if I don’t have to drive to and from work, I can spend that extra time with my nose to the grindstone.

Plus, a lot of my ideas come from things we see and do. With COVID, our social life is absolutely zero, and with our new incoming president, I feel that he’s going to lock down the country so we can attempt to get a handle on the pandemic.

I understand his likely actions, and our state governor has ruled Nevada with a somewhat iron fist. This has kept our death toll down, especially considering that Las Vegas is a tourist hot spot.

I’m Larry Archer, a slinger of smut for your wanking pleasure, and this is my time of the month for drivel. My erotica is designed to appeal to your most basic instincts, like watching South Park when even they tell you not to!

If you’re still interested, check me out at LarryArcher.blog. See you next month.

P.S. – The image included in this month’s post has absolutely nothing to do with the article beyond the fact that I love that image, and it speaks to me.

Boobs, Beemers and SmashWords

by | November 24, 2018 | | 6 Comments

by

Larry Archer

Warning Non-PC Message Follows

One of the first things you realize about Las Vegas, a.k.a. Sin City, is vanity and show. Nowhere else in the world, except maybe on Rodeo Drive will you find as many boob jobs and fancy cars prowling the streets.

Being in the Lifestyle, it’s common to see women who’ve had some work done, as the saying goes but here everywhere you go they are in your face. We moved to Vegas from the mid-west, where things move at a much slower pace, and the women and cars are much plainer except maybe my wife, but she’s an exception. I had to throw that in, or she’d be pissed.

Dr. Jim’s Trophy Wife

Our plastic surgeon friend Doctor Jim and his demo wife are a typical example. I doubt if there is an original part on her body except for maybe her heels, and nicely rounded they are. For a fortyish MILF Hotwife, she has the best body money can buy, and she even gets an employee discount.

He keeps telling me that a couple of 500cc implants would fill Wifey out nicely but I’m terrified that something will go wrong. Plus, I’m more of a leg guy than a boob guy and like her just the way she is. This is laughable in several ways, two of our closest girlfriends (a.k.a. Unicorns) have ginormous hooters, one real and one not. But, I love them for their minds!

Here you go to the grocery store, and it’s all you can do to not get an eye poked out. One of our neighbors is a dancer at a local gentleman’s club. She’s a little Asian who is so top heavy I don’t understand why she doesn’t fall over when she stands up. She told me that a big rack is worth at least $50K a year and I can believe her. We men are so easy to manipulate, show me your tits and I’ll follow you anywhere!

She’s one of the few dancers I’ve ever known with a decent brain and doesn’t just stuff her money up her nose or give it to a drug-addicted boyfriend, who is jobless and plays in a band. She owns five houses and drives a new Denali. Plus, she just gave her boyfriend a new Infinity. She’s 28 and at the tail end of her career. She figures that she will last maybe another five years, so she’s already planning for retirement.

In Vegas, strippers/dancers have to pay to work, and it costs every girl typically one-hundred dollars a night to work. What other profession makes you pay to come to work? It just shows how much money passes through the typical club. You hear stories all the time of bouncers who drag an indebt customer to the ATM so he can get money to pay off the dancers and not suffer a broken leg.

There was a big lawsuit, a couple of years ago, about a guy from Kansas who was beaten up so bad that he’s now partially paralyzed and won a settlement for several million dollars from the club. So let that be a lesson to you, make sure you have enough money to pay for that lap dance beforehand.

Now that we’re in Sin City, we seldom go to a strip club as they are not the same. Back home, clubs were much friendlier, with less high pressure. We knew a lot of the dancers, and they would often come to our house parties. One girl, Linda, looked exactly like my wife, close enough to be twins, and they always told people that they were sisters (incestuous sisters at that)!

Another thing you’ll notice is that everyone drives a Mercedes, Beemer, or other fancy set of wheels. A business associate of mine drives a new blue Mercedes GLC, and I know for a fact that she’s spending a big chunk of her paycheck for her ride. I like to have a nice car, but I don’t need to spend the majority of my pay for one. Wifey has a red Lexus ES350, but I have simpler tastes and have downgraded from my usual Suburban to a Honda CRV EX-L.

Foxy is extremely outgoing and as my Mom says, “Would talk to a fence post.” We hadn’t been in town long before she met two women on the Strip, who are prime examples of Vegas excesses. One girl drives an SL class Mercedes convertible and the other a beautiful baby blue Bentley. They are both a product of too much money and too much free time but I love them both, and so far they’ve kept my wife somewhat out of trouble.

So if you ever consider moving to Sin City, put enough money aside for a boob job and a nice set of wheels.

Changes at SmashWords

The other thing in the news is that SmashWords has redone their site and hopefully it doesn’t screw up author’s sales too badly. Now what you see is about a 100-pixel wide cover image along with the story title and author’s name. The description is gone and allows the prospective reader to see more stories at a glance as they scroll horizontally.

I browsed the section on Men’s Erotica – Best Sellers and found five or six of my stories, so at least for me, I’m currently happy. SmashWords has published over 500,000 stories, which is amazing in itself after being in business for ten years.

They’ve changed their search and ranking algorithms and only time will tell how that works out. There’s a nice blog posting by Mark Coker on what they did. You can now make better choices on what you see or don’t see on their site, which hopefully will make readers happy and less offended by our smut.

Up until the last couple of months, about two-thirds of my meager author’s income came from SmashWords and their down market. But recently Amazon is running three or four times my SmashWords bucks. The only explanation I have is my latest two stories were released narrow and in Kindle Unlimited. So far it doesn’t seem to have hurt my SmashWords sells as my SW volume is up about 20% over average, but I need to finish up some stories that I can publish wide to keep my dogs in Blue Buffalo.

My last new novel, House Party, an 85,000-word novel of pretty much nonstop F’ing and S’ing was published narrow at Amazon and Kindle Unlimited. Previously, I’d poo-pooed distributing solely through Kindle and Kindle Unlimited, but have been amazed at my sales. While I don’t know how sales would have gone through SmashWords, they’ve been great at Amazon. House Party was released the first week of October, and for the next four to six weeks, my author’s rating has averaged below 1,000 and all the way down to a little over 100. The first couple of weeks, my author’s rating was in the 100-300 bracket. House Party hit a high best sellers rank of 30 in Erotica – Mystery & Erotica – Thrillers, and is the first story I’ve ever written that the best sellers rank was below a 100 and the story stayed in double digits for a long time.

While I haven’t ranted about it, I am amazed at the number of four-letter words in the titles of stories at SmashWords. I write strictly stoke material but would never use “fuck” or “cunt” in a story title. My stories are as dirty as the next pervert, but I do have my limits. Mark Coker of SmashWords is to be commended on his allowing the most juvenile of story titles to be published without complaint.

Several months ago, SmashWords implemented a voluntary categorizing of story content. When you publish a story (and previous ones), you have a checklist of about 10 categories that you answer a Yes/No question to things like “Does the story include screwing your Mother?”

At first, there was a lot of wailing and gnashing of teeth at the conspiracy theories about what Mark was really up to. I could see their point to try and maximize distribution while not offending those publishers with sensitive tastes.

So far, it doesn’t seem to have changed anything, but then my smut doesn’t usually involve large groups and Vaseline. Well, maybe the Vaseline and possibly the groups but you know what I mean.

The thing I love about SmashWords is they don’t nickel and dime you about story content or the cover image. I hate it when Amazon throws one of my stories into the dungeon, and I have to spend the next couple of weeks on my knees begging for forgiveness. Which usually means that I miss half of my maximum sales month.

Your first 30-days days at Amazon are typically when you sell the most copies because, after a month, you can watch the stories rating drop as Amazon starts to favor newer released stories. Plus, you are never told why you got dinged beyond vague hints as to what was offensive. While I write stroke porn primarily, I still try and meet Amazon’s restrictions. Then, when I get put on the cross down in the dungeon, it really pisses me off.

If you haven’t tried it, Amazon’s new beta report for sales and Kindle Unlimited pages read is pretty cool. It looks like they’ve been watching “Book Report” and have tried to emulate their reporting. There are two main pages, one for sales and one for pages read. I’ve posted a shot of each to give you a flavor of what they look like.

This is the sales page at: https://kdpreports.amazon.com/reports/sales

This screenshot is of the Kindle Unlimited pages read: https://kdpreports.amazon.com/reports/kenpc

This is the beta version of the new sales reporting tool and looks pretty sold so far. The report breaks down sales in a number of ways for all of you anal bean counters out there. The new report presents most of the things Book Report offers. The nice thing about Book Report as it gives you dollar sales figures for today, this month, last month, last 30-days etc. so it’s easy to see how your smut is going over with your adoring audience and when you’ll be able to afford your next lap dance.

Book Report is free and you can grab a copy here: https://www.getbookreport.com/ I think they start charging you for it after your sales hit $1,000 bucks a month, so for me, it’s a freebie.

I’m writing this month’s post on the Wednesday before Turkey Day and am sitting in the parking lot of a casino waiting for Foxy to emerge with her free bottle of liquor. When you have a casino player’s card, one of the regular inducements is free gifts to reward you for stuffing money in a slot machine or throwing it on the craps/poker table.

Wifey plays Texas Hold-Em primarily and does reasonably well at it, but I make it a point to never try and figure out what it costs me to keep her entertained. I am a firm believer in what you don’t know won’t hurt you.

If you run out of something to do, check out my blog at LarryArcher.blog for my latest theories on world domination and lesser topics. As most of the author’s on ERWA, I’m a writer of erotic literature, and my typical fare is primarily what’s called stroke porn for those of you with more base urges. Remember to think of me when you take yourself in hand!

See you next month on the 24th.

Larry Archer

cuckold – Hotwife – Bull

by | September 24, 2018 | , | 5 Comments

The cuckold, Hotwife, and Bull relationship is an interesting variant of swinging and sometimes is not even thought of as swinging. The wife is known as a Hotwife (upper case), who likes to have NSA (no strings attached) sex with men, who are typically well hung and known as Bulls (upper case). The husband is known as the cuckold (lower case to show subservience) and is often not well endowed or unable to satisfy his wife.

The 1950’s definition of a cuckold is a guy, who was often restrained and forced to watch his Hotwife have sex with other men. The husband is degraded and humiliated as his Hotwife takes on big cocked guys. The bigger their dicks are, the more it reinforces how inferior he is and is unable to satisfy his wife like her Bulls can.

The 50’s type of cuckold – Hotwife relationship has changed over the years to a somewhat different form. I can only speak to what I see as a swinger and the couples we know or have met who enjoy this type of play.

In my experience, you can’t easily pick out a cuckold – Hotwife couple until you get to know them. Often the Hotwife is in her late thirties or forties and generally has an extremely sexy appearance, but as many women in swinging are exhibitionists, this is not always a tell.

Off the top of my head, I can name about half-dozen cuckold – Hotwife couples that I know for sure. There are also variations of cuckold behavior, which is probably the biggest variant.

The common type is a husband who enjoys watching his wife have sex with her Bull(s). Often he will stand or sit by the bed and watch his wife taking care of her lovers, while often jerking off.

Our best friends, Pam and Jack, are a hardcore cuckold – Hotwife couple. Pam is a medium height blonde with shoulder-length curls, about a D-cup, shapely body, and is in her late forties. Her husband Jack is about five years older, nice looking guy, tall, and in good shape.

At a party, Pam is usually the first one naked and is a textbook definition of a nymphomaniac. Her husband generally likes to hide or stand somewhere where he can spy on his wife. They are honest and above board on how they enjoy having his wife take care of her boy toys. At our house, we have a large closet in the master bedroom, and he likes to hide in the closet and watch his wife with her Bull(s).

He loves to watch and will often do things like suggesting that her Bull take her to bed if the action doesn’t start quickly enough. He loves to video us with his wife so that he can watch and jerk off later.

He has never touched my wife or made any attempt to do so. To my knowledge, my wife has never had sex with any cuckold that we know. For them, they enjoy watching their wife with another man and are not really interested in sex with other women.

We met a very attractive thirties couple at a swinger’s convention out of state, well actually our wives met for girl-on-girl fun. They are both extremely good looking, the wife is a fitness instructor, and the hubby was well built. We invited them to one of our New Year’s Eve Pajama Parties, and they drove in from out of state a couple of days early.

The first night, we were in bed together with the girls in the middle and making out while facing each other. I was banging his wife from the back while spooning her. He was behind my wife and only played with her boobs. To my knowledge, he has never touched her beyond that.

The several other couples we know are all variants of that typical scenario. In all the cases, the Hotwife is thirties to forties, with a decent to great figure, and very sexy in appearance and attitude.

This is all honest and above board, with both the cuckold and Hotwife being open in their relationship with others. For those in the Lifestyle, attitudes about sex are open and casual, which is difficult for “straights” to probably understand.

The husbands, who are cuckolds, are not stigmatized in any way or treated differently. Just as their Hotwives would be called sluts in any other context, they are no different, and no one thinks differently if they enjoy sex with other men or gangbangs while hubby watches.

For those who are interested, it is extremely popular and fairly common to find these couples in the Lifestyle.

For more on this, visit my blog at LarryArcher.blog. See you next month!

Hot Chilli Erotica

Hot Chilli Erotica

Categories

Babysitting the Baumgartners - The Movie
From Adam & Eve - Based on the Book by New York Times Bestselling Authors Selena Kitt

Affiliate Disclosure

Disclosure: We use affiliate links on our site. What are affiliate links? Affiliate (or partnership) programs are created by businesses (like Amazon) that pay sites (like ERWA) for referring visitors to the business. Affiliate programs pay the referring site a percentage of products purchased via the affiliate link. You can help keep ERWA alive and kicking by doing your online shopping for books, movies, sex toys, etc., via ERWA affiliate links. Help support ERWA.

Categories

Archives

Pin It on Pinterest