There is no way around it, I suck at finishing stories. Over the last several months, I’ve written over one-hundred thousand words yet haven’t published a darn thing. There should have been two or three smut stories that I could have pulled off my computer, but nada.

By the same token, I’ve had to tape additional paper on the bottom of my sales chart to hold the line that is pointing towards the floor, when it should be pointing to the ceiling. With SmashWords, my sales are relatively stable, but Amazon is another story.

Amazon’s 30-day cliff means that a month after releasing a story, the door to the basement opens and your rating gets kicked down the stairs. So in a perfect world, I’d be publishing at least every month to maintain my author’s rank, but no, I can’t seem to accomplish that no matter how hard I try.

I’m so easily distracted by shiny objects even when I know that I should keep my eye on the ball and finish what’s in front of me. Unlike most other writers, I’ve had little training on how to write beyond a Technical Report Writing course I took in college.

My story ideas come to me out of the blue, often when I see something that sparks a train of thought to begin in my mind. Too often, what I find is that these flashes of inspiration will come as I’m typing madly away on some story.

My latest saga started when I finished House Party, where Foxy ran off with a movie producer to Los Angeles. This story is the first one where Foxy and Larry had a less than optimal outcome to a story. Assuming you’ve never read one of my stories from the Foxy and Larry series, they are a fictional version of ourselves. I started writing porn to give me the opportunity to talk about some of our adventures in swinging.

What I discovered is that I really enjoyed writing smut stories but quickly realized that I should have picked different names for my two main characters, but that’s water over the bridge. Not being a trained writer, the last almost seven years have been on the job training, so hopefully, I’ve grown.

For us being in the Lifestyle has always been fun and never something we fought about. This has always been reflected in my stories, yet I know that stories should have conflict, which I tried to inject in House Party with Foxy running off with another man. The bitch!

As I write House Party 2, I’m attempting to rectify the heroine running off and bring her back home. As I approached 50,000 words, I got the bright idea of what could happen if two sexually unsatisfied co-workers decided to solve their problems by swinging, while their hubbies watched Monday Night Football.

Now, this new story is approaching 45,000 words and is actually more complete than my first story, House Party 2. At this point, I have two stories that are each about 90% finished when wouldn’t you know I watched a German Goo Girls (GGG) movie on my computer. If you’re not familiar with Goo Girl movies, they are an offshoot of Japanese Bukkake, which are girls getting their faces covered with jizz and often don’t have sex, depending on your definition of what sex is?

In Goo Girls, they have sex then get their faces painted, so it’s the best of both worlds! That got me thinking about the ending of Crashing the Swinger’s Pajama Party, where Foxy sells a neighbor’s wife to a Goo Girls movie producer for ten thousand dollars, and she’s required to star in his shows for six months.

After releasing that story, I’ve had several fans write to ask when I’m going to cover Samantha’s adventures in the German Goo Girl movie business. Now I’m trying to flesh out my thoughts on the story before forgetting my train of thought.

Now I have three stories under active status, yet nothing is going out the door. Hopefully, I can focus long enough to finish something without another thought hitting me. The way my typical storyboarding process works is that I’ll get an idea, then let the characters start working the scenes in my mind.

My initial thought is to write down enough about a potential story that I can pick up the story at a later date and finish it. What often happens to me is that as I write up my notes on the new story, I become more interested in it and shift my attention to the new story.

That wouldn’t be too bad except that my imagination doesn’t stop working, and I’m continually coming up with story ideas, which just repeats the problem. It would be sweet if I could focus on one story and finish it before starting a new story.

My draft folder is full of stories that are half to three-quarters finished as I keep getting off track. Maybe one day, but what the hell!

For more from the irrelevant mind of Larry Archer, check out my blog at Until this time next month, I’m off like a prom dress.