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Mutual Masturbation: Doing it solo, within a relationship

Just wondering … I see a lot of comments here from folks who are single and say they masturbate for a particular reason: No partner to share sex with. So what does that say for a person like myself, who is married and has been for 18 years and who has continued to masturbate (with a lovely purple, jelly vibrator, thankyouverymuch) throughout that time. I LOVE sex with my hubby, but I like my “alone” time as well. I never considered myself a perv for this practice, but wonder if there is a weirdness there for a person who masturbates who does have a partner. —Raquel

If God had intended us not to masturbate, He would have made our arms shorter. —George Carlin

100 Comments

  1. Comment Import

    From Vol
    I masturbate because I have to, not because I want to. It is more joyous if a trusted, loving but absent friend is sharing it with me in one way or another (nudge, nudge; wink, wink), but is still woefully inferior to the ‘warm and fuzzy’ feeling of embracing another human being about whom I care, and who returns the feeling. At times it can be physically satisfying, but for my psyche, solitary masturbation is the saddest thing on earth. Well, not as sad as war, poverty, disease, etc., but you know what I mean.

    Reply
  2. Comment Import

    From Willie
    My wife of 7 years and I did not start off masturbating together, but can’t imaging why we waited so long to start. After years of pleasing each other I simply said “why don’t you help me” one day while I was licking and touching her. From my vantage point between her legs it was an unanticipated fantasy come true!

    Not only did I learn new pressure points that were very special to her, I saw the variation in her interests that really helped me to become a better partner.

    I have always loved the smells and moisture that arise from those beautiful lips when they are most excited, but now I can see it happen as an observer while very up close and personal. I love to see her clit grow and the labia change their shape and texture as we both take turns touching and stroking. I have learned the thrill of licking the moisture off of her fingers to stimulate me while she is in mid-stroke of herself.

    We have had finger wars where we both touch at the same time. I have tried to mirror her intensity and location on the opposite side of her anatomy. I have put my penis inside just an inch or so and they held myself away enough so she could masturbate with me inside.

    Great stuff!

    Reply
  3. Comment Import

    From Kathy
    I wonder how many other women have had this experience. I’m in my mid-40s now, happily married for almost 25 years, and I find myself masturbating more—and enjoying it more—than I ever have before. It’s not just that my husband has slowed down some, although he has, but that I’ve speeded up, and that I look forward to the times when I can masturbate, not as a substitute for intercourse, but as a genuinely pleasurable and completely satisfying act.

    We do masturbate together sometimes, but the best times are when I’m alone. I’ve given myself some of the best orgasms I’ve ever had lately. One of the consolations of perimenopause, I suppose.

    Reply
  4. Comment Import

    From Camber
    As a married woman in her late 30’s I make masturbation a part of my daily ritual. I take extra time in the shower every morning. I have a detachable shower head and sit down in the seat in my shower. I sit back and spread my legs and let the water pulsate on my clit, it really starts my day off right. When I have more time and the kids are gone, I love to light some candles around my bed and put on a sexy pair of high heels. I lay back against my pillows and either use just my fingers or a vibe. I love to take my time and have an amazing orgasm.

    Masturbating is very important to me and makes me feel so good. I love sex too, with hubby or someone else, but I can always count on self loving!

    Reply
  5. Comment Import

    From Anonymous
    I gladly admit that I am a masturbation freak. As a matter of fact, I have already given myself an orgasm twice today. I love it. There is nothing better then getting out of the shower, jumping in bed and touching myself. Even if I am not thinking about it, as soon as I start to dry off and touch my pussy, I can’s stop, I have to pleasure myself.

    I am happily married, and my husband loves to watch me masturbate. Having him watch me is a huge turn on as well.

    Reply
  6. Comment Import

    From Dawn
    I once had a lover that always needed to see me make myself “sweet and wet.” He would watch me begin and seem to mimic the strokes of his cock to the strokes I was inflicting on my clit.

    It turned him on that I use my fore and middle fingers of my left hand to pull back on the hood of my clit, exposing it, glistening and percolating in it’s own pre-cum. With the pad of my right middle finger, I use olive oil to facilitate my clit rolling smooth, stirring a stream of cum from it.

    He would watch me, his mouth watering, whispering to me how pretty I am, how pretty I am touching my pussy. When my spurt would begin to erupt, he’d cover it with his mouth, sucking hard, sucking my stream in deeply. He’d then proceed to squeeze and push into me. Digging and pounding me for yet more hot creamy cum, swabbing it all back up with only several more strokes or so, and then coming very shortly afterward. It was the greatest cycle: coming to get fucked.

    It got very tired though. He was selfish and never completely finished me off.

    Reply
  7. Comment Import

    From Cheryl
    I had my first orgasm by masturbation. I was in my later teens and had already had non-orgasmic intercourse with my high school boyfriend.

    I never masturbated much early on, and was always afraid of being caught. I lived in a dorm in college, and was caught masturbating by my roommate. I knew this because I heard her across the dorm room moaning and getting herself off. We never talked about it, but it was strangely erotic.

    In my marriage I masturbated regularly early on, even though my husband could get me off multiple times. I’ve made myself come after sex, or just late at night when I could not sleep. I would masturbate quietly while my husband slept next to me.

    Now, after 25 years, neither of us is embarrassed to masturbate in front of each other; although my husband does it more often (in private and with me) than I am inclined to do.

    Reply
  8. Comment Import

    From OTE
    Both of us have masturbated for beaucoup years, but never realized this intensity until we got together. With our heavy investment in vibrators (no, I’m not threatened by technology), masturbation is and will continue to be an integral part of our lovemaking. M’lady’s latest investment was in a Hitachi wand with g-spot stimulator. Wow! Holding it for her, being careful about how much pressure to apply cause it is heavy, her orgasms are explosive.

    I used to think I had pretty good sex prior to m’lady, but now I just term it “my sexually assisted masturbation days.” Even the best of the old days wasn’t as good as these days of masturbating alone. I give all the credit to m’lady for peeling away the curtains of my sexual ignorance. She says I have done the same for her.

    Reply
  9. Comment Import

    From Rob
    My wife and I have been married 17 years and enjoy a great sex life. One of the highlights for me is our mutual masturbation sessions.

    We will put on an adult movie and sit across from each other and watch each other masturbation. We both find it highly erotic.

    Occasionally I will take a video or her having an orgasm and watch it later in my personal masturbation sessions.

    We know each other masturbates alone and have no problem with it. We both think it has really added to our sex life and we highly recommend it.

    Reply
  10. Comment Import

    From Dawn
    I do not think it’s strange to masturbate though one is married. I’m a stay at home Mom and masturbate almost everyday. Sometimes, even after making love, I masturbate to pull off an induced and forced climax. Since I’m multi-orgasmic, even after my husband comes, I’m sometimes still plateauing, so masturbating more intensely spends me.

    My husband loves this and it always makes him come back for more. We have a Demi Moore-Ashton Kutcher dynamic going on, I’m 44 and he’s 29 and we make love just about every night except BlowJob Week.

    Reply
  11. Comment Import

    From Ethan
    I stumbled on this site several weeks ago and have since thoroughly enjoyed its content (in more ways than one, as many of the posts have inspired some most excellent new developments in bed with my girlfriend, so thank you for that). Cheers to everyone for sharing so many honest and unique viewpoints.

    In my actual sex life, I am extremely liberal and open, enjoying any and all kinds of sex from soothing, passionate love-making to triple-X-rated down and dirty nastiness, bondage, pain-infliction, threesomes, in public, in private: if it’s sex, I will take it. And yet I’ve always had a somewhat repressed attitude toward masturbation that really stumps me.

    To begin with, I lost my virginity at 15 and had already been with four girls and two guys before masturbating for the first time at 18. I wonder if it’s at all common for people to refrain for so long even after having sex regularly? I’m now 22 and have had a very liberal sex life. I’ve been with my current girlfriend for a year and a half. Our sex was the best I’d had the first time we were together, and since then has somehow continued to get progressively better.

    I enjoy and often request that she masturbate for me during our lovemaking sessions. Watching her use her red jelly rabbit vibrator on herself is the most erotic and exciting thing for me (aside maybe from watching her finger herself while I lay right between her legs and help her along with my tongue). A few times she has requested that I masturbate for her, and while I’ve obliged her, I feel extremely uncomfortable doing it. I masturbate fairly frequently at home when she is at work or otherwise gone, but it’s a joyless and un-erotic experience. The urge hits me and I find myself annoyingly unable to concentrate on whatever I wish to be doing, so I do it as quickly and easily as possible.

    For me, it really has much the same mindset as urinating; a distraction that has to be quickly relieved before I can continue whatever work I’m doing at the moment. It usually takes no more than five minutes, a few quick strokes on the shaft, come, clean myself off real quick, and then I’m back to the daily grind. It’s not that I’m in any way embarrassed or have some shame stigma about masturbating, I don’t think it’s morally objectionable in any way or other similar BS. I don’t quite know what it is.

    So. After reading all the posts from everyone else, I get the impression that many people enjoy elaborate and intense self-love sessions. Anyone out there actually not get much out of it?

    Reply
  12. Comment Import

    From Horny Housewife
    Like everyone here, I enjoy masturbating. I’ve done it since I was a pre-teen and though now in my early 40s and happily married, I still enjoy masturbation. I love sticking my fingers up in my cunt and getting all those sweet juices and rubbing them on my clit until I come. There are plenty of times that I just want to masturbate openly at home and wish I could get my husband to masturbate freely, too.

    I know he jacks off, and I don’t mind. We have plenty of sex, but I enjoy taking care of myself sometimes and assume he likes taking care of himself once in a while. We’ve only had a few mutual masturbation sessions – usually if masturbation is involved in foreplay, it’s me giving him a handjob and him fingering me. I think it would be so hot if he would just start wanking away right in front of me and I could do the same.

    Am I the only one who feels this way, or are there others who just want to play with their clits or cocks while watching a good movie, etc? If it ends up with actual sex, great, but if not, hey . . . as long as I come, I don’t care!

    Reply
  13. Comment Import

    From Ronni
    I love to masturbate. Sometimes I do it 4-5 times a day. I started when I was a child (don’t remember how old) but I would hump furniture, stuffed animals, anything. My favorite way then and now was to lie on my stomach and use my fingers. By the time I was in late teens and early twenties, I realized I was having multiple orgasms from masturbation. Now, although married for 12 years, I still love to masturbate. My husband knows this, and he says it turns him on to know I do it.

    I masturbate while he’s at work several times a day, but it only gets me hotter and hornier for him. I only recently got a vibrator—or rather my husband got me one. I love to suck him off while using the vibrator. One night just last week, I was sucking him and using the vibrator on myself when I got the urge to pull out the vibrator and rub it on his penis. He and I both got off on that. Since then, he’s used it once more on himself while I took turns sucking him and giving him a hand job. I have to admit, I got really turned on watching. Of course, then he immediately was ready to take care of me. I often prefer for him to masturbate me instead of penetration although he makes me come soooo good with penetration and oral.

    I also recently got him to participate in mutual masturbation with me. I don’t know why, but I just come so much faster watching him play with himself, too. We still enjoy regular sex, but I think this adds a new dimension.

    Tonight, I plan to put on a porn DVD and ask him to let’s just play with ourselves while we watch. I usually suck him off for a while and then we end up doing doggie so both of us can still watch the DVD. I think that if I ask him to let’s watch and masturbate, that then I can see at what point he gets really turned on—see what he likes, and he can see what I like about the porn. Maybe it will give us some new ideas, too.

    I often wake up in the middle of the night and masturbate, masturbate when I wake up, a couple of times during the day, and even after we fuck, I still want to masturbate. Sometimes my husband masturbates me, and sometimes he lets me pleasure myself. It’s all good!

    Reply
  14. Comment Import

    From Anonymous
    I like jerking off in front of my wife, but one of my favorite methods involves a bit of danger. When I’m really in the mood and she’s not, she’ll take me out on the front porch in the dark and kiss, suck, and rub me until I’m really turned on. Then she’ll take off my clothes and go inside with them, locking me out with only a bottle of lotion. The only way I can get back in is to go some 150 feet out into the yard where I have to jerk off, then retrieve a key which she has previously hung on a fence, and do all this without getting caught. The danger of being seen really adds to the experience and makes me come very quickly.

    Reply
  15. Comment Import

    From Lara
    I have been married twice and masturbated during both marriages. Now im on my own I still do it I love to stroke my clit for hours stopping every so often so I can make it last as long as possible. When I was married my hubby used to love watching me do this. I could be just sitting watching tv and playing with myself and he would take out his cock and start stroking himself too. So I don’t think it matters if your married or single if you enjoy masturbating (oh and I do) well then just go for it.

    Reply
  16. Comment Import

    From Star
    I can understand what “Me” says about manipulating her boy friend’s penis. [see Me’s entry below] This is the same method my wife uses to reach orgasm. It’s masturbating using my penis as her tool.

    After 38 years of marriage, she seems to have lost interest in foreplay, kissing and necking, etc. Our routine usually begins with an afternoon shower, normally, Sunday afternoon.

    I finish showering first and get the KY Jelly, tissues, etc., on the bedside table. After she’s finished showering, she’ll join me in our bed, apply her KY and almost immediately asks me to mount her, missionary style.

    She commences to use my penis to very lightly massage her clit and vagina entrance area. I am not circumcised and there is a ‘Dime sized’ florette of soft, loose skin gathered around the very tip of my erect penis. She uses that bunch of loose foreskin to very softly touch and massage herself.

    As she begins to arouse, the pace picks up and the pressure she uses becomes somewhat more firm. After three or four minutes, she is moving my penis very rapidly, with short, very light strokes, softly caressing the entire area within her slit.

    She begins breathing heavily, gripping my thighs with her legs. She moves my penis ever faster until she comes. When she can no longer tolerate the light rubbing on her now ultra-sensitive clit, she simultaneously retracts my foreskin and thrusts upward to take me inside her. She holds tightly for a few moments and then it’s over.

    I’m then left to make myself reach orgasm by thrusting into her as she lays quietly and patiently until I finish. The entire process takes perhaps five or six minutes. She uses tissues to wipe herself and immediately leaves the bed and begins dressing.

    I’m satisfied, but somehow feel that I’ve been used for her pleasure and satisfaction. …for her masturbation. I miss the kissing, petting, necking, holding, ……sigh.

    Reply
  17. Comment Import

    From Me
    My wife loves to watch me masturbate. Lately, I’ve started coming on her tits. Last time, I masturbated furiously, my cock inches from her face and came all over her tits. I sucked on her nipples got my mouth and lips nice and creamy and then french kissed her while she masturbated. Next, I want to come on her face. I know she will let me.

    Reply
  18. Comment Import

    From Robert
    I have been masturbating since I was about 12 and I had my first ejaculation as a result of standing against the washing machine! I have a good sex life but still masturbate at least once a day and sometimes up to 5 times. I do this mostly naked, sometimes in the shower and sometimes at night if I am driving and I feel particularly horny.

    I find coming when I masturbate so relaxing, different from penetrative sex, as I can be much more in control and I can decide if I want to come quickly or take a long time. Sometimes I can masturbate for an hour or more, that feels great. I’d love to masturbate with my wife and help her and she help me but it’s not her thing.

    Reply
  19. Mel Henton

    I love to masturbate alone or with my partner–we love to watch each other cum and we love to masturbate each other– we love touching and skin play on all parts of the body.

    Reply
  20. George v

    Any way to tell if your wife masturbates? We’ve been together for 4/yrs and have never consummated our marriage. Mine unfortunately is a little health related but maybe once a quarter she’ll give me a handjob. Absolutely no oral either way and when she’s done she immediately runs to the bathroom to wash her hands of any cum that might have gotten on her hands. She truly doesn’t want to jack me off and when I ask there’s normally an excuse. Then my excuse is to masturbate myself and pinch/twist my nipples. Sometimes have to get some ice for my nipples. Only thing I haven’t had the nerve to do is to try to taste my cum. I have videoed myself to watch later. Just writing this is driving me crazy.

    Reply

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