Absentee Ballots

“Why, Billie Ray Stubbs, I ain’t seen you around here in a dog’s age. So where’s my favorite, handsomest sheriff’s deputy been keeping hisself?”

Deputy Stubbs lanky six-feet, five-inch frame rose out of his cruiser like a slender swamp pine. “Hi there, Miss Sally,” he replied, genuinely grateful for Miss Sally’s warm greeting.

“C’mon inside,” Miss Sally motioned, “Y’all take that big old gun off, and then we’ll see about getting your big old gun off.”

Deputy Stubbs and Miss Sally laughed, hugged and entered the nondescript roadside bordello that combined such local architectural types as swamp shanty and trailer. The lighting inside was tastefully subdued by scarlet lampshades and novelty lamps in the shapes of alligators and Budweiser beer bottles.

Miss Sally steered Deputy Stubbs toward her best upholstered chair. The plastic covering was slippery under his khakis and crackled as he sat down. Miss Sally patted him on his left shoulder just above his badge then began to massage him on either side of his neck. The deputy closed his eyes and sighed. Lord, he thought, Miss Sally can’t touch a man anywhere or anyhow without making him feel real good.

“Whatcha been up to, Billie Ray,” Miss Sally said in that voice as sweet as wild honey.

“Aw, ya know, law-enforcement stuff.”

“And we’re so proud to be protected by y’all,” Miss Sally declared, giving the deputy a sharp pat for emphasis.

Miss Sally’s three girls sashayed and tippy-toed through the saloon doors that led to the back rooms. Deputy Stubbs sat up and took notice, and so did his tool.

Miss Sally stood behind each girl in turn, beginning with the tall brunette at the left with the fire-engine red lipstick. “Y’all remember Arlene,” Miss Sally said as Arlene winked and snapped her gum.

“And I’m sure you can’t forget Anita.” Miss Sally smoothed the Hispanic girl’s dark hair over her shoulders.

“And, this here is my new little girl, Tina. She’s just a bit bashful, but she’s a real good girl.”

Deputy Stubbs gazed on the prettiest girl he ever did see. Her hands behind her back, she toed the floor looking for all the world like a shy blonde flower. The deputy’s tool told him he was in love.

“Oh, Miss Sally, she’s a beauty.”

“Ain’t she though, and young and fresh. But, she’s old enough to vote, ain’t ya, sweetie.”

“Yes, Miss Sally,” she replied in a little girl voice, barely raising her eyes.

“In fact,” Miss Sally said proudly, “Me and the girls all voted today. Course, with what I pay the sheriff, you’d think we’d get to vote two or three times apiece.”

“Funny I didn’t see y’all,” Deputy Stubbs said, tugging at his chin. “I was working the polls today. Y’all must’ve come in on my lunch break.”

“Well, no matter,” Miss Sally said, motioning to Tina. “Honey, I want you to take the deputy in back and show him a real good time now, ya hear?”

“Yes, Miss Sally,” the girl replied taking the deputy’s hand.

The deputy adored how her tiny hand tugged at him to rise and follow her. As they proceeded toward the back rooms, they heard Miss Sally. “You show him how you respect the law, dearie.”

Tina guided the deputy toward a tiny room entirely occupied by a mattress. The overhead light was clothed with some kind of oriental lampshade. Tina helped the deputy unbutton his shirt and unbuckle his utility belt. His portable radio crackled briefly startling her. Now she worked off his pants and boxers. The deputy’s tool stood out, slightly curved like a fleshy cutlass.

Tina gasped, “Goodness sakes, I don’t think I ever saw one so big. Can I touch it?”

“Why sure, darlin’, that’s what I come here for.”

Tina gingerly ran just her fingertips along his shaft as it bobbed and twitched. The deputy was nearly in heaven. He had never felt such gloriously soft fingers. His eyes almost launched out of their sockets when she wrapped both hands around him.

“Oh, deputy,” she moaned. “Can I … I mean, would you let me … kiss it.”

“Oh, yeah, honey. Kiss it.”

The girl dropped to her knees. Then the deputy felt those pretty pink lips envelop the head of his cock. Tina began to hum, her tongue flicking snake-like, barely touching him. One of her hands cupped his balls, hefting them, and giving them just the slightest tugs between her magic fingertips.

She had ingested nearly three-quarters of his tool now, slipping her tongue under and around. The deputy wanted it to last all night but felt his jism begin to boil out of his sack.

Suddenly his radio crackled to life. “Base to L10, base to L10,” Sheriff Jones barked amidst the static and crackle. “Damn it, Billie Ray, come in and tell me your 20.”

The deputy grabbed the radio as Tina fell back, breaking that heavenly oral connection with the deputy’s cock.

“Uh, yeah, uh, L10 here, chief! Ah, my 20? Um … yeah, I’m on Catahoochie Road, I …”

“The hell you are, boy,” the sheriff’s voice crackled back. “Y’all getting yer ass hauled at Miss Sally’s!”

“Well, gee, chief, I …”

“Aw, shut up and listen. Where in hell are the ballot boxes?”

“I got them in the trunk chief. I was just about to …”

“Goddamit, Billy Ray, get your sorry ass to town hall, pronto! The whole state of Florida’s a big electoral cluster-fuck tonight and nobody knows who the hell is president. Could be another civil war about to boil over. You get them ballot boxes where they belong so we don’t look like a bunch of goddamned sister-fuckin’ crackers.”

“Yes, sir!”

The deputy grabbed his clothes and shot a forlorn look at Tina. “Sorry, darlin’, I gotta go, but I’ll be back real soon, I promise.”

He couldn’t take his eyes off the pretty little honey blonde as he yanked up his pants and … “Eeeyow! Aww, sheeee-it!”

Miss Sally and the other girls ran into the room. “Sakes alive, what was that shriek?”

“Aw, damn me, Miss Sally, I got my dick caught in my zipper. Oh, lord, oh lord, it hurts.”

“Hold still, hon,” Miss Sally instructed, taking charge of the emergency. “Arlene, give me that jar of Vaseline.”

Miss Sally smeared the viscous goop on the deputy’s wounded tool and his zipper. A few gentle tugs and he was free again, but suddenly walking bow-legged.

The deputy pulled on the rest of his clothes and made his apologies to the ladies. Walking sort of funny, he made his way back to his cruiser. A moment later, lights flashing and siren wailing he disappeared into the murk on his mission to save the republic.

Miss Sally and the ladies watched from the porch. “See that girls? Now doncha ever forget it, cause that’s what you call history in the making. God bless, America.”

“Amen, Miss Sally,” the girls replied at once.


© 2000 by R.E. Buckley. Not to be reproduced without permission of the author.

Treasure Chest Categories

Treasure Chest Authors

Treasure Chest Archives

Smutters Lounge Categories

Smutters Lounge Authors

Smutters Lounge Archives

Awesome Authors Archive

Pin It on Pinterest