At The Rosewood Manor Assisted Living Center © 2007

Ashley Thompson shook her head. “I don’t believe this. How could you have let this happen? Don’t you have orderlies and guards?”

Mr. Jennings said, “Ms. Thompson, our resident-employee ratio is five to one. One of the best in the industry. Still, we can’t watch everybody all the time. And even if we could, our residents, including your mother, are entitled to their privacy.”

Ashley dabbed at her eye with a tissue. “When I think of that pervert and my mother.”

“Joseph Willoughby’s lived here for three years. We’ve never had a violent incident.”

“Still, he’s demented!”

“He suffers from dementia, yes. And your mother had a stroke. That’s why they’re both here. And, frankly, they’re both adults, Ms. Thompson.”

“He took advantage of Mom’s condition.”

“Your mother’s speech centers were damaged, but she’s still lucid. Her ability to consent isn’t an issue.”

“Mr. Jennings, you’re treating this as no big deal.”

“Ms. Thompson, it happens more often than you might think. It’s good for the heart and the residents enjoy the physical intimacy. Ask your mother.”

Ashley whispered, “Mom? Are you okay with this?”

Eighty-year old Helen Thompson broke into a big grin and shouted, “JOE’S A GOOD FUCK!”

* * * * *

The Worst Sex Ever © 2003

“You’re not in yet, are you?”

“No! Geez, I’m not THAT small!”

“Also, sorry about the toothpick crack.Just kidding.”

“Okay, Sarah! Just for that, I’m gonna rock your world!”

“Um…Dennis…”

“Oooooh, yeah!”

“Not so fast…”

“Yeah! Yeah! Take it all!”

“Dennis!”

“I’m CUMMING!!!”

“DENNIS!”

“UHHHHHHH!!!!”

“DAMMIT, DENNIS!”

“Oh, baby! Mmmm.Was it good for you?”

“NO!”

“Nothing personal, baby.You were nice and tight, but really dry.”

“You didn’t let me take off my pantihose, you shithead!”

“Oh.”

“Look, I’m sorry I snapped, Dennis.Let’s just relax and try again in a few minutes, okay?”

Silence.

“Dennis?”

“Zzzzzzzzzz.”