EARLY EVENING:
“Honey?”
“Uh-huh”
“What do you think about when we’re making love?”
“Huh? – What?”
“Do you ever fantasize about making love to another woman?”
“Marjorie, I refuse to answer that question until you tell me who you’ve been talking to, and what kind of nonsense they’ve put in your head.”
“Oh, poo. It is not nonsense. Nora …”
“Oh my god, Nora Sweeney. I might’ve known.”
“You’re just uncomfortable around Nora cause she’s sexually unfettered.”
“Unhinged, you mean. My god, the Swinging Sweeneys. Remember last February when Freddy Sweeney nearly froze to death when he locked himself out of his house wearing only his Hugh Hefner pajamas? Nora couldn’t let him in because he’d tied her up.”
“Stop laughing.”
“I’m sorry, it’s funny. He’s lucky I had to get up to take a piss and noticed him shivering across the street. Boy, was he blue. Ha! That was my finest hour, when I called the Fire Department for old Freddy.”
“Robert, have I ever told you that you have a cruel streak? I mean, really.”
“Cruel, but fair. Cruel, but fair.”
“Laugh all you want. But I admire someone who tries to add zest and excitement to their lovemaking.”
“I haven’t heard any complaints from you lately.”
“Oh, honey. Our lovemaking is nice, but don’t you want to add a little—you know—spice?”
“Marjorie, I hope you’re not suggesting we tag along with Nora and Freddy to one of their little swap parties.”
“Well, of course not. But Nora says there are other ways to liven up your sex life.”
“I’m not sure I want to hear this.”
“For instance, every night in bed Nora tells Freddy a bedtime story.”
“Excuse me?”
“Yeah, a fantasy about something that happened to her during the day. Like once she made up a story about how she took a taxi home, but she didn’t have any money to pay the driver, so this really tough-looking cab driver made her have sex with him and …”
“Knowing Nora, this wasn’t made up.”
“Shush! The point is, it gets Freddy excited and they have wonderful sex because they share the same fantasy.”
“Well, good for Freddy. Hey, whatever keeps the air in his tires, good luck to him.”
“Oh, Robert. Can’t we play a little game in bed tonight? Huh? Please?”
“Marjorie, whenever you get that look … Oh, what the hell? What kind of game are you talking about?”
“I want you to pretend you’re someone else.”
“Someone else?”
“Yes—a burglar. That’s it! I’ve always had this fantasy about a handsome rogue who breaks in and has his way with me. Oh, Robert, please. Be my burglar tonight, okay? Please, please, please?”
“Hmmph. A freakin’ burglar.”
LATER:
“Okay, I’m going to pretend to be asleep, and you come in and yank the bedclothes off and find me naked.”
“Naked? But you always wear those silly pajamas with the feet.”
“Not in my fantasy, Silly. Though, I could wear some old thing you could rip off me.”
“Um, never mind. Naked is good.”
“Well, okay. Now, wait 20 seconds then come in.”
20 SECONDS LATER:
“Ah-ha!”
“Oh, oh—my god—who are you, what are you doing?”
“Keep quiet, Baby, and you won’t get hurt.”
“No, no, you mustn’t! You can’t see me all naked!”
“Too late, Baby. I can see all your goodies, and I’m having some.”
“Oh, please—I’m a married woman, you can’t. What have you done to my husband?”
“Huh? Um, who the hell cares?”
“Oh, my gawd, have you tied him up? Are you making him watch? Oh, you’re sooo cruel.”
“I am? I mean, yeah, I am. Now spread those legs, cause here I come!”
“Oh, no, don’t—you mustn’t. I feel so viiiiiooooolated.”
“Have some of this. Uggghnnn!”
“Oh, gawd! You big, raping brute. You’re sooo big! Bigger than my husband …”
“What? Hey!”
“Oh, Robert, don’t break the mood.”
“Mood? What’s the idea telling me I’m bigger than myself? What’s that all about?”
“Now we’re going to have to start over again.”
“Not if I have some other guy’s dick thrown up in my face, and it ain’t even his … It’s a loaner.”
“Robert, really. Fantasy, remember? FAN-TAS-EE.”
“Hmmph!”
“Okay. Let’s take it from the top, but this time call me nasty names.”
“Huh, like what?”
“Oh, Robert, please. You know what kind of names.”
“Hmmm, okay. If you say so. All right, ready? One, two, three …”
“Ohhh, please stop, please stop …”
“No way, you little—um, let’s see—um, SLUT! Yeah, that’s what you are—a little slut.”
“Ohhh, my gawd, don’t say that …”
“Yeah, and I bet you like this big cock inside your steamy CUNT!”
“Arrrrghh, oh please, I feel so – very, very – dirty …”
“I’m fucking you good – you dirty little slut!”
“Oh, yesss. I’m a slut, I’m such a slut.”
“And a WHORE!”
“Ohhhhh, yessssss!”
“And after I’m through with you I’m gonna lock you up in the whorehouse where you’ll have to fuck 20 guys at a time.”
“Tw – tw – twenty …”
“Yeah, and they’ll make you suck their COCKS!”
“Ohhhhh, nooooo, you mean I’m a …”
“COCKSUCKER!”
“Gahhh! O-gawd, O-gawd, O-gawd … Aiiiyeee! Oh, Oh, Oh … hrunnnngh! … Oh, no! Not again … Owwwerrr!”
“Jesus Christ, Margie! Oh, gawd! You’re gonna shake us right off the bed. Are you all right? Please, Baby, speak to me.”
SEVERAL SECONDS LATER:
“Meowrrrrrr. Oh, Robert. I died and went to heaven. Three in a row, ahhhhh.”
“Cripes! I thought you were having a seizure. You scared the crap out of me.”
“Oh, Honey, I’m sorry. Oh, my. The bed’s all wet. Did you …”
“Not me. You just gushed.”
“Really?”
“Yeah, and all I could think about was calling 911 and explaining that my wife is like foaming at the mouth, only at the other end.”
“You’re so silly. Poor baby. Didn’t you come?”
“Well, no I …”
“Let me fix that right now. After all, I am just a little—cocksucker. Tee-hee!”
“Ohhhh, Marrrrrrrrrjorieeeee.”
© 2001 By R.E. Buckley Not to be reproduced without permission of the author.