While getting dressed this morning I noticed there upon my night-desk a book I’d read during the long cold nights of winter. What struck me as odd was the phrase “Erotica For Women” written above the pleasing image of a man embracing a woman on the cover. All this prompted the question what is “Erotica For Men?” —MLW
From James Fabert
I’ve been writing erotica for some time now. I started because I couldn’t find anything satisfying in Hustler or Playboy or Penthouse Letters. That was all too staged and unreal for me.
I begin my books with a photo of the character I’m considering, and build their personality from that photo. No, I don’t need nude photos for this. I look at their eyes. The old remark about “eyes are the windows to the soul” is quite true, from my view.
Having had a long and successful love life is a big help. I can remember all those very fine moments, and describe them in graphic and intimate detail; but with love behind it all. Love from me to the reader is a big part of why I write. I hope the reader is enjoying the sensuality of what I write as much as I enjoy writing it for you.
Personally, I must begin with long hours of foreplay based on love for that person, or ‘getting my rocks off’ becomes meaningless.
I trust this provides some insight into the ‘erotic mind’ you mention in your intro.
I write under the Pseudonym ‘Blue Raven 6’, an old work name from another life.
From Parker Lane
What I’ve written over time (from 1986-1996, I contributed hetero-oriented fiction to the LETTERS family of magazines, and to Hustler Fantasies) bounces around the territory between “erotica” and “porn.”
I wrote from my experiences in the streets of Boston, my college time and military time. And I wrote a book-length porno sendup of the cruise-missile base I was stationed at in the mid-80’s. I have known women who are turned on by the stuff guys like. But I digress—erotica for men is, after all is said and done, hot babes with tight little units—getting all-night service from Buck Turgidson (see Dr. Strangelove) or Someone Like Him. And forget the beer, thank you very much….Catawba Pink, Mateus Rose, a nice claret or Madeira will do.
From Tits Yes, Beer No
Erotica for men? Tits. Sorry, but it’s really that simple, at least as far as this particular guy is concerned. When I read erotica, I want to read about the woman’s breasts – even one sentence about them is enough, but there can never be too much on the topic, no way!
When I’m attracted to a woman, I want to see and touch her breasts. When I make love to a woman, I want to kiss and suck her breasts. That’s how I am. Even if it’s a woman’s eyes or ass or legs or lips that attracted me originally, all the excitement that she generates in me will somehow focus on her bust. And even if I love her for her mind, somehow that love will seem most overwhelming when I can feel the texture of her nipple with my tongue. Breasts are just made for love. (I guess that even babies would agree with that, but that’s another story.)
As for beer, forget it! Beer is about as erotic as pretzels.
From WR
It seems to me that virtually ALL erotica is for men. There is no genre or sub-genre of erotica that is popular with women but ignored by men. Even lesbian porn is widely viewed by straight men who like seeing women go at it.
From Vinayak
As far as India is concerned , we feel that a woman is itself strong & mysteries chemical. If a woman smells beer or wine when husband comes home, she gets annoyed. Therefore I prefer tits rather than beer.
From Quest
Hey BLaYDe [see next entry], Ever hear of the term “sweeping generalization.” It’s the operative principle behind racism, anti-Semitism, homophobia and most forms of censorship. I agree some men have perpetrated a lot of terrible acts against women. And some porn is just that misogynistic and hollow. BUT not all porn is a manifestation of pure evil. Just like not everyone has sex to ‘make love’. Sex can certainly say “love you” and it’s probably the best way to do so. But if that was the way it was supposed to be, humans would be hard wired to feel desire for only those who they deeply love. Which as we all know is NOT the way we are. It’d be great if we were, but we aren’t.
Just as most of us recognize that Erotica/Porn for men does include the Friday after work junk-entertainment called porno, we must recognize that it can include any kind of erotic story, photo, or song. Despite what the mass media big wigs think, men aren’t pigs … we are potential pigs … and potential princes.
Yes we should all have loving interactions with our cherished lovers … but bad porn exists for those who have bad taste … take away the porn, the appetite will remain. I think if we all worked on building respectful relationships with everyone men, women, straight, gay, black, white, Muslim, Jewish, etc. then people wouldn’t need to bolster their self esteem by watching or making degrading erotica. As we all know, respect fosters dignity … prohibition fosters defiance.
From BLaYDe
This is wrong… porn should be banned in all countries worldwide, nation wide.. it’s exploitation.. and me being a male figure am shamed to admit it because of what men have done in the past to women and shamed them…. and themselves. if you want porn, don’t watch it… wait till you have a partner.. make LOVE TO THEM… don’t fuck them cos’ fucking has no feelings… LOVE is Feeling is an emotion.
All you men must think out there about yourselves and your history. Make a better self…. a better you.. be a REAL MAN… a real man is not a man who has a long ‘you know’ … a real man is a man who knows how to convey feelings and emotions.. how to tell a woman what she is and treat her right. If u can’t do this right… man… you are not….
From nlj
Erotica for men is what they would fantasize about if pre-packaged visual stimulation wasn’t so easily available.
From Anonymous
I fully agree with “shiloh”…..beer and tits.
From Johnny Tender:
The sort of sex scene that includes…Girl-Girl… three some– 2 girls and a man A striptease. An orgy. (Two orgies would be just about right) An office sex scene. A beach sex scene A seduction scene in an apartment. Doggie Style and Woman riding. An abundance of fellatio. Swimming pool or Jacuzzi sex and shower sex — all three. A massage scene where girl massages him. Sex on a dewy lawn in the moonlight. Sex in a sauna Sex in a steam bath. Sex in a health club…on an exercise machine. Sex in a luxury airplane.
That should take care of the first chapter of erotica for men.
In reading for sexual pleasure I do admit to being very visually oriented… but the whole “dance” of seduction and sequence of the lovemaking has to build. The quickie sentence: (And he thrust it in, for example), does not work for me. I have to feel how it feels to the male and the female as it slides in. The more juicy detail the better, the more feelings and emotions described, the better, the more urgency — I want to feel the man losing control…I want to sense the woman caving in to her craving. I want to feel the room get hot, the defenses melting.
From shiloh:
Answer: beer and tits.
From Anonymous:
I, for one, could do without the beer…
From Daved
One reason for the illusion that its beer and tits (pornography) that turns men on whereas women prefer erotic is the emphasis on image that exists in our culture. Indeed, what is projected all around us are images of thin, good looking, young, mostly white women, or handsome men, and we are taught that is what sexual attraction is all about. Among men, the sight of a good looking woman is supposed to turn us one, when in fact, the image is probably the least important aspect of sexual pleasure.
What is infinitely more intense are the feelings that lie within a person, the sensuality that they exude in the way they walk, they move their mouth, the way they touch their glass, the way they respond to your touch. Unfortunately, there is very little money selling what is inside a person, so men have to learn this aspect of sexuality on their own.
Erotica is all about what goes on inside us. Once men learn to appreciate this, they will desire it as much as women. Then maybe the emphasis on external beauty – on the size of a woman, or the color of their skin, or the shape of their eyes or nose or chin or bodies – will all diminish and we can enjoy each other for who we are, not what we look like.
From Rex Podius
Looks like we have the same argument as Erotica vs Porn and Come vs Cum. It’s very likely that to generalize about “men,” you would have to go to another venue than ERA. I’ll speak for me: I like a sexual build-up, I like the tease. No wham, bam, thank you, ma’am. I like it in my reading as well as in real life.
What sexual acts turn me on? True sexual acts and not acts of violence or degradation. I do have an interest in threesomes of the one man-two women type. I love the idea of two women making love as long as it is love and not violence. Although a good cat fight can get to me every once in a while. I have the fantasy of incest, but not the real life interest in it, and certainly not even a fantasy interest in anything that approaches child abuse. I have a mild interest in both being bound and binding in the process of making love or having sex. Pain, I don’t like it. If you want it, I can give it. If you want big time pain—get somebody else to do it.
It is OK to read about when the parties are showing an affection for each other. In fantasy, I can do almost anything, but only almost. I can read truck drive fiction or sensual erotica, as long as the writer doesn’t spread too many flower pedals along the way. The description of sexual acts? Any words are fine as long as I know what the writer is talking about. “His manhood?” if that’s what the writer wants. All words for the human body are acceptable to me except those that send me to a biology book. I don’t mind flowery description, so long as the words don’t obscure the meaning. Four letter words work better, because when I get into a close relationship, it is four letter words we use — and my female partner is often the first one to use them. So this is the attitude of one heterosexual male toward erotica.
From Dean
I’d love to think that there’s no basic difference between the sexes in what we find erotic, but I think we’ve got a couple of basic biological imperatives that dictate at least an occasional divergence in our respective approaches. Of course, on any given day, for either sex it’s going to be ‘horses for courses’. We all like it either hard and fast, or nice ‘n easy, depending on our mood, partner, how long it’s been… etc; but in general men do seem to be more visually stimulated than women.
Men do seem to get an awful lot of credit for only having One thing on their mind (I can already hear you saying that that’s all we’re capable of at any given time!), and men do seem to be less discerning than women in their choice of partner (meaning that if the urge strikes, a hole in the wall may not be safe!) Having said all that, as a regular and enthusiastic reader of erotica (and outright porn on occasion) I do feel slightly aggrieved when I’m lumped in with the generalization that all men are interested in is “Wham, bam, thank you ma’am”.
I love women. I love exploring what they like, what they feel, how they smell, the sounds they make when I put my tongue just so… There’s a mystery to good sex, a voyage, an adventure. It’s a cliché, but that doesn’t make it any less true, that 99% of sex takes place between the ears. Maybe we’re not that different after all. Anybody wanna fuck?
From Zapatadore:
I believe that as the traditional delineation’s between “women’s roles” and “men’s roles” fall and the roles of both sexes intertwine, these perceptions of erotica will change. Some of the hottest, sexiest, raunchiest (used as an adjective only) things I have read on here were written by women. Conversely, men have submitted what I would traditionally call ‘erotica’ or ‘romance’.
Hell, personally, I am VERY visual, as are most men, but I love romance, too. I have always felt like this, but it has only been that as society has changed that I could freely admit this. Just several years ago, “crossover” was not really accepted.
From An Anonymous Man:
I must confess I’m a bit put off by the implication that there is a difference between erotica for men and erotica for women. I found the first few tits and beer remarks fairly humorous. As the thread has worn on I think that some of our membership have been just a wee bit chauvinistic.
I believe that erotica for men and erotica for women are classified as such by the publishers who market the product. I enjoy Black Lace titles although the publisher proudly touts that their books are erotica written for women by women.
So what does this man find erotic aside from tits and beer? Hmmm, tits and ass? There’s another good example of a male’s appreciation of a woman, I suppose. That’s far too limited for me.
A keen mind and wit fires my imagination. Flakes of gold in deep hazel eyes make my heart race. Breathing in the minted scent of soft freshly washed hair as I kiss it makes my head spin. The sound of quiet laughter during lovemaking is exhilarating. Gently stroking the pale down at the base of her sweet spine is breathtaking. The graceful curve of her throat captivates me. The slight turn at the corner of her mouth, the beginnings of a smile, an eyebrow slightly raised, causes my breath to catch in my throat. The sudden strength of her back arched in pleasure unleashed leaves me in awe. The comfort of her warmth beside me, the steady murmur of her breath in sleep, soothes my soul.
So that’s one man’s erotica. For those who prefer to think men are not capable of such feelings, just chalk these musings up to a strong feminine side. I think I’ll go have a beer, maybe a pint of Half and Half, down at the pub. Hmmm, Guinness and Harp. Then again, I can always have a nice hot French Vanilla Mocha. Half caff–half decaff. Decisions, decisions. I haven’t a THING to wear. *grin*
From J.Z. Sharpe:
I think it also comes from some “conventional wisdom” about men and women and how our brains are wired. Men are supposedly more visual, so their erotica would supposedly be more pictorial. Women are supposedly more verbal, so they would be more likely to read stories and novels. Thus the high sales of Playboy to male customers, and romance novels to females.
But anyone who hangs around this list for more than a nanosecond would learn that there are tons of exceptions to these rules. I have been known, in certain states of mind, to spend hours wandering through XXX web sites looking for pictures of certain… ahem… well, we won’t go there. <weg> And I can give you countless examples of how a man can be turned into a frenzied sex-craved maniac after reading a mere few sentences of… well… we won’t go there either. You all know what I’m talking about.
When I set out to write erotica, I purposely decided that I would NOT cubbyhole myself into only writing for women, or for men. Jeez, if I do that, I’m cutting off half the possible book buyers on this planet! Let the publishing companies have their little labels and cubbyholes (they need to put something on their spreadsheets). When you’re writing erotica, don’t write for men or for women. Write for people.
From Cervo:
I am not sure that there is men’s erotica other than stuff written in the world of shades that surrounded Victorians like “Frank and I”, “The Pearl” and “Sadopoedia.” Frank Harris thought his autobiography was an erotic adventure. He tied his cock up with a string to prevent wet dreams and did not jerk off or bugger other boys in prep school because he claimed he was saving himself for the real thing. Oscar Wilde wrote transgender erotica with Aubrey Beardsley. Lewis Carroll wrote for some kink that is still unclear to me, but it was very erotic.
Norman Mailer thinks that if another person sees him looking at them while he is gazing at his own image in a mirror, they have had an erotic experience. And its better than reading…or fucking. I don’t find porn erotic though it can be sexy. It passes erotic on the way to some sort of finish line. I don’t care about the destination or winning in erotic matters so here is what I think. I think erotica for straight men is women.
We spent years analyzing and decrying the male gaze, but it is not going to go away. There is an ad for some sort of Italian white wine where a man is sitting in a village café on a lovely afternoon sipping dry white wine. He is nicely dressed and rightfully pleased with life, the world and himself. A very pretty woman swings by in a flowered dress. She is happy to be alive in a fulsome, lovely way. “O cara mio babbo,” plays in the background. These essential connections are what life is about, and erotica is about life. Life comes from women.