Conventional wisdom says men are aroused by visual stimuli, and women are aroused via the written word. Is this true? We suspect it’s simply stereotypical blathering. What are the differences between how men and women are aroused? Which is it that turns you on — naughty pictures or sexy words?
For women, the best aphrodisiacs are words. The G-spot is in the ears. He who looks for it below there is wasting his time. —Isabel Allende
From Andy
I’m a man so according to conventional wisdom my stimulation is visual. As a keen photographer I can’t disagree that I respond to visual stimuli and that women are generally an excellent subject. However as an avid reader and fledgling author I know that the mind is the true origin of arousal and that words are easily as powerful as images. Never forget though that it is easier to turn someone off with badly written erotica than to do the same with a badly taken erotic image. That could be the real reason for the prominence of images over words.
From Brutus46
Obviously, as with many couples, there are a lot of different combinations of situations, places, techniques, toys and acts that turn us on. In the past couple of years we have found two that take the best of the best and make them better.
We found an erotic photographer that photographs couples expression and their feeling and emotions while making love, not by directing them. We had a 2 hour session of love making using various positions, techniques and toys photographed in black and white. During our session we ranged from lust to tenderness and from orgasmic delight to giddiness; all captured on film. We had two coffee table type albums made containing the best shots, and we each wrote a dedication of our feeling for each other and in making the albums. We were far more at ease and natural once the shoot began than we thought we would be; barely noticed the photographer. Every time we look at the albums or think about and discuss them it is a turn on all over again. We do plan on another photo session.
Our second turn on entails writing about our own actual sexual events coupled with our own fantasies that we share verbally during our sexual experiences. So the story is all true even tho it contains fantasy, because the fantasy in the story is the fantasy we actually created and shared during the sex. We have actually had one such story (1400 words) published.
I guess both of our examples are a little out of the box, but they are ours and they are turn-ons.
From Drew
As a writer and poet I love and know the power of words. Yet for me the sweeping away power of visuals is overwhelming. I am turned on enormously by visuals, particularly those in which women are turned on by watching the sex in the scene, and especially if she or they are watching a man come. I, in turn, love to make my woman come to such scenes, if, indeed, she is also turned on by those visuals. In fact, the visuals can be whatever turns her on. If she is turned on, then I am turned on even more so and we can share vicariously the fantasy as I make her come whether manually, orally, me inside her or however.
It is a convoluted, psychological/emotional loop. But, god, is it ever a deeply pleasurable, peak experience.
From Caviar
Porn turns me on – the more hardcore, the more turned on I get. But so does the voice of a man saying all sorts of things that on a normal day would make me blush or cringe. My husband is a deadly silent lover (he has other traits that are irreplaceable, however) but I have come to the conclusion that my orgasms with him are merely physical reactions to the stimulus rather than mental erotic stimulation. An orgasm with the mental stimulation is much better.
From Peter
I used to work across the street from a “Newsstand.” The kind that sold porno magazines back in the sixties. I was browsing there one day before work and I opened one magazine that I believe was called Jaybird as in “Naked as a Jaybird.” There were two sailors with a very pretty dark haired girl. They were removing her clothes and had her down to her panties. Then they pulled down her white panties and she had this shocked look on her face. Her pussy was completely shaved! The first I’d ever seen. No stubble or anything. Just two smooth pink lips showing as a vertical line between her legs.I’ll never forget that picture as long as I live and as many shaved pictures as I might see.
From Jill
Female 40 here. Naughty pictures, sometimes the more hardcore the better. But ohhhh sexy words…I just love it when a man says things to me in bed that I would slap them for in any other situation. I love for him to say such things as “You’re just my slut aren’t you?”, “You’re just dying for my big cock to hit that cervix aren’t you?”, “Suck my cock bitch like your life depended on it”, “You’re just my little fuck whore aren’t you?”, “Get on your knees, lick my balls and beg for my cock”. Oh the list goes on.
Likewise, when I say things to him like “Fuck me harder with your big cock”, “May I please lick your balls, suck that big cock and take your cream in my throat”, “You love fucking your whore”, or his fav “Shoot that cum in my pussy to mark your territory”.
From Franco
I would have to say that both pictures and words do it for me. They both turn me on. Whether I go with pictures or words depends on what the situation is. If what I want is some quick satisfaction, then I will go with pictures. Seeing beautiful naked women will get my cock nice and hard fast. My preference is seeing a woman spreading her legs, showing me a hairy pussy. I enjoy all pussy, but I really love a hairy pussy. As soon as I am hard, I will masturbate till I shoot my load.
On the other hand, if I feel like taking my time, I love reading sexy and dirty stories/words that turn me on slowly. Once I am hard, I keep on reading, then when I can’t take it anymore, it’s time to masturbate.
When I am with a woman, it is a great turn on to have her talk dirty to me. If she tells me to eat her hairy cunt, and that she wants my cock in her mouth, or to fuck her hard, wow, that is a big turn on. In fact, the previous entry from the reader talking about her hairy pussy, that was very erotic. [see Lush’s entry below]
From Lush
For me, it’s definitely words. So I told my boyfriend my deepest secret. I needed to hear the dirty words from him about my black cunt hair which I personally feel is so provocatively lewd and obscene looking on any woman. I needed to be praised, loved and scolded by his deep, sexy British baritones for being such a naughty, lazy girl and having so much black cunt hair growing so wantonly on my pussy. I needed to hear him threaten to expose my lewdly hairy, messy, urine scented vagina to friends and a hostile public. I needed him to say aloud how much he adored my secret, sexual cunt hair which I consider to be the most private, taboo part of my body.
Our private talk can be laughably infantile, but it works for me. I want to be called “baby”, “kitten” and “puss”. Shamelessly, we can make dialogue like, “Kitten, you naughty girl, have you been exposing your secret, black sex hair to other men? Why haven’t you shaved your pussy? Your cunt hair is rough like brambles and so full of lice. Daddy will have to give you an enema and put a butt plug in your rosy ass hole. Then you’re going to go doggy on your hands and knees, spread that oozing, stinky pussy to my face while I sit and pick lice from your disgracefully unladylike black bush. Afterwards, if you’re good, i’ll apply red lipstick on your hairy pussy lips to make them look prettier. Then, oh baby, then I’m going to fuck your black haired, gaping twat so hard, you’ll scream for mercy.”
Dirty words about my hairy private parts totally gets me going. I admit our dialogues don’t happen as often as I’d like because he works punishing hours but when it does happen, it’s magic.
From Suzan
I prefer reading erotica to seeing pics/images. But there are two drawings in Boris Vallejo’s book “Mirage” [available at Amazon]…..each with a woman in the embrace of a male creature who is not entirely human…..OMG, I love those (and the poetry that is with them).
From Anonymous
I would have to agree with Allie [see Allie’s entry below] that when I’m alone I prefer erotic pictures/video. Being a female who is comfortable with her sexuality and relationship I love looking at images of women. I love looking at images from my husbands perspective, wondering what turns him on. When I see pictures of men and women together I envision that it is him and another woman. At times I enjoy hardcore pixs and movies, the raunchier content the better.
When intimate with my husband nothing gets me going more than listening to my husbands sexy voice telling me what he fantasizes about and what he wants to do to me. In return he loves to hear me talk dirty and tell him what I like while I stroke his cock.
Btw, I love this site. Its nice to hear from very normal sounding, intelligent, well spoken people. Thanks to all.
From Allie
Female, 29, committed – I would have to say that both naughty pics and sexy words do it for my libido. I like to use the pics when I am masturbating, especially if I’m in a hurry – it gets me where I want to be in a real hurry. I want sexy words from my lover. it makes me feel closer and sexier when I’m told I have a sexy, curvy ass or have big, bouncy tits. I would say a perfect intimate time would include both pics and saucy words. why not have it all, if it’s available and wanted.
From Candy
Someone mentioned that with pictures, you only get one shot, while you can engage and use your imagination with words. That’s true, but I really like putting faces to the characters in erotic novels I read. More often than not they’re gorgeous celebrities or people I know or have seen.The best for me is a combination – hot pictures, both generic (nude, so I can see everything), and the people in the act, and the story that accompanies it.
From ~Val
Pictures or words… pictures are good for that image, the single moment of inhibition. Words describe so much more. With words one can convey not only a defining image, but also show passion, feeling, meaning, motion, emotion and soo much more. This I guess could exist in may forms. Cyber, letters, email, notes left for that loved one, oh and poetry the champion of all, a well written poem that invokes the passion a desire within is a thousand times more erotic than any picture. Don’t get me wrong I’m not knocking pictures, but I’m a words man myself.
From Subtle Talk
I have read a lot of the comments that were posted and I have to agree whole heartedly with both. For me the site of a gourgeous woman is incredible but when the picture is of an unnatural setting or position then it is more difficult for me to think that it is for real. On the same line. If the written word is done correctly then I am deep into the story but if it clumsy or too far from what can truly take place in the real world then I am just not interested.
Now, take both…very well done and put them together with the story line. Then I am all yours! Also, as a side note. I wanted to comment about another posting that was placed about sounds. I must admit listening to sexual and erotic sounds is a great turn-on. I have found myself on more than one occasion being in a hotel room listening to a couple enjoying each other. When it is so close then you feel like you are right there with them finding yourself releasing at the same time.
From Just a Fan
I read it all now. I started a while back when my boyfriend turned me on to erotica. It just ballooned into a habit or rather a daily routine for me. Shadow Parker or Miller or well all of the writers seem to speak to me and me alone. I really don’t read it with my boyfriends but rather do it alone. I set the mood with candles and a drink and start opening my ebooks I have just bought. The first or second page seem to set up the idea. I take another sip of my wine and read some more and just start to feel it. Wet and sliding into myself taking turns reading and touching. It just happens I cant seem to help myself. Do I dare tell anyone else about this? I don’t in fear that I will have to share my glory. This is my secret and won’t be shared with anyone. My feel good time. Parker thank you, you unleashed me too.
From Neither Words Nor Pictures
Just to stir the honey pot, lemme suggest an even sexier third alternative sound. In terms of instant arousal, nothing gets a flaccid cock out of the starting gate quicker than an breathy “ooooohhhh” or “ahhhhhhh or “mmmmmmmm.” Believe me, somebody is going to be very rich one day, when he or she decides to put out a CD of nothing but the sounds of women coming. Words. You gotta love ’em. Pictures. You gotta love ’em. But sounds. The most primeval adrenaline buzz of all.
From Jill
I think it depends on the visual image…. Last week a friend sent me an erotic greeting card with a photo I couldn’t take my eyes from. The people were not model quality, but attractive (at least the woman was). I truly believed these were “real” people who were enjoying sex with each other, although the setting was obviously intended to be photographed. The way they kissed and the way she was touching him was so real I kept going back to it and looking at it.
I went to that site that the card came from and there were no other photos that struck me that way. But there was a tremendous, sensual quality to their coupling that I couldn’t deny. In fact, I almost wrote a story about it, but just didn’t know where to take it.
My personal kink has been this crazy little website that does both with Sims 4! It’s an odd kink, but I dig it.
http://www.notsuitableforsims.com