What goes on at these places?
Anyone ever been to a swing club? I’m dreadfully curious—what’s it like? What are the rules, the etiquette? Can you go and just watch or do they find that annoying?
By “swing clubs” I mean the type of establishment where you have a membership and there are scheduled parties and dances, rules and regulations, etc. Off premises or on. It turns out there’s such a club in the city where I live, and I’m told by my gentleman friend that an acquaintance of his (from work no less) can refer us to the proprietors. I’m not the type to want to get naked with strangers, but I certainly am the type who has always wanted to indulge an untried voyeuristic inclination.
So, the more anyone can tell me about what goes on at these parties, the better. I’ll know if I want to try and go to one…or two or three or…
From Lilah Xavier
My partner and I only came to swinging in our fifties and it’s been fabulous. However our best experiences have been at house parties and private play rather than at clubs.
Clubs in Melbourne tend to be for a younger crowd, often with groups of people who know each other and aren’t interested in anyone joining their clique. House parties are a lot more intimate.
I must take exception to a comment by Pete where he advises that one key to a good swinging experience is to do it with good looking people. Sorry, but looks has absolutely nothing to do with successful swinging. Since when does good looks guarantee a good sexual experience? With many years of swinging under my belt, and also running an extremely successful house party (hardcore) I can honestly say that the most sexually uninhibited and open-minded swingers are just ordinary, everyday people.
From Showoff
My husband and I had a terrific time when we went to a swing club. It was an off-premise, byob club. Before going, I contacted the owner to ask some questions, because I was nervous about not fitting in. I am an exhibitionist and my husband is a voyeur, but we did not want to get physically involved in swinging. The owner wrote back right away assuring me that there would be no pressure and we were welcome to enjoy ourselves however we felt comfortable.
The club had stripper poles and a shadow dancing screen, and I had a lot of fun with these. There were lots of good-looking women there (mostly over 40 years old, but in-shape and attractive), dancing, getting naked, doing body shots on the bar, that sort of thing, so that was fun for my husband. We also played strip pool with some other couples. Nobody was pushy, just friendly.
Yeah, swingers clubs can be a lot of fun, even if you don’t swing, if you like to get naked in public or even if you just like to watch other people get wild.
From Tamsin
What goes on in swing clubs? Well, we went to our first one, in Myrtle Beach, below our hotel. We were very impressed at the good organization and cleanliness of the place, not at all tacky, and the party atmosphere was very relaxing. It cost us $50 each to get in, it was BYOB and we took two bottles of red wine, which we shared with the two couples we met. There was a bar area with a few tables, next door was a disco area and beyond that were the ‘romp rooms’.
Our plan was to swing with just one couple, stay with them for the evening, maybe invite them back to our room. That didn’t work out, the two couples we met showed no interest in us after sex, and later when I danced with one guy he groped me badly, inside my skirt, pulling my panties down, snagging my $30 stockings, lacking in any respect, and when I told him to get lost he was abusive.
When I couldn’t find hubby I became very uncomfortable and unsafe, left, going straight to our room. Why did we go? Well, we like sex, and while we’re married (five years) we think we’re a liberated couple and have swung on two previous times, at parties, and enjoyed it. I guess because it’s a club behaving in a courteous and respectful way doesn’t count.
From Sexyswinger
I have been to 3 different off premise swing clubs in the Toronto region – there are dozens here for all ages and desires. I have to say, I’m solidly hooked. I go with my husband, sometimes we go with another couple, sometimes we go with another male friend we play with. I love preparing for it, planning the evening, getting dressed, deciding which underwear not to wear. I love going when there are other single men allowed – I find I have much better luck and generate a bit of a fan club on the dance floor. I love dancing so it allows me to bump and grind and get extremely aroused before deciding with which man, woman or couple to take it the next level.
Because of the strict rules of conduct, I feel it is a safe place to explore my sexuality – certainly everyone who attends is like minded, sexual beings. It certainly adds to our marriage and our self esteem.
what are the clubs in the Toronto area you would recommend and how can we get in touch with them?
Kate
From Christian Brinner
We’ve visited a couple… Our experience with them has been less than exciting. We’ve found that the majority of the people at each were very unattractive physically, and not very appealing mentally either. On the other hand, that’s two clubs out of thousands and thousands in the U.S., so I’m sure there are much nicer places out there, we just don’t happen to have found them.
For purposes of your research, both that we attended were off-premise, so there wasn’t much need for etiquette rules. It was more like any other public place; be polite when meeting people, back off if they don’t want to dance/talk/etc. By “off-premises” I mean that there’s no sex on-site. People use the club as a place to meet up and go elsewhere, but sexual interaction isn’t allowed on-site.
From Marie
I guess the word is ‘club’. When we have swung on the odd occasionm we’ve done so at a private party in a house where we’ve known most of the couples (other long time marrieds like us). At a swing club, five years ago, we found the atmosphere definitely more urgent, threatening, more exploitative, the couples younger (we’re mid fifties) and we were very disappointed. So, if you wish to swing our advice is – steer clear of clubs, home in on private parties your friends hold.
From Christian Brinner
From our experiences and other things that I hear, the cliquism at swing clubs seems to be a pretty consistent theme. They seem to be fairly close communities, and I’ve heard a lot of complaints from others that the cliques aren’t quick to welcome the newcomers.
Unless, of course, the newcomers include a cute young chick that everyone in the clique wants to boff on first sight.
Teresa [see Teresa’s entry below] reminded me of something else as well—my wife and I are both 30, and at both clubs we visited I’d say we were very far on the young end. The median age seemed to be about 45, with the vast majority of folks between 40 and 50. That may just be a common demographic in our area, though.
From Teresa
I went to one once. It was a swing club party at someone’s house. I’ll tell you what happened. I was 20, everyone else there was at least twice my age and kept referring to me as “the baby” which didn’t do much for me. Four guys were relentlessly trying to get me to “play” and I didn’t want to. I just wanted to check it out for my first time. It was rather annoying and I wasn’t sure who the right people were to tell that I was being bothered.
Mostly the women were coupling up or three-ing up with some men mixed in. A lot of the men were chatting around the punch bowl. A few instances of sex, but mostly people chatting or watching. I left relatively early and apparently it got a little “wild” later on, as I was told. I may go again, but my first experience was not so good. It also seemed like everyone knew each other, so maybe you should go to the club or the meetings and familiarize yourself with the people before you go to a party. Who knows? Just one girl’s account.
From Dave
In Sydney we were given a flyer advertising a lifestyle club so we decided to go along. Cut a long story short, we met another couple, went to a room in the club, swapped partners and had an enjoyable time with no pressures. My wife sucked off her partner while his wife was more keen on me providing basic virginal sex. We went again, this time I did get fellated, while my wife got it anally.
Result? We met them again, this time in our hotel and reprised the fun we’d had at the club. Back home we searched the net and met with both couples and singles and for a year or so we had a great time swinging, our own sex life improving considerably until we felt we didn’t need external stimulus any longer and ended our swinging period.
From Lori
Look, don’t over-intellectulize it. We’re in our early fifties, married for 25 years and we’ve just swung, and boy did we enjoy it, like blowing away cobwebs! We went to a partner swap party, met some couples our age, background, interests etc. Our premise was simple – have some enjoyable sex with people we don’t know, may never meet again, enjoy it, have some fun! And we did. I had vaginal/anal/oral sex with three men I’d never met before and it just opened my mind and in all the fun I learnt a lot which I then took to the marriage bed for sex with hubby! We don’t plan to do it every week but do it again we certainly will!
From Joe
My wife and I swing, and we only go to clubs or parties that insist that all members practise safe sex. I have to say that I’m appalled at how many entries here don’t mention safe sex within the swinging community. The consequances of swinging at clubs or parties (different, of course, with a long time aquantaces known to be clean of sexual transmitted diseases) without protection is a seriously bad idea. Be careful, folks, play but play safely. The price to pay otherwise is damn scary: think Chlamydia, Genital warts, Herpes, Gonorrhea, Hepatitis, Syphilis, AIDS)
From SilkyWmn
My husband and I have been swinging for about 6 yrs and we are in our twenties. We attend a Monthly swing club in Nebraska. They have themes to dress to to make it fun. It is “Off Premise” but held in a great hotel. There is about 300 people that attend every party. The people which range from 19-50 and always see new faces. We have been attending this same club from Sept. 02′ every month. We go even if we are not intending to play. It is held in a reception hall with a professional DJ, and food.
I would recommend if you do attend to go to a club and not a house party. There is quite a few in the area but this one is the best of all. They give out prizes they let us vendor the party with our adult items. They have “rules” like any other club, here is the rule at one club
RULES OF THE GAME!
Since our club meets in various locations… we are considered an off premise club. This means no public displays or encounters. When we hold our functions in a hotel setting, we will provide a hospitality suite for those not staying over. Visiting the club does NOT guarantee or imply an type of encounter. Any type of encounter is by mutual consent only. Guests are liable for all or any encounters. You will be asked to leave if these rules are violated.
I say at least visit one club and see if you like it. Just sit back and watch the first time. Sign up to any swinger sites and get to know people that attend the clubs. Visit http://www.nasca.com and see where a swinger club is near you.
From Anonymous
We’ve been visiting clubs for about 10 years. Some lessons we’ve learned include the following:
– Both wife and I are well known in our community, so we generally visit out of town clubs – usually 5-6 times per year in conjunction with business trips and vacations.
– All clubs have the rule, “No means no!” However, we’d also like to add, “Yes means yes, but only within the confines of the club.” One bad experience locally early on and the out of town club policy above was born.
– Do your homework well ahead of time. We’re on a few message boards which can make recommendations by city and fill us in on the demographics and type of clientele at specific clubs.
– Don’t feel like you have to partner up on every visit. It took us a couple of tries before we made a connection.
– Be open-minded about who you partner up with. One time we met a couple in a Miami club that was our absolute polar opposite (more conservative, a little older) . . . and they absolutely took us to school. Absolutely mind blowing!
– It doesn’t take a genius to figure out that fit people make more connections. I took off about 25 lbs about 3 years ago and it’s made all the difference in the world.
– Most people at clubs don’t look like models (we certainly aren’t perfect), but at least look your best. Put on some nice clothes, wear some nice jewelry, get your hair done, etc., etc. People you meet will notice and appreciate the effort.
– Finally, keep in mind that visiting clubs is like a spice. A little bit can go a long way. Avoid making going to clubs the focus of your relationship.
From Mike
A few months ago I came across a group of friends discussing a local swingers club, we decided to go along for a drink just to see what was going on. During the evening we watched couples in groups making all sorts of wonderful love which in itself was beautiful, we started chatting with another couple and we slowly got into the ‘swing’ of things, suddenly my wife was half naked, sucking the breast of this other woman, she had such a lovely look in her eye and between us we spoke silently.
By the end of the night I was making love to my wife whilst she licked another woman out, and I was banging this other woman whilst my beautiful wife gave her partner a deep throat, all intertwined together. It was a wonderful experience and we have vowed to do it again, we won’t be as nervous again the next time….. and there will be an next time. Our personal lovemaking has been brilliant since and we still fantasize over her girlfriends … mmm nice. Best of both world for me (and her).
From Phil & Sandy
My wife and I are in our late fifties, an out-going couple with many friends. Amongst them are husbands and single men my wife finds attractive and there are wives and single women I find attractive. It became a source of frustration that at parties we’d each meet someone we found attractive yet not desiring to cause problems or an argument in public we’d both hold off from becoming too intimately involved with whomever we had met.
As a result we had two or three earnest discussions about sex – what we wanted in our marriage, what we wanted as fun outside our marriage and the risks we’d take if we did indulge. To avoid the possible jealousies and anxieties we agreed, after much discussion, to first test ourselves by going to a swing club. Fortunately we picked the right place, it was more like a private house than a club. My wife partnered with three men and came away feeling very satisfied and, as a result, we have held off going over the top on relationships with people we might meet at parties.
The visit to the swing club produced an immediate spike in our own one-on-one sexual activity, and we agreed to visit the swing club once a month until we either got bored or it became part of our lifestyle.
From Dawnstar
I’ve been to 3 in the past 2 months—unfortunately I spent my time there only as a voyeur. I won’t go into what made me go in the first place; but here’s what happened and what I know…
Swinger’s clubs cater mainly to couples, single males are heavily restricted but single ladies are “always welcome.” The first place i went to w/ girlfriends to check it out and we were late and everyone had already hooked up. There were common rooms and private rooms and lots of fucking. It was an older crowd and not very attractive (but not because they were older) w/ some exceptions…90% white…yawn. It was weird because for a place that was supposed to be “deviant” (others opinion—not mine) the actual sex was somewhat vanilla …not many sex noises even…and I wanted to see freaky shit. I did however meet a nice couple that talked to me about the various clubs and informed me of all the rules and such.
2nd place was closer to town, younger crowd but still a “couples” night. This one had a dungeon too. Got MANY offers. My girlfriend and I were being watched and the first man who talked to us, got the scoop, found out we were single and not gay and then we sat on a couch and received callers all night. No one interesting though, but there were more black men and black couples there. Want to go back to that one on a singles night…
3rd place was in FL—my friend had quite a time there once but alas; my single girlfriend and I might as well have been wallpaper. It was couples night but the only night I was in town that I could go, so I wanted to check it out. No action—but I had a Ron Jeremy sighting. Very amusing.
So check it out if you want—can’t hurt. Voyeurs are welcome for the most part—those who want privacy go to the private rooms. Most also seem to have websites with all the info you need to join plus the rules.
From Pete
Ricardo’s experience [see Ricardo’s entry below] sounds pretty gross but when my wife and I paid our first visit to a swing club (near Nashville) while on vacation, we had a very enjoyable time. Perhaps us both being fiftiesomethings and married for 30 years makes all the difference. We had seriously discussed well in advance visiting a swing club and both agreed that we wanted to experience some fun with another couple.
On arrival we were pleasantly surprised to be asked to change into towelling robes, we thought we’d be at a bar fully clothed. My wife kept her stockings and garters on plus bra and panties and I kept my boxers on. At the bar we soon made friends with other couples (no singles at this club) and after half an hour we were in friendly relaxed conversation with another, younger couple, and sitting at the bar my wife was very receptive to the husband’s stroking of legs and caressing of breasts and waist. We all knew we were ready to swing.
We went upstairs to a bedroom and the four of us had some very enjoyable condom protected sex, the nature of this very first swing session for me and my wife being that she and the other wife continually swapped back to husbands, then back again, so it was a strange session. About an hour later we swung with another couple, our age, and this was a far more satisfying session, my wife certainly impressed with the size of the other partner’s member.
I guess a key element of success is swinging with good looking people who are balanced, intelligent, as well as horny, and great lovers without any inhibitions. Since our trip we have had difficulty in finding on the internet suitable couples to swing with so a visit to another club is planned.
From Ricardo
We were in our honeymoon in France. ..we just married I am 26 years and my wife 24 years. We never discussed swinging before or even thought about it. What happened, we enter a club thinking that it’s a Night Club (disco), but we discover that its a swinging club ….we went downstairs and we found everyone down in action.
After a while a single young guy came and started touching my wife and talking to her…then without any permission I see my wife stripping fully naked with this guy and start the action. I got angry when I saw him coming in her mouth.
My husband and I have attended lots of Lifestyle events. There is a House Party that happens bi-monthly in our area. We have also attended several meet and greets. There are of course general rules that most Lifestyle people follow. NO means no. No touching without permission, ect. When you go to a event there is no obligation to do anything. Most people don’t mind if you just to and watch. Its always a good time and never boring.
We’ve been swinging for a long time and have always enjoyed it. We belong to several clubs but prefer House Parties. Try to go with an open mind and enjoy yourself. At a Lifestyle event, things move pretty quickly but no always means no. If you’re newbies, set your rules beforehand but try to cut your partner some slack if they bend the rules.