How to Introduce Your Partner to Sex Toys

by Anne Semans @

Life would be great if giving sex toys was as easy as handing over a box of chocolates or a sexy piece of lingerie. But we all know it’s not that simple. Even though there are dozens of great reasons to try sex toys (they make climaxing easier, they help us break out of routines, they spice up partner sex), many people need a little coaxing to simply take one for a spin. So if you think your girlfriend would like a G-Spot Vibrator or your wife would enjoy a ride with you on a vibrating cock ring, follow this simple advice before rushing out and making your purchase.

Do Your Homework First

It’s usually not a good idea to spring a sex toy on someone who has no idea what they are or what they’re for. Instead of receiving a big thank you kiss, you might be fielding defensive questions like “Aren’t I good enough?” or “What do I need this thing for?” Here are some ways to do a little field research beforehand.

  • Talk About Sex Toys
    With a partner, talk about toys you’ve each wanted to try, or just look at a catalog or website to get some ideas.
  • Talk about Sex
    Talk about sexual activities you’d like to try (erotic massage, anal sex, role-playing), and then look together for a toy that’ll help accomplish that goal.
  • Watch Her
    When you’re having sex, really pay attention to your partner’s experience and you’ll get some clues about what types of toys might go over well. Is it difficult for her to get off? A clit vibrator might help. Does she love simultaneous clit and vaginal stimulation? Consider dual-style vibrators. Is she a fan of oral sex? Try a little flavored lube that heats up when you blow on it. Does she love erotic massage? A blindfold and massage oil might win her over.

Listen to Her

Recognize that the idea of playing with sex toys could be completely new to her and it might take her awhile to get used to the idea. Try to prepare yourself for some of her concerns so that you can alleviate them in the moment. Here are a few possible reactions, along with some tips for responding:

  • “There must be something wrong with our sex life.”
    Emphatically reassure her that’s not the case. Remind her that just as the two of you enjoy trying different kinds of food, you might also like to try different kinds of sex play. Remember, variety is the spice of life!
  • “Only porn stars play with sex toys.”
    Well, they certainly give them a workout, but you can gently inform her that surveys indicate one in three women have used vibrators. These days, even celebrities tout their love of vibrators — Desperate Housewives star Eva Longoria told several reporters how much she loves her Rabbit vibrator, and that she likes to give it to all her girlfriends!
  • “Only kinky people play with sex toys.”
    It might help her to learn that vibrators were originally used by doctors to treat “hysteria” in women-they induced orgasms which allowed women to relax. Sure, kinky folks play with toys, but they’re in good company-plenty of women today use vibrators to relieve menstrual cramps, to help them get to sleep at night, or because their hands tire during masturbation, but mainly because they feel so darn good!

Buying Your Toy

  • Shop together
    Shopping online together at a site like Gamelink can be an erotic act in itself. Plus, the anticipation of your package arriving adds to the excitement. Make sure to buy something for each of you to play with, or at least toys you can play with together. Cock rings and anal toys are great guys’ toys, so treat yourself while treating her.
  • Give Your Toy as a Gift
    If you did your homework and you know your partner is on board with trying a sex toy, now’s the time to make a sexy gift of it. But if your toy arrives in obnoxious packaging (big-boobed naked porn stars appear on lots of adult packaging), take it out and repackage it in something more tasteful. A velvet bag or decorative box are classy and make storage easy.

Taking Your New Toy for a Spin

  • Accept the Embarrassment Factor
    Let’s just admit it-it’s difficult to unwrap a dildo, a cock ring or a porn stars vibrator kit without a little color rising to your cheeks. Ours is not a culture that seamlessly integrates sex into the rest of our lives, so there’s bound to be some embarrassment on both sides over such an intimate gesture. Accept that this will probably be the case and have a laugh about it.
  • Let Her Drive
    If you’re giving her a vibrator, it’s really all about her pleasure, so let her decide when and how to use the toy. She might feel fine trying it out right then and there, but she also might be feeling a certain amount of performance anxiety. Tell her it’s ok if she wants to play with it alone first and let you know what it’s like. Then she can introduce the toy into your sex play when she’s ready.
  • Take Turns
    Even if you’ve got a toy that’s primarily for her pleasure, show her you’re game by playing with it yourself too. Vibrators feel great when pressed against the cock, balls, or perineum, so have a little fun exploring. There are also plenty of couples vibes designed to give you each a buzz during sex.
  • Keep your Expectations in Check
  • Remember the adage, “You can’t please all the people all the time”? It’s especially true of sex toys — just because a toy works for you, your ex, or the porn star in your favorite video, doesn’t mean it’ll turn on your partner. Whether or not they live up to your expectations, sharing sex toys with partners is a great way to communicate about your sexual needs, to explore new erotic terrain together, and to just have a good laugh. And remember, “If at first you don’t succeed….”

    Great First Time Sex Toys

    • Cylindrical-style vibes. If you want an elegant, but not too expensive vibrator that can be used both clitorally or vaginally, this is your best bet. They come in every color of the rainbow, so you can choose one to match the color of your girlfriend’s eyes, or even her favorite pair of shoes.
    • Natural Contours. This line of vibrators, including Lelo products look nothing like the phallic-shaped vibrators of yesteryear. They’re designed by a woman and come in beautiful colors.
    • Discreet Vibes. These are typically toys designed to look like something else, so that traveling with your stash iseasier. Toys shaped like lipstick and the Leaf line of products are popular novelty gifts.
    • Vibrating Cock Rings. Cock rings with vibrating clitoral attachments are fun couple’s toys. He wears the toy, which vibrates his penis, but the clitoral attachment bumps against her clit during intercourse.

    Good luck and remember to have fun!


    © 2015 Anne Semans & GameLink. All rights reserved.