I read a blog post on a reviewer’s website that made me rethink online courtesy. This woman went on a rant about authors who aren’t considerate enough to say “thank you” when she reviews their books, often at their request. She held the opinion that after she spent “hours reading and reviewing” a book, the least the author could do was “take a few minutes” to send a follow-up e-mail, especially if it was a good write-up.

Wow – I thought we were all on the same page! I know a lot of authors who don’t communicate with reviewers because they don’t want it to look like they’re sucking up, and I’m one of them. I do write to people who give me free exposure, especially bloggers who have featured me as a guest or interview subject. Oftentimes it results in a return invitation, and it’s common courtesy. I was raised by a generation that believed in sending “thank you” notes, so it’s a habit. The one time I received a terrible review on a blog, I actually wrote to the reviewer to thank them for their honest opinion. I didn’t like what they said about me or my book, but I chose to take the high road and show them that I wasn’t bothered by their negative comments.

I used to write book reviews for a romance site and I didn’t expect flowers when I reviewed someone’s book. That isn’t why I did it and I can count on one hand the times an author reached out to thank me or question my parentage. If they did drop a line, I appreciated it, but it wasn’t what I lived for. Often, I’ll hold contests and offer a book as a prize. When I send it to the winner, I always ask them to let me know what they thought of it. I don’t ask them to post a review on Amazon, but just give their opinion so I’ll know if I’m reaching my audience. This is something else I don’t count on because people say they will, but usually don’t. It’s all part of the game and no, I don’t take it personally.

The remarks I mentioned earlier gave me cause for pause. The person referenced “hours spent reading and reviewing” books, but I wonder if she has any idea how much time and effort an author invests in getting that book ready for her to read. We agonize over every word, detail, revision and rewrite. We worry that the cover might not convey what the story is about. We sweat out a release date then become sleep deprived from promotional activity once it’s released. We anxiously await feedback and when we get it…we’re chastised because we didn’t say “thank you?”

As I said, it’s all part of the game and there is no right or wrong approach. Some people express themselves beautifully through the mouths of their characters but fumble when it comes to speaking from the heart. I fall into that trap myself at times. I suppose that’s why we choose to write, to express ourselves through words, and that’s a great thing.

For what it’s worth I don’t expect a “thank you” note for this post, either. Just buy one of my books.

I took my initial interest in creative writing in high school. This was in the ‘70s and the English department didn’t have a formal textbook for the course, because it was being offered for the first time. We had to buy a paperback from the bookstore to use as a course guide. I still vividly remember the opening words.

“Does the blank page hold terror for you?”

To this day, sometimes the answer is a resounding “Hell yes!”
I suppose like everyone else I’ve had my share of stumbling blocks when it comes to writing. It usually follows a pattern. I get so far into a story, then come to a spot where I stare at the screen and think “What happens next?” I developed a routine to handle these situations. Since I typically have more than one project in the works at any one time, I put away the one that’s giving me trouble and move onto one of the others. After a couple of weeks, I go back to the first one and move forward. This technique has served me well through 20-plus books.

At present, I have four manuscripts that are in progress. One of them is my dream project that I started working on 10 years ago. The rough draft is finished, but it needs a lot of editing and rewrites. I think what’s holding me back is that I originally wrote it when I was doing print books exclusively, and I wasn’t fully into digital media. The problem? It’s the “War and Peace” of romantic spy thrillers, about 90,000 words at last count.

Have you checked the word count on a typical e-book lately? Something this size would sell in excess of fifteen bucks, and would be released in three volumes. Someday I’ll get around to finishing it.

I’ve heard different solutions from other writers on the subject of the dreaded blockage, and some of them have worked for me. One thing I try not to do when this happens is read one of the books on my reading table, especially if it’s the same genre that I’m currently writing. I have a fear that I may read something good, and it will accidentally wind up in my book. I also tend to put my leisure reading on hold when I’m actively developing a story for the same reason.

On the subject of getting stuck, I have an anecdote about a favorite author, Raymond Chandler, who popularized the pulp fiction style of writing in the 1940s. Chandler battled alcoholism his entire adult life until one day he decided to quit, cold turkey. He had just landed an assignment to write an original movie script for Hollywood, which would become the film noir classic “The Blue Dahlia” with Alan Ladd and Veronica Lake. Chandler jumped into the project, cranking out page after page in his trademark hard-boiled style, with snappy dialogue, shady characters, and unexpected plot twists. The producers were ecstatic, and knew it would be a hit.

Then one day, the unthinkable happened. Chandler sat down at the typewriter, and…nothing. He was stuck on where to go next with the story. Even re-reading his previous output didn’t help him get back on track. This went on for a few days, until it hit him. He stopped drinking at the start of the project and had stayed sober. He realized that he actually wrote better when he was buzzed. He began the next day with a tumbler of scotch, which he sipped throughout the day, replenishing it as needed. Problem solved. He got his groove back, and finished the script. Of course, he still had a drinking problem, but at least he cured his writer’s block.

As a footnote, that approach doesn’t work for me. When I try writing, texting, or e-mailing after I’ve had a few drinks, the results are not only incomprehensible, they’re usually inflammatory and insulting.

I think I still owe a couple of apologies for something I posted on a chat board during my last bender.

A different approach was taken by Ian Fleming, the creator of James Bond. Each summer, Fleming took a month’s holiday from his job as a newspaper writer in London and stayed at a friend’s home in Kingston, Jamaica. He kept a strict routine, arising early each day to compose his newest 007 adventure. He wrote one chapter a day, non-stop, not bothering to review what he had written. He finished his work in time for cocktail hour, then repeated the ritual the following day. Upon his return to London, he gave the manuscript to his book editor, and didn’t look at it again until he received the galleys. This unorthodox method apparently worked, considering the number of best sellers he accumulated.

How do you get around the problem when you’re stuck in neutral?

I ran across a list of slang terms from the 1960’s that don’t get used very often these days. You remember the ‘60’s, don’t you? It was in all the papers. For the historically challenged among us, that was the era of hippies, long hair, tie-dyed t-shirts, anti-war protests, casual drug usage, and the sexual revolution. Remember the slogan “Make love, not war”? See how many of these you were guilty of saying, and how many still apply today.

Far out – This doesn’t mean you took a wrong turn and wound up in Teaneck, New Jersey by mistake. It means you approve, as in “Far out, man!”

Bummer/Bummed Out – Although this could apply to a homeless guy asking for spare change, it really refers to being sad, like “I got my latest royalty check and was really bummed out.” Also heard as “Man, that’s a bummer!”

Foxy – An undeniable sex appeal. It’s also been used as Foxy Lady and Stone Fox. Why are foxes considered sexy, instead of coyotes or wolves? I guess “Wolfy lady” doesn’t have the same ring. A word of caution: if you call a woman by either of those names today, you may find yourself listed alongside Harvey Weinstein and Bill Cosby.

Gimme some skin – This refers to a handshake, not a Plastic Surgeon’s order to his Nurse.

What’s your bag? – This one confused me, because I’ve heard it used in reference to one’s occupation or skill, as in “That’s my bag.” The original meaning was “What’s your problem?”

Bippy – All the times I watched “Rowan and Martin’s Laugh-in,” where the word originated, I had no idea that bippy meant posterior. Now the phrase “You bet your sweet bippy” takes on a whole new meaning.

Can you dig it? – Yeah, man, I understand you perfectly. Now let me get back to this hole I dug so I can finish diggin’ it.

Old lady – A term of endearment for one’s wife or girlfriend, and not to be confused with “My old man.” For the current consequences of using this term, reference “Foxy” above.

Freak flag – I had never heard of this one, but Jimi Hendrix coined it to mean “The weirdest person in the room.” I.e., “I’m flyin’ my freak flag tonight!”

Hang loose – Relax and chill, dude!

Fuzz – The police. No one seems sure why hippies chose to refer to law enforcement officers as Fuzz, but it still gets used.

Lay it on me – No, this isn’t an invitation to be a human mattress. It means “Tell me what’s on your mind.”

Bogart – To hoard all of the grass and not share your joint with the rest of the party. Inspired by Humphrey Bogart’s habit of letting a cigarette dangle from his lips. There was a song lyric that said “Don’t Bogart that joint, my friend, save some for me.”

It’s a gas – Anything guaranteed to make you laugh or feel good. Also used to describe the menu at Taco Bell.

Foam domes – The act of stuffing one’s bra with Kleenex. Refer to the movie “Animal House” for an example.

Grass – Still used as an acronym for marijuana, along with reefer, joint and hashish.

Heavy – Today this could be an ad for Weight Watchers, but it referred to emotional weight. “That’s some heavy stuff, dude!”

Submarine races – Describing two people being intimate in a parked car in the dark, as in “Let’s go to the shore and watch the submarine races.”

Bread – Money. Cash. Greenbacks. Fundage.

Split – As in “I’m outta here, man!”

Surprisingly absent from the list were groovy, cool, Doobie, and get it on. I wonder how people 50 years from now will regard our current slang usage? I can see it now—a couple of philosophers reading old tweets and pontificating on the meaning of things like bling, Po-po, PNP, ROFLMAO, Five-O, 4-1-1, and “Where all da freaks at?”

I had a conversation with one of my writer’s group members about political correctness and censorship. She self-publishes through a major online book source, but I won’t say which one. She told me that not only have they tightened their standards on sexual content, they have begun censoring book covers. Their most recent edict states that covers for books they publish can display shirtless men, but if a woman’s body parts are even slightly exposed, they won’t allow it. I found this odd, because the traditional publisher I’m with uses shirtless male models and teasing flashes of bare breasts on occasion.

A few years ago, one of the major credit card providers threatened to drop online book retailers that posted sexually explicit excerpts on their sites. As a result, we all had to edit what our publishers had posted. I’d never seen so many asterisks flying around. The decision was eventually reversed, but we were still told to exercise caution when we submit an excerpt. What was interesting about this was that the company seemed more concerned about the words we used than the actual content. I noticed they didn’t propose the same ban on depictions of violence or racism.

A related item I ran across was courtesy of the Associated Press style guide. Apparently, it is now politically incorrect to use the word “mistress,” because it implies submissiveness and a subordinate relationship. I don’t mind retiring that word because mistress is really a bit old fashioned. The guidebook suggests that terms like companion, friend, or lover are acceptable substitutes. They didn’t mention “friend with benefits,” “girl on the side,” or “f***-buddy,” so I assume those are still safe. Some Realtors have also been told to stop using “master bedroom” and “master suite” when they write home listings. The thinking is that the word “master” could be construed as not only sexist, but racist. Where does this end???

We who write adult romance for a living now need to add these two m-words to our list of unacceptable euphemisms. It’s becoming a long list. We already have the n-word, f-word, s-word and c-word, among others. Soon, we may be using letters to communicate. That would make news reporting a lot of fun, wouldn’t it? “The President declared that the opposition was a bunch of b-words, and the opposing party leader replied that his speech was a steaming pile of s-word and that he was an a-word.” That’s almost as frustrating as deciphering someone’s butt-dialed texts. The AP guide also decreed that it’s okay to use “they” as a singular pronoun in some cases, but they didn’t say which ones. Who decides these things, anyway?

For a long time, it’s been considered somewhat insensitive to refer to a singular person as “they.” I’ve always been taught that “he” or “she” is the proper address. To refer to a person as “they” seems to lump them into a group or category, and to me, it’s cold and impersonal. There is also some confusion over how to refer to someone who is transgender. Do you reference them by their birth gender, or the one they’ve adopted? Is it considered insensitive to ask which they might prefer? Thanks to legislators who can’t make a decision over which restroom a transgender person can use, this is going to be with us for a long time.

Does anyone remember George Carlin’s “Seven Dirty Words You Can’t Say on TV”? The rules have eased up since he wrote that skit in the 1970s, especially on cable networks, but there seems to be a double standard. If I watch a drama on one of the major broadcast networks, I won’t hear the s-word. If I watch something on USA or TNT, neither of which are pay channels, there it is. I recently watched an episode of the USA drama “Suits,” where profanities frequently fly. One of the characters used a variation of the f-word. It was silenced on the soundtrack, but you could see the actor’s mouth forming the word, so censoring it seemed pointless. That same episode also contained a character using a religious slur that breaks one of the Ten Commandments, but they let that one through.

You know, if the above-mentioned trend continues, we may have to change that to “The Seven Dirty Letters.”

A while back, I wrote a newspaper story about the Dayton LGBTQ Pride Festival. I interviewed a representative from a local drag queen cabaret group that would be performing. The man I spoke with gave me his stage name and his real name. To be considerate, I asked him which one he would prefer that I use in the story, to respect his privacy if he so wished. He said it didn’t matter and to use whichever name I wanted. His stage name was—drum roll, please—Fonda Peters.

I just couldn’t use that one and keep a straight face.

At a recent writer’s group coffee klatch, the discussion turned to taboo topics, and which ones we might consider using when writing erotic romance. Such goings on! My peers regaled me with everything from BDSM to same-sex attraction, along with some things I never would have considered lust-worthy. I had a high school English teacher who referred to these as “secret sins,” the taboo things you might think about but never share with anyone. I think it’s interesting how many erotic romance writers are willing to share their innermost turn-on points, no matter how odd someone else may find them. It also strikes me that many of the things people consider taboo depend on when and where you grew up.

I came of age in the late ‘60s and early ‘70s, during the sexual revolution. Look at all the taboos that were broken during that period. Magazines like Penthouse and Playboy broke the ban on featuring full-frontal nudity, and it opened the floodgates for other publications that continued to push boundaries. Prior to that, if you wanted to see The Full Monty in a photo spread, you had to buy one of the under-the-counter skin mags that came in a plain brown wrapper. Secret sin number one.

Then came the dismantling of the movie rating system, allowing filmmakers to feature nudity and sexual content with a parental guidance warning. It coincided with the so-called porno chic era of films like “Deep Throat” and “Behind the Green Door.” This was followed by celebrities baring it all for magazine spreads and movies, thus removing another taboo barrier. The main purpose this served was to answer the question on the minds of many warm-blooded males, the one that went “I wonder what she looks like naked?” Secret sin number two.

And how about the taboos in mainstream literature? During this same era, popular writers like Harold Robbins and Jacqueline Susann were considered “dirty” because they took off the gloves when it came to sex. Their stuff is tame by today’s standards, but at the time, you couldn’t purchase their books unless you were an adult. This was during the same era when we saw the increase in erotic writing known as one-hand books, also purchased on the sly. These were the books we’d sneak peeks at when the grown-ups weren’t around to see what all the fuss was about. Secret sin number three.

Which brings us to secret sin number four, the big one. The town where I spent my formative years was what they used to call a suburban white-bread community. Translation: not many minorities. It wasn’t until I went to a liberal college in the ‘70s that I had my first full-on exposure to women of color. They were considered forbidden fruit where I came from. This might explain why I write so many interracial romances, featuring Caucasian males involved with African-American and Hispanic women. In my home town, dating someone who was of a different ethnic background was considered taboo. If you did, more often than not you kept it a secret. For the record, I was never shy about who I was seen with in public, and I’m still not.

With regards to writing interracial romances, the only time I heard a slight concern was when my first romantic spy thriller, “Memories Die Last,” originally came out in 2002. The main characters are a Caucasian male and his love interest, who hails from Barbados. The attraction between them is very strong, and the sex is hot. It’s become my most popular series, but I was actually cautioned that it might hurt potential sales in parts of the world where interracial coupling was still a sensitive topic.

And I didn’t really care.

Every writer has a special place where they rendezvous with their muse. Some find inspiration by writing at their favorite coffee bistro. Some may seek it under a shady tree in the park, surrounded by nature’s glory. Others might opt for the comfort of their bed, where they can sit cross-legged with their keyboards and pound out sultry tales while nibbling on bon-bons and sipping hot cocoa.

My own creative space is a spare bedroom in my house that I converted into a home office. When people visit, they often mistake it for Fred Sanford’s junk yard, but everything in there has a purpose. At least, that’s what I keep telling myself. I have an old desk that’s been in my family for years, with several stacks of papers that I know were important once upon a time. The walls around it are adorned with posters from some of my favorite movies, along with awards I’ve won and obscure artwork that I found interesting.

There’s a bookcase filled with old paperbacks I’ve had for years but just can’t part with. They include the complete works of Mickey Spillane, Dashiell Hammett and Raymond Chandler, among others. I have reference books, such as The KISS Guide to the Kama Sutra, an English-to-Spanish dictionary, Roget’s Thesaurus, and Romance Writing for Dummies. I didn’t say I had all the answers. There’s also a dog-eared copy of The Godfather that I’ve read so many times, the pages are falling out.

Research is important when you write atmospheric thrillers set in exotic locations, and I strive for accuracy. To that end, I have a credenza where office supplies share space with things I’ve brought back from my travels. These include photo albums, maps, tourist brochures, and copies of local newspapers. I often refer to these things when I’m trying to set a mood or accurately describe a location. When I’m writing about a sunset over the Florida Bay, it helps to look at some of the pics I took for inspiration. The maps and brochures are invaluable when I want to feature a landmark, but can’t remember where it’s located or exactly what it looks like.

Earlier, I mentioned my collection of paperbacks. A few years ago, I found some at a yard sale that were written in the early 1960’s. These were the ones you’d find on a rack in the drug store that sold for 25 or 50 cents. Can you imagine the royalties on a book that goes for half a buck? No wonder the writers were called starving artists! I read a few of these steamy potboilers to get a sense of what people were into back then, when censorship was still holding sway. The titles alone were enough to push boundaries. They include such classics as Station Wagon Wives, Nude in the Mirror, Nude in the Sand (probably a sequel), Suburban Sin, Strip the Town Naked, and The Lady is a Lush. That last one sounds like a Sinatra tune.

And the tag lines they used to entice readers! Get a load of these:

“The shocking portrait of a pretty wife who fell victim to the soft and corrupt passions of another woman.”

“She showed men the way—the wrong way!”

“A novel of women who trade husbands, of men who borrow wives!”

“The full, terrifying story of a woman trapped by the desperate demands of her body.”

“A man, a woman, and a bottle. John and Mary sought escape through alcohol and sexual excesses.”

“Sex and savagery in the advertising jungle.”

“They knew each other’s bodies—but not each other’s names!”

Most of these books would be considered politically incorrect today, and I’m not advocating for a return to this type of storytelling. If there was a woman’s point of view in any of them, I missed it. These were clearly written for the suburban Martini crowd, the folks who populate old Rat Pack movies and episodes of Mad Men. I doubt that Harriet Nelson read any of these, but Ozzie may have perused a chapter or two while she was at the PTA meetings.

So…what’s in your playpen?

By Tim Smith

I have an ongoing argument with a friend over the use of language in literature. We both write contemporary erotic romance, but we approach the job differently. I like to treat my readers to steamy sensuality and extensive foreplay on the way to a hot finish. He prefers to throw in every vulgarity he can think of and get it over with in two paragraphs. I’m not saying his method is wrong, and apparently there’s a market for that kind of writing, because he sells more books than I do. On the flip side, he’s also been banned from a couple of major e-book sites because of his word choices.

There are a few words I don’t like to use when writing sex scenes as a general rule. One is the “F” bomb, because I think some writers overuse it for shock value, and it doesn’t really add anything to a realistic romantic encounter. I say that because not many women have used that word with me during sex, unless it was followed by “off” or “you.” I’m not averse to using it in dialogue when writing a heated argument between two characters (as in “Go f*** yourself”), but I use it sparingly to make it more effective.

Another is a word that refers to a part of the female anatomy (begins with “c,” rhymes with “hunt”), because I’ve heard from readers who find it offensive. I conducted a survey on a few chat boards to see how people felt about this, and the results indicated that many consumers were put off by it. I’m in this business to win readers, not lose them.

Here’s where it gets tricky. How do I depict a hot sexual encounter without using offensive language or resorting to purple prose? There are many euphemisms for body parts and intimate acts, but there’s the danger of overusing them. It forces me to be creative, making my point without being crude. Here’s an example from one of my romantic spy thrillers, Memories Die Last (Nick Seven Book One):

Nick stood and approached Felicia. He pulled her close and ravenously kissed her, his tongue challenging hers to a passionate duel. She rubbed his shoulders and back then moved down to slip her hands under the elastic waist of his shorts, kneading his butt. Nick caressed her firm breasts then ran his palms along her torso. Her perfume and natural scent acted like an instant aphrodisiac, turning him into an animal. Felicia put her arms around his shoulders, hoisted herself up and wrapped her long legs around his waist, bringing her naked groin in contact with the bulge forming in his shorts. Nick kissed her more deeply, probing her mouth while she did the same to him. He moved his hands down to her firm ass and rocked against her, getting harder the longer they dry humped.

He carried Felicia into the bedroom and gently deposited her on the bed. He slipped off his shorts and lay next to her to resume his kissing and fondling. Felicia placed both hands on either side of his face, pulled his lips to hers and rammed her tongue into his mouth. Nick’s hand went to her breast to pinch and tweak her nipple until it was as firm as a gumdrop. Her hand went to his groin, stroking him to full hardness. Nick ran his hand along her belly then slid his fingers into her, making her wetter. Felicia’s breathing rate picked up the longer he played with her, and she stroked him faster.

I’m put off by the opinion some people offer that erotic romance is merely “porn with a plot.” There’s a lot more to it than that and if it’s done well, it shows the most natural progression in a relationship. As evidenced by my friend’s writing that I refenced above, though, apparently there is still a market for what we used to call “one-hand books.” I don’t really care for gratuitous sex when I read a romance. That makes me think the writer ran out of ideas and thought “I don’t know what to have these people do next, so let’s throw in some hot sex!”

And that’s porn with a plot.