by Ashley Lister
Since we started looking at poetry as a writing exercise we’ve
considered various syllable forms. The most famous of these is the haiku, usually
interpreted in Western writing as three lines containing 5-7-5 syllables.
As I’ve said before, I enjoy the discipline of syllable forms
because it forces us to approach words from a different angle. We’re counting
syllables as well as considering the perceived denotations and connotations of potential
synonyms.
There are other variations on this syllable-counting theme.
One of the more popular is the tanka.
The tanka is similar to the haiku except it’s longer in that
it’s usually five lines and interpreted as 5-7-5-7-7 syllables. Given that it’s
almost double the length of the haiku, the tanka can still be surprisingly
restrictive.
However, this month’s form is not the 5-7-5-7-7 syllable tanka.
This month we’re looking at the somonka.
The somonka is made up of two tanka-sized stanzas presented as
an exchange of love letters.
Note to my master
I come to you on my knees
Ready and willing
My bare flesh is yours tonight
Do with me as you see fit
To my submissive
Thank you for your love letter
It was not needed
Your bare flesh is mine tonight
But only if I want it
Does that look simple enough? Two tank-sized stanzas (5-7-5-7-7
syllables) presented as an exchange of love letters. I look forward to seeing
your somonkas in the comments box below.
****letters may not necessarily be direct between the two, but referential.***
Somonka in G Minor
Small and round, she was
a sparrow of a woman.
Still, her nipples grew
plump and brown against my tongue;
and she – velvet to my thrust.
The time was enough
for the sparrow's song to still.
Your heart stopped its beat
of my name when you withdrew.
Your disregard filled my womb.
So gorgeous, Nettie!
Thanks, Lisabet! At least this one didn't require knowing the end before I started. Those kind always kill me.
Nettie,
I have to agree with Lisabet's comments. This is gorgeous and a great use of the form.
Always a pleasure to read your work.
Ash
Wow, Nettie. Seriously beautiful.
I would slough my flesh
and pare it from the tissue
leaving the muscle
my heart beating a rhythm,
a love song of sacrifice
Pierce your eyeballs
with the tip of red nails
tell me you love me
Perhaps then I will believe
your love is more than skin deep
(notification enabled)
Rachel – wow. (apologies if the literary criticism went too indepth there).
Love this.
Thanks Ash 🙂