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Ashley Lister

Writing Exercise – Petrarchan Sonnet

by | December 6, 2015 | | 11 Comments

by Ashley Lister

Sonnet 18+

Shall I compare thee to a porno star?
Thou art more lovely and more sexy too:
I’ve yearned to have you naked in my car,
And I would really love to service you:
Sometimes you let me glimpse your muffin tops,
Your shorts reveal your sweet and cheeky cheeks,
The view’s enough to make my loins go pop,
And make me long to have more than a peek:
But I know you’re no exhibitionist,
You’d never ever play games of team tag,
Not even if I got you truly pissed,
Because, I know, you’re really not a slag,
So long as I can hope there’s half a chance,
I’ll dream about what’s there inside your pants.

It’s been almost two years on this blog since I mentioned the sonnet. I’m mentioning it again here because I love this form. The skill that comes from balancing rhyme, syllable counts and rhythm always makes me marvel at the talent on display.

The Rules:
All sonnets contain 14 lines. There are three main styles of sonnet: Petrachan, Spenserian and Shakespearian. Each one of these forms is made distinctive by its rhyme scheme.

Sonnets are usually written in iambic pentameter (that is, ten syllables made up of five unstressed/stressed pairings).

The poem above is a Shakespearian sonnet characterized by the rhyme scheme of abab cdcd efef gg. In the example above we can see the poem divided into the three quatrains (abab cdcd efef) and a final couplet (gg).

However, this month I’d like us to look at the slight variant to this form: the Petrarchan sonnet. Again, we’re looking for fourteen lines. And, again, the poem should be presented in iambic pentameter. The rhyme scheme for the Petrarchan sonnet is not as fixed as the Shakespearian and, whilst the first eight lines usually begin in the following fashion, abba abba, the final sestet varies from poem to poem. On this one I’ve gone with cde cde rhyme pattern.

I can’t remember when we last had sex
I only know it’s been a long long time
But I remember that it was sublime
So let’s get you dressed up in tight latex
Where you can make my manly muscle flex
And you’ll find that I’m still well in my prime
And able to do lots more in bed than rhyme
I can roar like Tyrannosaurus Rex
But if you’d rather just drink cups of tea
Or maybe watch Netflix without the chill
If you’re thinking ‘Thanks but no thanks, Mister’.
Then I’ll respect your right to reject me
Though being celibate won’t make ill
I’ll just nip out and call on your sister

As always, I look forward to seeing your sonnets in the comments box below.

Ashley Lister

Writing Exercise – Limericks

by | April 6, 2015 | | 31 Comments

By Ashley Lister

A silly young woman
called Alice
Used live dynamite for a phallus
It blew her vagina
To North Carolina
And her ass to a ranch up in Dallas

I’ve mentioned limericks before but I’m mentioning them
again as a writing exercise for one very important reason: they’re fun.

Note the rhyme scheme: a-a-b-b-a. 
This is consistent for the majority of limericks.

A very good friend of
mine, Paul
Has got a hexagonal ball
The result of its weight
Plus his dick’s length times eight
Is his phone number: give him a call

Note the metre/syllable count.  In
this one it’s 8/8/6/6/9.  Commonly, each
limerick is 8/8/5/5/8 although they can go a couple of syllables either side
depending on how they’re being performed. 

Please remember that the most important thing about the
limerick is that the form lends itself to fun. 

One morning a
nobleman, Andy
Woke up feeling properly randy.
He said to his aide,
“Please fetch in my maid,
Or the dog, or whatever is handy.”

As always, I look forward to seeing your limericks in the
comments box below.

Writing Exercise – muzdawidj

by | March 6, 2015 | | 4 Comments

by Ashley Lister

Our lives are complex as a Rubik’s cube

I give advice to prove I’m not a rube

And say, “Please don’t use chilli sauce as lube.”

It’s true I do not have a lot of class

With words of wisdom, I don’t have a mass

But I don’t stick spicy sauce up my ass.

Let me beat my message loud, with a drum

Let me warn you the results are not fun

Let me say: keep spices out of your rectum.

The poetic form of the Urdu masnavi were originally religious
in content.  Additionally, they were written
in couplets.  Over the years the form of
the masnavi has been appropriated and modified until we’re left with today’s
form: the muzdawidj.

As you will have noted from the example above, the muzdawidj
uses triplets (a a a / b b b / c c c…) 

We’ve known each other for a while,

I’d give so much to make you smile.

So, shall we do it doggy-style?

I think true love should know no bounds

I want to hear those special sounds

You make when we’re like rutting hounds.

They tell me that true love is blind.

I love your body and your mind.

Get on all fours. I’ll go behind

The muzdawidj is a straightforward poetic form that works
best (like most rhyming forms) when each line has a similar metrical
value.  As a writing exercise to start
your creative juices flowing before you get down to your daily writing routine,
the muzdawidj is accessible, easy to remember, and surprisingly
challenging.  I look forward to reading
your poems in the comments box below.

Writing Exercise – English Sestet

by | January 6, 2015 | | 10 Comments

By Ashley Lister

Happy New Year.  We’re
at the beginning of another year and, as always, I’m hoping to share some writing
exercises in the manner of poetic forms. 
I thought I’d start this year with something relatively simple: the
English Sestet. 

Forerunners of the English Sestet can be found as the final
six lines of a typical sonnet.  A
giveaway detail to this relationship between the sestet and the sonnet is the distinctive
rhyme scheme of a, b, a, b, c, c.  Again,
because of its associations with the sonnet, the English Sestet is most
commonly written in iambic pentameter (that is, five two-syllable ‘feet’
following a pattern of unstressed/stressed).

Here’s an example:

I have only three rules you should follow,

To give us harmony when we’re alone.

Firstly you can’t spit: you have to swallow.

Second: you must be faithful to my bone.

The third rule is the easiest for you:

Enjoy each kinky thing that we both do.

This one isn’t technically iambic.  It has ten syllables per line (which is close
enough to the rhythm for my pronunciation) but the stressed and unstressed
patterns aren’t iambic. However this does follow the a, b, a, b, c, c, rhyme
scheme. 

The poem below also follows that same pattern:

You wouldn’t let me put it in your ass

You wouldn’t let me put it in your mouth

You say that my suggestions shows no class

You say that my charisma’s heading south

You’re making this small task a giant chore:

So how else could I take your temperature?

And it’s as simple as that. As always, if you care to share
your poetry in the comments box below, it would be great to see how others
approach this particular form.

Writing Exercise – The English Quintain

by | November 6, 2014 | | 4 Comments

 by Ashley Lister

We screw and screw
the weekend through

We do not stop. We
take no break.

On Saturdays it’s all
we do

You tame my one-eyed
trouser snake

We’re at it ‘til our bodies
ache.

We screw and screw
through all Sunday

You ride me like a thoroughbred

These two-day-long
rolls in the hay

Can leave my looking
like I’m dead

Yet still I’m grateful
that we wed.

A quintain, is recorded by the Collins English Dictionary
with two definitions:

1 a post or target set up for
tilting exercises for mounted knights or foot soldiers

2 the exercise of tilting at such
a target

The dictionary overlooks the fact that a quintain is also a
five line poem. Obviously we’ve looked at many short poetic forms on here in
the past, several of which are limited to five lines. Both types of cinquain  (traditional and contemporary) can be counted
as quintains. Similarly, the typical limerick falls under this header. As does the
English quintain, such as the one above and the one below.

The rhyme scheme for English quintains is usually A-B-A-B-B.
There is no set measure or foot (the number and type of syllables or feet). Sometimes
quintains work well in longer ballads. Other times a single verse is enough.

Do me in the morning

Or do me late at
night

Do me without warning

Don’t bother being
polite

But please just do me
right

As always, I look forward to enjoying your English quintains
in the comments box below.

Writing Exercise – The Burns Stanza

by | October 6, 2014 | | 5 Comments


by Ashley Lister

When it comes to raw sex appeal, it’s difficult to think
of a country sexier than Scotland. Famous for muscular males, proficient in caber
tossing and kilt-wearing; equally famed for feisty flame-haired females, Scotland
has been the home of raunchy romance since the earliest days of print.  

Scotland is also blessed with a proud poetic heritage
which gives us this month’s writing exercise. The Burns stanza is
named after Scotland’s national poet Robert Burns.

The form did exist before Burns made it his own in the
form of the Standart Habbie. It’s also known as the Scottish
stanza or, sometimes, simply the six-line stave. Personally, I’m
happy calling it a Burns stanza. This is my attempt at the form.

Wee, sleekit, cowran, tim’rous lassie, 
Blessed with a perfect, peach-shaped assie 
Your heels and stockings look so classy, 
Have a guess what’s on my mind
You know I’d love to mount your chassis
And take you rudely from behind.

Stanzas have six lines rhyming aaabab. As always, I’d
love to see your interpretations of this form in the comments box below. 

Writing Exercise – The Fibonacci Poem

by | September 6, 2014 | | 3 Comments

 by Ashley Lister

 I’ve never liked mathematics. When I was at school, pocket
calculators had just been invented. For me that seemed to make the concept of mathematics
redundant. Why did I need to learn algebra and equations when I could get a pocket
calculator to do that stuff for me? Nowadays, when I possess a smartphone that’s
capable of doing advanced mathematics with very little input from me, my need
to know how to manipulate numbers has become almost obsolete.

However, I think it’s important to know about Fibonacci numbers.
For those who are unfamiliar with the concept, this is the number series that
goes 1, 1, 2, 3, 5, 8, 13, 21… As you will have noticed each number is the sum
of the previous pair of numbers.

This can be applied to poetry, specifically with the syllabic
form of the Fibonacci Poem:

You

Me

Us two

Together

Naked and awkward

Until you do that special thing

And I respond with a kiss that never seems to end

The length of the Fibonacci Poem is your choice. The one I’ve
penned above goes up to a 13 syllable line, the one below only goes as far as
the eight syllable line.

Spank!

Ouch!

Buttocks

Warm and red

Deserving much more

Spank spank, spank, spank, spank, spank, spank, spank.

Whatever length you decide to work with, it would be fun to
see your Fibonacci Poems in the comments box below.

Ash

Writing Exercise – the shadorma

by | August 6, 2014 | | 4 Comments

 By Ashley Lister

The shadorma is something of an enigma. Authorities are
unsure about its ancestry. Is it an overlooked Spanish form that has been
around for ages? Or is it a relatively new innovation that has been brought to
us in the guise of something with a history?

These questions won’t be answered here. This is partly
because I’m not clever enough to know how to respond but mainly, because I don’t
care one way or the other. Whether it’s ancient or modern, the shadorma is a
fun poetic form that’s worth the time and effort of any writer wanting to stretch
literary muscles with a brief warmup exercise. To my mind, this is the only
detail worth considering with regards to any poetic form.

I don’t want
your lace-topped stockings
black thong or
fuck-me shoes.
I just want you without your
designer labels.

The shadorma is a six lines stanza made up of lines that
contain 3-5-3-3-7-5 syllables respectively. There is no fixed rhyme scheme. A
shadorma can consist of a single stanza, or the form can be used to produce a
longer poem with multiple stanzas.

Sad to say

despite best efforts

(replacing

batteries

shaking it ‘til it wobbles)

the rabbit is dead.

Take comfort
or consolation
from this fact:
that rabbit
died doing what he loved best.
His last words were, “buzz.”

The shadorma can be a lot of fun and, as with all poetic
forms, it’s a great way to discipline your writing muscles. The majority of online
material discussing this form reiterates the need for six unrhymed lines in the
format of 3-5-3-3-7-5 syllables. If you do get a chance to play with this one,
it would be great to see your poetry in the comments box below. 

Writing Exercise

by | July 6, 2014 | | 5 Comments

 By Ashley Lister

 Did I ever mention the cinquain? I can’t recall if I’ve covered it on
here. And, even if I have, the cinquain is always worth revisiting.

Invented by Adelaide Crapsey, not a name that most would want associated with their poetry, the traditional cinquain is five lines of
effective syllable based poetry.

spanking

giggling groans

a ripe rosy red rump

cheerily cheeky chastised cheeks

pleasure

Note the syllable count for this form:

Line one                               =
2 x syllables

Line two                               =
4 x syllables

Line three                           = 6 x syllables

Line four                              =
8 x syllables

Line five                               =
2 x syllables

Note also that the last line refers back to the first line, to give the
poem its cyclical feel.

oral

lips against lips

licks, kisses and nibbles
your scent, your taste, your sweet flavour

you’re mine

There are different interpretations of the cinquain, each one perfectly
valid. But I do love the rigidity of the traditional form. As always, if you
fancy sharing your cinquain in the comments box below, I’ll look forward to
reading your work.

Writing Exercise

by | June 6, 2014 | | 2 Comments

By Ashley Lister

This is what the Encyclopaedia Britannica has to say about the Rispetto:

rispetto, (Italian:: “respect,” ) plural rispetti, a Tuscan folk verse form, a version of strambotto. The rispetto lyric is generally composed of eight hendecasyllabic (11-syllable) lines. In its earliest form the rhyme scheme was usually abababcc. Later, the scheme ababccdd became more prominent, and other variations can also be found.

Here’s an interpretation of the second cited form of the
rispetto that was written for me by an anonymous colleague.

Won’t you tie me to the bed before we start?
At least secure my wrists so I’m held rigid.
You may take my body like you took my heart
I’m motionless and cool but far from frigid.

I’ll surrender to your absolute control
Let me languish in my loved submissive role
Make each punishment seem painful and unjust
I’ll be bound and tied: a prisoner to your lust.

There are other versions of the rispetto. There are heroic interpretations when written in iambic pentameter. I’ve even seen versions written in tetrameter.

The key things to remember for this form are:

1) Regardless of which meter or rhyme scheme you select, retain the strict meter.

2) Have fun.As always, please post your best rispetti in the comments box below. I look forward to reading your work.

Ashley Lister

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